Chapter 3
"You two want supper? You work for it!" The ghastly voice-acted tavern keeper fixed Avatar and Avatara with a steely glare.
"Please, kind sir," Avatar pleaded with a distinctly Colm Wilkinson- esque accent, "might we…sing for our supper?" He gazed sadly up to the sky. "God on hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh, hear my praaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayer, in my guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut, there is no-othing theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere…"
"Okay, okay!" the tavern owner broke in, desperate for the madness to end. "You can sing for your supper, but for the love of the gods, sing something else! And take her up there with you!" He gestured to Avatara.
"Yaay!" she chirped giddily. "Someone wants to hear me!"
All the wind was, therefore, taken suddenly from her sails when the innkeeper pointed to a pole extending from the surface of the stage to the ceiling.
"There's a pole for you to dance around."
And once again, Avatara's sweatdrop was put to good use as a weapon, and together the young couple stalked up onto the stage, leaving behind them a very miserable and soggy innkeeper in a great deal of pain.
"Oh, dear lord," Dagger murmured. "What are they up to now?"
"I'm thinking of leaving before I find out," Zidane replied, burying his head in his hands.
Up on stage, Avatar was preparing to address the crowd.
"Ahem-hem-hem…is this thing on?"
"Erm…Avatar…that's a broom," Avatara informed him.
"Oh! I thought it was one of those…Japanese microphone brooms."
She made an exasperated noise.
"You think the Japanese invented everything."
"They're very inventive people! I mean, what if you're mopping a floor, and suddenly you want to sing?"
"Then you're seriously troubled," Avatara replied flatly. Then her brow furrowed as a though occurred to her. "Wait a sec…I do that all the time."
"Yeah! So do I! See? When you mop a floor, you want to sing. It's a natural instinct. So what could possibly make more sense than combining a mop and a microphone?"
"Oh, I don't know…" the innkeeper began, climbing to the stage. "Anything?! It's a broom, guys! You cannot mop the floor with a broom! Now will you sing already?"
"Oh, fine, Mr. Party-Pooper-Innkeeper," Avatar grumbled. Then he grinned engagingly at the crowd. "This is a little ditty we wrote some time ago. We altered the lyrics slightly to suit this universe, but the message is the same. It's called 'Odin's In Your Underwear.'"
Dagger blinked once or twice.
"In YOUR underwear, perhaps…"
Avatara pulled out her sweatdrop and brandished it menacingly before Avatar's eyes.
"It is NOT called that! Odin is not in anyone's underwear. He is off in Cool Hat Land drinking tea with his cool Odin hat! The song is called 'Ifrit's In Your Underwear."
"Wow…" Zidane commented lightly. "Sounds pretty hot."
"And a-one, and a-two, and a-one-two-three and…IFRIT'S IN YOUR UNDERWEEEAAAAARRRR!" Avatar growled out in time to his air-guitar.
"LEVIATHAN IS IN YOUR HAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIRRR!" Avatara tried to growl, with noticeably less success.
"BAHAMUT IS IN YOUR STAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIRRRcase," Avatar chimed back in.
"AND FLUFFY LITTLE BUNNIES ARE EVERYWHERE!!!" they both growled in unison. Avatar leapt and danced about the stage, moshing in time to his air guitar. Avatara kept time by repeatedly smacking the pole with her sweatdrop.
"Second verse!" Avatar howled, leaping back to center stage.
"IFRIT COMES OUT AND TRIES TO KILL THE BUNNIES…" he growled.
"LEVIATHAN COMES OUT AND TRIES TO KILL THE BUNNIES…" Avatara chirped.
"BAHAMUT COMES OUT AND TRIES TO KILL THE BUNNIES…" Avatar growled.
"BUT THE BUNNIES………………BITE……………BACK!" they howled in unison. "Because they're…BUNNIES OF GODLY MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!" the two sang in ringing soprano harmony. As the sound died away, Avatara turned to Avatar, her brow wrinkled in slight consternation.
"Why do you always get to do the high part?!" she demanded angrily.
"Not now, Avatara!" he hissed. "We have another verse! SECOND VERSE, SAME AS THE FIRST!!!" He air-guitared for a few bars, then began growling again.
"IFRIT'S IN YOUR UNDERWEEEAAAAAAAAARRR!"
"LEVIATHAN IS IN YOUR HAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRR!"
"BAHAMUT IS IN YOUR STAAAAAIIIIIIIIIRRRcase," Avatar ground out before growling in unison with Avatara,
"AND FLUFFY LITTLE BUNNIES ARE EVERYWHERE!"
"Do you think we should just buy them a meal if it will make them stop?" Freya muttered to Amarant. He shook his head.
"Woman, I am pretending with all I have that I don't know them."
"Probably a wise idea. Don't you agree, Zidane? Um…Zidane?"
She glanced over at the young fair-haired man and sighed heavily at the sight of Zidane enthusiastically moshing as once again Avatar and Avatara harmonized in soaring soprano,
"BUNNIES OF GODLY MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!
BUNNIES OF GODLY MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!
EIDOLONS CAN NEVER SMITE
THE BUNNIES OF GODLY MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!"
"I'll be back," she informed Amarant, then stalked up to the stage, hopped on, snatched the sweatdrop from behind an indignant Avatara's head, and stalked back to the table, where she proceeded to whack Zidane upside the head with it.
"Oh!" Dagger exclaimed. "That looks like fun! May I try?"
"Certainly." Freya handed to sweatdrop to Dagger, who proceeded to repeatedly hit Zidane with it. When, by chance, she glanced up to observe a very angry Avatara approaching, she gave a yelp and darted away.
"Why is she running?" Vivi wondered aloud. "Avatara can't fight at all. She probably couldn't even bruise Dagger…"
"Give me my sweatdrop back! I'm not whole without it!" the cat-girl cried mournfully.
"Freya!" Dagger shrieked. "Catch!" She sent the sweatdrop hurtling through the air. Freya caught it and began to run as Avatara changed direction to come after her.
Meanwhile, on stage………
"I AM MIGHTY SEPHIROOOOOOOOOOOOTH!
I AM MIGHTY SEPHIROOOOOOOOOOOOOOTH!
I AM MIGHTY SEPHIROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTH!
AND I WILL KICK………YOUR…………ASS!!!!"
"Okay," Zidane commented. "It was cool before, but now it's just…ridiculous."
Steiner sighed.
"And 'Ifrit's in your underwear' wasn't?"
Zidane pondered this for a moment.
"Well…not really."
"Not really?!" Amarant gave an incredulous bark of laughter. "Were you listening to the same 'song' as the rest of us?"
"I think so," Zidane replied, brows furrowed. "Did it go, 'Ifrit's in your underweeeeear! Leviathan is in your haaaaaiiiiiir-'"
"Zidane! I believe he meant it as a rhetorical question!" Freya informed him as she darted by. "Dagger! Over here!"
Dagger reared back and prepared to send the hapless sweatdrop sailing across the tavern, but a split second before she could, a waiter jostled her arm. The throw fell just short of reaching Freya, and instead bounced off Amarant's head and into Steiner's cup of coffee.
"HAH!" Avatara shrieked in victory, leaping.
"Nooooo!" howled Steiner as the cat-eared fury flew at his coffee. He desperately clutched the mug, trying to protect his precious beverage from this insane young woman. His attempt was in vain, however, and the next instant his vision exploded in a shower of coffee. When it cleared, he glanced up to see Avatara sobbing in a heap on the floor. With a heavy sigh, Vivi patted her comfortingly on the back.
"What is it, Avatara?"
"Oh, Vivi," she whimpered, burying her face in her hands, "my sweatdrop has melted! My poor, poor sweatdrop! It's gone! Melted away into the coffee! Melted! Melted! Oh, what a world!"
"Don't worry, Avatara. Your sweatdrop had a happy life, if a short one."
"Vivi's right, cat-girl!" Eiko chirped, crawling out from under the table. Freya nodded, pulling Avatara from the floor.
"Yes, you must recall all the happy memories you and your sweatdrop have built together."
"Yeah...all the happy times..." Avatara sat down in a nearby chair, chin resting on her hand as the flood of memories overcame her: frolicking in a flowery field, arm in arm (well, sort of...); sitting in the local malt- shop, on either side of a table, sharing a soda through twin twisty straws; paddling about a moonlit lake in a little canoe as the sweatdrop serenaded her with its little guitar...
A gasp from Steiner put an end to her reverie. As final strains of 'When Somebody Loved Me' drifted away, the knight exclaimed in shock,
"Mein Katze! Looken!"
Making a definite mental note to later inquire as to the nature of the random German creeping into the man's vocabulary, the group stared in wonderment at the table as the puddle of coffee slowly began to move. The puddle then split into two distinct halves, one coffee, and one not. The not-coffee half gradually began to take the distinctive and familiar shape of the universal sign of slight annoyance and dismay; Avatara's sweatdrop had returned!
[Insert Hallelujah Chorus, quickly becoming distorted as Quina eats the tape recorder]
Up onstage, Avatar, completely oblivious to all that had happened, hummed the "yay-we-won-a-battle" music that has appeared in Fantasies before this.
"Um, guys? Do you think that if we left, they'd notice?" Zidane glanced questioningly about the very embarrassed, very frightened group.
"I doubt it. Avatara's distracted with cuddling that sweatdrop thing of hers, and Avatar...well, Avatar is Avatar. Race you to the door!" Freya concluded, leaping from her chair and bolting toward the exit, chanting 'run-run-run' as she went, coming to an abrupt halt and murmuring in dismay, "Oh, by the Gods, I'm beginning to act like...THEM! Someone take my life!"
"Do not be worried, Freya. I am sure that this insanity is a temporary thing. Something of a 'status effect,' so to speak. But, let us all continue. Strength in numbers. Alone, the rest of us may also be overwhelmed and driven insane by Avatar and Sephiroth."
"Uh...Steiner," Dagger began hesitantly, patting the knight on the shoulder as they jogged toward the door, Steiner clanking merrily as they did so, "Sephiroth doesn't exist. Sephiroth is a figment of Avatar's diseased imagination."
"Like an imaginary friend," Vivi piped up, "only...stupider."
"Ah! I see!" Steiner nodded as he, Zidane, Vivi, Eiko, Dagger, Quina, and Amarant left, slamming the door behind them.
Avatar scowled menacingly after them as he leapt from the stage and stalked over to the table. He put his arm about Avatara, scowling even more menacingly at the closed door.
"They...left. THEY LEFT! THOSE BASTARDS LEFT US BEHIND! We've been left behind! Like in that movie...oh, what was it? The one where the Rapture happened and all those people got left behind. You know...Apocalypse!"
Avatara blinked, confused.
"Was that the movie with all the talking vegetables?"
"Yeah, that one! I had always known that vegetables were a sign of the apocalypse. The movie merely confirmed to the rest of the world that I am always right."
"What?!" Avatara made a sweeping gesture of incredulity. "I hate to borrow a line from Dante, 'cause I don't wanna get sued by Silent Bob, but when have you ever been right about anything?"
Avatar drew himself up proudly.
"Look, dear, knowledge is power. Power is might. Might makes right. Therefore, since I am knowledgeable, I must be right."
With a heavy sigh, Avatara stood and patted the young man on the shoulder.
"Yes, that would work, except for one tiny little itty bitty thing..."
Here, she was interrupted by the bartender, who had wandered over, grumbling about those weirdoes who had spilled coffee all over the place and then left without paying.
"YOU'RE AN IDIOT!!!" he howled, wiping up the puddle of coffee and wringing the rag out into a mug before wandering away and setting the cup down before a lone man seated in a corner table. He sipped at the beverage.
"Mmm..." the man commented, pleasantly surprised, "nice and strong. You've finally learned how to make coffee, you freaky-voiced bugger!"
Avatara watched the man down the remainder of the steaming liquid – which, oddly enough, was pretty cold – with a raised eyebrow.
"Why do I get the feeling that this can lead to nothing good? I dunno – I don't think we've seen the last of this guy."
"That's because you're delusional, dear," Avatar informed her gently. Avatara crossed her arms emphatically.
"Avatara doesn't need this," the young woman bit out. "Avatara's gonna go start her own Real World (tm)."
With that, she stormed from the tavern in a huff that, as of lately, had gained a good deal of mileage. Avatar frowned after her.
"I'll deal with you later, wench!" he called angrily, before scowling more menacingly than ever before at the closed door. "If the heroes have left, then how can I turn on them, as any good villain would? I shall hunt them down to the ends of the earth, win their trust, and then, when the moment is right, I shall turn on them and destroy them! AH-HAH-HAH-HAH- HAAAAAAH!"
He stood and sauntered innocently toward the door, trying vainly to whistle and speak simultaneously.
"But first, I'd better get out of here before the bartender realizes that I'm the only one left, and that we haven't paid for anything."
As he left, a pair of increasingly bloodshot eyes followed him, their line of vision shaking slightly as he bounced up and down.
"Yes," the man who had earlier consumed the remains of the coffee- sweatdop puddle purred. "Run away, little Avatar. Run off and find your heroes. But it will not be you who shall bring about their demise. It shall be I! Oh, wait...me. That is the grammatically correct way. Yessss...grammar is power. Uh...what was I talking about? Ugh. I'm beginning to feel very depressed. Caffeine crash rears its ugly head. But this is much worse than anything I have ever experienced. It is as though I have taken on the property of the coffee. I feel...bitter. Very, very bitter. Toward whom shall I direct this super-human bitterness? Why, toward that very same merry group of heroes who jaunted off so very merrily. What right have they to be merry when I am so depressed? None whatsoever! And for that, they must die! I shall hunt them to the ends of Gaia! Nowhere will they be safe from the wrath of...erm...I should really think of a name. A nice, snazzy super-villain name. But nothing too happy, of course. Perhaps...yes! That is it! Java Joe! No...the Esspresinator! The Cappucinator? The Koffee Killer? No, that is truly the worst one yet. Bean Man! No, that has taken over the position of the worst yet. I'll just go with Java Joe. Java Joe...learn the name well, for it is the name...OF YOUR DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!"
"You two want supper? You work for it!" The ghastly voice-acted tavern keeper fixed Avatar and Avatara with a steely glare.
"Please, kind sir," Avatar pleaded with a distinctly Colm Wilkinson- esque accent, "might we…sing for our supper?" He gazed sadly up to the sky. "God on hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh, hear my praaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayer, in my guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut, there is no-othing theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere…"
"Okay, okay!" the tavern owner broke in, desperate for the madness to end. "You can sing for your supper, but for the love of the gods, sing something else! And take her up there with you!" He gestured to Avatara.
"Yaay!" she chirped giddily. "Someone wants to hear me!"
All the wind was, therefore, taken suddenly from her sails when the innkeeper pointed to a pole extending from the surface of the stage to the ceiling.
"There's a pole for you to dance around."
And once again, Avatara's sweatdrop was put to good use as a weapon, and together the young couple stalked up onto the stage, leaving behind them a very miserable and soggy innkeeper in a great deal of pain.
"Oh, dear lord," Dagger murmured. "What are they up to now?"
"I'm thinking of leaving before I find out," Zidane replied, burying his head in his hands.
Up on stage, Avatar was preparing to address the crowd.
"Ahem-hem-hem…is this thing on?"
"Erm…Avatar…that's a broom," Avatara informed him.
"Oh! I thought it was one of those…Japanese microphone brooms."
She made an exasperated noise.
"You think the Japanese invented everything."
"They're very inventive people! I mean, what if you're mopping a floor, and suddenly you want to sing?"
"Then you're seriously troubled," Avatara replied flatly. Then her brow furrowed as a though occurred to her. "Wait a sec…I do that all the time."
"Yeah! So do I! See? When you mop a floor, you want to sing. It's a natural instinct. So what could possibly make more sense than combining a mop and a microphone?"
"Oh, I don't know…" the innkeeper began, climbing to the stage. "Anything?! It's a broom, guys! You cannot mop the floor with a broom! Now will you sing already?"
"Oh, fine, Mr. Party-Pooper-Innkeeper," Avatar grumbled. Then he grinned engagingly at the crowd. "This is a little ditty we wrote some time ago. We altered the lyrics slightly to suit this universe, but the message is the same. It's called 'Odin's In Your Underwear.'"
Dagger blinked once or twice.
"In YOUR underwear, perhaps…"
Avatara pulled out her sweatdrop and brandished it menacingly before Avatar's eyes.
"It is NOT called that! Odin is not in anyone's underwear. He is off in Cool Hat Land drinking tea with his cool Odin hat! The song is called 'Ifrit's In Your Underwear."
"Wow…" Zidane commented lightly. "Sounds pretty hot."
"And a-one, and a-two, and a-one-two-three and…IFRIT'S IN YOUR UNDERWEEEAAAAARRRR!" Avatar growled out in time to his air-guitar.
"LEVIATHAN IS IN YOUR HAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIRRR!" Avatara tried to growl, with noticeably less success.
"BAHAMUT IS IN YOUR STAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIRRRcase," Avatar chimed back in.
"AND FLUFFY LITTLE BUNNIES ARE EVERYWHERE!!!" they both growled in unison. Avatar leapt and danced about the stage, moshing in time to his air guitar. Avatara kept time by repeatedly smacking the pole with her sweatdrop.
"Second verse!" Avatar howled, leaping back to center stage.
"IFRIT COMES OUT AND TRIES TO KILL THE BUNNIES…" he growled.
"LEVIATHAN COMES OUT AND TRIES TO KILL THE BUNNIES…" Avatara chirped.
"BAHAMUT COMES OUT AND TRIES TO KILL THE BUNNIES…" Avatar growled.
"BUT THE BUNNIES………………BITE……………BACK!" they howled in unison. "Because they're…BUNNIES OF GODLY MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!" the two sang in ringing soprano harmony. As the sound died away, Avatara turned to Avatar, her brow wrinkled in slight consternation.
"Why do you always get to do the high part?!" she demanded angrily.
"Not now, Avatara!" he hissed. "We have another verse! SECOND VERSE, SAME AS THE FIRST!!!" He air-guitared for a few bars, then began growling again.
"IFRIT'S IN YOUR UNDERWEEEAAAAAAAAARRR!"
"LEVIATHAN IS IN YOUR HAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRR!"
"BAHAMUT IS IN YOUR STAAAAAIIIIIIIIIRRRcase," Avatar ground out before growling in unison with Avatara,
"AND FLUFFY LITTLE BUNNIES ARE EVERYWHERE!"
"Do you think we should just buy them a meal if it will make them stop?" Freya muttered to Amarant. He shook his head.
"Woman, I am pretending with all I have that I don't know them."
"Probably a wise idea. Don't you agree, Zidane? Um…Zidane?"
She glanced over at the young fair-haired man and sighed heavily at the sight of Zidane enthusiastically moshing as once again Avatar and Avatara harmonized in soaring soprano,
"BUNNIES OF GODLY MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!
BUNNIES OF GODLY MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!
EIDOLONS CAN NEVER SMITE
THE BUNNIES OF GODLY MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!"
"I'll be back," she informed Amarant, then stalked up to the stage, hopped on, snatched the sweatdrop from behind an indignant Avatara's head, and stalked back to the table, where she proceeded to whack Zidane upside the head with it.
"Oh!" Dagger exclaimed. "That looks like fun! May I try?"
"Certainly." Freya handed to sweatdrop to Dagger, who proceeded to repeatedly hit Zidane with it. When, by chance, she glanced up to observe a very angry Avatara approaching, she gave a yelp and darted away.
"Why is she running?" Vivi wondered aloud. "Avatara can't fight at all. She probably couldn't even bruise Dagger…"
"Give me my sweatdrop back! I'm not whole without it!" the cat-girl cried mournfully.
"Freya!" Dagger shrieked. "Catch!" She sent the sweatdrop hurtling through the air. Freya caught it and began to run as Avatara changed direction to come after her.
Meanwhile, on stage………
"I AM MIGHTY SEPHIROOOOOOOOOOOOTH!
I AM MIGHTY SEPHIROOOOOOOOOOOOOOTH!
I AM MIGHTY SEPHIROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTH!
AND I WILL KICK………YOUR…………ASS!!!!"
"Okay," Zidane commented. "It was cool before, but now it's just…ridiculous."
Steiner sighed.
"And 'Ifrit's in your underwear' wasn't?"
Zidane pondered this for a moment.
"Well…not really."
"Not really?!" Amarant gave an incredulous bark of laughter. "Were you listening to the same 'song' as the rest of us?"
"I think so," Zidane replied, brows furrowed. "Did it go, 'Ifrit's in your underweeeeear! Leviathan is in your haaaaaiiiiiir-'"
"Zidane! I believe he meant it as a rhetorical question!" Freya informed him as she darted by. "Dagger! Over here!"
Dagger reared back and prepared to send the hapless sweatdrop sailing across the tavern, but a split second before she could, a waiter jostled her arm. The throw fell just short of reaching Freya, and instead bounced off Amarant's head and into Steiner's cup of coffee.
"HAH!" Avatara shrieked in victory, leaping.
"Nooooo!" howled Steiner as the cat-eared fury flew at his coffee. He desperately clutched the mug, trying to protect his precious beverage from this insane young woman. His attempt was in vain, however, and the next instant his vision exploded in a shower of coffee. When it cleared, he glanced up to see Avatara sobbing in a heap on the floor. With a heavy sigh, Vivi patted her comfortingly on the back.
"What is it, Avatara?"
"Oh, Vivi," she whimpered, burying her face in her hands, "my sweatdrop has melted! My poor, poor sweatdrop! It's gone! Melted away into the coffee! Melted! Melted! Oh, what a world!"
"Don't worry, Avatara. Your sweatdrop had a happy life, if a short one."
"Vivi's right, cat-girl!" Eiko chirped, crawling out from under the table. Freya nodded, pulling Avatara from the floor.
"Yes, you must recall all the happy memories you and your sweatdrop have built together."
"Yeah...all the happy times..." Avatara sat down in a nearby chair, chin resting on her hand as the flood of memories overcame her: frolicking in a flowery field, arm in arm (well, sort of...); sitting in the local malt- shop, on either side of a table, sharing a soda through twin twisty straws; paddling about a moonlit lake in a little canoe as the sweatdrop serenaded her with its little guitar...
A gasp from Steiner put an end to her reverie. As final strains of 'When Somebody Loved Me' drifted away, the knight exclaimed in shock,
"Mein Katze! Looken!"
Making a definite mental note to later inquire as to the nature of the random German creeping into the man's vocabulary, the group stared in wonderment at the table as the puddle of coffee slowly began to move. The puddle then split into two distinct halves, one coffee, and one not. The not-coffee half gradually began to take the distinctive and familiar shape of the universal sign of slight annoyance and dismay; Avatara's sweatdrop had returned!
[Insert Hallelujah Chorus, quickly becoming distorted as Quina eats the tape recorder]
Up onstage, Avatar, completely oblivious to all that had happened, hummed the "yay-we-won-a-battle" music that has appeared in Fantasies before this.
"Um, guys? Do you think that if we left, they'd notice?" Zidane glanced questioningly about the very embarrassed, very frightened group.
"I doubt it. Avatara's distracted with cuddling that sweatdrop thing of hers, and Avatar...well, Avatar is Avatar. Race you to the door!" Freya concluded, leaping from her chair and bolting toward the exit, chanting 'run-run-run' as she went, coming to an abrupt halt and murmuring in dismay, "Oh, by the Gods, I'm beginning to act like...THEM! Someone take my life!"
"Do not be worried, Freya. I am sure that this insanity is a temporary thing. Something of a 'status effect,' so to speak. But, let us all continue. Strength in numbers. Alone, the rest of us may also be overwhelmed and driven insane by Avatar and Sephiroth."
"Uh...Steiner," Dagger began hesitantly, patting the knight on the shoulder as they jogged toward the door, Steiner clanking merrily as they did so, "Sephiroth doesn't exist. Sephiroth is a figment of Avatar's diseased imagination."
"Like an imaginary friend," Vivi piped up, "only...stupider."
"Ah! I see!" Steiner nodded as he, Zidane, Vivi, Eiko, Dagger, Quina, and Amarant left, slamming the door behind them.
Avatar scowled menacingly after them as he leapt from the stage and stalked over to the table. He put his arm about Avatara, scowling even more menacingly at the closed door.
"They...left. THEY LEFT! THOSE BASTARDS LEFT US BEHIND! We've been left behind! Like in that movie...oh, what was it? The one where the Rapture happened and all those people got left behind. You know...Apocalypse!"
Avatara blinked, confused.
"Was that the movie with all the talking vegetables?"
"Yeah, that one! I had always known that vegetables were a sign of the apocalypse. The movie merely confirmed to the rest of the world that I am always right."
"What?!" Avatara made a sweeping gesture of incredulity. "I hate to borrow a line from Dante, 'cause I don't wanna get sued by Silent Bob, but when have you ever been right about anything?"
Avatar drew himself up proudly.
"Look, dear, knowledge is power. Power is might. Might makes right. Therefore, since I am knowledgeable, I must be right."
With a heavy sigh, Avatara stood and patted the young man on the shoulder.
"Yes, that would work, except for one tiny little itty bitty thing..."
Here, she was interrupted by the bartender, who had wandered over, grumbling about those weirdoes who had spilled coffee all over the place and then left without paying.
"YOU'RE AN IDIOT!!!" he howled, wiping up the puddle of coffee and wringing the rag out into a mug before wandering away and setting the cup down before a lone man seated in a corner table. He sipped at the beverage.
"Mmm..." the man commented, pleasantly surprised, "nice and strong. You've finally learned how to make coffee, you freaky-voiced bugger!"
Avatara watched the man down the remainder of the steaming liquid – which, oddly enough, was pretty cold – with a raised eyebrow.
"Why do I get the feeling that this can lead to nothing good? I dunno – I don't think we've seen the last of this guy."
"That's because you're delusional, dear," Avatar informed her gently. Avatara crossed her arms emphatically.
"Avatara doesn't need this," the young woman bit out. "Avatara's gonna go start her own Real World (tm)."
With that, she stormed from the tavern in a huff that, as of lately, had gained a good deal of mileage. Avatar frowned after her.
"I'll deal with you later, wench!" he called angrily, before scowling more menacingly than ever before at the closed door. "If the heroes have left, then how can I turn on them, as any good villain would? I shall hunt them down to the ends of the earth, win their trust, and then, when the moment is right, I shall turn on them and destroy them! AH-HAH-HAH-HAH- HAAAAAAH!"
He stood and sauntered innocently toward the door, trying vainly to whistle and speak simultaneously.
"But first, I'd better get out of here before the bartender realizes that I'm the only one left, and that we haven't paid for anything."
As he left, a pair of increasingly bloodshot eyes followed him, their line of vision shaking slightly as he bounced up and down.
"Yes," the man who had earlier consumed the remains of the coffee- sweatdop puddle purred. "Run away, little Avatar. Run off and find your heroes. But it will not be you who shall bring about their demise. It shall be I! Oh, wait...me. That is the grammatically correct way. Yessss...grammar is power. Uh...what was I talking about? Ugh. I'm beginning to feel very depressed. Caffeine crash rears its ugly head. But this is much worse than anything I have ever experienced. It is as though I have taken on the property of the coffee. I feel...bitter. Very, very bitter. Toward whom shall I direct this super-human bitterness? Why, toward that very same merry group of heroes who jaunted off so very merrily. What right have they to be merry when I am so depressed? None whatsoever! And for that, they must die! I shall hunt them to the ends of Gaia! Nowhere will they be safe from the wrath of...erm...I should really think of a name. A nice, snazzy super-villain name. But nothing too happy, of course. Perhaps...yes! That is it! Java Joe! No...the Esspresinator! The Cappucinator? The Koffee Killer? No, that is truly the worst one yet. Bean Man! No, that has taken over the position of the worst yet. I'll just go with Java Joe. Java Joe...learn the name well, for it is the name...OF YOUR DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!"