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~Remus' POV, Full Moon, Tuesday 16th September~

I'm in a dark room in the basement of the Wizarding Hospital of Paris. The room is exactly four metres squared and the floor, walls and ceiling are all covered in black padding. On the outside of the magically- reinforced door is a sign bearing the words: 'TRANSFORMATION ROOM: STAFF ONLY' and underneath this a larger sign bears a picture of a wolf with huge, blood-dripping fangs reads 'EXTREME LIKLIHOOD OF DEATH PAST THIS POINT'.

            I feel a faint tingling in my fingers and know the time has come to transform.

            A few more aching moments and my legs have started to tremble violently. The room begins to shift in and out of focus. The hairs on my arms and the back of my neck stand on end. My muscles contract as my skin stretches agonisingly. My wretched body convulses. I scream. Shining gold-grey hairs erupt along the length of my torso, my teeth lengthen as my fingernails transform into claws and the world slips into the startlingly sharp vision of the wolf. And I'm still screaming as I throw myself at one of the padded walls and fully become the wolf.

            Trapped.

            Where's Padfoot?

            Padfoot?

            PADFOOT!

            Where's my pack? The deer and the rat. The dog.

            Trapped.

            No pack.

            No Padfoot.

            I howl for my lost companion. My lost mate.

            Moony wants Padfoot.

           

~The Following Afternoon ~

           

"So what is it you were going to tell me?" I ask my father. I'm feeling exhausted and at my ease as I sit on the hard chair next to my dad's bed, I've been staying in the hospital for eight days- my dad can't possibly have anything new to tell me.

            The father in question is propped up by several pillows and every few seconds he suppresses a yawn. The sleeping sickness has left him looking pale and wasted. "You know I was working here in Paris when I fell ill?" 

            I nod and try not to yawn myself. I'm aching all over from last night's transformation and my right forearm has been bandaged where Moony ran his claw up it in a fit off loneliness.

            "I wasn't working," says my father. I smile gently at him. He deserved a holiday although it shouldn't have ended with him in hospital with sleeping sickness. "I was house-hunting," he finishes.

            "That's okay, I'm happy to spend my holidays in France," I reply.

            "Don't you think it'd be nicer to live in France all year round?" he asks.

            "No, not really. Maybe when I'm older I'll live in France. You know I like it here but I have to finish my NEWTS."

            "Beauxbatons is a nice school," muses my father. 

            I get a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. "I'm sure it is," I agree.

            My father is quiet for a moment as he takes a sip form a glass of water on the bedside table. Then he shakes his head despairingly. "Don't you see it, Remus? Your mother and I want you to attend Beauxbatons for your remaining two years school. What do you say?"

            I can't say anything at all. Vaguely I imagine telling Sirius that I'm leaving. Impossible.

            "I can't go to Beauxbatons, father," I manage to say calmly at last.

            "Why not?"

            "I'm happy at Hogwarts. I have friends there." My darling Sirius.

            "You could make new friends at Beauxbatons, Remus. Your French is excellent," he's smiling at me expectantly.

            "Have Beauxbatons agreed to take a werewolf?" I ask. Of course not.

            My dad shudders. He doesn't like the word 'werewolf'. "As a matter of fact, son, they already have a werewolf there. He's in the year below you. You could be good friends. Don't you think it would be nice for someone to understand how you feel?"

            "My friends understand how I feel," I plead.

            "It's no good, Remus. I've contacted Beauxbatons. They are expecting you straight away," my father isn't smiling anymore. I think he's a bit upset by my lack of enthusiasm.

            "Father, you can't make-"

            "YOU ARE MY SON, REMUS LUPIN! I DIDN'T WANT MY SON TO BE BITTEN BY A WEREWOLF BUT I HAD TO PUT UP WITH IT. AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME? YOU'LL GO-"

            "I'll go to Beauxbatons," I say desperately and instantly regret it as a look of joy crosses my father's face. I just can't bear him to yell at me. "Please can I at least have until Christmas at Hogwarts? Please, father."

            He considers. "I suppose it isn't good to be letting you leave mid-term. Okay, you can stay at Hogwarts until Christmas." He groans. "I am tired but I cannot sleep, let me rest quietly, Remus."

            I leave my father in the hospital ward and run down three flights of stairs to the ground floor and out through the main doors. I'm immediately surrounded by the hustle and bustle of Paris' wizarding community. I feel empty inside. How will I live without Sirius? Without his dazzling, earnest smile? His enthusiasm? His incredible love of life? His sparkling eyes? His tall slender body? "I love you, Sirius Black," I shout out just because I know I can. "Je t'aime," I add in French. Mentally I work out that I'm only expected to spend another week at the most with my father. I should be back at Hogwarts for Tuesday 23rd September. Back amongst my friends. Preparing to spend my last two months at Hogwarts. 

            "I'm leaving Hogwarts," I force myself to say as I try to let the words sink in. "I'm leaving Sirius."

           

~Remus Lupin's Journal Tuesday 23rd September~

           

            I'm currently soaring across Middle England in a lime-green flying taxi. Going home for the last time, you could say.

 My mother and father kissed both my cheeks in a decidedly French way as we parted. No great bone-crushing hugs like the sort James receives off his parents but still far nicer than the screaming partings of Sirius and his family. There's never been a great amount of affection between my parents and myself. Well, they might have loved me when I was very little and not a werewolf but since then there has been a small, quiet, gentle and rather reluctant affection between us. When I first arrived at the hospital fifteen days ago my mother, choosing to ignore my earring, dyed hair and bright robes, exclaimed "Remus, have you grown?" At the same time my father said calmly: "I don't know what you think you look like, Remus. It never would have happened in France, I tell you…" My point is that I sometimes wish they would care more. If James had got an earring his father would have moaned, groaned and eventually teased him (you look like one of those queers, Jamsie-lad!), while his mother would have fussed over him with numerous healing spells and bottles of butterbeer.

            Anyway, it doesn't matter now. I'm going back to Hogwarts and I won't have to see my parents for another two months. It should be nine months but I'm going to meet up with them after Christmas before I go to Beauxbatons. Beauxbatons. It may as well be called 'Bleak Hell Without Sirius Black' for all I care. My only hope is that I'll be able to write to the Marauders often and meet them in the holidays. I also keep reminding myself that wherever I go Sirius (the star) will be watching over me. It sounds tacky but it always brings me comfort to see Sirius the star beaming down on me from the heavens. But Sirius the star will always be inferior to Sirius the boy.

            I cannot bring myself to write anymore. There is a painful lump in my throat forming and I think I may cry. Only I mustn't cry because it never solves anything.

           

~Late, Tuesday 23rd~

            The sky is starting to darken as the flying taxi bumps to a halt outside the Hogwarts main gate and I get out stiffly. The castle stands stark against the evening sky and its towers and turrets form a jutting silhouette. There is a distinct chill in the air and the grounds seem deserted. I half expect Sirius, James and Peter to come bounding towards me but nobody comes and I charm my heavy trunk to float behind me as I slowly wander up to the castle.

            "Woof!"

            The bark cuts through the quiet night like a dagger and the sight of a large black dog bounding towards me quickly follows the sound. "Padfoot," I murmur but it is the last thing I say before the dog leaps on top of me and knocks me to the ground with great enthusiasm. I scratch behind the dog's ears and for the first time in over two weeks, laugh as the great pink tongue licks my face. Being with Sirius is almost as much fun when he's a dog. Still, I try half-heartedly to escape from underneath the huge animagus before Padfoot licks and crushes me to death.

            "Off, Padfoot! No stop it! Sirius, I have to –nooooo- talk to you about something."

            Suddenly, the dog disappears and in its place sits a slender dark-haired boy with a massive grin across his face. I can't help but grin as well as all my sadness evaporates in this one moment of pure joy. I don't even care that Sirius is leaning over my, straddling my hips as I once saw him do in a dream. I only feel happy as Sirius pulls me into a half-sitting position and holds me to him. I think I can feel his heart beating against my chest as he holds me and it strikes me as a very intimate thing to feel somebody's heart beating against your own. His hair covers my face and I kiss the silken strands as if this is something we normally do. "Remus," he whispers in my ear so it tickles. "I want to say-"

            "SIRIUS BLACK! YOU WERE MEANT TO BE IN DETENTION TWENTY MINUTES AGO!" bellows Professor Death out Potions teacher.

            Sirius climbs off me and helps me up before smiling sheepishly (and perhaps with the slightest trace of fear) at me. Then he runs into the night after the irate Professor Death and I am left plodding towards the castle with my levitating trunk. Alone. Then I look up at the sky where the stars are beaming down on me. Sirius shines brightly. Not quite alone.

~~~

            Coming Up: a rather wet Remus, a bit more James, some real Sirius/Remus and a Halloween party. All in the next few chapters… Hopefully… REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!