Episode Eight: You Can't Get High Off Of Curry, DUH
Nanami and the hair cuts are spying on Utena's class because Ohtori is magically arranged so that, if you're at a really high place, you can see through rooftops or something
NANAMI: They're having cooking class, just as I predicted.
HAIR CUT #1: ...Well, that's because we looked at their schedule-
NANAMI: Silence, baboon.
HAIR CUT #2: I'm off to go set their heads on fire.
NANAMI: Hoho.
HAIRCUT #1: Wait, that's the wrong spice!
NANAMI: Smithereens make me smile.
And so, Hair cut 2 puts some kind of idiotic powder of suicide in Anthy's curry and Anthy and Utena blow up, skillfully not hurting any other student in the classroom. Nanami's all like:
NANAMI: Whups.
So Touga calls a meeting. He's like:
TOUGA: So they exploded or something.
MIKI: It's all my fault because I like spicy curry.
JURI: Quiet, you. That's impossible; spicy curry tastes like crap.
TOUGA: Let's all be morbid just for the hell of it. Whoops-there goes my cell phone like an egret-hey, they got released? The both of them?
JURI: ...Darn.
So Anthy and Utena are walking and Wakaba's all like:
WAKABA: Make love to me!
And jumps on Utena's back, but Utena slides down to the floor like some kind of soggy hot dog.
WAKABA: Pardon me! I should have guessed that you had sprained kneecaps or something!
UTENA: *sighs girlishly* That's okay.
WAKABA: Wow, you sound like Anthy. That's really sick, but it kinda turns me on.
And Anthy is somewhere else being harassed by the haircuts again. They're all like:
HAIRCUT #1: You've been defiant! I think it's because you're hanging out with that girl who's hell-bent on becoming a construction worker or something! Be punished.
Nanami is spying on them. Miki comes up and goes:
MIKI: Boo.
Suddenly, the haircuts slap Anthy. Anthy gets all:
ANTHY: Heh-ull, naw.
And slaps them back like an alligator that's been poked too many times. So they go:
HAIRCUT #1: That's, like...REALLY scary or something. I mean, not even my mother, like, slapped me OMG like.
ANTHY: That's because she was a perra just like you.
HAIRCUTS: Oh, no! She cracked her knuckles, run away!
So later, Anthy's playing basketball like Michael Jordan or something. She's all like:
ANTHY: Ooh...I look good in spandex. I'm off to go jump over fences and play ping-pong now.
UTENA: Ooh...I look good in spandex. I'm off to go water some flowers, suck up some tea, and be docile now.
The haircuts come to a brilliant conclusion and tell Nanami. Nanami's all like:
NANAMI: They've switched personalities like all of the other main anime characters in the world? This cannot be like a shrubbery!
RANDOM GIRLS : Like, OoMmGg...these pictures are so interesting or something.
NANAMI: You're SELLING YOUR EVIDENCE???
HAIRCUTS: Well, duh.
TOUGA: Hey, Utena's got an apron on. I've never seen THAT one or something. Can I get a pack?
ANTHY: So YOU'RE the one responsible for this!
UTENA: ...Yo.
NANAMI: Yes, it was I!
TOUGA: Stop laughing, you mentally-disabled chunk of swamp. Go off to India and fix this.
NANAMI: Sure thing.
HAIRCUTS: Wait for us!
So the shadow freaks are on the wall again and they're all like:
SHADOW FREAK #1: Divine Justice!
SHADOW FREAK #2: If you rob a bank, you'll be impaled. Don't ask, don't tell.
So Anthy's running around all over the place because she's all magically athletic and she jumps over this really high thing that's blocking the whole track. Utena goes:
UTENA: You're so awesome, Utena!
ANTHY: Stop clapping, it makes me nervous. We've REALLY got to switch back. I'm dreading wearing that god-awful nightgown of yours tonight.
UTENA: Don't worry, Nanami's doing just fine like the ninth cloud or something.
Later:
NANAMI: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Later:
ANTHY: Saionji's been hitting on me. I feel so violated like a green M&M.
UTENA: It's okay, he leaves you alone after the first time.
ANTHY: Wha--?
SAIONJI: Come with me like you always do or something because Utena suddenly won't mind.
UTENA: Have fun! *massivewink*
SAIONJI: Let me just make you think that I want to have sex.
ANTHY: I'm not loo-king, I'm not loo-king...okay, maybe just a little peek.
SAIONJI: Now, take our diary home.
ANTHY: A diary? Why does me life suck so bad...?
So later, Anthy's at home and she goes:
ANTHY: I am SO not writing in this.
UTENA: Then I'll SO totally throw it away.
ANTHY: No! You're such an extremist.
UTENA: *slowgrin* *muffledcackle*
ANTHY: Fine, I'll write in it. Hey, he drew me looking ugly with no hair and squiggly legs! That's it; it's payback time.
So later, Anthy returns the diary to Saionji and Saionji's all:
SAIONJI: OMG, I love you, too!
But the diary really says:
DIARY: DUMB ASS!
So he gets all sad later.
But the good news is Nanami's back with the spice and everything will be back to normal!
NANAMI: OMG, I look like Anthy with a wig.
ANTHY: You're really in NO place to talk about that right now, ya shtick.
But Nanami slips and spills the spice like the alliteration queen that she is and everyone's all like
EVERYONE: Noooooooo or somethingggg...
So they're all eating dinner together and Utena's serving curry. Anthy's like:
ANTHY: Eww.
But then we discover that the spice wasn't really what caused the explosion and it was just Anthy's cooking all along! Miki's all like:
MIKI: Wow, Himemiya! That's really-sorry, I keep on looking at the wrong one -really cool! A curry that can switch personalities!
UTENA: Wow, thanks!
ANTHY: You're an idiot.
SAIONJI: Anthy, I can't believe you'd write this or something! It must be because Tenjou's such an uncultured wart of a clod! Now write it over-ooh, curry? Me have? Puedo?
UTENA: Try it.
CHUCHU: Chu.
ANTHY: But wait, that's-
UTENA: A new invention!
Everything explodes again.
WAKABA: So when you guys woke up, you were back to normal?
UTENA: Yeah. But my kneecaps were really sore afterwards, so I'll never eat curry again.
ANTHY: That's a shame; I just finished making curry for dinner.
UTENA: Shut up. Just shut up.
WAKABA: But as hot as Chuchu is now with Saionji's personality, what are we going to DO with him?
SAIONJI, OFF IN THE JUNGLE EATING BANANAS: Chu. Chu. Chu.
And then a train runs him over.
THE END
To be continued after Dios stops cloning himself in that stupid ending, man.
Oyeoye-good news! My site's up. If you'd like to go see, the url is in my profile.
Please tell me what you think!
Nanami and the hair cuts are spying on Utena's class because Ohtori is magically arranged so that, if you're at a really high place, you can see through rooftops or something
NANAMI: They're having cooking class, just as I predicted.
HAIR CUT #1: ...Well, that's because we looked at their schedule-
NANAMI: Silence, baboon.
HAIR CUT #2: I'm off to go set their heads on fire.
NANAMI: Hoho.
HAIRCUT #1: Wait, that's the wrong spice!
NANAMI: Smithereens make me smile.
And so, Hair cut 2 puts some kind of idiotic powder of suicide in Anthy's curry and Anthy and Utena blow up, skillfully not hurting any other student in the classroom. Nanami's all like:
NANAMI: Whups.
So Touga calls a meeting. He's like:
TOUGA: So they exploded or something.
MIKI: It's all my fault because I like spicy curry.
JURI: Quiet, you. That's impossible; spicy curry tastes like crap.
TOUGA: Let's all be morbid just for the hell of it. Whoops-there goes my cell phone like an egret-hey, they got released? The both of them?
JURI: ...Darn.
So Anthy and Utena are walking and Wakaba's all like:
WAKABA: Make love to me!
And jumps on Utena's back, but Utena slides down to the floor like some kind of soggy hot dog.
WAKABA: Pardon me! I should have guessed that you had sprained kneecaps or something!
UTENA: *sighs girlishly* That's okay.
WAKABA: Wow, you sound like Anthy. That's really sick, but it kinda turns me on.
And Anthy is somewhere else being harassed by the haircuts again. They're all like:
HAIRCUT #1: You've been defiant! I think it's because you're hanging out with that girl who's hell-bent on becoming a construction worker or something! Be punished.
Nanami is spying on them. Miki comes up and goes:
MIKI: Boo.
Suddenly, the haircuts slap Anthy. Anthy gets all:
ANTHY: Heh-ull, naw.
And slaps them back like an alligator that's been poked too many times. So they go:
HAIRCUT #1: That's, like...REALLY scary or something. I mean, not even my mother, like, slapped me OMG like.
ANTHY: That's because she was a perra just like you.
HAIRCUTS: Oh, no! She cracked her knuckles, run away!
So later, Anthy's playing basketball like Michael Jordan or something. She's all like:
ANTHY: Ooh...I look good in spandex. I'm off to go jump over fences and play ping-pong now.
UTENA: Ooh...I look good in spandex. I'm off to go water some flowers, suck up some tea, and be docile now.
The haircuts come to a brilliant conclusion and tell Nanami. Nanami's all like:
NANAMI: They've switched personalities like all of the other main anime characters in the world? This cannot be like a shrubbery!
RANDOM GIRLS : Like, OoMmGg...these pictures are so interesting or something.
NANAMI: You're SELLING YOUR EVIDENCE???
HAIRCUTS: Well, duh.
TOUGA: Hey, Utena's got an apron on. I've never seen THAT one or something. Can I get a pack?
ANTHY: So YOU'RE the one responsible for this!
UTENA: ...Yo.
NANAMI: Yes, it was I!
TOUGA: Stop laughing, you mentally-disabled chunk of swamp. Go off to India and fix this.
NANAMI: Sure thing.
HAIRCUTS: Wait for us!
So the shadow freaks are on the wall again and they're all like:
SHADOW FREAK #1: Divine Justice!
SHADOW FREAK #2: If you rob a bank, you'll be impaled. Don't ask, don't tell.
So Anthy's running around all over the place because she's all magically athletic and she jumps over this really high thing that's blocking the whole track. Utena goes:
UTENA: You're so awesome, Utena!
ANTHY: Stop clapping, it makes me nervous. We've REALLY got to switch back. I'm dreading wearing that god-awful nightgown of yours tonight.
UTENA: Don't worry, Nanami's doing just fine like the ninth cloud or something.
Later:
NANAMI: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Later:
ANTHY: Saionji's been hitting on me. I feel so violated like a green M&M.
UTENA: It's okay, he leaves you alone after the first time.
ANTHY: Wha--?
SAIONJI: Come with me like you always do or something because Utena suddenly won't mind.
UTENA: Have fun! *massivewink*
SAIONJI: Let me just make you think that I want to have sex.
ANTHY: I'm not loo-king, I'm not loo-king...okay, maybe just a little peek.
SAIONJI: Now, take our diary home.
ANTHY: A diary? Why does me life suck so bad...?
So later, Anthy's at home and she goes:
ANTHY: I am SO not writing in this.
UTENA: Then I'll SO totally throw it away.
ANTHY: No! You're such an extremist.
UTENA: *slowgrin* *muffledcackle*
ANTHY: Fine, I'll write in it. Hey, he drew me looking ugly with no hair and squiggly legs! That's it; it's payback time.
So later, Anthy returns the diary to Saionji and Saionji's all:
SAIONJI: OMG, I love you, too!
But the diary really says:
DIARY: DUMB ASS!
So he gets all sad later.
But the good news is Nanami's back with the spice and everything will be back to normal!
NANAMI: OMG, I look like Anthy with a wig.
ANTHY: You're really in NO place to talk about that right now, ya shtick.
But Nanami slips and spills the spice like the alliteration queen that she is and everyone's all like
EVERYONE: Noooooooo or somethingggg...
So they're all eating dinner together and Utena's serving curry. Anthy's like:
ANTHY: Eww.
But then we discover that the spice wasn't really what caused the explosion and it was just Anthy's cooking all along! Miki's all like:
MIKI: Wow, Himemiya! That's really-sorry, I keep on looking at the wrong one -really cool! A curry that can switch personalities!
UTENA: Wow, thanks!
ANTHY: You're an idiot.
SAIONJI: Anthy, I can't believe you'd write this or something! It must be because Tenjou's such an uncultured wart of a clod! Now write it over-ooh, curry? Me have? Puedo?
UTENA: Try it.
CHUCHU: Chu.
ANTHY: But wait, that's-
UTENA: A new invention!
Everything explodes again.
WAKABA: So when you guys woke up, you were back to normal?
UTENA: Yeah. But my kneecaps were really sore afterwards, so I'll never eat curry again.
ANTHY: That's a shame; I just finished making curry for dinner.
UTENA: Shut up. Just shut up.
WAKABA: But as hot as Chuchu is now with Saionji's personality, what are we going to DO with him?
SAIONJI, OFF IN THE JUNGLE EATING BANANAS: Chu. Chu. Chu.
And then a train runs him over.
THE END
To be continued after Dios stops cloning himself in that stupid ending, man.
Oyeoye-good news! My site's up. If you'd like to go see, the url is in my profile.
Please tell me what you think!