Sinner-Saint ~hotsleekeyz~

***KuramaXBotan. One chapter.

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I stood there beside my adversary. . .

Koenma-sama. . .

How I hate to utter his name even in the confines of my intellect.

I stood beside him not to cause vengeance against him

But to watch him take the hand of the woman I loved for how long a time---

In marriage. . .

~*~*~*~

I stifled a yawn as I waited for the bride to come and saunter through the aisle.

The bride that should have been mine in the first place.

Botan. . .

~*~*~*~

The music started rolling and every beat of the song started to hammer in my head and pound it hard that it was my end in their new beginning as a couple.

Was I to stand there and do nothing as I scrutinize the event that was happening before me?

I thought it was useless to do anything at all

But I wanted to fight for the love I've long kept and cherished.

But it was the end---

The end of my love story with Botan.

~*~*~*~

Koenma abruptly turned around towards his men and whispered something to them.

What was he doing when his bride was supposed to walk on the aisle already?

~*~*~*~

The music stopped.

I never knew what happened to Botan who was already at the end of the hall waiting for her cue to start walking up front.

It is for the reason I didn't want to look at her.

I didn't look at her from the moment I knew she was already standing there.

~*~*~*~

"What's the problem Koenma? What's wrong?" I asked though my heart had an odd upturn. It wasn't for the fact that I could have had taken Botan away with me in exile after silence hushed the venue, but it was more of the delay that made my heart beat faster.

"I need time"

"Are you going to back out from this? Botan must know"

"No, I'm not. It's just that I'm so happy and I couldn't manage to stand firm on my feet. I just need to breathe. Tell them to stay put. I'll be back"

Koenma turned away and headed outside. I witnessed how the crowd murmured among themselves only to be hushed down the moment that Koenma's men were able to explain what happened.

I knew it was my chance to talk to Botan for the very last time.

~*~*~*~

I walked up to where Botan was though my head was lowered in misery. I never wanted to put my manly façade at that time. I've just lost my woman over our responsibility to the groom.

I stood there still in front of her.

How I loved to smell her sweet scent from a few inches.

I slowly led my eyes to hers.

There were tears forming at the corner of her beautiful eyes.

"Botan, don't", I said as I attempted to prevent her from crying.

"Kurama, you know well I didn't wish for this day to come. I can't stand it that here I am, about to get married with a person I don't love and there you are. . . standing beside the man I'm about to devote myself to"

"But you know either way we couldn't have done anything to prevent this. Enma Daio planned all this and there is no way that we could ever go against his will. We loved each other that's true but we have to take the consequences of succumbing to our relationship when we knew well that our duties to Koenma will always get in our way"

I eyed Botan with so much pity. I guess it would have been harder for her to be committed to someone she didn't love. It was also hard for me to bear knowing she was in pain but we had to abide by what was due.

I took her hand without thinking that the others would tell on us. I didn't mind for that was the last time that I could ever tell that those soft hands are mine.

"Botan, I think it's better if we go outside. Koenma wouldn't be out here any time soon"

She faintly nodded and allowed for me to guide her out. Her white gown glinted brightly in the morning light and she glowed more gorgeous with the little white flowers that had ornated her blue hair.

"Could I have been wrong not to accept your offer for us to go hiding forever? Is it my fault Kurama?"

I shook my head morosely. "No Botan. You just chose what was the best thing for us to do"

"But Kurama, do know that I love you. I will never stop until my last breath"

In the seriousness of the conversation I snorted to myself. Botan immediately plastered her eyes on me and inquired, "Do you think what I said was funny?"

"Botan, I'm sorry, I just thought that it was silly for you to mention your last breath. You must have forgotten that you ARE the Deity that you speak of"

Botan's eyes started to water again. My heart flinched at the sight and so I moved closer to her.

"You don't understand Kurama. Now, I do have an end to speak of"

"Why? How come?"

"The moment I proclaim my vow of marriage I'll be just any one of you. I myself would also have to face my own Death"

"It can't be Botan! You are the Deity of Death? How could that be?"

"I don't know Kurama. Maybe it's due to the fact that---oh my, do I have to say this? Kurama, even Koenma has to face his own Death. He is not by any means an immortal and so I think that's the reason they will impose the probability of my end but I bet it wouldn't be any time soon"

"I'm sorry Botan. I loved you only enough. This is only how far my love can go. I could only watch you walk down that aisle. I could do nothing more"

~*~*~*~

It took a lot of time for Botan to stop herself from crying. There we were, standing before each other as I simply watch her cry. That time, I knew well that it would have been best to let her see that I was strong and that I meant my words well though deep inside I was being torn into pieces and my whole identity was shattered into smithereens. I was nothing else but a liar. But I had to be. I had to make Botan believe that she deserved Koenma and not someone like me who just put her up with a lie.

"How could you tell me that Kurama? I thought we vowed to love each other no matter what? What are you telling me? Kurama! Goddamnit you don't know what you're talking about!"

Botan broke down to her knees before my very eyes. I moved an inch from where I stood but I didn't do anything more. I had to fight my feelings for her and the urge to grab her arm and pull her up to me. I just had to push her away in the best way I could---even if I had to break her heart in doing so.

~*~*~*~

"I know what I'm talking about Botan, I positive that I didn't give you the affection that could suffice. Maybe it's just you who were thinking that there's nothing more that could be greater than what we had. But no, that was just wrong. Everything else was greater than what we had. I'm sorry Botan but you have to know the truth before you leave me for real"

"You're lying, Kurama. I can see it in your eyes. You would never mean the words that are coming out of your mouth just now. You wouldn't believe it yourself if you'll hear them. Tell me you love me Kurama. Take me away from this place and let's forever hide from them. Whatever it takes, I'd be willing to sacrifice everything just to have you with me. I beg you Kurama. Take me away"

As much as I tried, I gave out a guffaw that must have broken Botan even more.

"Botan, you must be kidding. You don't love me! We just shared nights together that's all. Maybe it's just lust I had for you. . . Why yes, it's just lust! I could never give you anything more than that! A thief like me, be attached to someone like you? That's complete foolishness! Why have I ever talked myself in committing to you? I guess that would've been the silliest moment of my life!"

I immediately turned my back on her as I didn't know how else to get out of our conversation. I had to lie to her and make her believe that I didn't love her and so she could divert her affection to Koenma.

~*~*~*~

"Kurama, wake up! You are not like this! Tell me now that you love me!"

Botan pulled me back to her and made me kiss her hard. She grabbed me and just locked her lips with mine.

I pushed her away roughly and glared at her.

"You can't be that cheap to stoop low. You wouldn't want to come near a traitor ever again"

Much to my surprise, the music played again and it broke my ears just listening to it. I had to bear to the whole process of the worlds taking the woman I most loved away from me, with every single beat. . .

"You have to get in. Koenma must be waiting"

I said those few words with utmost courage I could gather. There was nothing more that I could have said.

Botan walked away, subdued in her silence. I watched her every little step farther from me. It was too hard to bear that I went the other path and rushed my way into the hall.

~*~*~*~

The ceremony concluded with my heart as if heavy like a ton. I've never felt so devastated in my whole life. I had to contain the guilt and anguish of submitting Botan to the ultimate taker.

Just to show Koenma that I was a true gentleman and that there was nothing left with me and Botan after they have informed us of their marriage, I abruptly turned my way to them and shook their hands in congratulations. The moment that Koenma was taken a few meters away from Botan, I hear a female voice that called my attention easily.

"Are you happy now Kurama? Now, you don't have to worry about me in your life anymore. You've been firm in pushing me away like an old, ragged doll that was never of use to you before"

The human part in me was not able to contain the pain anymore and so the words came out of my mouth :

"I never wanted to push you away Botan. I just had to make sure that Koenma- sama gets what he wants the easiest way rather have you sacrifice a lot in hiding with me"

"Why Kurama? So you had it all planned to make it seem you were up with a lie when you were JUST up with THE lie? How could you?"

"I don't know Botan. I love you too much that I had to give you away"

Botan's eyes grew fierce and furious. I've never seen her that mad.

"You denied yourself of admitting that this, what I offered you still wasn't enough to satisfy you. You glorify in my weakness and find pleasure in that involuntary surrender. I swear to my grave that I will never forget what you did Kurama. I will never forgive you for putting me up with that lie"

Fury filled Botan's sorrowful eyes. It was far worse that I had to witness tears fall down for them.

That's how much I've hurt her. . .

Though I didn't want to.

What great heart I've simply thrown away just to drive both our sadness down into oblivion.

~Disclaimer: I don't own characters, setting, etc. Except: the plot is mine.~

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I think I'm getting the knack for this.