Hello there! Here are the usual thank yous and comments to the kind reviewers: Jasini, Ze Amaaazing Dr Cecil (magical Mistress of the Marauders? That's very good use of alliteration…),Ambika-san, Demus, Chloe Wagner, Gwen Potter, Rachel Molko (No Snape bonfires please! I happen to rather like Snape!), I r8ped Riddle, oOo- Sirius –oOo, The Demonic Duo, berethiel (I'd actually quite like to visit Austria, having watched the Sound of Music several [hundred] times! No, seriously! And my name in elvish is 'Firithrosiel'. Cool!), Gypsy Lupin-Black, theatrequeen217, fuzzyfishbowl, JadeWerewolf, LadyWillow, Uozumi (any flamers will be directly reported to you. SO you can 'butcher' them… Cheers!), Vela-chan, Morissa, SilverDiamonds, ScullyCat Marie, Aidenfire (I originally planned for Snape to send the Howler, pretending to be Remus' dad. But it works better this way because… you'll see why later. Anyhow, Remus' dad was very cruel/insane/madly homophobic), BigBlackDog, ddz008, lady-yuki1, EC-Chan (sorry for depriving you of sleep!), Emily, freakyfairy, Destiny Bunny, ladyassassin (I don't have a beta…), Give the World for Mr. Black (*big hug*), Liz (thanks for saying I could write novels- it's my biggest dream to do that one day), noraseyes, Reilynn, Angelsplash67, Princess Flame and Silverfrost.    

I have a confession: The wolf thoughts, used in chapters 7 and 15, were inspired by 'Joining The Wolf Pack'. This is a fanfic written by Demus, an excellent writer but, more importantly, my best friend. This chapter is for you, darling.

~An Entry to Sirius Black's Journal, Monday 15th November~

It is four days since I told Snape Remus' secret. I've been wandering around the castle grounds all weekend and in the whole time I've only caught two glimpses of poor Remus. The first time he was talking quietly with Lily and James at dinner on Saturday, and the second time I bumped into him as he was coming out of the library yesterday, with his eye makeup smeared as though he had been crying. Both times I've wanted to go up, apologise, then get on my knees and beg for forgiveness. But I've been too scared to face him. Too scared to see his hurt expression. Too scared to see the tears well in his eyes.

I'll have to face him sometime though.

 

~An Entry to Sirius Black's Journal, Friday 19th November~

Has the last week had a point? I certainly haven't noticed one. James has only decided to speak to me in the last hour (after giving me a good hard punch, which I felt I deserved). This week has reminded me of the time, last year, when James turned a fourth year's cat into a frog and Remus gave him detention for it. Neither James nor Peter would speak to Remus for the next week. Only I've done something far worse that turn somebody's cat green and slimy, I've betrayed my love. At night, I keep dreaming that I'm Padfoot running with Moony and everything is fine until, suddenly, Moony will turn around and say 'You betrayed me', then run off alone. I know this is stupid and I know wolves can't talk but I just can't get the dream out of my head. I swear I'm going insane.

I must talk to Remus. This has gone on long enough.

~Sirius' POV, 9 AM, Saturday 20th November~

I try not to make any noise as I enter our dormitory. I try not to stare at the closed curtains around Remus' bed. I know Remus is in there, hiding, and I desperately want to talk to him but I'm still scared. What if he says that he wants to end our relationship? To lose him as a lover would be bad enough; to lose him as a friend would be awful.

          "I'd like to talk if you don't mind," says Remus from behind me- he isn't hiding behind the curtains after all.

          "I don't know what to say," I answer lamely. This is the first time in the eight days since the accident that Remus had addressed himself to me. He looks slightly ill, very pale certainly, and his black-rimmed eyes are filled with questions.

          "What happened to your face?" he asks, seeing the livid bruise that has appeared by the corner of my left eye.

          "It's nothing- I fell," I say but he doesn't look link he believes me. "Okay, I sort of fell into James' fist…"

          "He hit you! He had no right to-"

          I shake my head. "James had every right to hit me. It was just something he had to do before he forgave me."

          "I don't understand," says Remus and we both fall into an awkward silence. "The Sirius of a year ago would have hit James back," muses Remus eventually.

          "The Sirius of a year ago was an idiot. James is a good guy- he's everything I'm not," I reply.

          "What do you mean?"

          "James never would have betrayed you."

          "And I never would have fallen in love with James." Remus beckons me over to my bed and sits down on it. I sit next to him, careful to keep a good distance between us.

          "I'm sorry, Remus."

          "I know."

          "What now?" I ask tentatively.

          Remus doesn't answer. "If anybody else had done what you have, I'd never forgive them," says Remus. "But I still love you so much… And I feel guilty."

          "Why do you feel guilty?" I ask gently.

          "I wrote to my parents and said-"

          I smile at him. "If you told them that we weren't together, I don't mind. It isn't important. Sometimes telling lies and keeping secrets is the only possible way to be happy."

          Remus sighs and runs a hand through his vibrant hair. I can see the tiny silver star glistening from his ear. "Will you have me back?" I ask with my heart beating so loudly that he must surely hear it.

          "I don't know," he says.

          "Then you have to tell me what to do, Remus, because I've said I'm sorry and you know I'll never do it again. I love you more than anything and I want to be with you."

          There is another silence and Remus lets me take his hand. "Do you want me to prove myself or something?"

          "I don't know. Maybe." He seems to think for a moment. "My head says you might tell somebody else my secret but-" Remus waves away the protest I am forming. "-My heart is telling me that you've learnt your lesson and I should take what happiness I can get."

          An enormous feeling of relief engulfs me. "God, Remus! I swear I'll never take anything for granted again!" I pull Remus into a bone-crushing hug and kiss his mane of hair. "I promise I'll never do anything to hurt you again… I've been so stupid…To think what I could have lost! But you must know, I've never loved anyone else… I'll never love anybody but you, darling."

          I feel Remus tense up. "You mustn't make promises," he says. "You don't know what it'll be like when I'm gone. Maybe they'll be someone else."

          "Never!"

          Remus pulls himself out of my arms. "I need sometime to think." He gets up and walks out of the dormitory, taking my heart with him.

~Midday ~

            "What did Remus say?" asks James, as we sit playing exploding snap.

          "He said he loves me."

          "Well, that's good, isn't it mate?"

          I look imploringly at James. "I don't know. He doesn't seem to understand how much I love him. He thinks that when he goes away I'll meet somebody else…"

          "You might," says James.

          "No! I think its quite possible to be in love with the same person for a lifetime. I think that everybody has a soul mate and that once they've met them, there's nobody-"

          "Maybe Remus isn't your soul mate," says James matter-of-factly.

          I shake my head. "He is." And something in my tone of voice must have persuaded James that I was right because he smiles at me and nods. "The child of the moon and the boy named after a star…" he murmurs.

          Then the cards explode in James' face and we start to laugh like we did when we were first years and the novelty of this game had not yet worn off.

          "I have an idea," I say after we stop laughing.

          "Yes?"

          "Do you think you could get Remus to come down to the side of the lake nearest the castle for about eight O'clock?"

          James looks at me, puzzled. "Why?"

          "Just do it, Prongs. You'd be doing me a favour. It would make up for this bruise you've given me."

          "You deserved that," he says. "But I'll do it anyway because I think you two deserve to be happy."

          "Cheers, mate," I say, getting up and walking over to the staircase leading to our dormitory. However, before I've even set foot on the lowest stair, James' strong arm has barred my way. "What is it?" I ask.

          James glances over his shoulder then, with the air of someone betraying a confidence, he murmurs: "Remus got a letter from his parents yesterday."

          "So?"

          "Well, he seemed totally ready to forgive you, and then this letter arrived and he ran off looking pale. He told me not to mention the letter to you."

          "It's probably nothing," I say nervously, secretly thinking that Remus has probably received more bad news.

~8 O'clock~

Lord, these leather trousers are tight!

It's all very well Remus saying they're sexy but he doesn't have to wear them! OUCH!

I sit down cautiously on the stool and try to ignore the people staring at me. I can't blame them for staring- it's not every day that somebody devotes their entire Saturday afternoon to constructing an outdoor stage (more of a simple platform) with steps leading up to it and lit with strobe lights in every colour I could think of (I've borrowed everything off Orion, the guy who runs the club where I took Remus and who, according to the werewolf, spent the entire night 'drooling and staring at my arse').

On the stage is a thick carpet of silver glitter and amidst it all, the single stool that I'm sat on. Sat clutching a guitar, I might add.

          The stage is facing the castle, with the lake in the background. The sky is a deep blue velvet curtain with tiny pinprick stars shining down. I notice that Sirius is shining especially bright in the heavens. "Wish me luck, star," I say, and then start strumming on my guitar.

          A crowd of students soon gather round me. Most, wrapped up against the cold night, sit down on the floor and fish sweets out of their pockets. All of them have come to listen to me, the crazy boy who has spent half the day preparing for a concert he never bothered to advertise. I keep playing my guitar, a gentle melody, and watch as yet more people gather round my stage, until about a hundred are there. Word has travelled quickly for so many people to hear about my concert. Suddenly I spot James Potter approaching, and next to him is the small figure of Remus Lupin wearing his leather coat and a long black scarf.

          I stop playing the guitar and a hush falls on the crowd. "I've recently had to apologise to someone in this crowd; someone who means a lot to me. I can't make that person forgive me and take me back but I can sing a song for them and hope, against hope, that it'll do the trick. So here goes…"

          I play the introductory chords to 'You're All I Need' by the Magic Mushrooms, the song that has come to mean so much to Remus and me. It sounds different and perhaps a little better with only a guitar playing and none of the other instruments. Then I start singing-

"When we were younger,

We spent all our days,

Dreaming of lovers

And love's perfect haze

Love's perfect haze-,

But now we have grown up,

And we know about love,

I realise you're my Angel

Sent from above.

Sent from above.

You're all I've ever wanted,

You're all I'll ever need.

You take away the pain now,

You're all I'll ever need.

And baby, you're my hero,

You're all I'll ever need.

You're all I'll ever need.

          All I'll ever need.

I've known you for years

And just been your friend,

Through good times and bad,

My love didn't end.

It didn't end-

As I sing I manage to forget about everything, except the beautiful boy watching me, and the words that I hope will make everything right. I'm not the greatest singer alive, I pale in comparison to Peter (weird, huh?) but I can play the guitar well and I know the lyrics of 'You're All I'll Ever Need' off by heart so I needn't even think before singing them. I actually close my eyes for the end of the song and when I sing the last words and reopen them I can see James but not Remus. The crowd of students is cheering wildly but most of their eyes are fixed on a point just over my right shoulder.

"Well, you're certainly better looking than the Magic Mushroom's lead singer," whispers Remus in my right ear.

"TAKE HIM BACK!" shouts the crowd.

"FORGIVE HIM!"

"SIRIUS BLACK, FORGET YOUR BOYFRIEND AND GO OUT WITH ME!!!"

Ignoring the crowd, Remus smiles gently but sadly at me. "It was a good performance," he says.

"Let's go back to how we were before it happened," I plead.

Remus looks surprisingly grim. "I'm scared, Siri," he says. "I got a letter from my parents yesterday and it said, Oh God! How can I tell you this? It said that I'm going to Beauxbatons early. I'm leaving next week, Sirius. I'm leaving Hogwarts." 

I get off my stool and stand facing Remus in silence. The crowd continues to shout at us but I don't care what they're saying.

After a couple of minutes Remus speaks. "I don't want to go," he says.

"Is there nothing you can do to postpone it?"

"I can try. By God, I'll try." A single tear trickles down Remus' cheek and quite suddenly he's in my arms. I cling to him desperately and wonder to whom I'll cling to when he's gone.

Then I kiss him firmly on the lips to reassure myself that he's still here.

The crowd cheers.