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~Remus' POV, Dreaming, 8th September~
James is at quidditch practice. Peter is watching him. And Sirius is sat shirtless on his bed, trying to transfigure an apple into an orange. I come and sit next to him with the intention of helping him transfigure the apple, only I find myself staring at his chest- a beautiful expanse of pale, creamy skin covering lean, tough muscle. Then my mouth runs away with me-
"I love you, Sirius. You and only you."
My God, I said it! And Sirius doesn't look disgusted, in fact, what is that expression on his face? Happiness? Love? It's love!
"I love you too, Remus. I never thought- I mean, I never would have dreamed- Oh, God Remus, I-"
"Kiss me, Sirius."
And that's that. Soft lips pressed against my own at first with such tenderness and then more earnestly. And my hands can touch his bare skin and run freely through his silky hair. Heaven. My shirt is lying discarded on the floor before I know it and Sirius is straddling me, while gently kissing my jaw.
"I love you, dear, darling werewolf," he croons.
"Please, Sirius. Sirius," I murmur. "Sirius!"
The world fades to blackness.
~Waking~
"Sirius!"
"Remus, Moony…"
I wake up with a start. Somebody is whispering my name.
"Remus, what is it? Are you okay?" It's Sirius. "Why were you crying my name?"
Oh, hell. I suddenly remember my dream. I must have been crying out Sirius' name in my sleep. Oh Mon Dieu! What must he be thinking?
It was such a beautiful dream, though.
"Remus, did you have a nightmare? You can tell me." Somehow Sirius is sat on the end of my bed, topless I might add, and playing with the bed sheets. "I'm worried about you," he says but he can't seem to meet my eyes. He's probably worried about when I nearly kissed him yesterday as he pierced my ear.
I don't trust myself to speak. Sirius is so perfect that he could never like someone like me, someone who has to pretend to have had a nightmare rather than admit to the semi-erotic dream he has just had about his best friend.
"What was your dream about?"
"I ummm… yes, well, it hmmmm…" I stammer.
"Come on, Remus. Do you remember that dream I had about the Dementer with three heads? It can't be any worse than that."
"It was the giant squid," I lie, "I was swimming in the lake and then it came and swallowed me!" Bloody awful nightmare. Couldn't I have thought of something more intelligent? Or scarier?
But to my surprise Sirius envelops me into a big bear hug. His naked torso is pressed against mine and he feels so incredibly warm. His hair is tickling my neck and for just a second I fancy he kisses my head. Then the moment has passed and he's disappeared into the darkness across the room. Did he really kiss my head or did I imagine it? Maybe I imagined the hug as well? No, it was definitely real. Sirius just hugged me for the second time in… seven days!
"I love you, Sirius Black," I murmur, so quietly that a moth would have trouble hearing me.
~Owl Post, the following morning~
James and Peter are fighting over a piece of crusty bread. It's just another normal breakfast on Monday morning. Only it isn't normal at all. Sirius is reading a huge book entitled 'Charm Your Way To Good Grades' and I'm fingering my very sore ear and twiddling with the earring. I keep sneaking looks at Sirius- I can't help wondering if he's the same boy that nearly kissed me on Saturday night or held me to his bare chest on Sunday night and kissed my forehead. He hasn't given me a glance all morning. I wonder if he's embarrassed.
"How much of 'Charm Your Way To Good Grades' have you read, Padfoot," teases James.
"499 pages," mumbles Sirius without looking up.
James looks at Peter and shrugs. "I don't know what you did to him on Saturday night, Moony, but he's been quiet ever since!"
"WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" I blurt out. Oh bugger. Sirius had looked up from his book at last and he looks different. He isn't wearing eye makeup! In fact, he's wearing a black cloak instead of the usual electric blue or deep purple. I start to feel slightly self-conscious in my brand new emerald green robes and dark eyeliner.
James and Peter are laughing. "So what were you doing on Saturday night?" asks James in a sickly-sweet voice.
"Nothing," I say, blushing madly at the very thought of almost kissing Sirius.
Peter nudges James and says in a hideous voice, "I think little Remie's got a girlfriend…" He makes a kissing noise. "Now who could it be? Cassandra Lloyd? Lily Evans? - Oh, sorry James- how about Lucy O' Sullivan? Or maybe it's-"
"STOP TEASING HIM!" snaps Sirius, glaring at Peter over his book before reverting to a moody silence.
"Ooooohhhh… Who got out of the wrong side of bed this morning?" laughs James. Then he looks up at the ceiling and grins. "Owl post, Gentlemen!" A ruffled looking tawny owl lands in Sirius' cup of (tepid) tea. He takes the letter off it and holds it out to me. Our hands brush as I take the letter and my eyes seek out his. Once again his startlingly clear gaze captures me. And I read something in his look- he acknowledges what happened between us over the weekend and he nods gently. I think he's telling me that he likes me but I can't be sure. I drop his gaze and tear open the letter.
Dear Remus,
It's terrible- your father has been taken ill with sleeping sickness. You have to get to France as soon as possible. I have sent an owl to the headmaster, to tell him that you will be leaving before lessons on Monday morning. The International Wizard Transport organisation have arranged a flying taxi to arrive outside the Hogwart's main gate at half past nine- you can make your own way there. The taxi will fly you directly to the Wizarding Hospital of Paris (your father was working there when he fell ill).
All my love, Mum xx
P.S. Pack enough clothes to last for a couple of weeks.
Hell and damnation! I can't leave! Not when I think Sirius and I have a chance. I can't go!
"What is it Remus?" asks James. His teasing voice is now replaced with quiet concern. I hand him the letter to read. James then hands it to Peter who passes it to Sirius.
"Your poor father," says James.
"You must be so worried," adds Peter.
"A COUPLE OF BLOODY WEEKS! You can't go! Two whole weeks!" Sirius cries. I stare at him. James and Peter stare at him. "I have to get my charms text book," he adds, getting up and jogging out of the hall.
"I guess I ought to be packing," I say heavily and walk slowly up to the dormitory. I'm not too worried about my father: sleeping sickness is rather painful and, of course, he won't be able to go to sleep for a few weeks without having a fit, but it rarely ends in death. Besides, thoughts of Sirius are occupying my mind. I don't know where I stand with him anymore. Sometimes I think that he likes me romantically but then I'll remember what the old Sirius was like- obsessed with beautiful girls and fast broomsticks. Could Sirius ever love me? I just don't know.
~Outside~
Normally I would be in lessons now. Paired with Peter for charms and looking forward to Transfiguration when I'm paired with Sirius. The sun is shining but I barely notice as I trail through the Hogwarts Grounds with my trunk levitating behind me. I can't remember feeling this depressed since my friends discovered I was a werewolf and I thought I was going to lose them. I reach the Hogwarts main gate and a lime green taxi is waiting outside.
"Remus! Moony, wait!"
Sirius runs up to me panting. "I'm so sorry about what I said at breakfast it was insensitive and-"
"It doesn't matter," I say dismissively. "Why aren't you in lessons?"
"I came after you," replies Sirius stating the obvious. "I hope you dad is okay- sleeping sickness isn't life-threatening is it?"
"No. I don't know why they want me to-"
"I HAVEN'T GOT ALL YEAR TO SPEND WAITING FOR LOVERS TO SAY THEIR TEARFUL GOODBYES!" yells the taxi driver through a wound-down window.
"I have to go now, Sirius," I say.
"FOR GOD'S SAKE GIVE HIM A KISS AND HURRY UP!" The taxi driver clearly thinks we're a couple.
Sirius is looking at me expectantly. I should kiss him. And I want to, I really do! But I'm afraid he'll turn away. What should I do?
"Bye, Sirius." He's looking at me awkwardly as if expecting something. I stand on tiptoe and give him a fleeting kiss on the cheek before heading to the taxi.
There is a peculiar tickling sensation at the back of my throat as though I'm about to cry. It takes all my effort to remember that I'm only going to be gone for two weeks.
Only, two weeks without Sirius
feels like eternity.