Title: Flashbacks
Author: Anaika Skywalker
Author's Email: lindsay30@austarnet.com.au
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own JAG; I just like to spread my wings occasionally.
Author's Note: This Chapter takes place after the episode 'True Callings'. I never got to mention this section in my Gold Wings and Dress Whites chapters; it just sat in the back of my mind as to what would have been going on in Sera's mind as to what she would have felt when she found out Harm was returning to JAG.
Winjan: Thank you for your review, I'm glad you like these chapters as much as the story they're based on.
DD2: I'm writing as fast as I can, thanks for the review.
FlashbacksChapter Four: October 1999: Never liked Goodbyes
USS Patrick Henry
October 1999
Sera Riggs nodded to the Cag as she passed him. "Sir."
"Angel," he acknowledged and kept going.
So did she, standing with her friend and fellow aviator, Harmon Rabb, Jr. She smiled seeing they'd finished painting his new call sign on his Tomcat. "It looks good. Hammer."
"Thanks Angel," he said quietly.
She became concerned. "What's wrong, Harm?"
"Nothing," he shook his head. "Nothing at all."
"What did the Cag want?"
"To wish me luck."
"Are you going somewhere?"
Harm nodded. This was going to hurt. "Back to JAG."
Sera stared at him. He was going back to JAG? "Why?"
"Because it's where I belong, Sera. I'm going nowhere here," he saw her going to protest and stopped her. "I'm too old and don't have enough traps. You have more chance of advancing in the squad then I do, pretty soon I'd be taking orders from you."
She didn't fully believe that, even though she knew it to be true. "You're not too old, Harm," she said softly and then turned on her head and walked away. Tears stung at her eyes, but she wouldn't let them fall, hurrying off the flight deck and through the ship to the fantail. Gripping the rail until her knuckles were white. Damn it she shouldn't be feeling this way. She wasn't losing him; he was going back to JAG. To what he loved, the law, he was a damn good lawyer.
She knew he was there before his hands gripped her shoulders, drawing her against him.
"Do you remember what you said to me, the night I rang and told you I was putting in to change my designator?" Harm asked her gently.
"To follow your heart, which is what you told me after Chris died."
"That's what I'm doing now, Sera. I've got nothing more to prove, not to myself, the Navy, no one."
"Will you be happy?"
Not without you, no, he thought, but said something different. "Yes."
Squeezing her eyes shut, the first tears fell. "Promise me you'll be careful."
"I promise and I've never broken a promise yet."
No you haven't, not to me anyway, she said to herself. Opening her eyes she turned within his embrace and returned it.
It tore at his heart to see her cry, she was his soul mate, he knew that and yet she wasn't ready to let go any more than he was. It just wasn't time. "We'll see each other. I'll keep my hours up and qualifications," he stated. "And you and Corey can some and stay with me while you're on leave."
Pulling back she wiped her eyes, smiling a little. "Are you sure we won't cramp your style?"
"Well I might have to get rid of my mistress, but I'll manage," he jeered grinning that flyboy grin of his. Seeing her smile as well.
"That's my sailor, a girl in every port," she laughed.
"Two in some," he bragged, but his heart sung. She'd called him 'her sailor'. They both laughed.
"It won't be easy going back." Sera declared the obvious.
"I know," he wiped her tear streaked cheeks. "But they're my family too."
"Will you stop in and see Matt and Emily, when you get back and give Corey a ring?"
"Sure."
"So," she pulled herself together. "Will I get to fly with Hammer before he leaves?"
"I certainly hope so, Angel."
"So do I Hammer," she rose up on her toes, hesitating for a moment before kissing him.
He deepened it, pulling her back into his arms. When they did part both were breathing heavily.
Sera blushed and smiled. "I just thought I'd better give you, your birthday present and going away present at once," she said, and than forced herself to walk away, going inside.
Harm squeezed his eyes shut for a brief minute. Why did he do this to himself? Because he loved her was his only answer.
Beth ran into Sera inside, the look on her face was enough to convince her something was up. "Are you alright Angel?"
Sera nodded. "I just need to be alone."
Beth grabbed her arm before she could leave. "And perhaps you just need to talk to someone."
Sera yielded and they went to her quarters, she gestured for Beth to sit down. "Harm is going back to JAG."
"I know, the Cag just told me," she saw her friend sit down on the chair she'd pulled from her desk. Now it was apparent. "How long have you been in love with him?"
"Since law school, Harm helped me get over my miscarriage and the surgery that followed it."
"Have you told him?"
"No," it was a definite answer. "Neither of us is ready for that."
"Why not? You won't have regs in the way once he returns to JAG." Beth put forth the obvious.
"It just wouldn't work. My first marriage was failing because we were always apart."
"Angel. Sera, from what you've told me of your marriage. It was more then just your husband being at sea that made it fail," Beth corrected. "You were two different people. Where you and Harm are so much a like, two peas in a pod. And lets admit it, your love for him has survived the distance, you weren't together after law school. This is the first time you've served together. Just tell him."
"No," Sera shook her head. "I'm not ready and neither is he."
"How do you know?"
"I see it in his eyes."
Beth stood. "If you're not careful you'll lose him, Sera."
"If he really loves me, he'll wait and he'll know when the time is right."
"I hope so Angel." Beth said quietly and than walked out.
So do I. Sera thought. Getting up she laid down on her bunk. Why did life have to be so complicated? She heard her roommate enter before she perched on the bunk.
"I just heard," Cassie Ross told her. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah."
"Are you sure, because you look like hell? Cute but hell."
Sera laughed lightly. "Thanks PJ."
"No problem," she grinned. "So you want to come watch 'Top Gun' with us?"
"Sure why not," she got up when Cassie did, standing. "I feel the need for speed."
Cassie chuckled. "You've definitely watched that movie too many times."
"Tell me about it," Sera mussed. She was glad she had a friend like Cassie; she always knew how to cheer her up. Just like her other friend and she would wait for him, just as she knew he would wait for her.
Two days later:
"Where is he, Blades?" Sera asked. They'd been engaged by two Mig's while patrolling the no-fly zone, this was no game both MiG's were very serious.
"He's going after Hammer. Turn right now."
She banked hard, picking up speed. "There he is, hang on Hammer."
"Get him off my six, Angel."
She got lock and fired, the MiG exploding in a ball of flame. "One down, Hammer."
"Thanks Angel."
"No problem. Where's number two, Blades?"
"He's coming between us, Angel," he shouted.
As he said it the MiG shot between them, Sera flying straight though his jet wash, the engines on her Tomcat stalling and she went into a flat spin. "Warpaint, Batman two. We're in a flat spin, both engines have flamed out, attempting to restart," she informed and moved quickly to ignite the engines.
From his position Harm watched. "Come on Angel, get it under control," he whispered. Then after what seemed an eternity he saw both engines ignite and the Tomcat came out of the spin. "Warpaint, Batman leader, Batman two is back in control."
"Acknowledged Batman leader."
"Where's our MiG Hammer?" Sera asked him, a slight waver to her voice.
He looked but didn't see anything. "Skates?"
"Coming straight at you Angel," she reported.
"I've got him Angel." Harm stated, he had lock and fired.
Sera banked away from the exploding MiG. "Thanks Hammer."
"No problem Angel. Lets go home."
She formed up on his wing and stayed with him. She'd asked to fly his wing this mission, his last mission. She glanced over at his Tomcat. "It was nice flying with you, Hammer."
"You too Angel, clear skies."
"Clear skies, Hammer."
The approached the Patrick Henry and for a brief moment she didn't want to land, landing meant he would be leaving sooner then later. But it wasn't meant to be.
"Batman two, this is Paddles."
She lowered her landing gear and the tail hook. "Paddles this is Batman two."
"Rodger Batman two, call the ball."
"Angel has the ball," she acknowledged and landed smoothly, taxiing out the way to a halt, the canopy opening.
Her plane captain climbed up to her. "Nice work Ma'am."
"Thank you chief," she saw him quickly stenciled her kill on the side of her Tomcat. "I bet you'd painted a Tie-Fighter on there if I shot one down."
"Yes Ma'am," he said giving her a grin before climbing down.
She and Taylor climbed down, standing next to each other as Harm's Tomcat landed. "Nice flying up there Angel," Mark said patting her on the back.
"Thanks Blades."
They waited until Harm and Beth were climbing down before heading over to them. Harm's concern was for Sera. "Are you all right?" He asked.
"Yeah, you?"
He gave her his best flyboy grin. "I wasn't the one in a flat spin, Angel."
They started inside. "Well you could say I earned my other wings on that one," she remarked lightly referring to her tattoo.
"You did at that Angel," he agreed.
Back in the ready room, they changed out of their safety gear and put everything away, both were congratulated by other members of the squadron.
Captain Pike patted Sera on the back. "Nice recovery Angel."
"Thank you sir,"
"Your ride back to the mainland leaves at nineteen hundred, Harm."
"Yes sir."
"Oh and good work out there."
"Thank you sir,"
He nodded and walked away.
Once they were dismissed, Sera and Harm left together. "Are you all packed?" She asked him.
"Yeah. Did you get the files?"
She nodded. She was taking over as legal wing. "I went through them this morning."
"Good."
"Do you want to grab a bit to eat before you leave?"
He knew she was just making conversation to cover up what she was truly feeling. "Sure why not."
"Okay."
Through dinner they talked about everything except his leaving, agreeing to met up before he left to take a shower and change. Sera left to do the same thing.
Cassie found her in their quarters getting dressed, since she wasn't due to go up again until morning, she was wearing her khaki uniform. "Are you meeting Harm before he leaves?"
"Yeah," she pulled on her flight jacket. "I'm on my way there now, we're meeting in the ready room. Are you coming?"
"No, I wished him well earlier."
"All right," she forced a smile and then left. This was going to be harder then she thought, much harder.
Nearly the whole squadron had turned up in the ready room, all saying goodbye to Harm. He was shaking hands; his bag and helmet were waiting on the deck next to him.
Tuna shook his hand. "Be careful out there Harm."
"You too," he gestured him closer, seeing Sera come in. "Do me a favor?"
"Look after Angel for you?" Tuna guessed.
"Yes."
"No problem."
"Thanks."
Sera came up beside him. "All set?"
"As I'll ever be."
She picked up his helmet. "I'll walk with you to the Cod."
Nodding Harm grabbed his bag as Beth came over to him.
She gave him a hug. "I'll fly with you any day sir."
"I'm holding you to that Skates," he jeered. "Look after yourself."
"You too Harm,"
He smiled releasing her.
Tuna came to attention. "Attention on deck!" He called and his fellow members followed suite. All saluted Harm, who returned it. They stood at ease as he left with Sera, not looking back.
They were given white helmets and vests before going onto the flight deck the Cod ready to go. A crewman took Harm's bag and helmet on board.
He turned to Sera. "I've never liked goodbyes."
"Neither have I, besides it's not really goodbye. We'll be seeing each other again."
"So until next time?"
"Yeah."
They stood there for a moment, neither making the first move.
"We've got to go sir," the crewman informed.
Harm nodded. "I'll be right there."
Sera gave him a friendly hug, releasing him she said. "Safe trip home Commander."
"Thank you Lieutenant," he said with a grin. Then boarded the Cod.
Sera moved back and watched from a safe distance as it launched from the deck and into the air. Glancing to her left as Mark came up beside her.
"He did the right thing, Angel."
"He always does, Blades," she stated and took one last look. "He always does," she repeated and followed him back inside.
To be continued.
As I came to the end of this chapter I came to realize I've come to the end of the brief I wrote up that inspired these chapters. So I'm not sure how many more will be written. I hope at lease one or two, depending on what kind of response I get. A.S