Chapter 5: James
"Lieutenant. this is going to have to stop."
Lieutenant James Jones sagged slightly. "Why?"
Captain Hess looked startled. "It's unhealthy."
"No it's not."
"James, don't argue with the captain," his sister berated slightly.
"Why not?"
"Because." she fought for an explanation. The facts simply were that she was on James' side in this. "Because it's not. appropriate."
"But how can you say it's not healthy?" James asked the captain.
"What, being a p-." the chief medical officer started.
"Don't say the word!" James's sister hissed.
"What word?" James asked.
"The fact is, Lieutenant, you are an exemplary security officer-."
".-thank you-."
"But there are some. problems."
"Like what?"
The captain was amazed that he couldn't tell. "Like this. py-."
"Don't say the word!"
"What word?"
"He blows things up!!!"
"Well, what's wrong with that?" James' sister asked.
"Look at his face!" The CMO hissed.
It did indeed look a little blackened. And his hair definitely looked a little worse for the wear.
"And other crew members have been complaining of the noise," the captain pointed out.
"Yes, like Ensign Varley. He was-." the CMO began.
"I don't even want to know what Ensign Varley was doing." James' sister cut him off.
There was a slight pause. "Good point."
Another slight pause followed the first one. "I still don't see what the problem is," James pointed out.
"Look, Lieutenant, you're a-."
"I said not so say the word!" his sister cut in angrily.
The captain started again. "Well, I've transferred you."
"What?!" James and his sister chorused.
"Why?" James asked.
"Because he's a-."
"He is not."
"You don't even know what I'm about to say."
"I do so."
"What was I about to say, then?"
"You were about to say-ooh, clever."
"You see, Lieutenant, you're a great shot, and a wonderful fighter, and frankly. erm. very good at. er. blowing things up." The captain tried to maintain some semblance of order.
"Thank you, sir."
"But I'm transferring you."
"You said that already."
"Well, I'm restating it."
"Starfleet needs a reason for a transfer request," James pointed out.
"Well, we put a nice, clear reason there, but for some reason I can't say the word that I used."
"Or any variant of it," his sister added.
"Look, Ambassador," the captain said, addressing the sister. "The fact is, I can say the word and you can't stop me."
"Captain, you need my ambassadorial services on this ship. Otherwise, you would be no where."
"I'm sure we can get a new ambassador."
"I can spread nasty rumors like nobody's business."
"I'm sure there was an oxy-moron in there somewhere."
"Anyway, this starship is dropping Lieutenant Jones off at the nearest starbase, where he will get transportation to Starbase 24. His new assignment is Challenger."
"So you're just foisting him off on another captain."
"Pretty much."
"That's not very nice of you."
"Especially considering that he's a-."
"Don't say it, damnit!"
"HE'S A PYROMANIAC, FOR GOD'S SAKE!"
"Lieutenant. this is going to have to stop."
Lieutenant James Jones sagged slightly. "Why?"
Captain Hess looked startled. "It's unhealthy."
"No it's not."
"James, don't argue with the captain," his sister berated slightly.
"Why not?"
"Because." she fought for an explanation. The facts simply were that she was on James' side in this. "Because it's not. appropriate."
"But how can you say it's not healthy?" James asked the captain.
"What, being a p-." the chief medical officer started.
"Don't say the word!" James's sister hissed.
"What word?" James asked.
"The fact is, Lieutenant, you are an exemplary security officer-."
".-thank you-."
"But there are some. problems."
"Like what?"
The captain was amazed that he couldn't tell. "Like this. py-."
"Don't say the word!"
"What word?"
"He blows things up!!!"
"Well, what's wrong with that?" James' sister asked.
"Look at his face!" The CMO hissed.
It did indeed look a little blackened. And his hair definitely looked a little worse for the wear.
"And other crew members have been complaining of the noise," the captain pointed out.
"Yes, like Ensign Varley. He was-." the CMO began.
"I don't even want to know what Ensign Varley was doing." James' sister cut him off.
There was a slight pause. "Good point."
Another slight pause followed the first one. "I still don't see what the problem is," James pointed out.
"Look, Lieutenant, you're a-."
"I said not so say the word!" his sister cut in angrily.
The captain started again. "Well, I've transferred you."
"What?!" James and his sister chorused.
"Why?" James asked.
"Because he's a-."
"He is not."
"You don't even know what I'm about to say."
"I do so."
"What was I about to say, then?"
"You were about to say-ooh, clever."
"You see, Lieutenant, you're a great shot, and a wonderful fighter, and frankly. erm. very good at. er. blowing things up." The captain tried to maintain some semblance of order.
"Thank you, sir."
"But I'm transferring you."
"You said that already."
"Well, I'm restating it."
"Starfleet needs a reason for a transfer request," James pointed out.
"Well, we put a nice, clear reason there, but for some reason I can't say the word that I used."
"Or any variant of it," his sister added.
"Look, Ambassador," the captain said, addressing the sister. "The fact is, I can say the word and you can't stop me."
"Captain, you need my ambassadorial services on this ship. Otherwise, you would be no where."
"I'm sure we can get a new ambassador."
"I can spread nasty rumors like nobody's business."
"I'm sure there was an oxy-moron in there somewhere."
"Anyway, this starship is dropping Lieutenant Jones off at the nearest starbase, where he will get transportation to Starbase 24. His new assignment is Challenger."
"So you're just foisting him off on another captain."
"Pretty much."
"That's not very nice of you."
"Especially considering that he's a-."
"Don't say it, damnit!"
"HE'S A PYROMANIAC, FOR GOD'S SAKE!"