[18 July 2013] Edited, because I notice people are still reading this old, old story, and I'm horrified at the grammar of my old self. -_- Also taken the opportunity to straighten out warnings in Author Notes.
Author Notes:
I'm sorry for the terribly long wait (again). I've been (and still will be) caught up in other commitments… but be assured that I'll finish this. I have the plot already planned. Thanks everybody for still following, and hugs for all who've been reviewing! ^_^
Italics are thoughts and flashbacks.
A Wing Short of Flying
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When you come to the edge of all the light you have, and must take a step into the darkness of the unknown, believe that one of two things will happen: either there will be something solid for you to stand upon— or you will be taught how to fly.
- Patrick Overton
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Chapter Five: The Flight
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Tsuzuki watched as Hisoka reentered the room, a gloomy expression on his face. For a moment, neither started to speak.
"…I've tended to his wounds," Hisoka said finally.
You should have just let him die, Tsuzuki let him read his thought.
Hisoka didn't say anything. He dropped onto the chair, seemingly exhausted.
Tsuzuki looked straight at him. "Let's get away from this place."
The boy turned abruptly at him, staring in disbelief. Tsuzuki didn't flinch.
Hisoka broke the eye contact. "I can't."
Tsuzuki had expected that answer. "Tell me why."
"I told you what happened when I tried to escape!" His fists tightened.
"You also told me we could live no matter what other people thought of us."
"But there's no place for me outside this place! Not even in my father's cellar!"
As soon as the words were out, Hisoka clasped a hand over his mouth.
Cellar, huh? Tsuzuki thought. One of the details I've not been told.
He pushed himself up straight, placed a hand on Hisoka's arm, and looked straight into his eyes.
"If I can give you a new place to stay," he said, "would you leave him?"
A pair of wide eyes returned his gaze. "I… That's… "
He really does feel for the doctor, Tsuzuki realized. That's the biggest problem.
"Do you love him?"
The green eyes stared at him, shocked.
"Do you really love him?" Tsuzuki demanded.
Hisoka blushed deeply. "It's not like that!"
"That's what I thought, too!" Tsuzuki retorted. "I can't believe someone so abused can care for him as you do!"
That silenced the boy for a long moment. Then in a resigned tone, he said, "I've depended on him for almost as long as I can remember. What do you expect?"
Tsuzuki tightened his hold on Hisoka, regarding him seriously.
"You do realize that you mean nothing to him."
Hisoka's eyes widened slightly.
"How is he different, then, from the people who have turned you away?"
The clouded emeralds dissolved to pieces under Tsuzuki's gaze. Tsuzuki hardened his heart.
"Hasn't he said it himself? He doesn't want you anymore. He wants me."
They were cruel words, but they needed to be said, and he would say them.
The young boy chewed his lips, closed his eyes. A single tear trickled down his cheek.
"Don't cry for someone like him," Tsuzuki said sharply.
Apparently used to obeying orders, Hisoka brushed a hand over his eyes, and gritted his teeth.
"What I want to say is," Tsuzuki's voice softened, "I don't blame you for your feelings, but it's foolish to let him hurt you while he doesn't give a damn how you feel."
"I can't help it," Hisoka whispered, looking down at his feet.
"You haven't tried."
The boy didn't answer.
As the silence continued, Tsuzuki sighed in frustration.
"Hisoka, you said we could learn to live like normal people," he said. "I believe that enough to try, and I thought you would continue to give me that strength. But now you're saying you would stay where you are and leave me to try to prove it on my own."
"This has nothing to do with you," Hisoka said roughly.
"You gave me that hope. Yet you forgo all hope when it comes to that doctor. Can I still believe what you've said?"
Hisoka opened his mouth to speak, but there wasn't anything he could say.
"If you have decided that… then I will also decide for myself. There's no point in my living on anymore."
Hisoka stood up abruptly. "You can't do that!"
Tsuzuki let his hand fall from Hisoka's arm, and looked at the boy calmly. "You are not continuing with your life. You have no right to stop me from doing the same thing."
"I'm certainly not planning a suicide!"
"Hisoka, look at me," Tsuzuki urged, catching Hisoka's fingers with both hands. "Can you call this a life? I'm little more than a corpse under autopsy."
The boy lowered his gaze quietly, and Tsuzuki knew he had caught on the addendum that Tsuzuki didn't have the heart to voice out: And you are little more than a disposable toy to him.
"Perhaps just staying alive requires a lot of courage… But life is more than just existing, and this is not enough."
"That is why!" Hisoka's voice turned harsh with despair. "I'm not strong enough to break this bond with him!"
"Haven't you got what I've been trying to tell you? Neither am I! That's why I'm asking you to come with me!"
Hisoka stared.
"But what can I do? I have no use for any—"
"I'm asking you to stay with me. Nothing more." Tsuzuki clutched Hisoka's hand. "You can wash my brain with those books if you want. You can just sit by me like you've always done, and that will be enough."
Silence. They could hear the birds chirping, one sound overlapping another, forming a ridiculous but lively harmony.
…Can't you see they are more alive than we are?
"We're the same, you and I… fighting against our own powers… and a world that rejects us." Tsuzuki paused, and watched how his words began to take effect. "You see… sometimes, just seeing another person fighting his own battle, not relenting, not giving up…can give you the strength to do the same."
Hisoka looked straight at him, light slowly returning to the jade irises. Tsuzuki returned his gaze evenly. The boy was measuring how serious he was, how far he could trust him.
"…I believe the phrase for that is 'moral support'."
Tsuzuki smiled.
"Do we… really have to leave this place?"
Tsuzuki's eyes flashed. "I'm not letting that doctor touch you again."
That was warning enough for Hisoka not to try defending his master in front of Tsuzuki. He blushed as Tsuzuki's mind replayed last night's scene, and Tsuzuki, upon realizing that, quickly chased those memories away.
Hisoka looked down on Tsuzuki's hands which were holding his own, his fingers clenching nervously in Tsuzuki's clasp.
"But what if no other will…" he voiced out finally. "…I'm more afraid of those people than of any amount of pain he gives me."
Tsuzuki squeezed his hands reassuringly. "Didn't you say you would work on controlling your power?"
Hisoka looked up at him, his eyes holding back a spark of hope.
"You transmitted your thought to me last night. You were able to do that."
"…It did work, but…"
"What are you afraid of, then?" Tsuzuki asked. "Even in the worst case if all fails… you have me."
Those words affected the boy more than Tsuzuki had expected. He'd never seen the green eyes so bright.
While he was still lost in fascination, Hisoka asked, "Where will we go?"
"Anywhere you want," Tsuzuki answered. Well, he hadn't thought of that.
"…You decide."
"I… don't remember any place other than the hospital." I worked hard forgetting the rest.
Hisoka was silent for a long minute. "…There's only one place I can think of, but it's out of the question."
Home. Tsuzuki gave him a sympathetic look.
"We can rent a small place. There'll be a little problem with money though…"
"I can work," Hisoka offered. "I read that people like me were making a living as assistant detectives or psychologists or fortune tellers."
Tsuzuki blinked.
"You think it's no good?" The boy looked embarrassed. "Of course I can just be a waiter or—"
"No, no," Tsuzuki replied quickly, grinning. "I'm just glad you get some good ideas from your books."
"… I know they're a bit far off, with my non-existent education and all… "
Tsuzuki let go of Hisoka's hands to brush over the boy's hair affectionately. "Never be discouraged in whatever you want to do. You're strong enough for anything."
Hisoka blinked at the comforting gesture he was so unaccustomed to. Tsuzuki let out a small laugh, his mood brightened considerably.
"We should leave while he's still injured," he leapt into the planning.
Hisoka hesitated, then said, "Wouldn't it be better to wait until he gets better and returns to work? Then we'll have all day."
Tsuzuki raised an eyebrow, his jealousy resurfaced. Was it just an excuse to make sure his master has recovered before he left him?
"That's not what I was thinking," Hisoka protested. But he added, muttering, "Though it would be nice…"
Tsuzuki huffed. "I just don't want to wait any longer than is necessary. Besides, seeing him all healthy and smiling away will only make me want to blast him once more."
He paused, seeing the horrified look on Hisoka's face. …Okay, that one was just the jealousy speaking. He probably thinks I'm a sadistic freak now.
"I'm sorry," Tsuzuki said, and he really meant it this once. "I know I'm being childish and unfair. I'm clinging to you just as you've been clinging to him— because there's nobody else."
The green eyes softened.
"I'm sorry, too," Hisoka said. "Despite all that he's done, he is still a special person to me. But I can't expect you to have the same opinion." He stood up. "Please wait while I pack our stuff, then we can leave."
"… Thank you."
Tsuzuki watched as Hisoka moved around the room, gathering the few belongings they had. He noticed the youth lingering at several places longer than the time he actually needed to pick the things up. Tsuzuki wondered how he was feeling, to be soon leaving the place that had been his sanctuary for so long.
Perhaps I'd been petty to blackmail him so, Tsuzuki thought. To bluff him that I'd kill myself if he wouldn't go with me...
He felt bad about it, but only for a second.
Then again, perhaps I did mean it.
.
.
"Are you okay?" Hisoka asked for the umpteenth time.
"I am. Don't worry," Tsuzuki answered, matching the count. He was leaning heavily on the boy's shoulders, putting all his might in each step he took.
"We can wait until you're used to walking, Tsuzuki."
"I'm exercising on it now," Tsuzuki replied. He actually felt sorry to burden Hisoka like this, but they really had no time. Muraki was not going to go easy on him now that the doctor had known about his power. Their only consolation was the fact that the current Muraki was heavily sedated in a room of which entrance was blocked with chairs from the outside— which had been Hisoka's reluctant doing upon Tsuzuki's suggestion.
"This way," Hisoka whispered in an urgent voice.
They ducked behind a tree, stayed there unmoving. A middle-aged woman appeared at the end of the road, walking in their direction. She passed by the tree unsuspectingly. Tsuzuki and Hisoka watched as she disappeared at the other horizon of the road.
The empathy comes in handy, Tsuzuki thought. Who would say it's nothing but a curse?
Hisoka helped him out from their hiding onto the grass path again, and they continued the painstaking journey. It was around three hours past noon judging from the sun's position, which meant that they had walked for more than five hours. They'd only gotten halfway out of this town, according to Hisoka. Tsuzuki briefly wondered how long the sedative would keep Muraki in the other world.
Hisoka, obliging as he was, had not complained at all. He carefully supported Tsuzuki, patiently adjusting his speed, never once showing the fear of being caught that Tsuzuki knew he must felt. That, in reverse effect, strengthened Tsuzuki's motivation to move faster. But willpower could only do so much. His body was nearing its limits.
They had lapsed into silence, focusing on walking and keeping themselves hidden. Hisoka had better stamina than him, but he could feel the boy's exhaustion all the same. It was not only from walking and bearing Tsuzuki's weight, but also from sorting out other people's presence with his empathy. It couldn't be easy with Tsuzuki's emotions alone pressing onto him with such a close contact.
You don't regret this, do you? Tsuzuki asked silently.
Hisoka's hold on him tightened, bringing their sides closer together. Not at all.
Another hour passed; another man and his daughter back from the market, another group of children skipping merrily down the road.
"We're more than half the way to the nearest village," Hisoka encouraged him. "We'll be there by night time."
Tsuzuki gave him a tired, but sincere, smile. Hisoka smiled back. With no food and water left, that was all the fuel they have for the journey.
They reached an open field, and started to walk faster. They wouldn't have anywhere to hide should somebody pass by at the moment.
Then suddenly, in the middle of the field, Hisoka went very still.
"Hisoka?" Tsuzuki called, confused. He naturally stopped when Hisoka ceased moving.
Right about then a voice startled him.
"I wonder where you plan to go."
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