Shadow Girl
Book Two: Soul Searching
[Chapter Four: Dance in the Rain]
April 10th
This morning I felt different. I'm seeing more clearly, my hearing is sharper, and every smell, taste, and touch is like the first time.
It's so strange, and yet so subtle that I wonder if I'm imagining it, if it's all in my head. Maybe I'm feeling different because last night, I did a circle with a real, live witch.
Or maybe it's because I'm falling for one.
-Jordan
The next morning, I woke up with a smile on my face. Instantly I remembered the night before, how I had told Jordan I was a witch and he still liked me. I remembered our walk to his house. And again I felt happier than I ever had before.
I flounced downstairs into the kitchen, where my dad was sitting, drinking tea and reading the newspaper. "Morning, Daddy," I said, grinning and taking pancake mix, bowls, and other things out of the cupboard.
My dad stared at me, unaccustomed to my cheerfulness. "…Who are you and what have you done with my daughter?"
I giggled. "You're so silly, Daddy." I measured out pancake mix into the biggest mixing bowl, humming. Dad continued to stare at me.
"Ughhh…" My mom plodded down the stairs, grumpy as usual. "Someone get me a diet Coke…" Mom stopped, however, when she saw me mixing pancake batter and humming to myself. She blinked, confused. "Hunter…what's going on?"
"I have absolutely no idea," Dad told her. "She flounced in here and started making pancakes."
"She flounced?"
"She flounced."
"Do we have any chocolate chips?" I asked brightly. I raided the cabinets once more and produced a bag of Hershey's chocolate chips. "Sweet! These pancakes are going to taste awesome!"
"She's acting so…perky," my mom observed. "And in the morning, too!"
"I know," Dad said. "I wouldn't be surprised if she started prancing around to boy band music."
"Now, I can promise you that won't happen," I told them, turning around from the counter. "But I can't promise that I won't invite furry woodland creatures to help me clean the house."
"Sweetie, put the mixing bowl down," Mom said, gently taking the bowl of batter out of my arms. "You're scaring me. Why are you so perky?"
"I told him I was a witch, and he was okay with it!" I squealed, grabbing my mom's arms. "I lit a candle right in front of him, and yeah, he was kind of spooked at first, but he ended up being cool with it! And I walked him home and we were joking around, and I think he was flirting with me!"
"Wait, wait, wait one blasted second!" Dad yelled, holding his hands up. "Who are you talking about?"
"Jordan O'Brien!" I squeaked. "The hottest guy in school might like me!"
Mom had a half-forced smile on her face as she said, "As happy as I am, you're still scaring me. It's the morning. It's way too early to be anything but half-functioning. We agreed on this."
"It's already nine thirty," my dad pointed out.
"What's your point?" Mom replied.
I calmed down a little. "I guess I know what you mean. How bad was I being?"
"Very bad."
"On a scale of one to ten?"
"Eleven."
"Yikes." My dad sneezed really loudly, and we both turned to look at him.
"I think I'm getting a cold," he said bitterly. Mom and I frowned sympathetically in his direction.
"So, I'm gonna go take a shower and pretend I never acted so strangely," I told my mom, heading for the stairs.
"Hey, Moira." I turned back around on the stairs. Mom was grinning. "Congratulations on Jordan."
I allowed myself one last squeal of excitement before running up the stairs. My life was finally getting really good.
* * *
After showering, getting dressed, and eating my chocolate chip pancakes, I sat in my room with a candle in front of me. I felt like scrying for Jordan. I wanted to see him, wanted to know where he was. Was he still sleeping? Was he having breakfast? Is he in the shower? one little voice wondered, and I giggled.
I lit the candle, then stared into the flame, letting all of my thoughts slip away. Jordan, I thought. Let me see Jordan, as he is, at this time, on this day.
Soon, an image began to form within the flames. Jordan's face came into focus first, then the rest of his body, and finally, his surroundings. I recognized his location as the basketball courts at school. Jordan was bouncing a basketball, and occasionally shooting it at the hoop. I smiled and watched for a few minutes, observing him, how he bent his knees perfectly, and how his arms were artistically defined, muscular but not bulging, lean but not scrawny. Mine, I thought wistfully. I want him to be mine.
I immediately blew out the candle and stood up. I knew what I had to do. I ran downstairs and threw on my denim jacket, telling my mom, "I'm going to the school for a minute."
"Oh?" Mom asked. "And why is that?"
I smirked at her. "Jordan's there."
Mom smirked back. "Scrying for the object of our affection, are we?"
"Naturally." I smiled and headed out.
Soon I was walking across the wet grass of Widow's Vale High School, headed for the back of the campus. A warm feeling filled my stomach as I neared the basketball court. Jordan was there, just like I'd seen in my scrying vision. He looked up and smiled as I approached the court. "Hey, Moira. How'd you know I was here?"
I just smiled in what I hoped was a mysterious way. "A witch knows." I put my hand out to lean against the basketball hoop, but I missed the pole and stumbled slightly.
"You didn't see that," I informed Jordan, blushing hard.
He smirked. "Right." He dribbled the ball and shot it into the hoop. "So what's up?"
I shrugged nonchalantly. "Not much. I just…wanted to see you." I must have gotten this blunt thing from my mom. I hid my embarrassment by looking at the ground.
"I'm glad you came." There was a long, silent pause. Then he said, "I want to learn more about Wicca."
My head snapped up, looking right at him. "Really?"
"Yeah." He spun the ball around in his hands, looking thoughtful. "After last night, I'm really intrigued."
"Wow. That's…great." I smiled and walked onto the court. "How about a little one-on-one?"
Jordan grinned. "Why not? You take the ball out." He threw the ball to me, saying, "Oh, and no magick, okay?"
"I wouldn't dream of it," I said, giving him a wide-eyed innocent look. Jordan laughed, and the game started.
I'm not that good at basketball, but I was able to keep the ball away from Jordan for a little while. But my shot bounced off the rim and Jordan got the ball. He got a few shots in, but then the basketball ricocheted off the backboard and I caught the rebound. I was forced to dribble in one place, because of Jordan blocking me from behind. My senses were suddenly on high alert as I felt Jordan slip his arms around my waist. I dropped the ball in shock, but Jordan didn't release me and run after the ball. His arms stayed locked around me. I looked up into his face, and he looked back at me intently, his eyes probing mine. Goddess, he's going to kiss me.
My mind instantly panicked. I didn't know how to kiss. Did I have to pucker up or what? How much pucker was too much pucker? What if was a really long kiss and I suffocated? What if he suffocated? Would it be considered murder if Jordan suffocated while kissing me?
"Um…" I looked down and stepped away from Jordan, the only way I knew to get my mind to stop freaking. Of course, I didn't want to know what Jordan thought of me now. I was such a loser. I couldn't even kiss him. The urge to go over to the hoop and bang my head on the pole a few times was overwhelming.
"You should come over to my house later," I said instead, getting up the nerve to look at his face. Jordan looked confused, if not disappointed. "I'll catch you up with what the rest of the coven already knows." Jordan was looking at the ground now, and I was hit by a sudden rush of boldness. I walked over to him and lifted his chin, so his light green eyes met my dark hazel ones. "I want you to come," I told him. Then, I turned and walked home, hoping that Jordan hadn't changed his mind about me.
* * *
My mom's car was gone when I got home, and there was a note closed between the screen door and the doorjamb, saying that she and Dad had gone over to Practical Magick, the occult bookstore in the next town over. A soft mrow alerted me to Dagda, who had appeared at my feet. I sighed and picked him up, walking around to the backyard.
"I am pathetic, Dagda," I vented, unlatching the gate and entering. "I'm a witch. I can light fires with my mind. I can see into the future. I can tap into the unknown powers of the universe, but I can't kiss a guy." I held him up so I was looking into his baby blue cat eyes. "What's wrong with me?"
My cat mewed sympathetically, and I sat down on a bench near the garden. "And now Jordan must think I'm a freak, and he's never going to talk to me again, and he's probably gonna start going out with some cheerleader." Dagda meowed disdainfully, and I pouted and said, "I'm not being melodramatic. It's true. Jordan hates me now."
Dagda, apparently sick of my self-pity, hopped off the bench and pranced toward the house. "Hm! Some pet you are," I muttered, being left to sulk alone in my misery. My thoughts turned to the garden. It's Mom's pride and joy, a true witch's garden, filled with all kinds of herbs and spices. When I was little, I used to love helping my mom out in the garden. She'd teach me spells to help the growth of plants, and the whole backyard would be filled with good scents and magick. I even had my own little patch in the garden. I considered doing some work in it, but then if Jordan did miraculously decide to come over, I'd be covered in dirt: not good.
So I sat on the bench, looking up at the sky. A few moments later, an April shower began falling. I smiled; I loved the rain. Dagda had gotten up from his reclined position on the back porch and was now pawing the door, meowing unhappily. "Oh, relax, Dag. It's only water." I stood up and held my arms out to the side, looking up through the raindrops. Rain pattered against my face, and I giggled. I started twirling around, like I had so many times as a child. This type of solitary amusement had been something I'd gotten so used to. I'd dance in the rain, free of the troubles that plagued my life. My life wasn't as plagued anymore, but dancing in the pouring rain still felt good. I could feel my magick rising inside of me, running through me, taking me over. The rain fell harder, and I spun faster, laughing. I pulled my hair out of its ponytail, letting it swirl around me. My hair crackled with magick, my fingers tingled with it, and I breathed white light.
"Hey." I stopped abruptly, looking towards the gate. There stood Jordan, standing just inside the gate, watching me, smiling.
I pushed my hair back from my face, wondering how wild it looked. "Jordan! What are you doing here?"
Jordan raised his eyebrows. "If I remember correctly, you invited me over. For Wicca lessons."
Oh, right. Duh. "I didn't think you'd come," I said quietly, looking away.
"Of course I came." Jordan walked towards me, smiling. "So, that dance, is it mandatory?"
I grinned, looking down at the ground. "You must think I'm crazy."
Jordan laughed. "You light fires with your mind, you dance in the rain." I smirked at his description of me. Yep. Definitely psycho.
He lifted my chin, like I had before at the basketball court. "What's not to love?" Jordan whispered, his eyes looking through mine, as if he could see my soul.
Again, my mind started up with the spasms and my heart was perfectly still, yet beating a thousand miles an hour. But I looked solidly back into Jordan's eyes, not afraid. Not this time. His eyes drifted closed, and I was aware of mine doing the same. Within seconds, Jordan's lips touched mine.
The initial shock was enough to make me want to jump away, but I stayed. It was like that mystic feeling I got just by holding eye contact with him, only magnified by ten. The actual kiss probably only lasted a few seconds, but time for me had slowed down. The feeling was like heaven. Like a dance in the rain.
Like magick.
* * *
Jordan and I stood out there for a few minutes, just looking into each other's eyes. I didn't know what was supposed to come after a first kiss. I'd never had one before, and TV shows never have scenes right after the first kiss. If it's a really bad kiss, or a kiss that shouldn't have happened, then they show stuff after it. But when there's a perfect first kiss, like mine and Jordan's, they cut for commercial. So I had no way of knowing what came next.
"Are you hungry?" I blurted out. "I'll make some Easy Mac."
Are you hungry, I'll make some Easy Mac?!?! my mind screamed as I walked through my house to the kitchen. I knew that wasn't supposed to happen after a first kiss. I felt Jordan following me, and felt thankful for that, at least. As it turns out, we don't even have Easy Mac, just regular macaroni and cheese. My hands were shaking so much that I ended up spilling all the noodles onto the floor, and I swooped down to pick them up. I am such a FREAK, I screeched to myself.
"Moira, did you not want me to kiss you?" Jordan asked suddenly.
I snapped up. "What?"
Jordan looked completely thrown. "You're acting so strange. I mean, I kiss you and you offer me food?"
When he said it, it sounded even stupider. "Jordan, I'm sorry, but, I've never been kissed before," I told him. "I didn't know what to do, and I freaked out." I went back to cleaning up my other mess, on the kitchen floor. "I know, I'm stupid, but I couldn't help it. I loved that kiss. It was amazing. You're amazing. But I'm horrible with social situations. A month ago, I didn't even have friends!" Oops. I hadn't meant to tell him that. "And now you're so perfect and you actually like me, and I just want to be perfect for you but I don't know how." I realized that I'd gotten myself worked up to the point where I wanted to cry. God, get a grip, Riordan, I told myself.
"Moira, Moira." Jordan walked over and took the uncooked noodles I'd scooped up out of my hands, which actually just made most of them fall back on the floor. He put the noodles that hadn't fallen onto the counter and put one hand on each of my shoulders, which are the roundest parts of my whole body. "You don't have to be perfect. I like you the way you are."
I looked up at him with sad eyes. "Even with all my crazy little faults?"
Jordan smiled. "Especially with all your crazy little faults."
It's funny. Throughout my years of being an outcast, I'd built a wall around myself, protecting me from pain, from disappointment. I built it out of bitterness, out of cynicism, but mostly out of fear. I'd peeked over that wall when Claire and the others had welcomed me into their circle of friends, but with Jordan…
With Jordan, that wall came crashing down, leaving me standing there, unprotected. Vulnerable. And I wasn't afraid. It wasn't a bold kind of fearlessness, like I'd felt when my mother and I faced Cal Blaire a few weeks ago. It was the way I felt when Mom had held me afterwards; like maybe I didn't need that wall anymore. Jordan could protect me. I wanted him to.
"Come on." Jordan took my hand and led me into my living room. "Let's watch a movie, your choice."
"Okay." I smiled, much more comfortable and at ease. I walked over to the cabinet filled with videos and DVDs, and pulled one out. "Is Romeo and Juliet okay?"
Jordan gave me a wry smile. "I never saw you as a chick flick person."
"I don't look at it as a chick flick," I said smoothly, putting the DVD into the player. "I see it as a classic."
He smirked. "Starring Leonardo DiCaprio." As I sat next to him and he wrapped his arms around me, he teased, "Did you cry when Leo died?"
I smirked back, settling into his arms. "No, actually I laughed."
Jordan drew back a little and looked at me. "What?"
I laughed. "Well, when Leo dies in this movie, he does this twitching thing that I always thought was completely hilarious." Jordan was really looking perplexed now, and I laughed again. "I know it's really strange and morbid and everything, but he's all…" I imitated Leo's death twitches and Jordan laughed, his eyes lighting up. "I'm just a really strange kid."
Jordan smiled at me. "That's okay. I love you anyway."
I smiled, too, leaning my head against his shoulder a little. "This is my favorite movie of all time. I don't think anyone else knows that." Jordan gave me a little squeeze, and the movie started.
We watched in silence for a while, up until the scene where Romeo and Juliet first see each other. "This is my favorite scene," I admitted in a whisper, my eyes never leaving the screen. I had never admitted to anyone that I thought this scene was so cute, so perfect. But I loved it. I love how their eyes meet through the glass and water of a fish tank, for reasons I could never explain. I love the way a million emotions are expressed with only a few glances.
"Has my heart loved till now?" I said along with the movie. "Foreswear its sight--"
"For I never saw true beauty, till this night," Jordan finished, and when I looked at him, his eyes were on me, and chills went through my whole body. Never before had my life felt so complete.