This is more like Part 2 of the Truth. The lost years of Remus Lupin will be described as the story progresses. Such as where did he go after he was discharged from the St. Mungo's. For a hint, he went to Ghana, New York, Canada, etc….
The story of San and her clan will be described further in the future too.
Jaderising
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PART 2
Chapter 18: The Time Leaps
Year 1981: the night of Halloween
Forest of Inu
San:
I stopped dead, my ears twitching, my nose sniffing the air. Mool halted beside me, he too sniffing the air. He too could feel it. His golden yellow eyes focused sharply on the moon above us. He was reading the signs.
*Well?* I asked impatiently.
He watched the sky, his furs standing up slightly. *It is done*
My legs gave out, and I crouched to the ground, my ears slacking back. I tried to read the signs too, but to me they were just beautiful stars. Meaningless to me. *Is it-*
*The human pup?* Mool shook his head, *Not yet.*
Not yet. It wasn't my human pup. I blinked and looked up to the moon. It was waning. I could feel the magic in the air. The power. It wasn't Remus. But Dark Lord was gone, for now. If Mool was correct, which he always was at reading the stars, not yet meant it wasn't over. Dark Lord would be back. The Prophesy of the Stars never lied. It's our destiny. It's determined. Nothing we can do to change it.
*Mother's waiting.* Mool growled, *There's a trouble.*
Before I could ask, Mool broke out into a run, his silver white tail disappearing into the dark trees. I looked up at the starry sky once again. There were showers of falling stars, probably celebrating wizards' work. I wished it were full moon, I wanted to call out to my pup, to ease his pain, but he's destined to go through them. Nothing I could do to change a thing.
I heard Mool's calling, and I answered with a long howl. *I am coming.*
We are the proud clan of Lunari Dar, the last of our kind. There are only handfuls of us left. We once ruled the land, before the man came into power that is. They killed most of the Gods with their new weapons, and we were resulted to legends and myths. I am still young compare to the others in our clan. Lots of us believe the age of Gods is over, that we should never come back, but I am the daughter of our Mother, the wise one. I don't believe in their views.
Men would need us in the future, as Mool predicted, however what that could mean to our kind, is still not written on the stars. It was he, who will save us all from the destruction that was to come. He was the one warrior that the wolves of Lost Ages (as the wizards labeled the era), my ancestors, prophesized.
I knew it the moment I stared at his young eyes, so long ago in that cold and barren country. It was his destiny that marked him as a human wolf. Mother told me, I had to be patient and wait for the things to happen, but I was still young and impatient she wolf. For me the time passed too slowly. But as the time taught me, you can't change the destiny. I tried to bring him to our clan years earlier, but again it was not meant to be.
As I arrived in our forest to find a human hunter on the ground with Hanl's muzzle bloodied, Namu's still form next to Dhan, one question that had haunted me lingered in my mind. Would the clan accept the human pup as our own?
*What happened?* I asked Mool, who stood silently watching the still form of Namu.
*Namu's dead.* Mool said silently.
I looked at Namu again. She was the beloved she wolf of the clan. Little rash in her decisions to time to time, but now she was dead. Shot down by a muggle hunter in the dark. Hanl was furious. He always wanted us to leave, and now we are short of one member. One less Lunari Dar.
*Is he dead?* I asked Mool about the human hunter.
It was Hanl who answered, *One less man. The other's needed to be killed as well.*
*The other…* I followed Hanl's stares to where Dhan stood, guarding the bleeding human boy, slumped against his white coat.
*You've taken one for the other. I think that's enough* Mool growled, walking in between the Dhan and Hanl.
*The human saw too much.* Hanl growled back, *Namu needs to be honored.*
The human boy was bitten in the leg, even if he survives, he will be a werewolf. A powerful one, created by the Lunar wolf, instead of mere human werewolf during the full moon. The boy was doomed to life, even if he survived the night.
*You killed the one responsible. You've bitten his pup. I think Namu's honored.* Dhan growled, showing his teeth.
*He saw too much.* Hanl didn't back down. Blood dripping from his muzzle as he bared his teeth. *He will tell the other humans. And more will come.*
The others agreed. *The more will come if the boy survived to tell the tale.* Mool licked the still form of Namu, in front of Dhan, in show of respect. Dhan watched Mool's action, *Human won't survive the night with his injury. Leave him.* Dhan said firmly, still not backing down from Hanl's challenge.
Mool raised his head and stood beside Dhan's side. The show of support. The other wolves were divided now. Some wanted to leave the boy, the others wanted the blood. The clan hated human with passion, even Dhan, who was fair and wise, dislike humans. Hanl was the only wolf that challenged Mool in the past. Mother fears our clan will be divided again in the future.
*No. The human will tell. He must be killed or more will come.* Hanl came closer toward the boy.
But Mool saw something in the stars, which he refused to tell the others, he only says everything will be as it would be. It was not yet answered in the stars and the moon, and I continued to hope when the time comes, I will be able to convince the clan as well as my human pup.
*The human stays then.* It was Mother who spoke, coming out from the forest to the clearing. Everyone bowed their heads in respect. Even Hanl must obey, and he backed down slowly, lowering his head. However the fire in his eyes didn't die down.
Mother walked toward him, *One for the other, Hanl. You've honored Namu. She knew she shouldn't have been here. She was foolish and bold. Now she's dead. You've killed her killer. Namu will be pleased.* Mother faced Mool and Dhan, *Take the boy. He shall live. He will play a role on the Promised Day. That I have foreseen.*
We bowed low as Mother left, and later howled for Namu's spirit through the night. The human boy will not be accepted, but he will be safe as long as Mother protects him. I watched Hanl's flashing eyes at the boy as Mool gently put the boy on the Dhan's back. The dead hunter's body was dragged away from the spot to be left to the other creatures of the forest. Hanl carried Namu's body to our sacred ground followed by the others. I didn't follow anyone. I watched the dark sky instead, trying to read the stars that were no longer shining. The Day was coming slowly. But as it was the time, it was surely to come.
Year 1984
St. Mungo's Insanity Wing
Remus Lupin:
"Your name?"
"Riddle."
The young healer looked back at me with a knowing look. I hated that look. He hated that look. "Want to try that again?"
I sighed and nodded. I couldn't meet her eyes, her needy eyes. "My name is Remus J. Lupin."
"And your middle name?" Her quill made annoying squeaking sounds as she scribbled on the parchment in her hand. I stayed silent, focusing on the sound of that tap, tap, tap of the raindrops outside. Was it really raining outside? Or was it all an illusion?
"Remus?" Her overly concerned voice disgusted him. It scared me, because she was trying to be my friend. I didn't have any friends. Why is she doing this?
I tore his eyes away from the enchanted window, "Jeremiah."
"Good. Now, that wasn't so hard, was it, Remus?"
I shook my head a little. Give her what she wants. Give her what she wants and I would be free, I told the wolf. We would be out of here, and nobody will find us.
"Your age?"
"Twenty-three."
"Sex?" The young healer said it huskily. She's been toying with me for months. Ever since the young healer came in charge of me, she couldn't wait to get into his pants. She knows everything about him, even his ambiguous sexuality. Especially my sexuality. That young healer was actually turned on by it, and nothing stopped her from looking at me with that look. That needy, sex lusted look for months after months. How she wanted to smother me with that look.
And who knows, maybe she had already had him before, I didn't remember much about the past three years. Only flashes of memories in this white, unbearably, white and sterile hospital.
"Male," I said without any emotion. I was almost out of this godforsaken place, he could make it this time. No, I could make it this time. I need to stop thinking me as he. The third person. But the wolf was different being. It was there always in the back of my mind.
The young healer cleared her throat lightly, obviously disappointed at my reaction. And so the final interview went on for few more minutes, which was followed by a physical examination.
The wolf hated this part the most. He never made it this far through the final review before. He had been denied three times during the interview with healers in the past, and now he had to just endure the woman's uncomfortable touches. I had to calm the wolf, he will kill her in a second, he almost did before, and I won't let him ruin our chance now.
I stretched out on the cold stainless steel examination table all in my glory. The harsh lights shone at my pale and unusually unscarred body. I turned my face away and closed the eyes, when the young healer came near me with those plastic gloves on her hands. She turned on the neophysic light, which would let her see every scar that was invisible to human eyes. She touched the scars; old and new, self-inflicted and in many fights, and of course, many hospitalities of the healers here. The silver scar on my shoulder blade shone the brightest, never betraying who he and I were, the one being.
His sensitive smell picked up the doctor's favorite perfume. It was the same one that Lily's sister wore at the station many, many years ago. The very one, that would have made Wardley sick to his stomach. I smiled faintly at the memory of Wardley, then of Lily. She had been my first friend at Hogwarts. He had been her first crush. She had asked him to the dance. He could still smell her flush, her desire hidden by her boldness, her careless attitude. I remembered so much better now. He had forgotten many other things…
But my train of thoughts stopped abruptly, when I felt the doctor's hand on my chest, her ungloved hand, cool to the touch. "I want you," her hot, wanting mouth near my ear, whispering her lust. She kissed his ear, and repeated again. "I want you. Now."
The wolf in me knew he couldn't refuse her. If he did, he would be here another six months, and he knew, she would have him one way or the other. I just had to let myself be him for a while. It was easy, just pretend I wasn't there anymore.
He had let her kiss him on the mouth. He had let her take off her clothes and climb on top of him. He had let her move slowly, then fast, on top of him. He had let her bite his lips and moan against his lips. He had let her cry out in pleasure, and he had closed his eyes as he felt the tenseness of his body going away.
I haven't thought of Sirius, since I had been more aware of my reality. But the moment she had came on top of him, only thing I could think was Sirius Black. How Padfoot had moved on top of Moony, and how Sirius had kissed my lips.
"Kiss me. Kiss me now." The wolf did not hear the young healer's needy demand, but I heard my lover's whisper.
"Kiss me, Re," Sirius whispered and groaned. I reached up and caressed Sirius's sweaty back.
"Kiss me. Kiss me now." Sirius demanded urgently as the bed squeaked. Sirius thrust himself into me, and they had both over came with pleasure. I kissed Sirius's wanting mouth eagerly, his hands reaching for the perfect round arse of his lover.
"Careful there, Re. You don't want me to get hard too fast." Sirius laughed and kissed me wettly. His hardness already inside me.
"I like your arse, Padfoot."
"Oh do you now, Re. I wouldn't have guessed it."
More laughers and lovemakings…
Sirius had panted on top of him, like a real dog in some way.
Sirius had panted heavy and loud always.
Sirius was a wonderful kisser. He knew how to work his magic, his charm, didn't he? You thought, he loved you, didn't you? Didn't you?
You freak.
"Loony, loopy Lupin." The voice of Malfoy ranged out loud. Avory gripping my hands against the wall, tightly. It hurt.
"Lupin, we can't let you pass, until we try out our new hex on you." Bale said with his wand ready.
"Loony Lupin, aren't you scared? Oh oh, are you going to call for help? Don't have to try it, because your own house wouldn't care whether you get hexed or not." Malfoy said as he grinned. Taunting me with his truth.
"Snape, come and join the fun," Goyle called out over Bale's shoulder. "Let's put the girl inside the Cichlid's slime."
I was startled to realized Snape was there. He was sneering. He knew he won't help me, and I knew I didn't really expect him to. Malfoy grabbed handful of my hair, pulling them. "I mean, look at you. Your hair, long, like a girl. You hang out with girls all day.
"You are bizarre case, aren't you, Lupin? With a face like that, no wonder you have no friend to save you from us. If you aren't careful, people will started to think that you are a nancy boy. Or even worst, you don't have it all together in the head." He pulled Lupin's hair roughly, making Lupin wince."Do you understand? Loony, loopy Lupin? You freak."
Shut up!
I shook my head out of this torment as the young healer went for another round. I stared at the white ceiling. Sometimes my view was obstructed by protrusion of the blonde hair of the doctor, but in any case, I starred at the white void just the same. The wolf wanted to kill her, but I had to stop him. I felt the rush of tightness, and I groaned, releasing my tensions into her. She bit my neck, drawing blood. The wolf felt that too, and he wanted to taste the blood. He wanted to kill her for me.
He had waited for three years, and he supposed he could wait for few more hours. So he let me starred on, but he didn't let me forget to answer questions, when the healer asked him. She knew I would accept her touches in return of my freedom. That was our secret agreement. She wouldn't report my discharge to others until I am long gone from here, and I wouldn't yelp a word about her conduct.
Professor Dumbledore would come for me if he knew I would be out or send Professor Login or McGonagall, but I didn't want to see any of them. Not even dear Madam Pomfrey, who was like my aunt. She had come to see me every weekend she could get away since I could remember properly. No. No one would bear to look at me, if they knew what I knew, if they knew the truth about me.
I was the heir of Slytherin, the son of Dark Lord, who killed their friends, family and students. I was the source of evil. I was the one who killed James and Lily and Peter and Meg and Mr. Stafford.
The healers thought my babblings were loony talks, stating that I was depressed and a bit neurotic. Then the wolf got smart and we got our acts together. We fooled them into thinking I was as sane as I could be and back to normal healthy man. No more babbling on about you-know-who, San or anything remotely unusual. But they forget I was never a man to begin with…
As a house elf wheeled him out, he starred at the note that the healer gave him at the end of the review. "I want to help you, Remus," she whispered, and then ran her fingers through his silvering hair. "If you need someone to take care of you, I'll always be there." She looked into his golden eyes, looking for something. When I did meet her eyes, she smiled, thinking it was the strong and magnetic wolf staring back at her.
"Take this. You might want to use it someday."
The letter was hastily written, explaining how and why she needed him to contact her. I would have laughed, if I knew how. I crumbled the note in my hand, but then he saw what was in the backside of the note.
An advertisement for the America: Come, come every wizards and witches. No one is unwanted in the America, the land of free.
There was more, but he couldn't make it out very well in crumbled paper. I didn't want to read it, and he couldn't make me.
The wolf heard the real sound of rain now that he was outside. The dark sky would light up for few split of a second as the lightening struck by. The darkness was a change for him. For three years, he had been inside the white walls and ceilings and floors. I walked on. He walked on to the world without any friends or family with the scent of the real world lingering in his mind.
He and I grinned, when we were far from that dreadful place. When I saw my reflection on the Thames River, I saw the strands of silver on my otherwise light brown hair. My profile was waving, breaking up by the drops of rain. I could barely make out my eyes against the changing shapes.
"We are free," I said to myself, and the wolf in me yelped out an agreement, content and excited. "I am free. I am not going to need you anymore." I told him out loud, watching the eyes. "I need to be alone now. Go." I commanded the wolf, and I could feel he was angry. He was part of me for so long, he didn't want to go. I saw the fire in the eyes.
"Go," I said firmly again. And I felt his presence retreating, my anger dissipating away with him. He would be back every full moon, I knew, but just not now. I need to be human now. I didn't need him to take my pain away anymore.
I walked through the London Bridge, singing the silly childhood tune softly, utterly mindless, utterly observed in the song. I didn't notice the muggle cars going dangerously close to me, nor did I notice when they splashed my robe couple of times. I was singing and nothing mattered. I wouldn't sing that song again after I left the bridge, until in a very different country, in front of many smiling children with eager eyes and happy smiles.
London bridge is falling down….falling down…falling down….London bridge is falling down…falling down…
Severus Snape:
So Lupin had been discharged and had disappeared without a trace. I was hoping Dumbledore might send the aurors to find him again, but even I knew that won't happen. Lupin was no longer a top priority, the aurors are busy with their own, and I knew Dumbledore won't ask of me to find him, like he did at the end of the war.
"What do you mean he's gone?!" I shouted in face of Pomfrey. "He was right here. Where did he go without his wand, woman!"
"Professor Snape! I told you," Pomfrey was heaving with her own anger, hold the shards of broken glasses on her hands like she was about to strike me with it, "I heard something and when I came back, he was gone."
"Stupid woman," I growled under my breath. Did Lupin heard about the Potters? Of Peter Pettigrew's fate? What was so important that he drag his bloody body away from here? Did he even know where he was?
"Was his curse lifted?"
"I-"
"Don't tell me you don't know!" I yelled again.
"Severus," I wheeled around to face who it was. Dumbledore. He must have come back from the Privet Drive.
"Yes," I said impatiently. "Professor?" I added a bit later as not to be rude.
Yes, it took three of us about a week to finally track down the wolf boy. Dumbledore was most insistent that we find him, not that I could care about what Dumbledore wanted at that moment with Pomfrey going "Really!" in the background. When we entered the ancient castle, where Remus was most happy, we felt the oosh of the power around that place.
"Did you feel that?" Auror McGrenor asked. And we nodded to each other.
"He's here," I said.
Auror Kinney looked over the ground, "This is weird. It almost feels…it's too weird."
"Let's go in and see, why don't we?" I said impatiently and stepped inside, followed closely by the two aurors.
The house was dark, even in the day time.
"This is too…" Kinney trailed, as we looked around. Weird. Haunted.Freaky. Anything that came to our heads were probably true. The house looked deadly silent. It didn't sound deadily silent. It looked deadly silent. The hairs on the back of my head started to stand.
McGrenor pointed his wand out, "Yeah…" We were whispering as if we were bothering something sacred.
"Shut up, listen." I whispered. We strained out ears for any sound. There was no sound. Then… "There!" I said, and we ran up to the stair, and Kinney shouted "Alohomora!" and we found ourselves running into each other's back like the Three Stoogies as the door remained shut.
"Let's try it again, why don't we?" I whipped out my wand and commanded the door to open, which promptly did not open.
I broke my own promise and went back to see him again, and again. He didn't recognize me at all. He shrank back the first time I was allowed in his white room, his big gold eyes full of fear. When I visited him for the sixth time, he let me pet his hair, like he was a tamed pet. The seventh time, he didn't even want to see me, he started to growl. The eighth time, he let me hold him, for a while. Then he shook and cried "Sirius," so hard that I had to leave. Sometimes he stared at my eyes and nothing else. He stared at my dark hair curiously and tried to put his nose against it. Smelling my hair. Trying to find Black's scent, I am sure. And I held him against my chest, cradling his thin shaking body.
Lupin thought I was Black that first year. When he began to recognize me, I stopped myself from coming. I didn't want to risk him remembering. He said my name once. Just once he said "Severus," and he held out his arms. And that was enough.
I heard of him through Pomfrey, and she came back one day with tears. I saw McGonagall consoling Pomfrey, and I knew Lupin was up and gone. I knew it was just the matter of the time. I knew it coming, but I still couldn't explain why felt so hollow. Like I was truly alone for the first time. I was an orphan once again. My mother, killed and gone. My father, killed and gone. My step mother, killed and gone. Lupin, gone.
My life in Hogwarts were the repetition after repetition. My only escape was the Quidditch matches and bets against McGonagall. My continuing Wolfsbane potion research took on a new direction, when I accidentally added Moonstones and moon flowers together. It was only a matter of time, until I published my findings, anonymously. Death eaters don't get second chances in the world, at least, not officially.
I dreamt of my happier days. My carefree early Hogwarts years, the moments alone with Lupin, my recognition in the Death Eater ranks, becoming the potions master, gloating in front of McGonagall for the Quidditch Cup and House Cup, success of Wolfsbane potions, then always I dreamt of Lupin calling my name, "Severus."
I resented him for leaving me. I resented him for calling me Sirius. I resented him for recognizing me. I resented him for making me feel this way. I was obsessing with someone from my past. A beast. Not even human. I was obsessing with a thing, and it didn't matter how many potions I brew or how many hours I researched, Lupin was in the back of my mind. Always.
The return of my enemy's prodigal son didn't make my life any easier. I had to endure the same, piercing stare of Lily upon with his father's same pompous hero act.
Year 1992
Infirmary
Albus Dumbledore:
I waited in silence of the Infirmary. I've been in this room many times before for many years. In this same bed, Remus had occupied in many times once as a student. On the night of the Halloween, Severus had put Remus in this very bed. When I had came back from the Privet Drive, the bed had been empty. The traces of his bloody steps on the floor, and his blood on the broken window, where he had escaped in delusion, were still there.
He had been under the Curse so long, he had failed to realized where he was. Only his basic need compelled him to escape. It took many days of search, until Severus realized where he would have gone. The place of safety. It wasn't Hogwarts. It was Dafford Castle. There. He had been driven to the brink of death and further madness by the lure of the Mirror. I had moved it to Hogwarts, in hope that no one would come to be contacted with it.
However, Harry did. Curious and smart. Deathly combination for many mischievous students. I had to move the mirror once again, even telling Harry of its terrible power of driving the powerful wizards to madness.
"Good afternoon, Harry," I greeted Harry, as he stared at me. Whole and safe. Everything was fine. Voldemort had failed. Barely. But he failed nevertheless. I knew he will try again. I knew he will come back.
Harry interrupted my thoughts: "Sir! The Stone! It was Quirrell! He's got the Stone! Sir, quick --"
"Calm yourself, dear boy, you are a little behind the times," I told him. "Quirrell does not have the Stone."
"Then who does? Sir, I --"
"Harry, please relax, or Madam Pomfrey will have me thrown out." And she always did when I upset Remus in one of his fits. So I had to stop myself from seeing him. It hurted. Deeply. I still could see his wild eyes. Voldemort's eyes with the touch of golden curse of the werewolf. Forever, condemning him to the life of a choice. The Promised Day, he will have to choose…
"Destroyed?" Harry broke into my thought again. "But your friend – Nicolas Flamel --"
"Oh, you know about Nicolas?" I asked, quite delighted that he knew the details. "You did do the thing properly, didn't you? Well, Nicolas and I have had a little chat, and agreed it's all for the best."
I had been writing to him, when I received the letter from Russia, bearing the news of her death…
"But that means he and his wife will die, won't they?"
"They have enough Elixir stored to set their affairs in order and then, yes, they will die."
Everyone dies, Harry. Everyone. Death comes to everyone, and no one can escape from it. No one can be saved from it either. I know. I know this, because I tried my best to find the way to bring the dead back to life.
"Sir?" said Harry. "I've been thinking... sir -- even if the Stone's gone, Vol-, I mean, You-Know- Who --"
"Call him Voldemort, Harry. Always use the proper name for things. Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself."
Voldemort. Tom Riddle. He was still alive, and he will be back. Back for Remus. I must find him, before Tom does. I must.
"Yes, sir. Well, Voldemort's going to try other ways of coming back, isn't he? I mean, he hasn't gone, has he?"
"No, Harry, he has not. He is still out there somewhere, perhaps looking for another body to share... not being truly alive, he cannot be killed. He left Quirrell to die; he shows just as little mercy to his followers as his enemies. Nevertheless, Harry, while you may only have delayed his return to power, it will merely take someone else who is prepared to fight what seems a losing battle next time -- and if he is delayed again, and again, why,
he may never return to power."
Harry nodded, then said, "Sir, there are some other things I'd like to know, if you can tell me... things I want to know the truth about...."
"The truth." I sighed. How I hated that word. The truth. How I wanted to tell the truth. "It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution. However, I shall answer your questions unless I have a very good reason not to, in which case I beg you'll forgive me. I shall not, of course, lie."
I won't lie to Harry. I won't repeat my mistake again. But I shall wait for him to grow. He's much too young. Much too vulnerable. I need to find Remus. I must tell him the truth now. He has to know. I have to tell him, before Voldemort does. He has to know everything. Even if it meant he will hate me forever. Even if it meant he will choose to leave.
Year 1993
Canada
"How did you find me, Professor?"
Dumbledore didn't seem surprised, "Remus, my boy, when there's a will, there's a way." He laughed heartily as he clapped my back in a friendly manner.
Still the same humor.
I was glad to see nothing had changed. A consistency was what I crave. I had to smile a bit at seeing his face, still very much the same. Although my own appearance seemed to have changed since we saw each other last. My hair was graying with silver strands of hairs, my robes worn down with fraying edges and holes and uncared for, and my wand unused for some time, stuck in my wand belt.
I seemed to have aged a millennium since Hogwarts. I felt old. I didn't feel worthy of his presence. "Were you going somewhere in a hurry?" Dumbledore asked, indicating my battered suitcase, a gift from Mr. Stafford long ago. It still had the etchings of Professor R.J. Lupin on it. The work of my dear children, long lost to the shadow. I didn't want to remember the past. Especially the children, who had decorated for me one long years ago, also I didn't had the heart to throw away the suitcase Mr. Stafford gave me. Apart from the old wand he gave me as the last Christmas gift, the suitcase was the only thing I could hang on to. But I couldn't think of that.
I shook my head, "No, Professor. Just taking a walk." I smiled at him, but I could tell he didn't buy it. However, I was grateful he let me pass. His steel blue eyes seemed understanding. But how could he know what I had been through?
"Remus, then do you mind if I take a walk with you?" I shook my head, unable to turn him away. Dumbledore brightened up, "Great. I haven't had a good long walk since the last Dark Age." He began to walk on, and I resumed my stride also.
I was afraid he might want to chat, but to my surprise he didn't. We walked in silence. My wound was hurting, but I didn't want Dumbledore to notice. It was humiliating enough to let him see me like this, but I had my pride in my own mending. I've done it millions of times before, and it was the only spell I could do well without reaching back, too far in my memory.
When the air cooled and the lights became dull, Dumbledore finally stopped my stride with his hand on my shoulder. He said quietly, "Enough, Remus. It is enough. Stop blaming yourself. It is time to stop."
"What do you mean, Professor?" I asked truly dumbfounded. What did he mean? How could he know? Anything? Was he spying on me? But my wolf sense would have known that-
Abruptly, Dumbledore pulled me into his arms, and held me so tight that I cried out in pain. Dumbledore put his hand on my wounds, and it healed in a matter of a second. I guessed I watched him like a school boy in awe of his hero, until he said in his gentlest voice, "The time to heal is now. You need to come to term with your pain, your lost, and you will heal like your physical wounds. I need your help, Remus. Hogwarts needs you." He talked calmly, like he was talking to one of his students.
I knew of the rumors, of course, how could I not? Voldemort and the sorcerer's stone and the chamber of secret. I heard it all. Some tales were incredible, the others unbelievable. I refused to believe them, but deep inside I knew. I knew the truth. Voldemort wasn't dead. My father lived…
Now Sirius Black had escaped. And he wants to kill Harry Potter. I wanted to refuse Dumbledore, I wanted to spit on his face and tell him to go to hell for all the eternity for bringing me back from the depth of the Mirror of Erised, and now stopping me from running, but in the end, I knew he would win. I knew I would have to face my fears and my madness. I had to face my past. I had to save Harry from Sirius. Or at least die trying. It was my fault after all… I had to be the one to fix it.
So on the First day of September, only a day after the full moon, I boarded the Hogwarts Express Train again. I was exhausted from the nerve and the moon. I fell asleep as soon as I settled down. I dreamed of Lily for the first time in a long year. Her eyes burned brightly green in my dream, and she let me hold baby Harry in my arms, while Peter and James looked on with smiles. And I looked around and asked, "Where's Sirius?"
Lily smiled and said, "He's coming for Harry-" And I was startled awaken as the train lurched to stop. The moon was hidden by the storm outside. I was as blind as the student next to me.
"Quiet!" I said as I reached for my wand but stopped. My body ached, I wouldn't be able to do too much magic with my state. I managed to bring out the blue glowing ball with just my hands. An old trick, I had mastered it years ago. I gripped my wand with my left hand as I went for the door. I needed to concentrate very hard to bring out the Patronus. I could smell their stinking deaths even in my weak state. I thought hard of the image of Lily with Harry. When the Dementers did come, I was ready.
Tbc….
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Thanks for reading, and leave feedbacks! You know I love them.
Ginerva: Thanks very much. I made Sirius infuriating in this fic. I am a bit of Severus fan.
Elmtree: Thank you for thinking the the plot is fresh. I borrowed heavily from books and movies for the plot. And of course other wonderful fics I read around. The ending of book 5 shocking yet understandable. I wasn't sure whom Remus would choose in the end: Snape or Sirius, but now I have made up my mind.