Behind The Game: Metal Gear Solid 2- Sons Of Liberty
Part 4
Narrator: Welcome to another episode of Behind The Game. Before we begin, here's some comments on this show by various peoples:
"This is some of the funniest stuff I have ever read!"- The New York Times
"I can't believe the author of this stuff hasn't been approached by a major publisher!"- USA Today
"Here he comes
Here comes Speed Racer
He's a demon on wheels"- The Speed Racer theme song
As you can see, this stuff is funny. At least according to these made up reviews. But in this episode we show how everyone felt about Solidus.
(cut to everyone but Solidus)
Fatman: He was an asshole.
Fortune: Idiot.
Ocelot: Jerk.
Otacon: Dickhead.
Snake: Sacred lover. (silence) I mean he was a penis sucker.
Raiden: Stupid penis sucking idiotic asshole dickhead jerk.
Emma: He was waaaaaaay too obsessed by the Patriots idea.
(cut to Raiden and Solidus)
Raiden: When I was young, I thought that there was a left sock and a right sock, and it was plain good luck that I got each one on the correct foot! But then my momma told me that either one went on either foot.
Solidus: Fool! There is a left and right sock! But the Patriots hide it from us! They implant homing devices into the socks so that they home in on the correct foot! Damn the Patriots!
Raiden: Thats not cool.
Solidus: Damn them! Damn all of them Patriots!
(cut to everyone but Solidus)
Snake: That poor insane man.
Raiden: At least he ain't as insane as you, turkey boy!
(silence)
Fortune: Worst insult... EVER!
Raiden: Back me up here, Otacon!
Otacon: Uh... that did suck, Raiden.
Raiden: Oh, that means a lot from the guy who pretends to BE Shaft, as opposed to the guy who TAKES shaft.
Otacon: (angry) Hey, I don't hear ou complaining nightly. In fact, the only thing I do hear you say is "Yes Hal! Cradle the balls and work the shaft!"!
Raiden: Hey! Hey! What'd we say? Not in public!
Narrator: But not all of it was about Otacon ramming Raiden where the sun don't shine. Some was about pick up lines.
(cut to Fortune drinking some coffee from a cup, her railgun over her shoulder. Solidus walks up)
Solidus: Umm... hi, Fortune.
Fortune: Hey Solidus. (drinks some more coffee)
Solidus: Um, do don't work at the post office, do you?
Fortune: (looks over at Solidus) No, why?
Solidus: (points index fingers at Fortune) 'Cause baby, I swore I saw you checkin' out my package! (grins)
Fortune: (whips up her railgun and blasts Solidus in a nearby wall) Grr!
(cut to Emma leaning on a wall whilst listening to a discman. Solidus walks up)
Solidus: Uh, hi Emma.
Emma: (removes headphones) Oh, hiya Soldius! How you going?
Solidus: Fine... I just wanted to say that those clothes looked good on you.
Emma: Thank you! (smile)
Solidus: (points index fingers at her) But baby, they'd look even beter on my bedroom floor! (grins)
Emma: (grabs Fortunes railgun and blasts Solidus into a cracked, nearby wall) Hrrr!
(cut to everyone but Solidus)
Fatman: ... and then the genie said, "I'll have a vinegar and water!"
(everyone cracks up laughing)
Olga: That was a good one, fatty!
Ocelot: What the? There was no joke! He just waited until the end of the clip and said that line like a joke preceded it! (several laser dots appear on Ocelots head, a gun reloading is heard) I mean... uh... that was a very good one, Fatty! (dots move away)
Narrator: We secretly implanted a mind reader in Solidus' brain, so we could find out some of the things he thought during the game. Here is the scientist who worked on this little device.
Scientist: What? I'm not talking to you.
Narrator: Damn lasanga incident... Well, here's some selected scenes.
(cut to Snake firing at Solidus, from the helicopter)
Snake: Stop impersonating him!
Solidus (talking): 'Brother', I'm a whole different game from Liquid!
Solidus (thinking): I'm like Monopoly, and he's like... like... damn the Patriots!
(cut to Solidus in the Harrier; it fires a missile at Raiden)
Solidus (talking): Take this!
Solidus (thinking): Dum de de dum de de dum dum dum, shiny missile... Dum de de dum de de dum dum dum, gonna blow him up...
(cut to everyone but Solidus)
Ocelot: The wettening...
Snake: That was the worst bit of comedy I have seen to this day. It doesn't even make sense!
Olga: Yes it does.
Snake: No it- wait a minute. Yes it does!
Otacon: Remember how he wouldn't work because he just got his PS2 with Final Fantasy 10?
Fortune: No... (several laser dots appear on head, bazooka being loaded is heard) I mean... Yes? (lasers go away)
(cut to Solidus sitting on a couch, PS2 controller in hand)
Solidus: (singing to himself) Final Fantasy is an RPG/ The only one that I need/ It's the RPG for me...
(Ocelot walks in)
Solidus: (singing to himself while playing) Final Fantasy is all that I play/ All other games are lame/ It puts them all to shame...
Ocelot: You're supposed to be shooting the Harrier scene right now!
Solidus: Quiet! I'm fighting against some wierd ocean cretures right now! Now, where was I? Oh yes! (starts singing again) I only play games that are popular...
Ocelot: But Gary!
Solidus: (snaps out of his song) Who told you my real name?! Was it the Patriots?!
Ocelot: You wrote it down in your audition resume!
Solidus: You must be killed so no one else finds out!
Ocelot: Huh? You're insane!
Solidus: (in an Italian accent) Say 'ello to my little friend... (flips over couch to show Clouds huge sword)
Ocelot: Aren't you supposed to pull out your giant machine gun?
Solidus: Hoo hah! (tries to pick up the sword, but cannot) Ugh... damn Patriots, draining my strength... (finally picks it up, but falls backwards)
Oceolt: (falls over in laughter) Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Hey guys, look at this!
(everyone rushes in and sees Solidus struggling under the swords weight)
Everyone: (falls over laughing) Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(cut to everyone but Solidus)
Snake: Correction, THAT was the lamest piece of shit I have EVER seen.
Otacon: What about all of Princess Serenitys work? (Name used without permission. Will be removed if requested from author herself)
Snake: I stand corrected.
Chibs: Doi! I am sooooooooooo stupid! Look ats da preeti flowers!
Narrator: But not everything was due to the complete crappiness of Princess Serenitys work. Some was about confessions.
(cut to the three Snakes, aka Liquid, Solid and Solidus, sitting in a circle)
Liquid: Solidus, why did you call me and Solid over here? I was getting it on with a chick!
Solid: Really?
Liquid: Well, it would be true if you changed 'getting it on with' to 'getting the shit beaten out of me', and then substituted 'a chick' with 'by a 5 year-old girl'
Solidus: Enough! You guys, I have something to tell you.
Solid: Yes?
Liquid: What is it, brother?
Solidus: (sigh) Thats it. We're not actually brothers.
Liquid: WHAAAAAT?!
Solid: O...............kaaaaaaaaay.
Solidus: I found it to be a shock too.
Solid: Hold on, if thats true, then why do we all look the same, huh?! Answer that, smart guy!
Solidus: Oh, that was Gods fault.
Booming Voice: Yeah, my bad. Sorry.
Liquid: Sure thing, O Holy One!
Solid: Well, that explains everything. (realises that they're all eating ice-cream) Wait a minute, where did this ice-cream come from?!
Solidus: Plot device, Mr David. Plot device.
Liquid: Don't ask questions, just eat.
(cut to Olga)
Olga: Me and Solidus... we shared some good times, and some bad times. I remember once, he tried to kill me!
(cut to Solidus aiming large machine gun at Olgas head)
Olga: No Solidus! We can work things out!
Solidus: You made me cry!
Olga: How did I do that again?
Solidus: You made me question my belief in cat heaven! Now I don't know what to think!
Olga: But... uh... if you kill me, that will make you question even more!
Solidus: (grabs head and falls on knees) Using... mind tricks! Ugh!
(cut to Ronin Syaoran)
Ronin: I don't even know why I'm here. I never talked to Solidus, so my guess is that my duty is to just have a guest spot from Darkness Before The Fall. Oh yeah, and buy Taco Bell food! (grins)
Solid Snake (OC): Get out.
Ronin: (feebily) Okay.
(cut to Solidus)
Solidus: This one ime, at band camp, I shoved a flute up my- oh, the cameras on. Damn the Patriots! Damn them to their patriarchal hell for all eternity!
(cut to Ocelot)
Ocelot: Me and Solidus? We had a bond so tight, you could shove an elephant through it.
(cut to Solidus watching TV. Ocelot walks in)
Ocelot: Hey Solidus.
Solidus: Don't make me kill you. (lifts a tentacle to head height)
Ocelot: Okay.
(cut to Emma)
Emma: Solidus? He was insane. Whenever someone came up with evidence that the Patriots didn't exist, he'd... well, see for yourself.
(cut to Otacon talking to Solidus)
Otacon: But if the Patriots existed, then they would have killed you for knowing about them!
Solidus: Not so.
Otacon: Prove me wrong, kid! Prove me wrong!
Solidus: Uh... 10 YEARS! 10 YEARS PAL! IN A CELL, WITH A GORILLA! WITH A PSYCHO GORILLA!!!
(cut to Vamp)
Vamp: Solidus was my best friend during the shooting of the game. We played many games together, including that wierd word associtation games. (cuts himself in chest) Oh yeah...
(cut to Vamp and Solidus looking at the ocean from the Shell 1 Strut B roof)
Vamp: Alright... John F. Kennedy.
Solidus: The Patriots.
Vamp: Your friends and family.
Solidus: The Patriots.
Vamp: Cute and cuddly little puppies.
Solidus: The Patriots.
Vamp: Uh... Vanilla Ice.
Solidus: The Patriots.
Vamp: Your heart?
Solidus: The Patriots.
Vamp: I think that is enough for now, I should be drinking my marine blood. (turns to camera) Five pints a day keeps the undeath away!
Solidus: The Patriots.
Vamp: Uh, Solidus?
Solidus: The Patriots.
Vamp: Snap out of it!
(cut to an elf and a dwarf)
Elf: I just love my magic ring, don't you Mr.Dwarf?
Dwarf: Aye, I just love me magic ring. Don't you, Mr.Man?
(Elf and Dwarf go away, and Isildur pops up)
Isildur: Burn fossil fuels! Cut down the rainforests! Buy Mercedes Benzes!
(Sauron appears)
Sauron: I am the Dark Lord of Mordor and I have forged the One Ring (zoom in on face) TO RULE THEM ALL!
Isildur: You killed my daddy! Die!
(Isildur cuts off Saurons hand- Sauron dies. Enter Elrond)
Elrond: We must destroy the ring, Mr Ander- I mean Isildur, by throwing it into the fires of Mount DOOM!
Isildur: How about... NO! Mehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!
(cut to Raiden and Snake)
Snake: What in Gods name did THAT have to do with this game?!
Raiden: Nothing, but it keeps the LoTR fans happy.
Kat: YEAH! Gollum bit cracked me up! (name used without permission, blah blah blah)
Snake: (looks around) Hey, where did everyone go?
Raiden: They went to play Dungeons And Dragons. I'm going now, wanna join in?
Snake: Can I be the human fighter/rogue?
Raiden: I bagsied that part ages ago.
Snake: Fine...
(they walk off to the lounge room, where everyone is playing DnD)
Emma: I wanna cast... Magic Missile!
Solidus: Uh, sorry, you're surrounded by Ogres.
Ocelot: How can we be surrounded by Ogres, I cast Mordenkainen's Faithful Hound!
Solidus: No you didn't!
Otacon: (from kitchen) I can fight Ogres, I have a Dagger Of Ogre Slaying, it does +9 damage against Ogres!
Solidus: But you're not there, you're in the tavern!
Otacon: Cool, I can get drunk! Roll to see if I'm getting drunk!
Solidus: (rolls dice) Yeah, you're getting drunk!
Ocelot: I cast that spell!
Otacon: If there's any girls in the tavren I wanna do them!
Narrator: And here for kicks, is Solidus' attempt to get mo' money from the game.
(cut to Solidus jogging down the street, waving to OC people)
Solidus: (does a very fake shock reaction as he notices the camera) Hi there everyone! You know, I used to weigh around 200 pounds! Now I only weigh 90 kilograms, and it's all thanks to the Imperial Metric System!
(Raiden walks in)
Raiden: Hi kids. You might remember me from such erotic films as-
Solidus: WE'RE NOT ADVERTISING PORN!!!
Raiden: Oh... (reads script) Ooooh, gotcha. (exits and walks in again) Hi kids. You might remember me from such weight loss scams such as The De-Flab Diet, and Jenny Craig. But today I'm advertising, with my good friend Solidus (puts hand on Solidus' shoulder)-
Solidus: Keep touching me and you will die a painful death.
Raiden: (removes hand from shoulder) Okay... (starts waving hands very close to Solidus' body) I'm not touchin' ya! I'm not touchin' ya!
Solidus: DIE!!! (bodyslams Raiden off camera)
(cut to everyone playing DnD)
Otacon: (from kitchen) Where's the Cheetos?!
Solidus: Next to the Mountain Dew!
Snake: So... if I attack this goblin with my +2 Pistol of Explosiveness, will I kill it?
Solidus: Only one way to find out.
Snake: Then I attack, and take all the experience points! MUAHAHAHA! (points at Fortune) NO EXP FOR THOU!!!
Otacon: (from kitchen) I found the Cheetos! They're +5... in deliciousness!
Solidus: Alright, d20 to hit... add 1 for your Point Blank Shot feat... you miss by 17!
Snake: WHAT?!
Solidus: The goblin attacks with its -3 Dagger Of Pussiness... Critical Hit! You take 217 damage, killing you utterly!
Narrator: Snake should've used his Stunning Fist attack... I mean, next time on Behind The Game, we go and fin out how the people felt... about Vamp and Fortune! Thats right, both at the same time! Here's a sneak peek!
(cut to Raiden in a chair)
Raiden: Vamp tried to seduce me after I told everyone that I was gay. What could I do? So eventually, he fucked my ass into a bleeding mess.
Narrator: Thats next time on Behind The Game.
Part 4
Narrator: Welcome to another episode of Behind The Game. Before we begin, here's some comments on this show by various peoples:
"This is some of the funniest stuff I have ever read!"- The New York Times
"I can't believe the author of this stuff hasn't been approached by a major publisher!"- USA Today
"Here he comes
Here comes Speed Racer
He's a demon on wheels"- The Speed Racer theme song
As you can see, this stuff is funny. At least according to these made up reviews. But in this episode we show how everyone felt about Solidus.
(cut to everyone but Solidus)
Fatman: He was an asshole.
Fortune: Idiot.
Ocelot: Jerk.
Otacon: Dickhead.
Snake: Sacred lover. (silence) I mean he was a penis sucker.
Raiden: Stupid penis sucking idiotic asshole dickhead jerk.
Emma: He was waaaaaaay too obsessed by the Patriots idea.
(cut to Raiden and Solidus)
Raiden: When I was young, I thought that there was a left sock and a right sock, and it was plain good luck that I got each one on the correct foot! But then my momma told me that either one went on either foot.
Solidus: Fool! There is a left and right sock! But the Patriots hide it from us! They implant homing devices into the socks so that they home in on the correct foot! Damn the Patriots!
Raiden: Thats not cool.
Solidus: Damn them! Damn all of them Patriots!
(cut to everyone but Solidus)
Snake: That poor insane man.
Raiden: At least he ain't as insane as you, turkey boy!
(silence)
Fortune: Worst insult... EVER!
Raiden: Back me up here, Otacon!
Otacon: Uh... that did suck, Raiden.
Raiden: Oh, that means a lot from the guy who pretends to BE Shaft, as opposed to the guy who TAKES shaft.
Otacon: (angry) Hey, I don't hear ou complaining nightly. In fact, the only thing I do hear you say is "Yes Hal! Cradle the balls and work the shaft!"!
Raiden: Hey! Hey! What'd we say? Not in public!
Narrator: But not all of it was about Otacon ramming Raiden where the sun don't shine. Some was about pick up lines.
(cut to Fortune drinking some coffee from a cup, her railgun over her shoulder. Solidus walks up)
Solidus: Umm... hi, Fortune.
Fortune: Hey Solidus. (drinks some more coffee)
Solidus: Um, do don't work at the post office, do you?
Fortune: (looks over at Solidus) No, why?
Solidus: (points index fingers at Fortune) 'Cause baby, I swore I saw you checkin' out my package! (grins)
Fortune: (whips up her railgun and blasts Solidus in a nearby wall) Grr!
(cut to Emma leaning on a wall whilst listening to a discman. Solidus walks up)
Solidus: Uh, hi Emma.
Emma: (removes headphones) Oh, hiya Soldius! How you going?
Solidus: Fine... I just wanted to say that those clothes looked good on you.
Emma: Thank you! (smile)
Solidus: (points index fingers at her) But baby, they'd look even beter on my bedroom floor! (grins)
Emma: (grabs Fortunes railgun and blasts Solidus into a cracked, nearby wall) Hrrr!
(cut to everyone but Solidus)
Fatman: ... and then the genie said, "I'll have a vinegar and water!"
(everyone cracks up laughing)
Olga: That was a good one, fatty!
Ocelot: What the? There was no joke! He just waited until the end of the clip and said that line like a joke preceded it! (several laser dots appear on Ocelots head, a gun reloading is heard) I mean... uh... that was a very good one, Fatty! (dots move away)
Narrator: We secretly implanted a mind reader in Solidus' brain, so we could find out some of the things he thought during the game. Here is the scientist who worked on this little device.
Scientist: What? I'm not talking to you.
Narrator: Damn lasanga incident... Well, here's some selected scenes.
(cut to Snake firing at Solidus, from the helicopter)
Snake: Stop impersonating him!
Solidus (talking): 'Brother', I'm a whole different game from Liquid!
Solidus (thinking): I'm like Monopoly, and he's like... like... damn the Patriots!
(cut to Solidus in the Harrier; it fires a missile at Raiden)
Solidus (talking): Take this!
Solidus (thinking): Dum de de dum de de dum dum dum, shiny missile... Dum de de dum de de dum dum dum, gonna blow him up...
(cut to everyone but Solidus)
Ocelot: The wettening...
Snake: That was the worst bit of comedy I have seen to this day. It doesn't even make sense!
Olga: Yes it does.
Snake: No it- wait a minute. Yes it does!
Otacon: Remember how he wouldn't work because he just got his PS2 with Final Fantasy 10?
Fortune: No... (several laser dots appear on head, bazooka being loaded is heard) I mean... Yes? (lasers go away)
(cut to Solidus sitting on a couch, PS2 controller in hand)
Solidus: (singing to himself) Final Fantasy is an RPG/ The only one that I need/ It's the RPG for me...
(Ocelot walks in)
Solidus: (singing to himself while playing) Final Fantasy is all that I play/ All other games are lame/ It puts them all to shame...
Ocelot: You're supposed to be shooting the Harrier scene right now!
Solidus: Quiet! I'm fighting against some wierd ocean cretures right now! Now, where was I? Oh yes! (starts singing again) I only play games that are popular...
Ocelot: But Gary!
Solidus: (snaps out of his song) Who told you my real name?! Was it the Patriots?!
Ocelot: You wrote it down in your audition resume!
Solidus: You must be killed so no one else finds out!
Ocelot: Huh? You're insane!
Solidus: (in an Italian accent) Say 'ello to my little friend... (flips over couch to show Clouds huge sword)
Ocelot: Aren't you supposed to pull out your giant machine gun?
Solidus: Hoo hah! (tries to pick up the sword, but cannot) Ugh... damn Patriots, draining my strength... (finally picks it up, but falls backwards)
Oceolt: (falls over in laughter) Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Hey guys, look at this!
(everyone rushes in and sees Solidus struggling under the swords weight)
Everyone: (falls over laughing) Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(cut to everyone but Solidus)
Snake: Correction, THAT was the lamest piece of shit I have EVER seen.
Otacon: What about all of Princess Serenitys work? (Name used without permission. Will be removed if requested from author herself)
Snake: I stand corrected.
Chibs: Doi! I am sooooooooooo stupid! Look ats da preeti flowers!
Narrator: But not everything was due to the complete crappiness of Princess Serenitys work. Some was about confessions.
(cut to the three Snakes, aka Liquid, Solid and Solidus, sitting in a circle)
Liquid: Solidus, why did you call me and Solid over here? I was getting it on with a chick!
Solid: Really?
Liquid: Well, it would be true if you changed 'getting it on with' to 'getting the shit beaten out of me', and then substituted 'a chick' with 'by a 5 year-old girl'
Solidus: Enough! You guys, I have something to tell you.
Solid: Yes?
Liquid: What is it, brother?
Solidus: (sigh) Thats it. We're not actually brothers.
Liquid: WHAAAAAT?!
Solid: O...............kaaaaaaaaay.
Solidus: I found it to be a shock too.
Solid: Hold on, if thats true, then why do we all look the same, huh?! Answer that, smart guy!
Solidus: Oh, that was Gods fault.
Booming Voice: Yeah, my bad. Sorry.
Liquid: Sure thing, O Holy One!
Solid: Well, that explains everything. (realises that they're all eating ice-cream) Wait a minute, where did this ice-cream come from?!
Solidus: Plot device, Mr David. Plot device.
Liquid: Don't ask questions, just eat.
(cut to Olga)
Olga: Me and Solidus... we shared some good times, and some bad times. I remember once, he tried to kill me!
(cut to Solidus aiming large machine gun at Olgas head)
Olga: No Solidus! We can work things out!
Solidus: You made me cry!
Olga: How did I do that again?
Solidus: You made me question my belief in cat heaven! Now I don't know what to think!
Olga: But... uh... if you kill me, that will make you question even more!
Solidus: (grabs head and falls on knees) Using... mind tricks! Ugh!
(cut to Ronin Syaoran)
Ronin: I don't even know why I'm here. I never talked to Solidus, so my guess is that my duty is to just have a guest spot from Darkness Before The Fall. Oh yeah, and buy Taco Bell food! (grins)
Solid Snake (OC): Get out.
Ronin: (feebily) Okay.
(cut to Solidus)
Solidus: This one ime, at band camp, I shoved a flute up my- oh, the cameras on. Damn the Patriots! Damn them to their patriarchal hell for all eternity!
(cut to Ocelot)
Ocelot: Me and Solidus? We had a bond so tight, you could shove an elephant through it.
(cut to Solidus watching TV. Ocelot walks in)
Ocelot: Hey Solidus.
Solidus: Don't make me kill you. (lifts a tentacle to head height)
Ocelot: Okay.
(cut to Emma)
Emma: Solidus? He was insane. Whenever someone came up with evidence that the Patriots didn't exist, he'd... well, see for yourself.
(cut to Otacon talking to Solidus)
Otacon: But if the Patriots existed, then they would have killed you for knowing about them!
Solidus: Not so.
Otacon: Prove me wrong, kid! Prove me wrong!
Solidus: Uh... 10 YEARS! 10 YEARS PAL! IN A CELL, WITH A GORILLA! WITH A PSYCHO GORILLA!!!
(cut to Vamp)
Vamp: Solidus was my best friend during the shooting of the game. We played many games together, including that wierd word associtation games. (cuts himself in chest) Oh yeah...
(cut to Vamp and Solidus looking at the ocean from the Shell 1 Strut B roof)
Vamp: Alright... John F. Kennedy.
Solidus: The Patriots.
Vamp: Your friends and family.
Solidus: The Patriots.
Vamp: Cute and cuddly little puppies.
Solidus: The Patriots.
Vamp: Uh... Vanilla Ice.
Solidus: The Patriots.
Vamp: Your heart?
Solidus: The Patriots.
Vamp: I think that is enough for now, I should be drinking my marine blood. (turns to camera) Five pints a day keeps the undeath away!
Solidus: The Patriots.
Vamp: Uh, Solidus?
Solidus: The Patriots.
Vamp: Snap out of it!
(cut to an elf and a dwarf)
Elf: I just love my magic ring, don't you Mr.Dwarf?
Dwarf: Aye, I just love me magic ring. Don't you, Mr.Man?
(Elf and Dwarf go away, and Isildur pops up)
Isildur: Burn fossil fuels! Cut down the rainforests! Buy Mercedes Benzes!
(Sauron appears)
Sauron: I am the Dark Lord of Mordor and I have forged the One Ring (zoom in on face) TO RULE THEM ALL!
Isildur: You killed my daddy! Die!
(Isildur cuts off Saurons hand- Sauron dies. Enter Elrond)
Elrond: We must destroy the ring, Mr Ander- I mean Isildur, by throwing it into the fires of Mount DOOM!
Isildur: How about... NO! Mehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!
(cut to Raiden and Snake)
Snake: What in Gods name did THAT have to do with this game?!
Raiden: Nothing, but it keeps the LoTR fans happy.
Kat: YEAH! Gollum bit cracked me up! (name used without permission, blah blah blah)
Snake: (looks around) Hey, where did everyone go?
Raiden: They went to play Dungeons And Dragons. I'm going now, wanna join in?
Snake: Can I be the human fighter/rogue?
Raiden: I bagsied that part ages ago.
Snake: Fine...
(they walk off to the lounge room, where everyone is playing DnD)
Emma: I wanna cast... Magic Missile!
Solidus: Uh, sorry, you're surrounded by Ogres.
Ocelot: How can we be surrounded by Ogres, I cast Mordenkainen's Faithful Hound!
Solidus: No you didn't!
Otacon: (from kitchen) I can fight Ogres, I have a Dagger Of Ogre Slaying, it does +9 damage against Ogres!
Solidus: But you're not there, you're in the tavern!
Otacon: Cool, I can get drunk! Roll to see if I'm getting drunk!
Solidus: (rolls dice) Yeah, you're getting drunk!
Ocelot: I cast that spell!
Otacon: If there's any girls in the tavren I wanna do them!
Narrator: And here for kicks, is Solidus' attempt to get mo' money from the game.
(cut to Solidus jogging down the street, waving to OC people)
Solidus: (does a very fake shock reaction as he notices the camera) Hi there everyone! You know, I used to weigh around 200 pounds! Now I only weigh 90 kilograms, and it's all thanks to the Imperial Metric System!
(Raiden walks in)
Raiden: Hi kids. You might remember me from such erotic films as-
Solidus: WE'RE NOT ADVERTISING PORN!!!
Raiden: Oh... (reads script) Ooooh, gotcha. (exits and walks in again) Hi kids. You might remember me from such weight loss scams such as The De-Flab Diet, and Jenny Craig. But today I'm advertising, with my good friend Solidus (puts hand on Solidus' shoulder)-
Solidus: Keep touching me and you will die a painful death.
Raiden: (removes hand from shoulder) Okay... (starts waving hands very close to Solidus' body) I'm not touchin' ya! I'm not touchin' ya!
Solidus: DIE!!! (bodyslams Raiden off camera)
(cut to everyone playing DnD)
Otacon: (from kitchen) Where's the Cheetos?!
Solidus: Next to the Mountain Dew!
Snake: So... if I attack this goblin with my +2 Pistol of Explosiveness, will I kill it?
Solidus: Only one way to find out.
Snake: Then I attack, and take all the experience points! MUAHAHAHA! (points at Fortune) NO EXP FOR THOU!!!
Otacon: (from kitchen) I found the Cheetos! They're +5... in deliciousness!
Solidus: Alright, d20 to hit... add 1 for your Point Blank Shot feat... you miss by 17!
Snake: WHAT?!
Solidus: The goblin attacks with its -3 Dagger Of Pussiness... Critical Hit! You take 217 damage, killing you utterly!
Narrator: Snake should've used his Stunning Fist attack... I mean, next time on Behind The Game, we go and fin out how the people felt... about Vamp and Fortune! Thats right, both at the same time! Here's a sneak peek!
(cut to Raiden in a chair)
Raiden: Vamp tried to seduce me after I told everyone that I was gay. What could I do? So eventually, he fucked my ass into a bleeding mess.
Narrator: Thats next time on Behind The Game.