Title: In the Absence of Memory
Author: Yih
Disclaimer: All characters & original universe belong to J.K. Rowling.
Spoiler Warning: There are spoilers of OotP in this fanfic. They are embedded into the fanfic. I won't tell you which are spoilers and which aren't, but readers that haven't read OotP should be aware that they are in the fanfic.
Thanks to my fan-BLOODY-tastic beta-reader, SERRA!
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I wake up
I don't know who I am
It's all lost
Those memories of me
Nothing's there
Not anymore, it's gone
Gone away
To a place, far away
I run hard
Attempting to get there
Where is there?
I don't know, I don't know
Wish I did
Wish I could remember
But I don't
The memories are gone
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4: Returning (July 8, 2003 to July 11, 2003)
Consciousness was a harsh thing. Brutal after a Forbidden spell had run ravage of his disgusting skeleton. Voldemort blinked his eyes, trying to focus on something--- anything that would allow him to figure out if he had succeeded. He glanced down and saw that his hands no longer were covered by scaly skin; instead it was a pale white but when his fingers reached to feel it, it felt like true skin--- soft and supple.
Swiftly he stood up and hit a wave of dizziness that threatened to make him fall to the ground if he had not clutched the shelf that was nearby. It was then he realized why it felt so different to be standing, that he was no longer a deformed, back bent skeleton but a tall, straight back man in the prime of his life. He felt it; he felt the physical strength he'd been lacking. Now, he only had to see it.
Once the spinning stopped, he moved cautiously over to the other side of his desk and withdrew from the drawer the mirror he kept inside. He was so startled with his regained appearance he nearly dropped it. Staring back at him was the face of a man no older than Lucius Malfoy, indeed it was quite miraculous since Malfoy did look young for his age. His dark brown locks were longer than he remembered, falling over his ears but he decided he rather liked the look. The only disappointment he saw was that his eyes were still the same dark crimson.
He would have liked to have gone back to his cerulean blue eyes, but the spell he'd use to make him nearly invincible had left him with the color of blood orbs. No matter, the image he saw was quite beyond his expectations. Setting the small mirror down, he transfigured it to a full length mirror and started disrobing his body to see if his body was as he remembered it being before.
His critical eyes saw that it was no worse but also no better than it had been before. There was no fat on his thin form, just a slender muscular build not anything like Lucius' power physique. He'd been far more interested in strengthening his knowledge on the Dark Arts to ever worry about his body. Not that he had to anymore, he decided. If he could perform a Forbidden spell, he was sure he'd find a way to make himself immortal and the same for his bond-mate. He couldn't very well allow his magical well to die on him now could he?
No, not at all. Once he was satisfied that the magnificent vision in front of him wasn't fading and wasn't a fantasy, he turned around and went back to the bed where he'd laid his pet. Gently, he studied Harry and saw that while he was at his physical prime again, his bond-mate was pale to the point of looking like death. If Avery didn't revive him to full health soon, he'd have to go about acquiring a real mediwizard instead of a dark wizard practicing medimagic because it was necessary. Or he had to get Severus to brew powerful revival potions.
His pet needed help, even if he wanted to revel in his rebirth and renewal by himself a bit longer. He needed Avery and Severus. He had no other choice but to call out for his faithful Death Eater. "Yes, Master?" Bella cried out, rushing toward him when he opened the door to his private chambers with an awed look on her face as she beheld the darkly handsome man that she had willingly gone to Azkaban for. "I..."
"Get Avery," Voldemort told her coldly, his crimson eyes quickly flickering over to Lucius who appeared from a darkened corridor. He knew that Bella was glaring at Lucius angrily and enviously before turning around and doing her Lord's bidding. "Lucius," he called harshly, "bring Severus to me now and do whatever you must to get him to make a revival potion."
"Yes, Master," Lucius responded respectfully, bowing head down, "I will do what you ask of me."
~
Many ideas were running through Lucius' head, a great deal of thoughts were siphoning into his head as he contemplated his options. He really had only one now, he had to get to Harry--- he had to get the boy on his side. Never in his wildest expectations did he expect Voldemort to succeed in the fashion that he had. But there was no doubt anymore, the old Voldemort was back--- the Dark Lord that held sway over the masses with his dark beauty and sinister mind.
It certainly wouldn't hurt to have a powerful wizard to help him, with that his focus shifted to the task of remolding Severus to serve him loyally first. That'd be a tough task, one that was not going to be easy to do for Severus was a hard shell to crack. It was going to be damn near impossible, but if there was one thing that Lucius was--- he was resourceful and manipulative. And he knew exactly how to reach Severus, what way but through Harry?
He'd seen the way Severus had protected the boy at Hog's Head. The boy must mean something to Severus, had to mean something to him. But what exactly? Lucius' mind began to have devious thoughts as he considered Harry not as the Boy Who Lived and therefore his enemy but as a simple young man. A beautiful young man and he knew firsthand that Severus' taste ran more of the male persuasion.
Was it possible that there was something more between the Potions Master and the student he supposed despised? Perhaps. No one knew for certain, and Lucius most certainly did not trust the rampant rumors. It was only highly logical for Severus to treat Harry in such a fashion, quite Slytherin of him to hide love behind hate. Then again, maybe he was overanalyzing matters and his concern for Harry was simply that of a teacher for a student. But not bloody likely, Lucius thought, since Severus wasn't that sort. Yet Severus did take duty serious, so maybe... it was.
Whatever way Severus leaned, Lucius was going to use it to his advantage since it was so blatantly clear that the traitorous Death Eater did care about the Boy Who Lived. Lucius smiled maliciously and with supreme confidence strolled down the multitude of steps down to the dungeon where he was currently keeping his former friend, his use to be fellow Death Eater. He was determined to find out though and toying with Severus was ever so much fun. Had been ever since they were young. Severus had always been far too serious.
"Severus," Lucius called out in voice neither harsh nor friendly to the man chained to the wall, "have you thought over what I proposed to you yesterday more carefully? You don't want to wear my patience out, and it's been a week now. You know the answer that would please me."
The lanky and worn Potions Master raised his head to stare into Lucius' unflinching eyes with dark venom. "Never," Severus snarled, "I'll never join you or Voldemort ever again. I've changed even if you're still the same piece of..."
It seemed his once close companion had forgotten how fast a Malfoy could move, Lucius thought as he closed his hand hard over Severus' throat. "Don't forget," he told Severus threateningly, "who is the prisoner and master here."
Severus narrowed his dark eyes, but wisely said nothing. He only glared at Lucius with contempt and hatred and every filthy emotion he could fling at his former friend. "And you know that it never is a good thing to cross me, Severus." Lucius took immense pleasure in trailing a finger down Severus' sensitive throat, remembering quite well how his fuck buddy would squirm at even the most feather light touch. "Because I know all your weaknesses."
To accentuate his warning, his other hand had descended down to Severus' groin and groped the heat he found hard enough he knew to cause the other man a good bit of pain. "And I know not just your physical weaknesses but your other ones as well." He kept increasing his grip until he knew that Severus was reeling from the agonizing pain. "You wouldn't want any harm to come to Harry now would you?" He squeezed one more time violently enough to draw a ragged cry from Severus' hoarse throat. "Would you?"
"No," Severus rasped. "No."
Lucius tilted his head to the side as he loosened his hold on Severus' aching crotch. "I never thought that Harry Potter would be your weakness, Severus. I never did think you went for the younger boys, but you've changed a lot haven't you?" He paced deliberately from one side to another before stopping in front of Severus' prone body. "Whatever in the world were you thinking when you decided to betray the Dark Lord? To betray me? Our friendship? Our trust?"
"What friendship?" Severus snapped weakly. "You used me."
"You let me," Lucius mocked harshly. "You let me use you in any fashion that I chose as long as it got you off, didn't you--- you sick sadist. I remember you use to say 'harder, Lucius, damn it fuck me harder!' You weren't only my slut, you were the Dark Lord's whore too. Don't tell me you didn't want it," he murmured in a low and sensual voice. "You wanted it; you craved it."
"I didn't know better," Severus responded brusquely. "I was a fool."
"That you were," Lucius agreed darkly. "That indeed you were." Deliberately, he let a light though twisted smile curve his seductive lips. "Did you know that Harry Potter is dying right now as we speak? That his life force is being drained away by the Dark Lord?" As he expected, Severus' face paled. Interesting. "It is within your power to save him from certain death," he remarked casually, knowing that he had the Potions Master's full attention. "All that is needed is a powerful revival potion, something that you could brew quite easily. Would you like the shadow of the Boy Who Lived's demise on yourself for refusing to do what the Dark Lord asks?"
Torturous emotions and thoughts swept through Severus' exhausted body and mind. Did he dare obey Voldemort again when it was so easy to be seduced back into the temptation again? It was always there, that dark desire in him to concede all moral values for the knowledge that Voldemort had. And it was that seductive darkness that had drawn him the first few times foolishly, like his shag sessions with Lucius--- like the dark mark he acquired from the Dark Lord.
But he couldn't let Harry die. No, not if there was a chance to save him. It was only a good thing that Voldemort no longer resembled his former charismatically gorgeous self. If he did, if he was what he had been the desire to succumb to the sins of past would he horribly difficult to overcome. Luckily, Voldemort was what he truly should be--- a skeleton of death and darkness incarnated into being.
"I will do what he asks," he responded hoarsely.
"What he asks?" Lucius queried. "Tsk... tsk, have you already forgotten your manners Severus?"
"You cannot make me..."
Lucius' hand closed like a vice around Severus' still aching crotch. "I think I can."
"...call him Master."
"You will," Lucius growled. "You will call him Master, but you will be loyal to me foremost." He increased his grip, knowing how excruciating it was. Mentally, he ticked off the seconds with calmed patience and admiration for the stubbornness Severus was displaying. "What do you say Severus?"
"No..."
"Say it Severus," Lucius urged in a velvet edged voice of dark enticement. "It is so easy. Say it."
The pain was agonizing. He felt like his innards were flaming alive and combusting because of the infernal pressure. How much longer could he take this? Not much longer, his mind screamed, not much longer if the bastard kept increasing the damnable pressure. "Master," he rasped. "Master..."
Lucius grinned. "Now that was easy, wasn't it?"
~
He knew what Lucius was up to. No doubt Lucius was using Malfoy manipulation to the limit to secure Severus' loyal foremost to him. That was what he'd do, and he was well aware Lucius was made of the same mettle as himself. He knew but he didn't stop it. Why should he? If Lucius was as smart as Voldemort knew that he was, then Lucius was quite ware that to go against him now was complete folly.
Besides, he was sure that he had more than enough Salazar Slytherin cunning in him to outmaneuver Lucius Malfoy any day. It'd be such a pity if Lucius was foolhardy enough to underestimate possibly the most powerful Dark Lord for a very long time. Especially now, he thought with dark pleasure, that he had his own personal energy well to rejuvenate himself. There'd be no stopping him as long as Severus found a way to speed up the recovery time for his pet to regain his magical energy faster.
He could very well find it in his heart to not torture the traitor into insanity if Severus provided powerful revival potions for Harry. Yes, he could be merciful indeed when it suited his nefarious purposes and if he had something to gain. It wasn't like he'd get the maximum effort or ability from Severus if he was constantly putting the man under the Cruciatus Curse. No, if he wanted the best he'd have to refrain from torturing no matter how much he wanted to punish the treacherous bastard.
His best option was Severus after all. If there was one wizard that could restore his bond-mate back to full health, it was the youngest Potions Master of the century. He'd just have to hope Lucius' manipulation went well, not that he had any doubt in Malfoy's persuasive powers. Lucius was nearly as good as he was in inspiring loyalty and followers. Of course, it was only nearly and Lucius, no matter how proud of his pureblood that he was, was not as powerful as a wizard as he was.
Not ever before and not ever now, he thought with malicious satisfaction as his eyes flitted over his pet's pale and heavily breathing form. But at least the heaving chest was a sign that the young man was still struggling to live. He wasn't quite so deathly still at the verge of dying, not when Avery had dumped the most powerful healing charm he'd known onto the boy a few moments before. No, everything was going to be fine when Lucius got to the hard-headed Severus.
But what was taking him so goddamn long? Revival potions took hours to brew, and precious time was wasting! He was about to call Bella to him to find out what was keeping Lucius so long when the sound of a consistent knock drew his focus away from his bond-mate. He knew that there was only one person that knocked like that... Lucius. "Come in," he called out in a voice filled with impatience and edginess, "Lucius."
Lucius entered and following rather meekly behind him was a ragged Severus. The look on Lucius' face was well worth the pain and the time that it taken to get his former appearance back. Really, the Forbidden spell had only been drawn to his attention a few months prior--- a lovely possibility once the bonding was completed. Astonishment and disbelief was etched into Lucius' beautiful face, not quickly smoothed away for Voldemort to miss any of the rain of emotions.
The truly intriguing face was that of Severus'. Oh, he'd remember how pleasurable it had been for both of them when he'd recruited the talented young Potions Master into his ranks. The shocked expression on Severus' face wouldn't go away, it was like he didn't believe what he was seeing. Unlike Lucius and the other Death Eaters, Severus had no idea what he had been up to in recent months. No, he'd been kept in the dark in the months leading up to the discovery that he was a spy. Voldemort had hoped his fuck toy hadn't betrayed him, but he couldn't ignore the warning signs. Not that Lucius would let him.
"My Lord," Lucius greeted respectfully, bowing almost horizontally to the ground with his reverence, "I have brought Severus to you. I do apologize for taking so long, but Severus has agreed to whatever you ask of him with his full cooperation. You will find him very amenable."
"Good," Voldemort hissed, "it has taken you long enough, Lucius." His crimson eyes met Severus' and saw his reflection gleaming in the dark orbs, a reflection he remembered quite well when he'd been fucking the man's willingly wanton mouth. "And Severus," he addressed the man, "have you forgotten your manners?"
As if on cue, Severus dropped to his knees and rested his forehead against the ground in an entirely submissive position. He had not forgotten; he had just been too stunned to see the old Voldemort, the Voldemort he had once shagged with complete abandon. The Voldemort that had made all the delicious pleasures of the flesh become reality for him. This was the Voldemort he was afraid to see, this darkly magnetic wizard had the powerful to charm even the most innocent of angels to his side. Voldemort was powerful, but seduction was his greatest weapon.
"No, I see you haven't," Voldemort remarked approvingly. "Very good, Severus," he murmured sensually, knowing precisely how to make an unwanted shiver run down the dark haired man's spine. "I am sure Lucius has told you what I require. You do not want young Harry Potter to die now would you? I am certain you don't, so you'd best do what is necessary and do it without questions."
Severus mentally shuddered, though physically he kept any of that from showing on his body. "No, I do not want Harry Potter to die, Master," he answered with stiff obedience when he wanted nothing more than to snap at Voldemort. Now was not the time to let his emotions get out of hand; it was time to put his best Slytherin features into overdrive. That meant keeping calm and cool, waiting patiently to take in the entire situation before making a move. I will do whatever you ask of me."
"Good, Severus," Voldemort remarked with patronizing indulgence that he'd treat a naughty pet. It was meant to cut Severus down, and it was proven to be highly effective from the way he saw the Potions Master tense up even more. "As I am sure that Lucius has told you," he began in a commanding tone, "that I need a revival potion for the boy. I'm afraid if he isn't given one, he will meet an unfortunate end."
Having said that, he gestured for Severus to follow him further into the room where the Potions Master learned that the rasping sound he'd heard earlier was that of Harry's vast struggles to breathe. Every breath taken was harsh on his ears, a bleak reminder of what Voldemort had likely put Harry through. He cringed mentally at the thought. He had no choice but to help the boy even if it meant only delaying the inevitable. Even if it meant that.
"How long will it take to brew him a strong enough potion to help him?" Voldemort questioned severely. "I think you can see," he remarked with deliberate detached indifference, "that unless you brew it soon, the boy will have very little strength left to even do the involuntary functions that his body needs."
Voldemort was right. Harry was barely alive, and while a mediwizard could help him it didn't seem that there was any physical affliction to the body. It was like he had simply been drained of all his life energy, was that how Voldemort had gotten back his former body? It made sense, Severus reflected, since only the darkest of magics could possibly do something this extraordinary. And a revival potion would give back energy the body needed for life though it did not heal. But what spell had he used to get results such as this? Voldemort looked hardly any older than he did, indeed he appeared radiant and simply magnificent.
Severus understood why his foolish youth had fallen for the magnetically gorgeous Slytherin heir. It still didn't make it easier to accept the greatest mistake of his life, but it did make it somewhat acceptable. After all, he wasn't the only one to fall into the thrall of Voldemort. Many others had, at least he thought callously, he hadn't drowned into the pitfall like so many others had. He had seen reason, but it'd taken time. Oh, it had taken time to see the slight insanity lurking beneath. The insanity that he didn't see anymore and that scared him.
It was that madness that had been Voldemort's weakness, that mad crazy desire to overpower anything and everything that stood in his way. They could use that against him, but what could they use now if Voldemort was thinking clearly and cleverly with that brilliant mind of his? That was a terrifying thought. For Voldemort in his right mind was definitely the most powerful wizard in the world. No doubt, no uncertainty on that. There was a reason a Malfoy served him.
"It will take me a few hours," Severus responded carefully. "A few hours to brew the potion."
"Then you best start," Voldemort murmured smoothly, signaling for Lucius to come close. "You will assist Severus with whatever he needs, and when he is done you are to bring the potion to me with instructions on..."
"It would be best for me to administer the potion," Severus interrupted.
Voldemort narrowed his eyes a bit at the interruption, but let it pass since he saw through the reasons. So Severus was willing to show his concern for the boy even in front of him? Hmm... interesting. "So be it."
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Author's Note: According to Serra, this is the best chapter so far. Do you agree with her? I've hit a road block with this story, but as usual you can nag me on the Mirror_of_Paradox mailing list and I'll keep that mailing list updated on the progress of this fanfiction.
Questions: (1) How is Lucius/Severus interaction? (2) How was Severus addition to the plot? (3) Isn't Lucius wicked? (4) Voldemort evilly concerned? (5) Any other comments?
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Thanks to Lolita, Tempest, Goldengirl2, Spideria, Princess Pearliest, HPIceAngel, GY, ntamara, Quickjewel.
SilverYoukai: Voldemort isn't a misunderstood boy. He is inherently a Slytherin. Being evil, doesn't mean you can't care about someone. It just mean you don't care what happens to those you don't care about.
Eaiva le Fay: Definitely, there will be developed, but it'll be slow. Well Harry's only memory is Voldemort, whose to say what is attractive if you only remember that?
Malakai: It's okay. [snickers]. Lucius is very manipulative and power hungry. Bellatrix is the same, but loyal. Interesting way to use foil eh?
Rarity88: Perhaps, but I thought I did enough pain. Harry is very confused, he's not Weak!Harry. No, he won't be weak. I don't think Voldemort would tolerate weakness. Blind devotion maybe, but never weakness. You'll see Harry in Ch.5. Never fear.
Abraxis: Definitely a bitch. Bella won't get a massive infusion of sanity, at least not a massive infusion. Gradually, she'll stabilize or else Voldemort will have to get rid of her.