Disclaimer: I don't own Everwood, the town, or it's characters. I'm just a
college student.
Chapter 9 uses the song "Breathe" by Michelle Branch. This song just rules, and hey, thinking about Ephram getting up the strength to talk to Amy makes it even better.
Chapter 9: Breathe
Amy's world began to spin, was he here? Ephram Brown? What did he think of her in this condition . . . lying in a depression center bed? Why did he come so late? Why did he come at all? Didn't he hate her, wasn't he upset with her?
"Amy. I'm sorry I woke you. I seem to have a horrible habit of doing that these days." He said smirking. She closed her eyes, felt the stinging from the droplets of tears beginning to form. Through misty, clouded eyes she saw him leaning in closer.
"Ephram," she said sleepily, "It's so late, and shouldn't you be at home with your family? Getting ready for school?" she was trying to say things that would calm her down so she could stop crying.
"You don't want me here?" he said lowering the arm with the rose, frowning slowly.
"No, no, Ephram it's not that at all! I'm happy to see you. I've waited to see you. I'm just scared . . . to see you." She said, her voice shaky.
"Don't be. I'm not angry with you, I just wanted you to get better quickly, because . . ."
"She interrupted him, "I left without saying goodbye. I never wrote. I never called."
"Amy don't beat yourself up for it, please. I said it's fine. You need your rest. I'll go back into the lobby until the morning."
"How did you get here?" she said ignoring the thought of sleep. He was there.
"With your family, they invited me, believe it or not." He said moving away from her bed and pacing.
"Why didn't you come in when they did?" she said now waking up.
"I figured you'd want family time, and . . ."
"You are family to me, Ephram, sometimes more than anyone else is."
"Well I just wasn't sure, that's all." He said blushing, thankful that the dark would hide his face.
"Well if you didn't go to the hotel with them what were you planning on doing?"
"Sitting in the lobby until I had the balls to come in here and see you. Which, thankfully I did otherwise I may have been sleeping out there all night. I think I'll end up doing that anyway, let you get some rest." He said walking over to her bed and kissing her forehead. An instant heat wave surged through her. "Goodnight, Amy, I'm glad to see you're almost ready to come home. I've missed . . ." he was interrupted again.
"No. Stay. Stay in here with me. I don't care if we talk all night and I never get any sleep. Just don't go out there by yourself."
Ephram wondered why she always had to do this . . . play with him. Sure, he wanted more than anything in the whole world to even sleep in a chair in her room, just to hear her breathing in the same room as he, but what if Madison was right . . . ? He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. *Breathe, Ephram, just breathe.* he thought.
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` ```````````````
"I've been driving for an hour
Just talking to the rain
You say I've been driving you crazy
And it's keeping you away
So just give me one good reason
Tell my why I should stay
'Cause I don't want to waste another moment
Saying things we never meant to say
And I. take it just a little bit
I hold my breath and count to ten
I've been waiting for a chance to let you in
If I just breathe.
Let it fill the space between
Oh no, everything is alright
Breathe. every little piece of me
You'll see everything is alright
If I just breathe"
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
```````````````````````````
She continued, "I need to talk to you. It's about us, Ephram." She said grabbing his hand in hers. His heart burst, *her gentle skin* he thought to himself. He was taken in again, just as he always was.
"I, um, wrote you a letter. It's on your nightstand. Don't read it while I'm here. In fact, here, I'll just take it back, it's not very good." He said tearing his gaze away from her for a second and taking it.
"What if I want to read it?"
"You can't its stupid." He said blushing even more now. He was afraid the redness would never leave.
"Then tell me what it said." She said now sitting up.
He didn't know what to do. He didn't know where they stood, what she felt. He didn't know what he could possibly say to her face that wouldn't make him seem like a complete loser. He couldn't ever speak to her in the way he wanted to.
"Okay, well, I can try." He said now trying to let go of her hand so she wouldn't notice him sweating.
"No, tell me here. Come here, Ephram. We haven't seen each other in such a long time . . ." she said pulling his hand back. She used so much force that he was tugged into the bed.
"Um, you know," he said stuttering now, completely losing it. "I don't think this is such a good idea . . . I, uh, usually have problems enough in bed by myself even thinking about you . . ." he said. *God, I'm so stupid, WHY did I tell her that?* he thought. He had truly started things now.
"What? Ephram WHAT?" she said giggling.
"Yeah . . . moving on. So this letter, huh?" he said now completely red.
"Right, this letter. You were going to tell me what it said . . ."
The inter-battle of lust and morals writhed within him. *Is this for real? Is she just vulnerable or does she really want me?* he thought. *And what am I thinking? Just because she wants to sit with me in her bed doesn't mean anything's going to happen.*
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` ```````````````````````````````
"Well the talks are overrated
Am I saying how you feel?
So you end up watching chances fade
And wondering what's real
And I. get you just a little time
I wonder if you realize
I've been waiting 'til I see it in your eyes
If I just breathe.
Let it fill the space between
Oh no, everything is alright
Breathe. every little piece of me
You'll see everything is alright
If I just breathe."
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
`````````````````````````
He began the letter, just as if he were writing it. He lay next to her
now, not touching. He couldn't look at her as he spoke.
"Dearest Amy, I never seem to be able to come up with the right words
for you. I end up sounding immensely stupid and kicking myself later
for it. I guess that's why I think writing letters is easier," he
started, briefly gazing at her. She winked and smiled. He continued,
"While you were gone . . . while I was in Everwood and you were here .
. . it felt as if I was the new kid in town again, even more so this
time. Sure, people were nice to me, people were loving and
understanding, but people weren't REAL. Not like you and I are. I
guess that's why it broke my heart to say no to you that day." He said
now pausing to think of what to say next.
She moved her head so she could look directly into his eyes. "Ephram,
you don't have to finish if you don't want to." She said softly.
"No, Amy, I want to." He said seriously, trying to break the
connection of their gaze. "I've wanted you in the best and worst ways
since the first day I saw you. Even when you lied. Even when I said I
was fine. I was never fine. The day Colin died, the day I found out
that Colin existed . . .they were equally bittersweet. He had what I
wanted, he was the luckiest guy in the whole world. I would've died
just to be Colin." He said now cringing. He could hear her give a
small whimper.
"Amy I didn't mean . . ." he said realizing what he had said about
death.
"It's okay." She said now leaning on him.
"To have been able to call you mine for even one day, to be able to
look at your eyes and know that they were mine, that they saw me for
who I really am. For you to love me for just one second would've been
enough. I guess that's why when I saw you drinking, saw you drunk and
throwing yourself at me, I was insulted. I felt like the only way I
could have everything I ever dreamed of was through a non-sober you.
Maybe I was selfish, maybe stupid. But when I had you come here, Amy,
I did it for you. I didn't want you to make a mistake that you
couldn't take back. I didn't want to be the guy that took advantage of
you. So I hope you forgive me for sending you here. The truth is," he
said now looking at her full on, "Amy, I love you. I never stopped.
Kissing Madison, I know you saw it. I was trying to numb a pain that
is impossible to numb, she was a diversion that never worked. My heart
has always been with you." He said finishing.
She gazed at him wide eyed. "Ephram, I . . . don't know what to say to
that." She said starting to cry again.
"Every breath I take is you, Amy" He said crying himself.
"I . . ." she continued. She couldn't respond just then. She kissed
him on the cheek and snuggled up to him. "Thank you, Ephram."
He didn't need a response just then. He would give her time.
"Stay in here with me tonight. Please." She begged.
"I can see if you can just come home tonight. I'd be nice for you to
just sleep in your own warm bed."
"No, Ephram. I don't want to be alone. Not tonight."
Darkness was the only thing keeping him calm now. He didn't know what
she felt. He didn't know what he felt. All he knew that his every
dream had come true. He was sleeping next to a completely sober and
conscious Amy Abbott and she wasn't pushing him away.
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
`````````````````
"Breathe. 'til I whisper in the dark
Oh can you hear. me?
Do you hear. me?
If I just breathe.
Let it fill the space between
Oh no, everything is alright
Breathe. every little piece of me
You'll see everything is alright
Everything is alright
If I just breathe. breathe
I've been driving for an hour
Just talking to the rain"
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
```````````
A/N: That was a longer chapter. Took awhile to write, but it was fun. Your comments are keeping me going. Keep them coming.
Chapter 9 uses the song "Breathe" by Michelle Branch. This song just rules, and hey, thinking about Ephram getting up the strength to talk to Amy makes it even better.
Chapter 9: Breathe
Amy's world began to spin, was he here? Ephram Brown? What did he think of her in this condition . . . lying in a depression center bed? Why did he come so late? Why did he come at all? Didn't he hate her, wasn't he upset with her?
"Amy. I'm sorry I woke you. I seem to have a horrible habit of doing that these days." He said smirking. She closed her eyes, felt the stinging from the droplets of tears beginning to form. Through misty, clouded eyes she saw him leaning in closer.
"Ephram," she said sleepily, "It's so late, and shouldn't you be at home with your family? Getting ready for school?" she was trying to say things that would calm her down so she could stop crying.
"You don't want me here?" he said lowering the arm with the rose, frowning slowly.
"No, no, Ephram it's not that at all! I'm happy to see you. I've waited to see you. I'm just scared . . . to see you." She said, her voice shaky.
"Don't be. I'm not angry with you, I just wanted you to get better quickly, because . . ."
"She interrupted him, "I left without saying goodbye. I never wrote. I never called."
"Amy don't beat yourself up for it, please. I said it's fine. You need your rest. I'll go back into the lobby until the morning."
"How did you get here?" she said ignoring the thought of sleep. He was there.
"With your family, they invited me, believe it or not." He said moving away from her bed and pacing.
"Why didn't you come in when they did?" she said now waking up.
"I figured you'd want family time, and . . ."
"You are family to me, Ephram, sometimes more than anyone else is."
"Well I just wasn't sure, that's all." He said blushing, thankful that the dark would hide his face.
"Well if you didn't go to the hotel with them what were you planning on doing?"
"Sitting in the lobby until I had the balls to come in here and see you. Which, thankfully I did otherwise I may have been sleeping out there all night. I think I'll end up doing that anyway, let you get some rest." He said walking over to her bed and kissing her forehead. An instant heat wave surged through her. "Goodnight, Amy, I'm glad to see you're almost ready to come home. I've missed . . ." he was interrupted again.
"No. Stay. Stay in here with me. I don't care if we talk all night and I never get any sleep. Just don't go out there by yourself."
Ephram wondered why she always had to do this . . . play with him. Sure, he wanted more than anything in the whole world to even sleep in a chair in her room, just to hear her breathing in the same room as he, but what if Madison was right . . . ? He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. *Breathe, Ephram, just breathe.* he thought.
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` ```````````````
"I've been driving for an hour
Just talking to the rain
You say I've been driving you crazy
And it's keeping you away
So just give me one good reason
Tell my why I should stay
'Cause I don't want to waste another moment
Saying things we never meant to say
And I. take it just a little bit
I hold my breath and count to ten
I've been waiting for a chance to let you in
If I just breathe.
Let it fill the space between
Oh no, everything is alright
Breathe. every little piece of me
You'll see everything is alright
If I just breathe"
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
```````````````````````````
She continued, "I need to talk to you. It's about us, Ephram." She said grabbing his hand in hers. His heart burst, *her gentle skin* he thought to himself. He was taken in again, just as he always was.
"I, um, wrote you a letter. It's on your nightstand. Don't read it while I'm here. In fact, here, I'll just take it back, it's not very good." He said tearing his gaze away from her for a second and taking it.
"What if I want to read it?"
"You can't its stupid." He said blushing even more now. He was afraid the redness would never leave.
"Then tell me what it said." She said now sitting up.
He didn't know what to do. He didn't know where they stood, what she felt. He didn't know what he could possibly say to her face that wouldn't make him seem like a complete loser. He couldn't ever speak to her in the way he wanted to.
"Okay, well, I can try." He said now trying to let go of her hand so she wouldn't notice him sweating.
"No, tell me here. Come here, Ephram. We haven't seen each other in such a long time . . ." she said pulling his hand back. She used so much force that he was tugged into the bed.
"Um, you know," he said stuttering now, completely losing it. "I don't think this is such a good idea . . . I, uh, usually have problems enough in bed by myself even thinking about you . . ." he said. *God, I'm so stupid, WHY did I tell her that?* he thought. He had truly started things now.
"What? Ephram WHAT?" she said giggling.
"Yeah . . . moving on. So this letter, huh?" he said now completely red.
"Right, this letter. You were going to tell me what it said . . ."
The inter-battle of lust and morals writhed within him. *Is this for real? Is she just vulnerable or does she really want me?* he thought. *And what am I thinking? Just because she wants to sit with me in her bed doesn't mean anything's going to happen.*
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` ```````````````````````````````
"Well the talks are overrated
Am I saying how you feel?
So you end up watching chances fade
And wondering what's real
And I. get you just a little time
I wonder if you realize
I've been waiting 'til I see it in your eyes
If I just breathe.
Let it fill the space between
Oh no, everything is alright
Breathe. every little piece of me
You'll see everything is alright
If I just breathe."
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
`````````````````````````
He began the letter, just as if he were writing it. He lay next to her
now, not touching. He couldn't look at her as he spoke.
"Dearest Amy, I never seem to be able to come up with the right words
for you. I end up sounding immensely stupid and kicking myself later
for it. I guess that's why I think writing letters is easier," he
started, briefly gazing at her. She winked and smiled. He continued,
"While you were gone . . . while I was in Everwood and you were here .
. . it felt as if I was the new kid in town again, even more so this
time. Sure, people were nice to me, people were loving and
understanding, but people weren't REAL. Not like you and I are. I
guess that's why it broke my heart to say no to you that day." He said
now pausing to think of what to say next.
She moved her head so she could look directly into his eyes. "Ephram,
you don't have to finish if you don't want to." She said softly.
"No, Amy, I want to." He said seriously, trying to break the
connection of their gaze. "I've wanted you in the best and worst ways
since the first day I saw you. Even when you lied. Even when I said I
was fine. I was never fine. The day Colin died, the day I found out
that Colin existed . . .they were equally bittersweet. He had what I
wanted, he was the luckiest guy in the whole world. I would've died
just to be Colin." He said now cringing. He could hear her give a
small whimper.
"Amy I didn't mean . . ." he said realizing what he had said about
death.
"It's okay." She said now leaning on him.
"To have been able to call you mine for even one day, to be able to
look at your eyes and know that they were mine, that they saw me for
who I really am. For you to love me for just one second would've been
enough. I guess that's why when I saw you drinking, saw you drunk and
throwing yourself at me, I was insulted. I felt like the only way I
could have everything I ever dreamed of was through a non-sober you.
Maybe I was selfish, maybe stupid. But when I had you come here, Amy,
I did it for you. I didn't want you to make a mistake that you
couldn't take back. I didn't want to be the guy that took advantage of
you. So I hope you forgive me for sending you here. The truth is," he
said now looking at her full on, "Amy, I love you. I never stopped.
Kissing Madison, I know you saw it. I was trying to numb a pain that
is impossible to numb, she was a diversion that never worked. My heart
has always been with you." He said finishing.
She gazed at him wide eyed. "Ephram, I . . . don't know what to say to
that." She said starting to cry again.
"Every breath I take is you, Amy" He said crying himself.
"I . . ." she continued. She couldn't respond just then. She kissed
him on the cheek and snuggled up to him. "Thank you, Ephram."
He didn't need a response just then. He would give her time.
"Stay in here with me tonight. Please." She begged.
"I can see if you can just come home tonight. I'd be nice for you to
just sleep in your own warm bed."
"No, Ephram. I don't want to be alone. Not tonight."
Darkness was the only thing keeping him calm now. He didn't know what
she felt. He didn't know what he felt. All he knew that his every
dream had come true. He was sleeping next to a completely sober and
conscious Amy Abbott and she wasn't pushing him away.
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
`````````````````
"Breathe. 'til I whisper in the dark
Oh can you hear. me?
Do you hear. me?
If I just breathe.
Let it fill the space between
Oh no, everything is alright
Breathe. every little piece of me
You'll see everything is alright
Everything is alright
If I just breathe. breathe
I've been driving for an hour
Just talking to the rain"
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
```````````
A/N: That was a longer chapter. Took awhile to write, but it was fun. Your comments are keeping me going. Keep them coming.