Chapter 6

The day had finally arrived. It was the annual SSBM tournament where the smashers battled each other for the glorious title of champion. Well, usually it was only the smashers. But this year. Well, this year was special. The two girls had made…arrangements. Unchaining the unconscious Scum from the wall, Cho snapped her fingers.

They arrived on the scene of the battles. This time, it was to be on an expansive, lush meadow. Spotting Link, the two waved joyfully with one hand. The other was occupied, having to hold one of Scum's ankles.

"Good luck, Link! You're sure to win!" They yelled enthusiastically. Dragging their burden off to an airy white tent, they entered and dumped the body in.

"We'd better go check up to see our arrangements have been completed." They exited the tent, to hear the sounds of someone bawling shamelessly. Cho grinned.

"I expect they have!" Hurrying towards the source of the sound, they caught sight of a hysterical Roy hovering over a motionless body. Marth's, to be exact.

"Marth! Speak to me, Marth!"

Triss rolled her eyes. Stepping forward, she poked him – hard – on his skull. "Well, since your friend's screwed, we'll just have to find a replacement. And thankfully, we have one right in our tent! So, see ya at the battle!"

They dashed off, leaving a very bemused Roy in midsob. The first battle was scheduled to be Jigglypuff vs. Marth. Cho rubbed her hands, grinning evilly all the while. They had already met Sesshomaru and Kuja waiting at the stands. It was going to be a great day.

They lugged Scum to the edge of the battlefield; the battle was about to begin. The crowd grew tense and silent, would this replacement win?

5 minutes passed. Jigglypuff had not shown up yet.

10 minutes…

15…

Finally, someone gave a shout! "It's Jigglypuff!"

The crowd, as one body, turned their heads to catch a glimpse of the puffball heading their way.

"Whoa, looks like he's been at the pot again!" Triss snickered.

It was true. The obese pink thing staggered from side to side, shrilling away in its voice and leaving a trail of slumbering people behind.

Cho tittered. "It wasn't just the pot, it was the weed and crack too! This should be a pretty even match, then."

Shoving Scum into the battlefield, the announcer began the countdown.

"3…2…1…FIGHT!"

The crowd began roaring in a deafening tone. Triss and Cho watched from the sidelines impassively. Then they heard a somewhat masculine voice nearby yelling, "GO MIAKA GO!"

They turned, mildly astonished. Of all people, Nuriko was standing there, jumping up and down ecstatically.

"Uh, how d'you know that's Miaka out there?"

"Oh, I saw the figure from a distance and figured it had to be her. I mean, no one else's that fat, right?" He smiled.

"Well, sorry to burst your bubble…but that's not her."

"Oh." He stared blankly into space for a while, then his face suddenly lit up. "Excuse me for a while, please."

They watched him go over to a man and talk earnestly for a bit. Eventually, they heard a metallic jangling and saw him stroll back towards them.

"Aren't you leaving?"

"No, not yet." That was all he said. He couldn't really want to watch Scum fight?

Triss and Cho turned to one another, shrugged and turned back to watch the 'fight.' It was pathetic, really.

Jigglypuff was still wobbling around randomly aiming kicks at the air and asking philosophical questions.

"Why the heck is the freakin' grass vermillion?"

Meanwhile, Scum had regained a semblance of conscious and was lurching towards Jigglypuff, thinking it was a snack. Just as she was about to collapse onto it, Jigglypuff reeled out of the way, hiccupping madly, leaving Scum to crumple onto the grass. By sheer luck, the puffball managed to coordinate itself sufficiently to wave its hand vaguely in the direction of Scum's body. It barely brushed her side, but Scum was sent flying into the air and out of the battlefield!

"PLAYER 1 DEFEATED!" The announcer proclaimed. "THIS GAME'S WINNER IS JIGGLYPUFF!"

Its eyes glazing over, the 'winner' flopped down on the grass. "Pret-ty nee-dles!" It squealed, waving its hand about.

"Since Jigglypuff's so wasted….let's go collect the prize money." Cho suggested.

As they were leaving the tournament, they caught sight of Nuriko whistling. And jingling. As if he felt their stare, he turned and waved. "Just a little profit I could use to treat the rest, including Miaka, to more sake!"

"Ah," Cho nodded sagely. "You stayed to bet. And since most people had already bet on Marth, they couldn't withdraw. Smart. You know, we could use someone like you…"

"By the way, has anyone seen Roy?"

"Last I heard, he was yelling for a screwdriver and telling Marth to hold on and that he'd get those screws out of him and he'd get those bastards who'd put them in…"

Their voices faded as they walked off…

Meanwhile, in another dimension, a flying object landed with a splat.

"What is the meaning of this atrocity, Butler?" Artemis Fowl the Second asked coldly.