Chapter Thirteen
Painful Memories
"Harry are you okay?" Hermione sat down beside him. Harry messed with his hair and moved a few inches away from her. From the time he left Defense Against the Dark Art till now, it was like he was in a trance. No one talked to him and he was lost in his own mind, swirling down a tunnel where he couldn't remember anything but regret, pain and death. Hermione closed the space between them again and drape her arm over his should. "Harry, are you okay?"
"Fine," Harry said shortly, pulling his plate to him and pushing his mash potatoes around.
"Tell me, I want to help." Hermione whispered in his ear.
He looked up. Everyone was nearly gone from supper. Him and Hermione where the only ones for a couple seats. "Look, I'm sorry. it's just." Harry looked down again. "I don't want to believe it."
"Believe what Harry?" Hermione said softly.
"That their gone, that's he's gone. that I have no one." Harry said soulfully.
"Who's gone Harry, who are they?"
"Mum, dad, Sirius. for fifteen year I've known that I was an orphan, but I don't know. there has always been a part of me just waiting to wake up and have my mum telling me I'm going to be late or my dad congratulating me on Quidditch. It never has really sunk in that my parents are dead. I lost something I barely knew I had." Harry messed with his hair again distracting himself from tears he didn't want Hermione to see.
"Oh Harry. they aren't dead. You act more like your father everyday! You look like him too. everyone says so." Hermione said hugging his shoulders.
Harry gently pushed her off of him. "But I can't live with the memory of my dad coming for people's mouth. Why did it happen to me.why not Neville?"
"What does Neville have to do with anything?" Harry's eyes grew big and looked up at Hermione. he had said too much. "What? Harry Potter, tell me right now, I want to know!"
"Yeah, well I wanted to know too!" Harry was all of the sudden angry. "The truth, my truth, the truth I deserved to know from as far back as I can remember was not trusted with me till I was fifteen! Don't go telling me you wanted to know, you don't deserve to know! You don't thrive to know your past and yearn to know just the tiniest bit of information about your parents or your life before it went to hell, so don't hand me this, "I want to know!" You will know when I feel fit to let you know!" Harry pushed his plate and some surrounding it off the table letting food and silver wear crash to the floor. He stood up and left the Great Hall, face red, hands shaking and scolding himself for yelling at Hermione.
Harry went to his room and collected his Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts books and parchment and left for the library. He finished an explanation for Angel about how the Unforgivable curse work, what they do, and how not to do them. he was suppose to give cases in which they were uses. he personally knew one for each. but it being painful to recall, skipped that part. He was nearly done taking notes on this one charm when he got kick out of the library. He walked back the common room praying Ron and Hermione were in bed. His prayers were answered, but not totally. Neville sat on the couch waiting for him.
"Harry. Hermione. she told me. I need to know. I want to know." Neville didn't stand when he entered or even look his way. He spoke to the fire, his face and eyes transfixed on the dimming flames.
Harry sighed. "You don't want to know."
"Yes I do. It has to do something with me, I know. Hermione said. well. she said you bit her head off for one. but she said. she told me. oh, Harry she told me you said "Why couldn't it have been Neville?" Now come on Harry, tell me!"
"No, I won't do it." Harry felt the last once of pride leak from him. He was denying Neville the same truth that tortured him for so many years. But, now it seemed he knew why Dumbledore didn't want to tell him. Harry was without parents and a life because of a damn prophecy, one he had to live up to. He couldn't tell Neville that it could have been him. That at night he lay awake wishing and wanting it to have been Neville Longbottom, the boy who lived. What kind of person did Neville think Harry was anyway?
"You don't understand Harry, I deserve to know."
"You won't want to know once you do. At least in the dark you can't see what scars you."
"I won't be left fighting in the dark." Neville stood now and turned slowly to Harry. "It had something to do with that ball and Professor Trawnley. I saw her head in the Department of Mysteries.. And she.and that's why she was kidnapped." Neville frowned. "Please tell me I'm not making this up. It must have something to do with my parents."
"Neville, it doesn't. Now go to sleep." Harry marched up the stairs without another word. How could it possibly have anything to do with what happened to Frank and Alice Longbottom? The Prophecy had nothing to do with Neville or his parents. no, nothing at all.
The next morning it seemed everyone, but Mark was edgy around Harry. Hermione was giving him the cold shoulder as was Neville and Ron and Ginny just assumed stay out of the mess and found others friends that morning. "What's wrong with everyone?" Mark asked running to keep up Harry's long strides.
Harry shrugged and continued down to the stairs toward to dungeons, "Okay then Harry." Mark sighed, stopping where he was. "I have Charms next. I'll see you later then." And with that Mark hurried in the other direction.
The dungeons were just as Harry remembered, dark, dreary, and a totally hell to pay if you take a wrong turn. He walked into Potion's class without noticing no one was there or even that he was doing so. He unpacked his cauldron and ingredicence. Harry had found a seat in the very, very back. He opened his Charms homework and started where he left off yesterday. For some reason he had three extra classes than he should, so with his noble dead in mind, he continued to finish his homework.
Harry was so wrapped up in scribbling he didn't notice someone leaning over him and reading over his work. "No, it svish flick, not flick svish." Someone whispered in his ear. Harry looked up; Miley was looking over his shoulder. "Vhat are you doing here so early?"
"I don't know. just had nothing else to do I guess." Harry laid down his quill and messed with his hair.
"Tell me vhat's wrong. or at least as much as you feel comfortable telling me." Miley said softly, taking the seat next to him.
"Well, I know this secret." Harry said shortly.
"Ve all have our little secrets."
"Yes, but mine affects people, more people just than myself. But I can't tell them because. well. because. I really don't know why I can't tell them it's just."
"Something you vouldn't vant them to know if you could help it." Miley ended.
"Yeah,"
"Maybe they should know."
"Maybe it'll kill them."
"Maybe it vill kill you."
"It probably will, that's the problem." Harry messed with his hair again.
"Oh, vell, I guess you just need to decide vhat is best; for you and your friends. But if they can't accept you having a secret you can't tell them, then maybe they aren't the right kind of friends." Miley patted his shoulder and went to unloading her potion supplies.
"Bless my soul!" Snape entered the room. "Potter early for class, if I wasn't Severus Snape I'd give you 15 points." Harry smiled widely, the first ever Gryffindor point rewarded, not taken, but rewarded by Servus Snape would be to him. "But me being Severus Snape, I can't do that." Snape forced an evil grin and swept down the class room. He opened a book and started preparing for class. "15 points to Slytherin, way to be on time Ms. Heartstrong."
Miley giggled slightly when Harry stuck his tongue out at Snape then chuckled messing with his jet black hair.
People started gliding in by the hand full, all talking loudly and whispering as they passed by Harry. He and Miley had given up talking and just sat there finishing homework or scribbling. Five minutes before the bell rang Neville, Ron and Hermione walked in; all three of them eyes Miley and Harry with loath before the stalked off to the front of the dungeon.
"Where do they get off?" Harry huffed slamming his Charms book shut and pushing it forward. "They don't understand, no one does!"
"Yeah, no one does understand you. that's exactly vhy I do." Miley said softly.
"What?"
"Vell, no one understands me either. being carted all over the vorld, having to keep a lov profile, I never really get to be me self in having to hide so much." Miley sighed a bit and then closed her book.
"At least you can hide who you are. Everyone knows who I am because of this damn scar I have!" Harry made a face. "I never wanted the damn thing in the first place."
"Today!" Snape started. With that Harry and Miley were silent. They went to work on their potion. Harry, to his own surprise, did very well today. He wasn't distracted by Ron or Hermione, and Snape seemed to be nicer to him since he teamed up with a Slytherin. At least he didn't get a zero today like he did all last year. Draco was still giving him a look of death, but he didn't say or do anything. The one moment Malfoy and Snape were somewhat being civil to him, his best friends turned. Life made no since before, but the little it did, meant nothing to Harry now.
After class, Harry cleaned up for Miley, being a little gentlemen. Miley pack and was waiting at the door for Harry to come, but Ron took her upper arm and drug her out the door with him. Harry sighed, slung his bag over his shoulder and made his way to the common room.
When he walked in the room went silent. Ron grunted, Hermione turned showing Harry her back and Neville made a face. Harry just stared at them. Why were they so mad? And how did they get the whole Gryffindor common room to turn against him. "Fine, okay guys, you win!" Harry threw his hands in the air, traded books and left. He had an hour to waste before Transfiguration.
He walked around for while only running into Slytherins or stares, so he just decided to start off to Transfiguration. "HARRY!" someone shouted at him. "Don't ignore me scuss head, now talk to me." Harry felt his face turning red. He knew it was Ron and he really didn't want to talk to him, but he turned around and looked at him. "There we go, see not that hard to talk to me. Beats ignoring me a?" Ron punched his upper arm playfully.
"Oh, I see. you can ignore me all morning, but I can't ignore you. the world makes sense again." Harry spinned back around and started for transfiguration.
Ron walked beside him, "Don't be like this mate."
"Like what Ron?" Harry said calmly, still in stride.
"Like a prat. hold still, you ain't going to be late." Ron grabbed Harry's arm and stopped him.
Harry jerked his arm away. "Get off me! You're so mad at me because I won't tell you something. Well you tell me something Ron, how come you and Hermione and Neville and Ginny can be mad almost a whole day at me because I don't see it fit to tell you something but I can't be mad at you for two seconds when all my friends avoid and glare at me? Answer me that Weasley!"
"Harry, chill. look, man I'm sorry. Okay, we're all sorry."
"Well, I guess I have to forgive you. none of my other friends are bold enough to apologize to my face, they get a messenger to do it."
"Harry. you never act like this. are you okay?"
"What? Oh, yeah I'm fine."
"You want to talk?"
"We're talking now." Harry said impatiently.
"True, but not about anything concrete. What's up with you. ever since Sirius. I mean. ever since last year you've been bluh."
"Yes Ron I'm a little bluh right now, and you won't know why, because your life is everything I want and you don't respect that." Harry was busting with anger again. Ron did have everything he wanted; a mum, a dad, brothers, a sister. most of all a family. and Ron complained about money and stupid stuff. nothing was ever good enough.
"Yeah right. Famous Harry Potter wanting to be a Weasley, doubtful Harry, very doubtful." Ron said, laughing.
"I'm serious, I hate being special, being the center of attention. I would give anything, anything at all to have a family like you do. You just don't see how good you have it man."
Ron was silent for a moment then he spoke, "At least people know your name. I'm just another Weasley. No matter what I do, it's been done before." Ron grinned partly. "Becoming a death eater was my only alterative to do something unique, and one of my brothers already grabbed that one." Though it was a kind of weird joke, it was true and Harry smiled broadly. They made their way to class.
Transfiguration was the same as it was every year. McGonagall would show them how to use a transforming charm the first part of class and then they'd try it in the second part of class and at the end of the lesson, Hermione was the only one who did it successfully.
"All right, homework is to give me a two roll background on animagius." Harry swore she winked at him, but he was half asleep.
At lunch everything as though nothing happened. "Hey Harry!" Neville called, forcing Harry to sit next to him.
"Hey Neville," Harry said happily, sitting down next to him.
"So, I was thinking," Hermione said, leaning forward, "Since none of us have class this afternoon we could."
"Hey, wait a second, I do!" Ginny said angry!
"Okay, since none of us sixth years have classes this afternoon I was thinking maybe we could go." Hermione continued while Ginny made a face at her, stood and left.
"I have class." Harry said plainly.
"No you don't." Hermione insisted.
"Oh, don't I!" Harry said laughing. He handed his schedule to her.
"Private class. well do you know where it is?" Hermione said getting edgy.
"Empty classroom in the dungeon, don't know what subject though." Harry said shrugging.
"Oh, okay." Hermione said, handing the parchment back, "You're probably doing to Occ--- I mean the class you did last year with Snape."
"Vhat are you taking?" Miley asked, leaning over Ron to look at Harry.
"No clue," Harry looked at his watch. "Guess I'll find out in 10 minutes. Bye guys!" Harry grabbed his bag and took off out of the Great Hall. Something wasn't settling right with him. Before he was getting pretty excited about his private classes, imaging what he could be studying and why he would be studying them while no one else was, but now. Hermione was right. He was probably having Occlumency with Snape in the dungeons. it made sense. It was hell last year. Harry would be beaten down and put through so much. Now that it was an official class he would probably be graded and tested on it and Snape would be meaner than a rattle snake.
Harry sighed again. He pushed open the class room Snape had brought him in only the day before. It was dark, but it was warmer than he remembered it. There desk was dusted off and the chair behind it look really homey. Harry looked over his shoulder, no one coming anytime soon. He sat his things on the desk and sunk down into the chair.
Harry didn't know how long he was sitting there with his eyes closed, but it couldn't have been long. "Sorry Potter, that's my chair, you get the other one." A voice said from the door. Harry didn't open his eyes; he let the voice flow through him. "Harry, up!"
He fluttered open his eyes to see Angel striding toward him. "Angel, what are you doing here?" He gasped, jumping to his feet.
"It's Professor Black during the day," Angel squealed flicking her nose with her finger. "McGonagall just gave me a lecture about being called, 'Professor' shows signs of respect. whatever that means." Angel rolled her eyes and sat on the desk like she did during Defense Against the Dark Art.
"Okay. what are you doing here Professor?" Harry asked again.
"Teaching you bird brain, now get around where I can see you." Angel said, pointing her finger at the single desk in the room in front of her. Her hands were crossed in her lap and she was swinging her legs like a little girl. Harry cross the room knowing it was Angel and not Snape, but now he didn't know what class he was doing.
"Well, I'm teaching you three extra classes this year. Snape didn't want to teach you one, McGonagall was too busy and the other one is a kind of experiment. but worry about that later." Angel winked at him and smiled boyishly. "Well, Dumbledore told me Severus taught you Occlumency last year. or tried to."
"Yeah, but I kinda got in trouble." Harry messed with his hair, suppressing a laugh.
"I heard." Angel said giggling. "Well, I'm going to farther that, but we're taking a different approached." Angel jumped down. "First, I believe you have to know exactly how Legilimency works because Occlumency is to block that out."
"Really?!?!" Harry said amazed. this was going to be great. he hoped.
Angel nodded grinning, "First you have to know the spell. Legilimens. say it with me."
"Legilimens." Harry and Angel said together.
"Good, okay. to do the spell, you need eye contract. You need to concentrate. And you need to make sure you can wield the charm." Angel said softly.
"Okay. how do I do that?" Harry asked, getting strangely excited.
"The mind is like a book. you need to learn how to read it. If you do it exactly right, you should be able to see completely what the other person seeing. remember all the memories flashing by you last year.?"
Harry grinned and nodded.
"Okay, you ready?" Angel gripped her wand. "When ever you're ready Harry. take your time and concentrate."
Harry nodded, licked his lip and turned to face Angel. Their eyes met. an image of his god father flashed in his mind. they had the same eyes. the same dead laughter. and same glazed look of regret.. He shook his head. "Legilimans!" He said firmly. The spell glided and hit Angel. She gripped her wand tighter as though any moment she would throw the spell off, but she didn't. she let the spell work on her. Images went in and out of Harry's mind. Angel's mum. Sirius.. His parents laughing.Peter.Lupin. him, toothless and grinning..
Angel closed her eyes and a second later the images stopped. "Very good Harry." Angel said softly. "How much did you see?"
"Only bits of it." Harry admitted.
"Not bad for your first time. Want to try again?" Angel smiled. "Might help if I tell you what you did wrong though." Harry messed with his hair, hiding his reddening cheeks. "Okay, you are going too light. I know if you were doing it to Snape or to someone else you would be more aggressive. I'm letting you roam pretty much. but I'll start stopping you soon. it'll help you with blocking it out." Angel smiled.
"Right.. But can I ask you something." Harry said.
"Sure,"
"How do you remember all those things. about your mum and stuff. You were only three. weren't you?"
Angel bit her lip, "Yeah but happy memories stay with you and when you don't have very many you remember the ones you have really well."
"But, I don't remember my parents any.."
"Sure you do. not consciously, but subconsciously you remember just about everything." Angel said. "Now, let's try this again." She rubbed her hands together stuck her tongue out.
Harry laughed and shook his head. Angel straightened up, gripped her wand and stared at him. Harry directed his eyes into hers. dead laughter. no meaning. praying to die. "Legilimens!" Harry nearly screamed. A shot of red flame hit Angel in the forehead. She stumbled back and was pressed against the wall. Her wand slipped elegantly from her finger tip and fell to the dungeon floor. Her face was still smiling from her antics, but it was slowly fading, just as Sirius's had. this time, the images in Harry's mind wasn't like it was the time before, snapshots. but this time is was a movie, playing before his eyes.
"Get up!" snarled a voice.
"Leave me alone!" cried a soft voice, edging with tears. A small Angel was curled up in a corner.
"I said get up!" The voice ordered again.
"Luscious, leave her alone." A second man's voice said.
"No, she's got to learn!" Luscious ordered. "We can't have her betray us like her father!"
"My father betrayed no one! My father is Sirius Black, I am no damn Malfoy!"
"Yes you are, now get up you little bitch!"
"Leave her alone," said the second voice.
"Lucas, you got to know how to deal with children like this. you're being soft!"
"Get up Angelica, and he won't do it again sweety." Lucas said.
Angel stood. Her hair was mangled with blood, her eyes red. She looked around 8 or 9, but her face was so hard she looked older. "That's a good girl. It'll be over soon!" Luscious said softly this time. "Cruc."
"CRUCIO!" Angel screamed. She twirled the wand at her finger tips and pointed it at Luscious. He bent over in pain, wailing. "I am a Black, and cursing me won't change my blood!" Angel said firmly, on the brink of tears.
"You will pay for that!" He straightened up. "CRUCIO!"
A pain like none Harry had ever felt took over his senses. Knife dug in and out of his skin, ripping it off his bone. He actually felt the blood running down him. Tears filled his eyes and he fell to his knees. His wand fell from his hand and it stopped. Angel was still against the wall, clutching her stomach, shaking.
Harry took a deep breath, his head was spinning and his scar felt like it had been tore open. "Harry.. How. did. you .. I.. it's never.. How?" Angel gasped though breaths.
"I don't know." Harry breathed, still on his knees.
"I mean, you're not supposed to feel anything, just see it. I felt the curse.."
"I did too." Harry said plainly, looking up at her.
"What?"
"Yeah, I saw the whole thing and I felt it."
Angel closed her eyes. She smoothed over her robes, wiped her face and walked over to Harry. She picked him up and sat him down in the chair opposite of the desk. "Go ahead. ask."
"When was that?" Harry said immediately.
"The last time I let anyone put the curse on me, and it was the most painful one every. I never thought.I never..I never accepted to feel that again." Angel said softly, jumping up on the desk.
"How old were you?"
"Nine." Angel closed her eyes and wrapped herself in her arms. "See why I remember all that about my parents.it's what keeps me away from memories like that."
"Yeah." Harry trailed off.
It was silent for a moment. "What were you thinking before you did the spell?"
"I was thinking. well. your eyes." Harry finally said. "I looked in them and they were like Sirius's." Angel smiled slightly, a tear trailing down her cheek. "They have dead laughter.like they're meaningless and pleading to die.."
"That makes sense then." Angel said.
"Why?"
"Because you saw how dark my eyes were inside. like they used to smile and laugh, but didn't any more. you wanted to know why.." Angel said sweetly.
"Right."
"Well, I guess there's not much left to do today. Homework. let's see." Angel smiled slightly. "How about you try the Legilimens spell on one of your friends, might be fun."
"What if what just happened happens again?"
"Oh, Harry. just don't do it to Neville or Draco and you're fine. beside. where is the fun in being scared because of one little mishap?" Angel grinned broadly. Harry couldn't help but remember Sirius's grin.
"Okay." Harry stood, collected his book and made his way to the door.
"Oh, and Harry," Harry turned to Angel, "I don't thinks that ever happened before. and it was your second time. you're more powerful than you know." She winked and Harry grinned.
"Harry are you okay?" Hermione sat down beside him. Harry messed with his hair and moved a few inches away from her. From the time he left Defense Against the Dark Art till now, it was like he was in a trance. No one talked to him and he was lost in his own mind, swirling down a tunnel where he couldn't remember anything but regret, pain and death. Hermione closed the space between them again and drape her arm over his should. "Harry, are you okay?"
"Fine," Harry said shortly, pulling his plate to him and pushing his mash potatoes around.
"Tell me, I want to help." Hermione whispered in his ear.
He looked up. Everyone was nearly gone from supper. Him and Hermione where the only ones for a couple seats. "Look, I'm sorry. it's just." Harry looked down again. "I don't want to believe it."
"Believe what Harry?" Hermione said softly.
"That their gone, that's he's gone. that I have no one." Harry said soulfully.
"Who's gone Harry, who are they?"
"Mum, dad, Sirius. for fifteen year I've known that I was an orphan, but I don't know. there has always been a part of me just waiting to wake up and have my mum telling me I'm going to be late or my dad congratulating me on Quidditch. It never has really sunk in that my parents are dead. I lost something I barely knew I had." Harry messed with his hair again distracting himself from tears he didn't want Hermione to see.
"Oh Harry. they aren't dead. You act more like your father everyday! You look like him too. everyone says so." Hermione said hugging his shoulders.
Harry gently pushed her off of him. "But I can't live with the memory of my dad coming for people's mouth. Why did it happen to me.why not Neville?"
"What does Neville have to do with anything?" Harry's eyes grew big and looked up at Hermione. he had said too much. "What? Harry Potter, tell me right now, I want to know!"
"Yeah, well I wanted to know too!" Harry was all of the sudden angry. "The truth, my truth, the truth I deserved to know from as far back as I can remember was not trusted with me till I was fifteen! Don't go telling me you wanted to know, you don't deserve to know! You don't thrive to know your past and yearn to know just the tiniest bit of information about your parents or your life before it went to hell, so don't hand me this, "I want to know!" You will know when I feel fit to let you know!" Harry pushed his plate and some surrounding it off the table letting food and silver wear crash to the floor. He stood up and left the Great Hall, face red, hands shaking and scolding himself for yelling at Hermione.
Harry went to his room and collected his Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts books and parchment and left for the library. He finished an explanation for Angel about how the Unforgivable curse work, what they do, and how not to do them. he was suppose to give cases in which they were uses. he personally knew one for each. but it being painful to recall, skipped that part. He was nearly done taking notes on this one charm when he got kick out of the library. He walked back the common room praying Ron and Hermione were in bed. His prayers were answered, but not totally. Neville sat on the couch waiting for him.
"Harry. Hermione. she told me. I need to know. I want to know." Neville didn't stand when he entered or even look his way. He spoke to the fire, his face and eyes transfixed on the dimming flames.
Harry sighed. "You don't want to know."
"Yes I do. It has to do something with me, I know. Hermione said. well. she said you bit her head off for one. but she said. she told me. oh, Harry she told me you said "Why couldn't it have been Neville?" Now come on Harry, tell me!"
"No, I won't do it." Harry felt the last once of pride leak from him. He was denying Neville the same truth that tortured him for so many years. But, now it seemed he knew why Dumbledore didn't want to tell him. Harry was without parents and a life because of a damn prophecy, one he had to live up to. He couldn't tell Neville that it could have been him. That at night he lay awake wishing and wanting it to have been Neville Longbottom, the boy who lived. What kind of person did Neville think Harry was anyway?
"You don't understand Harry, I deserve to know."
"You won't want to know once you do. At least in the dark you can't see what scars you."
"I won't be left fighting in the dark." Neville stood now and turned slowly to Harry. "It had something to do with that ball and Professor Trawnley. I saw her head in the Department of Mysteries.. And she.and that's why she was kidnapped." Neville frowned. "Please tell me I'm not making this up. It must have something to do with my parents."
"Neville, it doesn't. Now go to sleep." Harry marched up the stairs without another word. How could it possibly have anything to do with what happened to Frank and Alice Longbottom? The Prophecy had nothing to do with Neville or his parents. no, nothing at all.
The next morning it seemed everyone, but Mark was edgy around Harry. Hermione was giving him the cold shoulder as was Neville and Ron and Ginny just assumed stay out of the mess and found others friends that morning. "What's wrong with everyone?" Mark asked running to keep up Harry's long strides.
Harry shrugged and continued down to the stairs toward to dungeons, "Okay then Harry." Mark sighed, stopping where he was. "I have Charms next. I'll see you later then." And with that Mark hurried in the other direction.
The dungeons were just as Harry remembered, dark, dreary, and a totally hell to pay if you take a wrong turn. He walked into Potion's class without noticing no one was there or even that he was doing so. He unpacked his cauldron and ingredicence. Harry had found a seat in the very, very back. He opened his Charms homework and started where he left off yesterday. For some reason he had three extra classes than he should, so with his noble dead in mind, he continued to finish his homework.
Harry was so wrapped up in scribbling he didn't notice someone leaning over him and reading over his work. "No, it svish flick, not flick svish." Someone whispered in his ear. Harry looked up; Miley was looking over his shoulder. "Vhat are you doing here so early?"
"I don't know. just had nothing else to do I guess." Harry laid down his quill and messed with his hair.
"Tell me vhat's wrong. or at least as much as you feel comfortable telling me." Miley said softly, taking the seat next to him.
"Well, I know this secret." Harry said shortly.
"Ve all have our little secrets."
"Yes, but mine affects people, more people just than myself. But I can't tell them because. well. because. I really don't know why I can't tell them it's just."
"Something you vouldn't vant them to know if you could help it." Miley ended.
"Yeah,"
"Maybe they should know."
"Maybe it'll kill them."
"Maybe it vill kill you."
"It probably will, that's the problem." Harry messed with his hair again.
"Oh, vell, I guess you just need to decide vhat is best; for you and your friends. But if they can't accept you having a secret you can't tell them, then maybe they aren't the right kind of friends." Miley patted his shoulder and went to unloading her potion supplies.
"Bless my soul!" Snape entered the room. "Potter early for class, if I wasn't Severus Snape I'd give you 15 points." Harry smiled widely, the first ever Gryffindor point rewarded, not taken, but rewarded by Servus Snape would be to him. "But me being Severus Snape, I can't do that." Snape forced an evil grin and swept down the class room. He opened a book and started preparing for class. "15 points to Slytherin, way to be on time Ms. Heartstrong."
Miley giggled slightly when Harry stuck his tongue out at Snape then chuckled messing with his jet black hair.
People started gliding in by the hand full, all talking loudly and whispering as they passed by Harry. He and Miley had given up talking and just sat there finishing homework or scribbling. Five minutes before the bell rang Neville, Ron and Hermione walked in; all three of them eyes Miley and Harry with loath before the stalked off to the front of the dungeon.
"Where do they get off?" Harry huffed slamming his Charms book shut and pushing it forward. "They don't understand, no one does!"
"Yeah, no one does understand you. that's exactly vhy I do." Miley said softly.
"What?"
"Vell, no one understands me either. being carted all over the vorld, having to keep a lov profile, I never really get to be me self in having to hide so much." Miley sighed a bit and then closed her book.
"At least you can hide who you are. Everyone knows who I am because of this damn scar I have!" Harry made a face. "I never wanted the damn thing in the first place."
"Today!" Snape started. With that Harry and Miley were silent. They went to work on their potion. Harry, to his own surprise, did very well today. He wasn't distracted by Ron or Hermione, and Snape seemed to be nicer to him since he teamed up with a Slytherin. At least he didn't get a zero today like he did all last year. Draco was still giving him a look of death, but he didn't say or do anything. The one moment Malfoy and Snape were somewhat being civil to him, his best friends turned. Life made no since before, but the little it did, meant nothing to Harry now.
After class, Harry cleaned up for Miley, being a little gentlemen. Miley pack and was waiting at the door for Harry to come, but Ron took her upper arm and drug her out the door with him. Harry sighed, slung his bag over his shoulder and made his way to the common room.
When he walked in the room went silent. Ron grunted, Hermione turned showing Harry her back and Neville made a face. Harry just stared at them. Why were they so mad? And how did they get the whole Gryffindor common room to turn against him. "Fine, okay guys, you win!" Harry threw his hands in the air, traded books and left. He had an hour to waste before Transfiguration.
He walked around for while only running into Slytherins or stares, so he just decided to start off to Transfiguration. "HARRY!" someone shouted at him. "Don't ignore me scuss head, now talk to me." Harry felt his face turning red. He knew it was Ron and he really didn't want to talk to him, but he turned around and looked at him. "There we go, see not that hard to talk to me. Beats ignoring me a?" Ron punched his upper arm playfully.
"Oh, I see. you can ignore me all morning, but I can't ignore you. the world makes sense again." Harry spinned back around and started for transfiguration.
Ron walked beside him, "Don't be like this mate."
"Like what Ron?" Harry said calmly, still in stride.
"Like a prat. hold still, you ain't going to be late." Ron grabbed Harry's arm and stopped him.
Harry jerked his arm away. "Get off me! You're so mad at me because I won't tell you something. Well you tell me something Ron, how come you and Hermione and Neville and Ginny can be mad almost a whole day at me because I don't see it fit to tell you something but I can't be mad at you for two seconds when all my friends avoid and glare at me? Answer me that Weasley!"
"Harry, chill. look, man I'm sorry. Okay, we're all sorry."
"Well, I guess I have to forgive you. none of my other friends are bold enough to apologize to my face, they get a messenger to do it."
"Harry. you never act like this. are you okay?"
"What? Oh, yeah I'm fine."
"You want to talk?"
"We're talking now." Harry said impatiently.
"True, but not about anything concrete. What's up with you. ever since Sirius. I mean. ever since last year you've been bluh."
"Yes Ron I'm a little bluh right now, and you won't know why, because your life is everything I want and you don't respect that." Harry was busting with anger again. Ron did have everything he wanted; a mum, a dad, brothers, a sister. most of all a family. and Ron complained about money and stupid stuff. nothing was ever good enough.
"Yeah right. Famous Harry Potter wanting to be a Weasley, doubtful Harry, very doubtful." Ron said, laughing.
"I'm serious, I hate being special, being the center of attention. I would give anything, anything at all to have a family like you do. You just don't see how good you have it man."
Ron was silent for a moment then he spoke, "At least people know your name. I'm just another Weasley. No matter what I do, it's been done before." Ron grinned partly. "Becoming a death eater was my only alterative to do something unique, and one of my brothers already grabbed that one." Though it was a kind of weird joke, it was true and Harry smiled broadly. They made their way to class.
Transfiguration was the same as it was every year. McGonagall would show them how to use a transforming charm the first part of class and then they'd try it in the second part of class and at the end of the lesson, Hermione was the only one who did it successfully.
"All right, homework is to give me a two roll background on animagius." Harry swore she winked at him, but he was half asleep.
At lunch everything as though nothing happened. "Hey Harry!" Neville called, forcing Harry to sit next to him.
"Hey Neville," Harry said happily, sitting down next to him.
"So, I was thinking," Hermione said, leaning forward, "Since none of us have class this afternoon we could."
"Hey, wait a second, I do!" Ginny said angry!
"Okay, since none of us sixth years have classes this afternoon I was thinking maybe we could go." Hermione continued while Ginny made a face at her, stood and left.
"I have class." Harry said plainly.
"No you don't." Hermione insisted.
"Oh, don't I!" Harry said laughing. He handed his schedule to her.
"Private class. well do you know where it is?" Hermione said getting edgy.
"Empty classroom in the dungeon, don't know what subject though." Harry said shrugging.
"Oh, okay." Hermione said, handing the parchment back, "You're probably doing to Occ--- I mean the class you did last year with Snape."
"Vhat are you taking?" Miley asked, leaning over Ron to look at Harry.
"No clue," Harry looked at his watch. "Guess I'll find out in 10 minutes. Bye guys!" Harry grabbed his bag and took off out of the Great Hall. Something wasn't settling right with him. Before he was getting pretty excited about his private classes, imaging what he could be studying and why he would be studying them while no one else was, but now. Hermione was right. He was probably having Occlumency with Snape in the dungeons. it made sense. It was hell last year. Harry would be beaten down and put through so much. Now that it was an official class he would probably be graded and tested on it and Snape would be meaner than a rattle snake.
Harry sighed again. He pushed open the class room Snape had brought him in only the day before. It was dark, but it was warmer than he remembered it. There desk was dusted off and the chair behind it look really homey. Harry looked over his shoulder, no one coming anytime soon. He sat his things on the desk and sunk down into the chair.
Harry didn't know how long he was sitting there with his eyes closed, but it couldn't have been long. "Sorry Potter, that's my chair, you get the other one." A voice said from the door. Harry didn't open his eyes; he let the voice flow through him. "Harry, up!"
He fluttered open his eyes to see Angel striding toward him. "Angel, what are you doing here?" He gasped, jumping to his feet.
"It's Professor Black during the day," Angel squealed flicking her nose with her finger. "McGonagall just gave me a lecture about being called, 'Professor' shows signs of respect. whatever that means." Angel rolled her eyes and sat on the desk like she did during Defense Against the Dark Art.
"Okay. what are you doing here Professor?" Harry asked again.
"Teaching you bird brain, now get around where I can see you." Angel said, pointing her finger at the single desk in the room in front of her. Her hands were crossed in her lap and she was swinging her legs like a little girl. Harry cross the room knowing it was Angel and not Snape, but now he didn't know what class he was doing.
"Well, I'm teaching you three extra classes this year. Snape didn't want to teach you one, McGonagall was too busy and the other one is a kind of experiment. but worry about that later." Angel winked at him and smiled boyishly. "Well, Dumbledore told me Severus taught you Occlumency last year. or tried to."
"Yeah, but I kinda got in trouble." Harry messed with his hair, suppressing a laugh.
"I heard." Angel said giggling. "Well, I'm going to farther that, but we're taking a different approached." Angel jumped down. "First, I believe you have to know exactly how Legilimency works because Occlumency is to block that out."
"Really?!?!" Harry said amazed. this was going to be great. he hoped.
Angel nodded grinning, "First you have to know the spell. Legilimens. say it with me."
"Legilimens." Harry and Angel said together.
"Good, okay. to do the spell, you need eye contract. You need to concentrate. And you need to make sure you can wield the charm." Angel said softly.
"Okay. how do I do that?" Harry asked, getting strangely excited.
"The mind is like a book. you need to learn how to read it. If you do it exactly right, you should be able to see completely what the other person seeing. remember all the memories flashing by you last year.?"
Harry grinned and nodded.
"Okay, you ready?" Angel gripped her wand. "When ever you're ready Harry. take your time and concentrate."
Harry nodded, licked his lip and turned to face Angel. Their eyes met. an image of his god father flashed in his mind. they had the same eyes. the same dead laughter. and same glazed look of regret.. He shook his head. "Legilimans!" He said firmly. The spell glided and hit Angel. She gripped her wand tighter as though any moment she would throw the spell off, but she didn't. she let the spell work on her. Images went in and out of Harry's mind. Angel's mum. Sirius.. His parents laughing.Peter.Lupin. him, toothless and grinning..
Angel closed her eyes and a second later the images stopped. "Very good Harry." Angel said softly. "How much did you see?"
"Only bits of it." Harry admitted.
"Not bad for your first time. Want to try again?" Angel smiled. "Might help if I tell you what you did wrong though." Harry messed with his hair, hiding his reddening cheeks. "Okay, you are going too light. I know if you were doing it to Snape or to someone else you would be more aggressive. I'm letting you roam pretty much. but I'll start stopping you soon. it'll help you with blocking it out." Angel smiled.
"Right.. But can I ask you something." Harry said.
"Sure,"
"How do you remember all those things. about your mum and stuff. You were only three. weren't you?"
Angel bit her lip, "Yeah but happy memories stay with you and when you don't have very many you remember the ones you have really well."
"But, I don't remember my parents any.."
"Sure you do. not consciously, but subconsciously you remember just about everything." Angel said. "Now, let's try this again." She rubbed her hands together stuck her tongue out.
Harry laughed and shook his head. Angel straightened up, gripped her wand and stared at him. Harry directed his eyes into hers. dead laughter. no meaning. praying to die. "Legilimens!" Harry nearly screamed. A shot of red flame hit Angel in the forehead. She stumbled back and was pressed against the wall. Her wand slipped elegantly from her finger tip and fell to the dungeon floor. Her face was still smiling from her antics, but it was slowly fading, just as Sirius's had. this time, the images in Harry's mind wasn't like it was the time before, snapshots. but this time is was a movie, playing before his eyes.
"Get up!" snarled a voice.
"Leave me alone!" cried a soft voice, edging with tears. A small Angel was curled up in a corner.
"I said get up!" The voice ordered again.
"Luscious, leave her alone." A second man's voice said.
"No, she's got to learn!" Luscious ordered. "We can't have her betray us like her father!"
"My father betrayed no one! My father is Sirius Black, I am no damn Malfoy!"
"Yes you are, now get up you little bitch!"
"Leave her alone," said the second voice.
"Lucas, you got to know how to deal with children like this. you're being soft!"
"Get up Angelica, and he won't do it again sweety." Lucas said.
Angel stood. Her hair was mangled with blood, her eyes red. She looked around 8 or 9, but her face was so hard she looked older. "That's a good girl. It'll be over soon!" Luscious said softly this time. "Cruc."
"CRUCIO!" Angel screamed. She twirled the wand at her finger tips and pointed it at Luscious. He bent over in pain, wailing. "I am a Black, and cursing me won't change my blood!" Angel said firmly, on the brink of tears.
"You will pay for that!" He straightened up. "CRUCIO!"
A pain like none Harry had ever felt took over his senses. Knife dug in and out of his skin, ripping it off his bone. He actually felt the blood running down him. Tears filled his eyes and he fell to his knees. His wand fell from his hand and it stopped. Angel was still against the wall, clutching her stomach, shaking.
Harry took a deep breath, his head was spinning and his scar felt like it had been tore open. "Harry.. How. did. you .. I.. it's never.. How?" Angel gasped though breaths.
"I don't know." Harry breathed, still on his knees.
"I mean, you're not supposed to feel anything, just see it. I felt the curse.."
"I did too." Harry said plainly, looking up at her.
"What?"
"Yeah, I saw the whole thing and I felt it."
Angel closed her eyes. She smoothed over her robes, wiped her face and walked over to Harry. She picked him up and sat him down in the chair opposite of the desk. "Go ahead. ask."
"When was that?" Harry said immediately.
"The last time I let anyone put the curse on me, and it was the most painful one every. I never thought.I never..I never accepted to feel that again." Angel said softly, jumping up on the desk.
"How old were you?"
"Nine." Angel closed her eyes and wrapped herself in her arms. "See why I remember all that about my parents.it's what keeps me away from memories like that."
"Yeah." Harry trailed off.
It was silent for a moment. "What were you thinking before you did the spell?"
"I was thinking. well. your eyes." Harry finally said. "I looked in them and they were like Sirius's." Angel smiled slightly, a tear trailing down her cheek. "They have dead laughter.like they're meaningless and pleading to die.."
"That makes sense then." Angel said.
"Why?"
"Because you saw how dark my eyes were inside. like they used to smile and laugh, but didn't any more. you wanted to know why.." Angel said sweetly.
"Right."
"Well, I guess there's not much left to do today. Homework. let's see." Angel smiled slightly. "How about you try the Legilimens spell on one of your friends, might be fun."
"What if what just happened happens again?"
"Oh, Harry. just don't do it to Neville or Draco and you're fine. beside. where is the fun in being scared because of one little mishap?" Angel grinned broadly. Harry couldn't help but remember Sirius's grin.
"Okay." Harry stood, collected his book and made his way to the door.
"Oh, and Harry," Harry turned to Angel, "I don't thinks that ever happened before. and it was your second time. you're more powerful than you know." She winked and Harry grinned.