The First Night until…
If I see you again,
If I ever see you again…What should I say to you…?
Sitting next to the rose, I have spent long time thinking about this question…
What am I going to say to you?
I look up at the sky, dark without any stars, may be the star of dawn will appear soon.
I suddenly remembered…
Kurama, you should gave me more time…
A hundred years, it's not even enough to let me dream…
I smiled…I really suppose to say that…say that out loud…
But…I don't know when am I going to see you…Tomorrow…? Or the day after…?
When the dawn arrives, will you appear…?
......Will I see you again?
It's that dream again…
That night, I was sitting next to him, lying down and looking at him; he talked with his tender voice as always: I'm going to die…
Above the red hair, it was his beautiful face, not as pale as I thought it would be… Having no evidence that he's going to die soon…
But I knew… He's really going to die…
He repeated himself softly and clearly… I'm going to die, Hiei…
I knew that… But I still heard my voice, frosty but insensitive asking you: Really? You are going to die?
You blinked your eyes, smiled…
Your eyes, the shade of dark green, reflected my disconcerted face…
Suddenly, I want to catch this beauty, the dissolving beauty…
I don't want to let it go…
I came near, the first time in my life beg you: Can't you not to?
You opened your sleepy eyes, voice still tender…
"But, I'm still going to die…"
Heard this answer, I started panic, may be because I realized your eyes are getting far away…
"Hah, don't sleep, can't you see me, can't you see my face?"
"I'm right here," He woke up a little bit, smiled softly, "How can me not see…"
Why does he have to die? Why are human lives so short…?
"Kurama, if you died…"
"Huh…?"
I put my face into my arms…
"Hiei?"
You should know already…
There are no more places for me to stay…
Stop a little bit, you continued…
"Hiei, after I died, can you bury me…?"
Ah, he was saying his last words, I hate it so much, want to close my ears…
"Use a big shell to dig a hole, and use the fragments of the fallen stars as the tombstone. Then please wait for me, I will come back…"
What?
"I will come back…Hiei"
When? I heard of my body shivering…
"Umm… Sun will rise, but fall too. Then it will rise again, fall again. During this time, will you wait for me…?"
......I hate waiting
"Really?" You smiled tiredly, "But you will still wait for me, right?"
"One hundred years, can you wait for me for one hundred years?"
What...? I can't even wait for one day…
"A hundred years is really fast… waiting next to my tomb, I will come back."
"Is this a promise?" I asked hastily.
No answer…
I looked back, saw his calm but sorrowful face…
"Kurama?"
You smiled, softly, tenderly, the tears in your eyes reflected my trembled shadow.
"Kurama?"
Suddenly, that clearly reflected shadow in his eyes started breaking…
When I realized my shadow has poured out with the tears, his eyes had closed…
"Ku…rama…?"
The tear in his eyes slide down across his cheek…
He died…?
There was no moon, only with the scattered stars. The wind was extremely cold…
It's ok…I told myself…
It's ok…He said he's going to come back…
Only need to wait for a hundred years, then he'll come back…
…So…I don't need to cry…
Don't need to cry…
Then I found a really big shell, started digging in the yard…
Once again and again put the shell into the earth, take it out, and dump the dirt.
The moon reflects the light on the surface of the shell.
The blood pours out from the scar because of the edge of the shell.
Finally finished with the hole, carefully lay his body inside
Softly put the soil on his body, layer by layer…
When the floor goes back to original, the shell next to it reflects the moonlight, like the water flows…
I feel dimly in a trance…
Hiei…
He said softly, the gentle breath passed my ear…
Moonlight like the fall, wander in front of my eyes, made his face blurred…
He suddenly smiled,
"Hiei, when you want something, reach it to get it, can't sit back and watch it all the time…"
He hold on my shoulder, force me to go near him, "Like this…"
He put his arm around me, tightly
I cannot run away, so I choose to close my eyes,
Dizzy…
Then I started to collect the broken pieces of the fallen stars, softly gather them on the tomb…
Stars… I'm not sure about their shape or color, but I think the ones that are shine are the ones…
But I'm shocked because the stars are round…
"Stars have five angles…"
You said that to me before, I think when they are falling, the angles got rubbed…
The stars like these are dead already, right? When anything died, it will be changing from its original form, losing its shape, its color…... except you…
You are the eternal beauty… When you revived, you are still beautiful, or even better…
When I put the pieces on your grave, I suddenly feel so warm…
And now, I just need to keep waiting…
I stared at the grave, from now, I just need to wait for a hundred years…
One hundred years, it's very short for a demon…
Just like what he said, sun rises from the east, so scarlet but yet so faraway…
Then it falls to the west, regularly, sadly…
I count in my heart, this is the first one.
"Can you wait for me…?"
I hate waiting…
I told you that…
But you promised me you will come back.
Then one hundred years is not that hard to put up…
I can be patient… just feeling bored.
Suddenly started missing the dissert you gave to me…
"Open your mouth"
A thin thing was put into my mouth, I hold it in my mouth, fresh and cool.
"This is a thing I really like to eat when I was young."
I saw you put one into your mouth too, eyesight because of the memories started shaking…
"I think you never eat one like this before."
Yea… I was really busy before, often forgot about the food.
"Eating is not only necessary, but enjoyment too." You put another one in my mouth, "Like what we are doing now."
Enjoyment…?
"Relax yourself in those wonderful matters or feelings, those are enjoyment. It's a really marvelous thing."
Looking at your fabulous smile, I really understand the meaning of it…
You use the most basic but actual sentences explaining the things I have never heard about.
You are a pretty good teacher.
"But there is only one thing I cannot show you with words."
Then you are going to 'show' me…?
"How should I do it…?" You smiled, fingers gently touch my hair…
"I only hope, one day, you will understand, through my reality…"
I become impatient, "What is it?"
You lower your head, say it softly next to my ear.
Soon, the sun rises again, then falls,
I count it in my heart, it's the second one…
Soon, I lost my count. But no matter how hard I count, the sun will still passes me, a hundred years is still not there yet.
It's okay, I'm not bored, I still have many memories I can think of…
I look at the tombstone, falling into memories again and again,
So the time will pass faster. Although to demons, one hundred years is not too long, but I just want it to pass faster…
No, it's not because I miss you…
"Hiei, what's the meaning of waiting here…?" It's the voice of Yusuke…
Go away…
"Kurama is dead already, twenty years already…" It's Kuwabara…
Shut up, he said he will come back already…
"I never heard about people revive like this. Is Kurama… just saying about it…?"
They said you are lying to me…
Is it true…?
I touch your tomb, remembered your joking face…
"A hundred years, can you wait for me for one hundred years…?"
You can blame me for question you, because you were always kidding…
Can you say something…?
Silence…
I hit on the stone, the pieces scatter on the floor…
I breathe deeply, looking at them, after a long time, I pick them up one by one, gather them back on the grave…
No matter what, I chose to wait, to wait for a hundred years…
"One hundred years, it's really short. Wait next to my grave, I will come back."
Yea, it's only one hundred years, I can't give up…
Today, like everyday in the past, stare at the tomb,
Suddenly, a vine grows out from the earth…
Almost unbelievable, but it's real…
A plant?
An unexpected surprise stirred up the excitement in my heart, so green, the color of life…
Year by year, it grows taller and taller, till one year, when it reached me, it suddenly stopped…
A bud start growing, like the vine, year by year, till the petals grow out, it's scarlet, like blood…
I sighed, Kurama, I don't know what kind of beautiful way you are going to revive, indistinctly smelled the scent of the rose,
In the scent, I start longing for fond dream…
Then, after a long time, dew from the faraway sky woke me up, and woke the rose up…
The lithe petal shakes in the air, it's a huge rose.
I stare at it, use the usual gesture stroke its beauty.
I look at the faraway sky, look at the lonely start at the end of the sky…
A hundred years has arrived…
I kissed the petal of the rose, waiting for something to happen…
............
............
But it never happened…
Kurama, I said it softly… empty echo roam from sides… submerged me…
And then, I can't hear anything else…
The thing I'm waiting for hasn't happened…
The person I'm waiting for hasn't arrived…
I tore the rose into pieces. The vine of the rose was cut into strips…
I started digging…
"Hiei, what's the meaning of waiting here…?"
"I will come back Hiei…"
"Kurama is dead already, twenty years already…"
"Can you wait for me…?"
"I never heard about people revive like this. Is Kurama… just saying about it…?"
I want to take out your heart…
I want to take out your heart, see if it is full of blood, see if it has any evidence of coming back to life. I want to hold it in my hand, see if it is agitate with the enthusiastic temperature and life.
Blood poured out from the scars on my fingers…
Yes, long time ago, that night, my blood, mix with the soil, with the watery moonlight, and the tears that cannot came out, buried him…
Like that, put the soil on his face, his body… try to persuade myself, it's not a ceremony of goodbye, it's only a procedure of reviving…
But the truth is…
He died… already…
In front of myself, I buried him with my own hands…
I closed my eyes, lying on the floor, stopped digging the earth…
Because I know, there won't be the body in my memory, the soul that I'm waiting for…
He died already......
"One hundred years, can you wait for a hundred years…?"
I already did…
"One hundred years, it's really short. Wait next to my grave, I'll come back…"
It's not a promise, it's only a lie… A lie that made up for me…
A lie to keep me alive…
If I can keep that lie, then I can keep on living…
No matter what, you want me to keep on living in this world…
"I will come back…"
The emerald green eyes, the softly curved mouth, your hair flutter in the air, smile in the way I remembered…
"I will come back…"
But, Kurama, you don't know, one hundred years is too short…
If you want to keep me dreaming, even one thousand years is too short…
Because I don't have anywhere to go when I wake up,
You should promise me a longer time…
Then, I can have a really long dream, a fond dream I won't be wake up from…
"It's 'love'…" You lower your head, said it softly next to my ear…
"I only hope, one day, you will understand, through my reality…"
I lie on the floor, lie in the pieces of the petal of the rose…
The dawn has arrived, dew dropped one by one, without my noticing, the clear and melodious sounds. Dropped into the earth, dissolved, absorbed…
Then, the familiar sun rose, then quietly fell,
Then the night arrived…
Then I sat back to the grave, waiting for the second rose…
I silently thought,
I lie that took me one hundred years to find out, how long will it takes me to forget…?
Another hundred of years… is it enough…?
May be by that time, I will forget why I am waiting here…
I will keep on living, keep on waiting… Even though I will forget everything, I will still keep on waiting…
Just as what you hope for…
I closed my eyes, decided to wait for another sun to rise.
But before that, please let me fall into a dream of yours…
This time, I'll spend a long time dream about you......
If I see you again,
If I ever see you again…What should I say to you…?
Sitting next to the rose, I have spent long time thinking about this question…
What am I going to say to you?
I look up at the sky, dark without any stars, may be the star of dawn will appear soon.
I suddenly remembered…
Kurama, you should gave me more time…
A hundred years, it's not even enough to let me dream…
I smiled…I really suppose to say that…say that out loud…
But…I don't know when am I going to see you…Tomorrow…? Or the day after…?
When the dawn arrives, will you appear…?
......Will I see you again?
It's that dream again…
That night, I was sitting next to him, lying down and looking at him; he talked with his tender voice as always: I'm going to die…
Above the red hair, it was his beautiful face, not as pale as I thought it would be… Having no evidence that he's going to die soon…
But I knew… He's really going to die…
He repeated himself softly and clearly… I'm going to die, Hiei…
I knew that… But I still heard my voice, frosty but insensitive asking you: Really? You are going to die?
You blinked your eyes, smiled…
Your eyes, the shade of dark green, reflected my disconcerted face…
Suddenly, I want to catch this beauty, the dissolving beauty…
I don't want to let it go…
I came near, the first time in my life beg you: Can't you not to?
You opened your sleepy eyes, voice still tender…
"But, I'm still going to die…"
Heard this answer, I started panic, may be because I realized your eyes are getting far away…
"Hah, don't sleep, can't you see me, can't you see my face?"
"I'm right here," He woke up a little bit, smiled softly, "How can me not see…"
Why does he have to die? Why are human lives so short…?
"Kurama, if you died…"
"Huh…?"
I put my face into my arms…
"Hiei?"
You should know already…
There are no more places for me to stay…
Stop a little bit, you continued…
"Hiei, after I died, can you bury me…?"
Ah, he was saying his last words, I hate it so much, want to close my ears…
"Use a big shell to dig a hole, and use the fragments of the fallen stars as the tombstone. Then please wait for me, I will come back…"
What?
"I will come back…Hiei"
When? I heard of my body shivering…
"Umm… Sun will rise, but fall too. Then it will rise again, fall again. During this time, will you wait for me…?"
......I hate waiting
"Really?" You smiled tiredly, "But you will still wait for me, right?"
"One hundred years, can you wait for me for one hundred years?"
What...? I can't even wait for one day…
"A hundred years is really fast… waiting next to my tomb, I will come back."
"Is this a promise?" I asked hastily.
No answer…
I looked back, saw his calm but sorrowful face…
"Kurama?"
You smiled, softly, tenderly, the tears in your eyes reflected my trembled shadow.
"Kurama?"
Suddenly, that clearly reflected shadow in his eyes started breaking…
When I realized my shadow has poured out with the tears, his eyes had closed…
"Ku…rama…?"
The tear in his eyes slide down across his cheek…
He died…?
There was no moon, only with the scattered stars. The wind was extremely cold…
It's ok…I told myself…
It's ok…He said he's going to come back…
Only need to wait for a hundred years, then he'll come back…
…So…I don't need to cry…
Don't need to cry…
Then I found a really big shell, started digging in the yard…
Once again and again put the shell into the earth, take it out, and dump the dirt.
The moon reflects the light on the surface of the shell.
The blood pours out from the scar because of the edge of the shell.
Finally finished with the hole, carefully lay his body inside
Softly put the soil on his body, layer by layer…
When the floor goes back to original, the shell next to it reflects the moonlight, like the water flows…
I feel dimly in a trance…
Hiei…
He said softly, the gentle breath passed my ear…
Moonlight like the fall, wander in front of my eyes, made his face blurred…
He suddenly smiled,
"Hiei, when you want something, reach it to get it, can't sit back and watch it all the time…"
He hold on my shoulder, force me to go near him, "Like this…"
He put his arm around me, tightly
I cannot run away, so I choose to close my eyes,
Dizzy…
Then I started to collect the broken pieces of the fallen stars, softly gather them on the tomb…
Stars… I'm not sure about their shape or color, but I think the ones that are shine are the ones…
But I'm shocked because the stars are round…
"Stars have five angles…"
You said that to me before, I think when they are falling, the angles got rubbed…
The stars like these are dead already, right? When anything died, it will be changing from its original form, losing its shape, its color…... except you…
You are the eternal beauty… When you revived, you are still beautiful, or even better…
When I put the pieces on your grave, I suddenly feel so warm…
And now, I just need to keep waiting…
I stared at the grave, from now, I just need to wait for a hundred years…
One hundred years, it's very short for a demon…
Just like what he said, sun rises from the east, so scarlet but yet so faraway…
Then it falls to the west, regularly, sadly…
I count in my heart, this is the first one.
"Can you wait for me…?"
I hate waiting…
I told you that…
But you promised me you will come back.
Then one hundred years is not that hard to put up…
I can be patient… just feeling bored.
Suddenly started missing the dissert you gave to me…
"Open your mouth"
A thin thing was put into my mouth, I hold it in my mouth, fresh and cool.
"This is a thing I really like to eat when I was young."
I saw you put one into your mouth too, eyesight because of the memories started shaking…
"I think you never eat one like this before."
Yea… I was really busy before, often forgot about the food.
"Eating is not only necessary, but enjoyment too." You put another one in my mouth, "Like what we are doing now."
Enjoyment…?
"Relax yourself in those wonderful matters or feelings, those are enjoyment. It's a really marvelous thing."
Looking at your fabulous smile, I really understand the meaning of it…
You use the most basic but actual sentences explaining the things I have never heard about.
You are a pretty good teacher.
"But there is only one thing I cannot show you with words."
Then you are going to 'show' me…?
"How should I do it…?" You smiled, fingers gently touch my hair…
"I only hope, one day, you will understand, through my reality…"
I become impatient, "What is it?"
You lower your head, say it softly next to my ear.
Soon, the sun rises again, then falls,
I count it in my heart, it's the second one…
Soon, I lost my count. But no matter how hard I count, the sun will still passes me, a hundred years is still not there yet.
It's okay, I'm not bored, I still have many memories I can think of…
I look at the tombstone, falling into memories again and again,
So the time will pass faster. Although to demons, one hundred years is not too long, but I just want it to pass faster…
No, it's not because I miss you…
"Hiei, what's the meaning of waiting here…?" It's the voice of Yusuke…
Go away…
"Kurama is dead already, twenty years already…" It's Kuwabara…
Shut up, he said he will come back already…
"I never heard about people revive like this. Is Kurama… just saying about it…?"
They said you are lying to me…
Is it true…?
I touch your tomb, remembered your joking face…
"A hundred years, can you wait for me for one hundred years…?"
You can blame me for question you, because you were always kidding…
Can you say something…?
Silence…
I hit on the stone, the pieces scatter on the floor…
I breathe deeply, looking at them, after a long time, I pick them up one by one, gather them back on the grave…
No matter what, I chose to wait, to wait for a hundred years…
"One hundred years, it's really short. Wait next to my grave, I will come back."
Yea, it's only one hundred years, I can't give up…
Today, like everyday in the past, stare at the tomb,
Suddenly, a vine grows out from the earth…
Almost unbelievable, but it's real…
A plant?
An unexpected surprise stirred up the excitement in my heart, so green, the color of life…
Year by year, it grows taller and taller, till one year, when it reached me, it suddenly stopped…
A bud start growing, like the vine, year by year, till the petals grow out, it's scarlet, like blood…
I sighed, Kurama, I don't know what kind of beautiful way you are going to revive, indistinctly smelled the scent of the rose,
In the scent, I start longing for fond dream…
Then, after a long time, dew from the faraway sky woke me up, and woke the rose up…
The lithe petal shakes in the air, it's a huge rose.
I stare at it, use the usual gesture stroke its beauty.
I look at the faraway sky, look at the lonely start at the end of the sky…
A hundred years has arrived…
I kissed the petal of the rose, waiting for something to happen…
............
............
But it never happened…
Kurama, I said it softly… empty echo roam from sides… submerged me…
And then, I can't hear anything else…
The thing I'm waiting for hasn't happened…
The person I'm waiting for hasn't arrived…
I tore the rose into pieces. The vine of the rose was cut into strips…
I started digging…
"Hiei, what's the meaning of waiting here…?"
"I will come back Hiei…"
"Kurama is dead already, twenty years already…"
"Can you wait for me…?"
"I never heard about people revive like this. Is Kurama… just saying about it…?"
I want to take out your heart…
I want to take out your heart, see if it is full of blood, see if it has any evidence of coming back to life. I want to hold it in my hand, see if it is agitate with the enthusiastic temperature and life.
Blood poured out from the scars on my fingers…
Yes, long time ago, that night, my blood, mix with the soil, with the watery moonlight, and the tears that cannot came out, buried him…
Like that, put the soil on his face, his body… try to persuade myself, it's not a ceremony of goodbye, it's only a procedure of reviving…
But the truth is…
He died… already…
In front of myself, I buried him with my own hands…
I closed my eyes, lying on the floor, stopped digging the earth…
Because I know, there won't be the body in my memory, the soul that I'm waiting for…
He died already......
"One hundred years, can you wait for a hundred years…?"
I already did…
"One hundred years, it's really short. Wait next to my grave, I'll come back…"
It's not a promise, it's only a lie… A lie that made up for me…
A lie to keep me alive…
If I can keep that lie, then I can keep on living…
No matter what, you want me to keep on living in this world…
"I will come back…"
The emerald green eyes, the softly curved mouth, your hair flutter in the air, smile in the way I remembered…
"I will come back…"
But, Kurama, you don't know, one hundred years is too short…
If you want to keep me dreaming, even one thousand years is too short…
Because I don't have anywhere to go when I wake up,
You should promise me a longer time…
Then, I can have a really long dream, a fond dream I won't be wake up from…
"It's 'love'…" You lower your head, said it softly next to my ear…
"I only hope, one day, you will understand, through my reality…"
I lie on the floor, lie in the pieces of the petal of the rose…
The dawn has arrived, dew dropped one by one, without my noticing, the clear and melodious sounds. Dropped into the earth, dissolved, absorbed…
Then, the familiar sun rose, then quietly fell,
Then the night arrived…
Then I sat back to the grave, waiting for the second rose…
I silently thought,
I lie that took me one hundred years to find out, how long will it takes me to forget…?
Another hundred of years… is it enough…?
May be by that time, I will forget why I am waiting here…
I will keep on living, keep on waiting… Even though I will forget everything, I will still keep on waiting…
Just as what you hope for…
I closed my eyes, decided to wait for another sun to rise.
But before that, please let me fall into a dream of yours…
This time, I'll spend a long time dream about you......