Chapter 6
There is something inherently wrong in believing that a seventeen-year-old can save the world. One of the reasons is that the boy is less likely to get the proper preparation that he needs in order to defeat a Dark Lord, who has at least ten times his power. I had known that my idea to teach him to use Cosmos magic would not be welcomed with too much enthusiasm from most people, his Head of House included.
"You will what!?" Minerva looked at me incredulously. We were in Albus' office, discussing about the Order and the students when I told her about my plan for Harry's lesson. Her reaction to my announcement was, to put it mildly, unenthusiastic.
"I said I would teach Harry to use Cosmos magic."
"Have you gone mad, Severus? The boy is only seventeen years old! It's illegal, not to mention dangerous."
"A seventeen-year-old who has escaped from Voldemort's wrath at least thrice, Minerva, and have you forgotten that he must kill that blasted Dark Lord? How can he manage to do just that if he is only allowed to use his own magic? Transfigure a stick into a sword?" I sneered.
"He is already a powerful wizard, Severus," Minerva said indignantly.
"Not powerful enough. Even if he's as strong as Albus, he still doesn't have a chance." My patience was waning. I had never liked explaining my actions to others, and this time was no different.
Albus seemed to notice my disquiet for he raised his hand to stop our heated argument. "Minerva, we all know that such powerful knowledge should not be taught to young wizards, but these are not ordinary circumstances. Harry will need every kind of help he can get."
"But Albus.," she objected.
"Enough. Severus is right, without knowing how to use Cosmos magic, Harry doesn't stand a chance against Voldemort. Moreover, this lesson will allow him to use magic undetected. You know that the Ministry have been watching Harry closely, desperate to find something to discredit him."
"If you say so. I'll inform his guardian then," said Minerva, still displeased with Albus' decision.
"I will take care of Sirius," Albus said tiredly.
"I don't see why that mutt should be told about Harry's education. He will only hinder Harry's progress because of his irrational dislike for me." I said.
Albus looked at me meaningfully. "Kindly give the man who has saved you twice some credit, Severus. And do you honestly think Harry will not tell him if we don't notify him first? If he knows that Harry's lesson is under my supervision and recommendation, he will less likely to interfere."
I knew that Albus was right, had Black known from Harry and demanded the lesson to be stopped, I could not do anything but to give in. I truly resented Black even more for having this kind of control in Harry's life. That stupid mangy mutt! He was no good for Harry.
I turned and saw Minerva was scowling at me. I narrowed my eyes. "You said Harry was too young to learn Cosmos magic, but you gave him and his friends permission to play spy in this school, sneak here and there, break rules, and endanger themselves. How can you explain that?"
Minerva looked at me angrily. "Do you think I have a choice, Severus? Do you think they will stop their activities if I forbid them?"
"It only shows that you cannot control your own students."
"You." She gripped her chairs tightly in her anger; her face was flushed.
"Stop this!" Albus intervened. "Severus, Minerva, you are colleagues and professors in this school, I expect better behavior from both of you." He looked at us sternly. "I know that you both have Harry's best interest at heart but he will not benefit from your continuous disagreement. That is why it's better to leave it to Harry and Sirius to decide is best for him." Hearing Black's name, I clenched my fists involuntary. I knew Albus would be angry if I kept displaying my dislike toward the mutt so I chose to be silent. Albus added, "Besides, they have proven themselves to be reliable and skilled beyond their age many times before."
"As long as you ensure Harry's safety, Albus," I said. "You're the only one I trust with Harry."
Minerva looked like she was about to explode at my words, but Albus once again raised his hand to stop her outburst. "Severus, Minerva, I trust *both* of you. I trust *Sirius Black*. And I trust Harry himself. If you trust me, then you must also trust them. No more arguments. Are we all clear on this matter?" The tone of his voice left no room for objection.
Minerva and I looked at each other. Although we respected each other as colleagues, we were never friends. Though if Albus told us to cooperate, we could not do anything but concede.
"Fine," she said; her tone clearly indicated that I would be sorry should I do anything that would harm her golden boy.
I didn't respond to that.
**************
"Mr. Malfoy, please stay behind."
Draco nodded. I waited after the other students had left the class, and I locked the room.
"I trust that your father has informed you regarding your assignment?"
"Which assignment, Sir?" he asked, pretending to be oblivious but failed miserably. He had never been a good actor, even a Weasley could act better than him. Brat!
"You know what I mean, Draco," I said rather sternly. "Our Lord had assigned you an important mission and I don't want to see you fail."
"Thank you for your concern, Professor, but I won't fail." He looked so sure of himself.
I raised an eyebrow. "So confident, Draco. But how, pray tell, do you plan to carry out your mission? Care to share?"
He looked nervous, like he had been caught not doing his homework. "Er."
I narrowed my eyes to make me look more ominious. "Don't tell me you haven't come up with anything, Draco. You know what is at stake should you fail this mission: your life, Draco, as well as your family's."
"I am sorry, Professor." His smugness was gone, replaced by fear and anxiety. "I. I tried, really, but."
"Say no more. I know that it is difficult, even for your father, to carry out this mission, let alone such a child like you. It is impossible to administer that poison to Potter all by yourself now, especially since the House Elves were ordered not to let anyone enter kitchen but the Headmaster himself."
His eyes were wide in fear. "What. what should I do now?"
I smirked. "I am going to help you, Draco."
"Help me? How? Why?" he asked disbelievingly.
"I will explain the "how" later. And as for why, suffice it to say that I feel the need to gain our Lord's favor again. That is why I'd *truly* appreciate it if you mention my contribution in this mission to him," I said threateningly.
"Oh." That reason was easy to understand, and very common among Voldemort's rank. Death Eater had no loyalty among themselves. They helped or destroyed each other for only one purpose: to gain the Dark Lord's favor. Voldemort noticed that, of course, and secretly supported such competition in order to screen the best of the Death Eaters. That was why I didn't suspect that that rat could be a Death Eater for he had no prominent ability whatsoever, as opposed to Black, the first rank Auror at that time.
"Good boy. Now sit and I'll tell you about the plan."
****************
The day after my meeting with Draco, I went to see Albus again. Thankfully, Minerva wasn't there. He offered me some sweets, which I politely declined and asked me about Draco.
"What is the plan exactly, Severus?"
"The plan is simple. I will help Draco to steal Harry's Sugar Quill when I have a chance and dip it into the poison. Then I will return the quill to Harry unnoticed."
"I see," said Albus. He looked so tired and worn out these days, his shoulders were slumped and his eyes had lost their twinkle.
"Are you all right, Albus?" I asked. He dismissed my concern with a wave of his hand.
"You should see a healer," I added.
"I'm fine. I am just a little tired."
"At least let Madam Pomfrey check on you."
"I will, Severus." He smiled reassuringly. "Do you have something else to tell me?"
"In fact I do," I said, remembering about Voldemort's order to find out about Lupin and Black's whereabouts. I shivered involuntary as I remembered Voldemort's threat to me.
"Anything wrong, Severus?" Albus asked, noticing my uneasiness.
"Voldemort threatened that he would punish me severely if I couldn't get him the information about Lupin and Black's position within a month, Albus. I tried to dodge it by saying that you didn't trust me anymore, but he didn't care. He was - is- angry because I haven't given him any satisfactory information for a long time."
"And if he knows you give him false information he will surely kill you," added Albus.
"I know he will, Albus. I saw what he did to Igor. I.," I stopped myself on time. Close though I was to Albus, I didn't like showing my weaknesses to anyone, including to him. I did not want to admit that I was afraid. Yes, I was very afraid. I shuddered inwardly remembering Igor's pitiful scream and the burst of flame which consumed his heart from within.
"Do you have any solutions?" he asked.
I shook my head and looked at my cup, avoiding Albus' penetrating gaze.
No one spoke for some time. I raised my eyes and saw Albus was thinking hard. He sipped his tea absent mindedly and popped a lemon drop into his mouth. It would have been funny if the situation was not so dire and I was not so anxious. I was always aware of the risk I was taking by being a spy, but I had never realized until that night to what extent the danger was. I truly didn't know what I would do should I come face to face with such a fate. Would I betray Albus and the Order? Would I betray Harry? One thing was for certain, I wouldn't have enough courage to face whatever Voldemort had in store for me. At the least I would bite my tongue to kill myself. I hoped it would never come to that, though.
"Hm. perhaps this will work though I don't know for how long." He took another lemon drop and ate it before answering. "Tell him that Sirius and Remus are in Hogwarts."
"What? But he certainly won't buy it. Besides, he can easily order someone to check the truth." Why didn't we just let that blasted Dark Lord know where those mutts were? I thought. It wasn't as if losing them would be devastating to the Order for their role had not been significant, at least not as significant as mine. My Slytherin self frantically looked for escape. Perhaps because Albus valued their lives more than mine, I thought bitterly. No, stop that kind of thinking, Severus, I berated myself. Albus had always respected me and cared for me, more than anyone ever did.
Albus looked at me searchingly, seemed to notice my lack of faith in him. He replied, "No. He knows that there are many secret rooms in Hogwarts that most people aren't aware of. So it is possible that I keep them somewhere here. Tell him that you suspect they are injured because Madam Pomfrey keeps disappearing and you're being asked to make more healing potions than usual."
"Then he will ask me to poison them."
"That might not be the case, we don't know if he plans to kill them or just to disable them. Just tell him that they are both so badly injured that they won't be able to return to the field for at least half a year or so. Tell them that the Giants or a pack of werewolves have injured them, it doesn't matter."
"And if he indeed wants me to poison them?"
"We will see to that if the problem arises," Albus said tiredly. He sighed deeply and leaned into his chair.
"You should rest, Albus," I told him. I felt guilty now for doubting him.
"I will. Don't worry about me, Severus. Just bring me some of your potions. You know which ones."
"I will."
I left his office glumly, concerned for his health. He was even more important than Harry, I realized. For he was the source of our strength, our plan, and our hope. Harry might be the banner which must not fall, but Albus was our King, our General in this war. I couldn't imagine what would happen if he was gone.
I dismissed the bleak thought quickly. No, he must not die. He had survived like a Slytherin for more than a hundred years and he would continue to do so.
**************
My mood didn't improved until Harry's lesson. He instinctively knew that and didn't try to engage me into conversation as we usually did before the class began. Perceptive boy.
"Again." I scowled. He had tried as hard as possible to conjure a fire without his wand, but constantly failed. I knew it was a very hard lesson and his difficulty was understandable. Yet, because of my dark mood, I treated him a lot more sternly than usually.
His face was contorted in concentration as he muttered the spell, "Aduro."
Nothing happened.
He looked more desperate. He shouted harder, "Aduro! Aduro!"
"In case I haven't told you, Mr. Potter. It is *not* the volume of your voice that will make the spell work. Again!"
He shouted in frustration. "Aduro!"
I looked at him. "I have never seen such a puny attempt. Again!"
"ADURO!" Harry shouted one more time in anger. A great flame appeared in front of him and flickered for few second before it died. Then he fainted.
**************
"How many times have I told you, Cosmos magic is different from the ordinary magic you've been learning."
"But it worked, didn't it?" he asked, wrapping the blanket around his body tighter. I had lifted him to the sofa when he fainted and draped a thick blanket around him. I handed him a cup of hot chocolate which he accepted gratefully. "Thanks."
"You're welcome," I said curtly, still unhappy with his failed attempts, though I knew that it wasn't fair to expect him to succeed so quickly. "You are supposed to use Cosmos' power instead of your own. If you have succeeded, you wouldn't have fainted."
"But. but I didn't use my wand. How come I've used my own power?"
"A wand's function is to focus and amplify your magic. Without a wand, you can still do magic, but it is a lot more difficult and taxing. The magic was weak and unfocused, that's why the flame died so quickly and you fainted."
"Oh," he said. Seeing him like this, wrapped in a blanket, sipping the hot chocolate I had made for him, made my previous irritation at his failure disperse quickly. I sighed.
"Maybe we better continue with the theory first," I said.
"Okay."
"Since you didn't bring your book here and I haven't prepared for theoretical lessons, we can only review what we have learned so far," I said, sitting in front of him. "Do you have any question?"
"Um. why is it that the spells are different? Why we don't use Incendio instead of Aduro, for example? Isn't the same thing? To conjure a fire?"
"Words are just an instrument to help you to activate your magic. It is like a trigger to a Muggle gun. When we say the spell out loud, we unleash our power and direct it to the object. Understand?"
He nodded.
"We use different spells when using Cosmos magic to avoid getting confused with the spell we have previously learned. We perform our spell differently when using Cosmos magic and when using our own magic. It is a lot easier to use our own power than to draw the power from the Cosmos and direct it with our hand. Got it?"
"Yes, sir," he said. "But why can't I do the Aduro spell tonight? I swear I used Cosmos magic."
I scowled. "Don't swear pointlessly."
"I am sorry, Sir."
"You've known that words can trigger something powerful, so be careful of what you're saying."
"Yes, sir. Sorry, sir." He bowed his head a little. A faint pink appeared on his cheeks, making me smile despite myself.
"Just don't do it again," I said. "About your practical lesson, you just need more practice and direction. Here, let me show you." I muttered the spell and a flame appeared in front of us, hovering in the air; its flame danced leisurely.
"Wow," he said, rather awestruck, then frowned. "It looks very easy."
"It only *looks* like it's easy, Harry, but it is not. It took me two weeks before I could conjure a fire. The key is how to draw the power from the Earth and direct it with my hand instead of my wand. Here, touch my hand and feel how the power flows."
He timidly touched my hand and wrapped his fingers around my wrist, feeling the power from the Earth I had drawn pooling at my wrist before I directed it to my palm.
He was so warm, like the fire in his eyes. His touch, chaste though it was, sent a shiver down my spine and caused a strange feeling in my abdomen. His slightly calloused hand had ignited a fire within me, a fire that was not caused by Cosmos or the flame I had conjured. I felt as if my skin had been burned, and I wished for more.
"Aduro," I muttered the spell shakily. A great flame appeared.
"Now you try it," I said, hastily shaking his hands off before I completely lost control.
It only took few more trials until he succeed. I was very pleased with him and told him so. He flushed even more and he bid me goodnight.
I put off the flames we had conjured and my chamber returned to its dark, cold state. Strangely, I felt the skin of my wrist kept burning throughout the night. I rubbed my wrist and tried to sleep.
That night, I dreamed of calloused fingers stroking my hands, erasing the abomination that had been inflicted on my skin and soul.
But when I awoke, it was still there.
******************
There is something inherently wrong in believing that a seventeen-year-old can save the world. One of the reasons is that the boy is less likely to get the proper preparation that he needs in order to defeat a Dark Lord, who has at least ten times his power. I had known that my idea to teach him to use Cosmos magic would not be welcomed with too much enthusiasm from most people, his Head of House included.
"You will what!?" Minerva looked at me incredulously. We were in Albus' office, discussing about the Order and the students when I told her about my plan for Harry's lesson. Her reaction to my announcement was, to put it mildly, unenthusiastic.
"I said I would teach Harry to use Cosmos magic."
"Have you gone mad, Severus? The boy is only seventeen years old! It's illegal, not to mention dangerous."
"A seventeen-year-old who has escaped from Voldemort's wrath at least thrice, Minerva, and have you forgotten that he must kill that blasted Dark Lord? How can he manage to do just that if he is only allowed to use his own magic? Transfigure a stick into a sword?" I sneered.
"He is already a powerful wizard, Severus," Minerva said indignantly.
"Not powerful enough. Even if he's as strong as Albus, he still doesn't have a chance." My patience was waning. I had never liked explaining my actions to others, and this time was no different.
Albus seemed to notice my disquiet for he raised his hand to stop our heated argument. "Minerva, we all know that such powerful knowledge should not be taught to young wizards, but these are not ordinary circumstances. Harry will need every kind of help he can get."
"But Albus.," she objected.
"Enough. Severus is right, without knowing how to use Cosmos magic, Harry doesn't stand a chance against Voldemort. Moreover, this lesson will allow him to use magic undetected. You know that the Ministry have been watching Harry closely, desperate to find something to discredit him."
"If you say so. I'll inform his guardian then," said Minerva, still displeased with Albus' decision.
"I will take care of Sirius," Albus said tiredly.
"I don't see why that mutt should be told about Harry's education. He will only hinder Harry's progress because of his irrational dislike for me." I said.
Albus looked at me meaningfully. "Kindly give the man who has saved you twice some credit, Severus. And do you honestly think Harry will not tell him if we don't notify him first? If he knows that Harry's lesson is under my supervision and recommendation, he will less likely to interfere."
I knew that Albus was right, had Black known from Harry and demanded the lesson to be stopped, I could not do anything but to give in. I truly resented Black even more for having this kind of control in Harry's life. That stupid mangy mutt! He was no good for Harry.
I turned and saw Minerva was scowling at me. I narrowed my eyes. "You said Harry was too young to learn Cosmos magic, but you gave him and his friends permission to play spy in this school, sneak here and there, break rules, and endanger themselves. How can you explain that?"
Minerva looked at me angrily. "Do you think I have a choice, Severus? Do you think they will stop their activities if I forbid them?"
"It only shows that you cannot control your own students."
"You." She gripped her chairs tightly in her anger; her face was flushed.
"Stop this!" Albus intervened. "Severus, Minerva, you are colleagues and professors in this school, I expect better behavior from both of you." He looked at us sternly. "I know that you both have Harry's best interest at heart but he will not benefit from your continuous disagreement. That is why it's better to leave it to Harry and Sirius to decide is best for him." Hearing Black's name, I clenched my fists involuntary. I knew Albus would be angry if I kept displaying my dislike toward the mutt so I chose to be silent. Albus added, "Besides, they have proven themselves to be reliable and skilled beyond their age many times before."
"As long as you ensure Harry's safety, Albus," I said. "You're the only one I trust with Harry."
Minerva looked like she was about to explode at my words, but Albus once again raised his hand to stop her outburst. "Severus, Minerva, I trust *both* of you. I trust *Sirius Black*. And I trust Harry himself. If you trust me, then you must also trust them. No more arguments. Are we all clear on this matter?" The tone of his voice left no room for objection.
Minerva and I looked at each other. Although we respected each other as colleagues, we were never friends. Though if Albus told us to cooperate, we could not do anything but concede.
"Fine," she said; her tone clearly indicated that I would be sorry should I do anything that would harm her golden boy.
I didn't respond to that.
**************
"Mr. Malfoy, please stay behind."
Draco nodded. I waited after the other students had left the class, and I locked the room.
"I trust that your father has informed you regarding your assignment?"
"Which assignment, Sir?" he asked, pretending to be oblivious but failed miserably. He had never been a good actor, even a Weasley could act better than him. Brat!
"You know what I mean, Draco," I said rather sternly. "Our Lord had assigned you an important mission and I don't want to see you fail."
"Thank you for your concern, Professor, but I won't fail." He looked so sure of himself.
I raised an eyebrow. "So confident, Draco. But how, pray tell, do you plan to carry out your mission? Care to share?"
He looked nervous, like he had been caught not doing his homework. "Er."
I narrowed my eyes to make me look more ominious. "Don't tell me you haven't come up with anything, Draco. You know what is at stake should you fail this mission: your life, Draco, as well as your family's."
"I am sorry, Professor." His smugness was gone, replaced by fear and anxiety. "I. I tried, really, but."
"Say no more. I know that it is difficult, even for your father, to carry out this mission, let alone such a child like you. It is impossible to administer that poison to Potter all by yourself now, especially since the House Elves were ordered not to let anyone enter kitchen but the Headmaster himself."
His eyes were wide in fear. "What. what should I do now?"
I smirked. "I am going to help you, Draco."
"Help me? How? Why?" he asked disbelievingly.
"I will explain the "how" later. And as for why, suffice it to say that I feel the need to gain our Lord's favor again. That is why I'd *truly* appreciate it if you mention my contribution in this mission to him," I said threateningly.
"Oh." That reason was easy to understand, and very common among Voldemort's rank. Death Eater had no loyalty among themselves. They helped or destroyed each other for only one purpose: to gain the Dark Lord's favor. Voldemort noticed that, of course, and secretly supported such competition in order to screen the best of the Death Eaters. That was why I didn't suspect that that rat could be a Death Eater for he had no prominent ability whatsoever, as opposed to Black, the first rank Auror at that time.
"Good boy. Now sit and I'll tell you about the plan."
****************
The day after my meeting with Draco, I went to see Albus again. Thankfully, Minerva wasn't there. He offered me some sweets, which I politely declined and asked me about Draco.
"What is the plan exactly, Severus?"
"The plan is simple. I will help Draco to steal Harry's Sugar Quill when I have a chance and dip it into the poison. Then I will return the quill to Harry unnoticed."
"I see," said Albus. He looked so tired and worn out these days, his shoulders were slumped and his eyes had lost their twinkle.
"Are you all right, Albus?" I asked. He dismissed my concern with a wave of his hand.
"You should see a healer," I added.
"I'm fine. I am just a little tired."
"At least let Madam Pomfrey check on you."
"I will, Severus." He smiled reassuringly. "Do you have something else to tell me?"
"In fact I do," I said, remembering about Voldemort's order to find out about Lupin and Black's whereabouts. I shivered involuntary as I remembered Voldemort's threat to me.
"Anything wrong, Severus?" Albus asked, noticing my uneasiness.
"Voldemort threatened that he would punish me severely if I couldn't get him the information about Lupin and Black's position within a month, Albus. I tried to dodge it by saying that you didn't trust me anymore, but he didn't care. He was - is- angry because I haven't given him any satisfactory information for a long time."
"And if he knows you give him false information he will surely kill you," added Albus.
"I know he will, Albus. I saw what he did to Igor. I.," I stopped myself on time. Close though I was to Albus, I didn't like showing my weaknesses to anyone, including to him. I did not want to admit that I was afraid. Yes, I was very afraid. I shuddered inwardly remembering Igor's pitiful scream and the burst of flame which consumed his heart from within.
"Do you have any solutions?" he asked.
I shook my head and looked at my cup, avoiding Albus' penetrating gaze.
No one spoke for some time. I raised my eyes and saw Albus was thinking hard. He sipped his tea absent mindedly and popped a lemon drop into his mouth. It would have been funny if the situation was not so dire and I was not so anxious. I was always aware of the risk I was taking by being a spy, but I had never realized until that night to what extent the danger was. I truly didn't know what I would do should I come face to face with such a fate. Would I betray Albus and the Order? Would I betray Harry? One thing was for certain, I wouldn't have enough courage to face whatever Voldemort had in store for me. At the least I would bite my tongue to kill myself. I hoped it would never come to that, though.
"Hm. perhaps this will work though I don't know for how long." He took another lemon drop and ate it before answering. "Tell him that Sirius and Remus are in Hogwarts."
"What? But he certainly won't buy it. Besides, he can easily order someone to check the truth." Why didn't we just let that blasted Dark Lord know where those mutts were? I thought. It wasn't as if losing them would be devastating to the Order for their role had not been significant, at least not as significant as mine. My Slytherin self frantically looked for escape. Perhaps because Albus valued their lives more than mine, I thought bitterly. No, stop that kind of thinking, Severus, I berated myself. Albus had always respected me and cared for me, more than anyone ever did.
Albus looked at me searchingly, seemed to notice my lack of faith in him. He replied, "No. He knows that there are many secret rooms in Hogwarts that most people aren't aware of. So it is possible that I keep them somewhere here. Tell him that you suspect they are injured because Madam Pomfrey keeps disappearing and you're being asked to make more healing potions than usual."
"Then he will ask me to poison them."
"That might not be the case, we don't know if he plans to kill them or just to disable them. Just tell him that they are both so badly injured that they won't be able to return to the field for at least half a year or so. Tell them that the Giants or a pack of werewolves have injured them, it doesn't matter."
"And if he indeed wants me to poison them?"
"We will see to that if the problem arises," Albus said tiredly. He sighed deeply and leaned into his chair.
"You should rest, Albus," I told him. I felt guilty now for doubting him.
"I will. Don't worry about me, Severus. Just bring me some of your potions. You know which ones."
"I will."
I left his office glumly, concerned for his health. He was even more important than Harry, I realized. For he was the source of our strength, our plan, and our hope. Harry might be the banner which must not fall, but Albus was our King, our General in this war. I couldn't imagine what would happen if he was gone.
I dismissed the bleak thought quickly. No, he must not die. He had survived like a Slytherin for more than a hundred years and he would continue to do so.
**************
My mood didn't improved until Harry's lesson. He instinctively knew that and didn't try to engage me into conversation as we usually did before the class began. Perceptive boy.
"Again." I scowled. He had tried as hard as possible to conjure a fire without his wand, but constantly failed. I knew it was a very hard lesson and his difficulty was understandable. Yet, because of my dark mood, I treated him a lot more sternly than usually.
His face was contorted in concentration as he muttered the spell, "Aduro."
Nothing happened.
He looked more desperate. He shouted harder, "Aduro! Aduro!"
"In case I haven't told you, Mr. Potter. It is *not* the volume of your voice that will make the spell work. Again!"
He shouted in frustration. "Aduro!"
I looked at him. "I have never seen such a puny attempt. Again!"
"ADURO!" Harry shouted one more time in anger. A great flame appeared in front of him and flickered for few second before it died. Then he fainted.
**************
"How many times have I told you, Cosmos magic is different from the ordinary magic you've been learning."
"But it worked, didn't it?" he asked, wrapping the blanket around his body tighter. I had lifted him to the sofa when he fainted and draped a thick blanket around him. I handed him a cup of hot chocolate which he accepted gratefully. "Thanks."
"You're welcome," I said curtly, still unhappy with his failed attempts, though I knew that it wasn't fair to expect him to succeed so quickly. "You are supposed to use Cosmos' power instead of your own. If you have succeeded, you wouldn't have fainted."
"But. but I didn't use my wand. How come I've used my own power?"
"A wand's function is to focus and amplify your magic. Without a wand, you can still do magic, but it is a lot more difficult and taxing. The magic was weak and unfocused, that's why the flame died so quickly and you fainted."
"Oh," he said. Seeing him like this, wrapped in a blanket, sipping the hot chocolate I had made for him, made my previous irritation at his failure disperse quickly. I sighed.
"Maybe we better continue with the theory first," I said.
"Okay."
"Since you didn't bring your book here and I haven't prepared for theoretical lessons, we can only review what we have learned so far," I said, sitting in front of him. "Do you have any question?"
"Um. why is it that the spells are different? Why we don't use Incendio instead of Aduro, for example? Isn't the same thing? To conjure a fire?"
"Words are just an instrument to help you to activate your magic. It is like a trigger to a Muggle gun. When we say the spell out loud, we unleash our power and direct it to the object. Understand?"
He nodded.
"We use different spells when using Cosmos magic to avoid getting confused with the spell we have previously learned. We perform our spell differently when using Cosmos magic and when using our own magic. It is a lot easier to use our own power than to draw the power from the Cosmos and direct it with our hand. Got it?"
"Yes, sir," he said. "But why can't I do the Aduro spell tonight? I swear I used Cosmos magic."
I scowled. "Don't swear pointlessly."
"I am sorry, Sir."
"You've known that words can trigger something powerful, so be careful of what you're saying."
"Yes, sir. Sorry, sir." He bowed his head a little. A faint pink appeared on his cheeks, making me smile despite myself.
"Just don't do it again," I said. "About your practical lesson, you just need more practice and direction. Here, let me show you." I muttered the spell and a flame appeared in front of us, hovering in the air; its flame danced leisurely.
"Wow," he said, rather awestruck, then frowned. "It looks very easy."
"It only *looks* like it's easy, Harry, but it is not. It took me two weeks before I could conjure a fire. The key is how to draw the power from the Earth and direct it with my hand instead of my wand. Here, touch my hand and feel how the power flows."
He timidly touched my hand and wrapped his fingers around my wrist, feeling the power from the Earth I had drawn pooling at my wrist before I directed it to my palm.
He was so warm, like the fire in his eyes. His touch, chaste though it was, sent a shiver down my spine and caused a strange feeling in my abdomen. His slightly calloused hand had ignited a fire within me, a fire that was not caused by Cosmos or the flame I had conjured. I felt as if my skin had been burned, and I wished for more.
"Aduro," I muttered the spell shakily. A great flame appeared.
"Now you try it," I said, hastily shaking his hands off before I completely lost control.
It only took few more trials until he succeed. I was very pleased with him and told him so. He flushed even more and he bid me goodnight.
I put off the flames we had conjured and my chamber returned to its dark, cold state. Strangely, I felt the skin of my wrist kept burning throughout the night. I rubbed my wrist and tried to sleep.
That night, I dreamed of calloused fingers stroking my hands, erasing the abomination that had been inflicted on my skin and soul.
But when I awoke, it was still there.
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