Summary: Sequel to Telling Everyone. Harry and Draco are dating happily, but nothing's guaranteed. Lucius Malfoy is out of Azkaban and… their teacher? They'll be in trouble if he finds out that they're together, but how can they keep it a secret when Everyone Knows?
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and co. are definitely not mine. I double-checked, just in case. Not mine.
A/N: This takes place two weeks after Telling Everyone. Just FYI ^_^ The characters are a bit OOC, but I think it's necessary for this crazy plot. The rating is now definitely R… oh, and before I forget:
This story (as well as Telling Everyone) is archived both at FanFiction.net and at Serenitas's website: www.draconis-carpe-noctem.com. If you're a Slytherin supporter, or just a Harry Potter fan in general, I would really recommend taking a look at this awesome site. ^_^
Thanks to everyone who reviewed! At the bottom, I'll respond to some of the reviews, but for now, read, review, and (I hope you) enjoy! ~_^
*~*~*
"HARRY'S DATING DRACO!" the Howler exploded with unnatural force. Harry, cringing, wondered if it had really been this loud before. A few minutes later, he also began to wonder if it had really been this long before, either.
"HARRY'S DATING DRACO! HARRY'S DATING DRACO! HARRY'S DATING DRACO!" Fred and George sang, blissfully unaware that they were probably going to get them both 'Avada Kedavra-ed'.
Lucius Malfoy's eyebrows had shot up. A few years ago, they would probably have disappeared behind his hairline. But Harry, for the first time, noticed that said hairline was receding. He wondered vaguely if Draco would go bald, too. It was likely, considering all the potions and spells he used on his hair. Harry, hoped not, though- what would he thread his fingers through when Draco was sucking on his-
His thoughts were brought back into focus by the Howler finally bursting into flames. And he sadistically hoped that no Howler had burned this bright, either.
The whole of the Great Hall was silent, eyes turning rapidly from Harry (red-faced) to Draco (white-faced) to Professor Malfoy (purple-faced? Confusion did that to you, apparently). Some of the more perceptive students shot a glance to Dumbledore, who was clearly at a loss for words and actions. But it was Hermione Granger that spoke first.
"Harry Potter!" she exclaimed, and flinched a little as her voice echoed through the still Great Hall. But she plowed on, hoping she had gotten better at lying since the incident with Umbridge. "You wanted to impress Fred and George, didn't you? You told them you were dating Draco, didn't you?"
"Yeah, Harry," Ron chimed in. Hermione nervously considered putting a Silencing Charm on him, or kicking him under the table, or something- he meant well, but… "They knew you had a secret crush on Draco, and I bet they were teasing you. Bet you regret making up some relationship now, eh?" Hermione relaxed slightly. Now they just had to hope Harry got the hint.
They were more than a little startled when he burst into very noisy and very fake hysterical tears. Sighing a little, Hermione put a spell on Harry to make water flow freely from his eyes. He stopped the sobs a minute, momentarily surprised, then resumed. "It's true!" he cried dramatically. "It's true! I love you, Draco, and I wanted to believe we were a couple! The truth is, I can't live without you! I dream about you every night!-"
"Well, you damn well better," Draco muttered.
"-I want to kiss you! I want to touch you! I want to rip off your shirt and suck on your chest and climb on top of you and ravage your skin and have you pull down my pants and rub my-" This went on for a while. The dead quiet and thoroughly shocked students sat there, eyes bulging (some with a little more than eyes bulging). The teachers were looking decidedly green, but no one stopped him. They kept looking uncertainly at Malfoy Sr. with more than a little fright. For his part, Lucius was staring thoughtfully into his dinner plate, eyes sparkling with some no-doubt-evil plan. Minerva McGonagall suppressed the supremely childish urge to stick her tongue out at him and tell him his Slytherin was showing.
Abruptly Mr. Malfoy stood up. Harry fell silent, having run out of things to say anyway. That is, until the God of Stupidity decided to make him leap from his seat, sprawl out on the ground and cry to Lucius, "Oh noble loins which brought forth my beloved!"
Oh shit. No way, no bloody way did he just say that to a Death Eater who had tried to kill him on many occasions and, if not for Dumbledore, would not hesitate before blowing his head off! (And not the kind of blowing Draco did, and not the kind of head he did it to either!)
But… either the Howler had made him go deaf (a distinct possibility) or Harry had made him go insane (an even more distinct possibility). Lucius Malfoy swept down next to the Slytherin table, crooked a finger at Draco, and calmly walked out of the room.
*~*~*
Draco knew his father expected him to follow. If he didn't, Lucius would hex him to pieces. But if he did… Lucius would happen to glance down, throw up, scream like a little girl, and then hex him to pieces.
There was really only one option. Well, two, but a cold shower right now was out of the question. Swallowing his considerable pride (he nearly choked on it), he gritted his teeth, performed a quick Shrinking Charm, and scurried out after his father.
*~*~*
"Potter is in love with you," Malfoy said simply. Draco bit hard on his tongue to prevent himself from saying, 'Oh, so that's what it was!' It came out anyway, but luckily was muffled.
"Ho, hm hmp hut hit huz!"
"What?" his father demanded.
"Er… that's really gross," Draco lied.
"Yes, well, he is a Potter," Malfoy said dismissively. Draco felt his blood begin to boil, and had to remind himself that this was how he'd acted in his first year (first few years, actually). Since smacking his father was out of the question, he smacked himself.
"Draco, what the hell did you do that for?" his father demanded.
"Er… a bug. On my head."
Lucius completely ignored his son. "This is a perfect opportunity. Date the Potter boy, Draco. Lure him into our midst."
Whatever Draco had been expecting, this wasn't it. He stood speechless.
He started to say, "Ooooh, Daddy, I love you!"
He started to say, "Convenient, then, since I'm not sure I'd be able to stop myself from kissing him senseless next time I see him."
He started to say, "Score!!!"
Thank Merlin his inner Slytherin answered for him. "I have to date him? And pretend I'm gay?! What about Pansy?"
His father shrugged, unconcerned. "You'll deal with it," he said, making it an order. "And don't worry; I'll personally speak with Miss Parkinson."
All righty, then, things were awesome. Sun was shining, sky was blue, grass was sweet, and his father was talking. Still talking!
"In order to get close to him, of course, this relationship will have to be an intimate one. You're not a virgin, right?" he asked suddenly, sounding as if he would kill his son if the answer was yes.
"No, I'm not," Draco said, deciding not to tell his father exactly who he'd lost it to.
"Then everything's ready," he said, almost gleefully. Draco bristled at this a little; that made him sound like a whore. He was 'ready'… bah. "Who knows," Lucius continued disdainfully, "you might be able to get some pleasure from this… assuming Potter has anything to offer."
"Oh, Harry's big," Draco said absently.
"What?" his father asked, nearly yelped, in shock.
Shit! "Uh… Hairy," he said nervously. "H-a-i-r-y," he spelled. "It's my, uh," he gestured in the general direction of downstairs. "My, uh… because I am," he finished lamely, wanting to sink into the earth and be done with it.
His father glared at him, and he felt his panic rising. "You named my family jewels Hairy?" he demanded angrily. "I'm disappointed in you, Draco. I, for instance, am the Great Snake," he said, drawing himself up proudly.
Oh. It seemed he'd gotten his wish, after all. He had to have sunk deep underground, because THIS WAS HELL!!
And what was wrong with Hairy, anyway? His weren't really named Hairy, but pretty close. He usually referred to them as 'Harry's'.
Draco conveniently got out of further discussion of this highly embarrassing topic by collapsing on the ground. His father shook him awake, muttering angrily about disgraces to the Malfoy name, not to mention the Great Snake.
*~*~*
Later that night, in the Room of Requirements…
Harry frowned slightly as Draco sucked on his neck. Again, he rubbed his hips against his lover's. Draco moaned slightly, but… Harry felt nothing.
A horrible idea struck him. What if Mr. Malfoy had cut it off? In a panic, he ripped Draco's boxers off and peered down anxiously.
"What the bloody-" he cried. Draco pulled away and glanced down.
"Oh no! Poor Hairy!" he cried in distress. "This Shrinking Charm!"
*~*~*
Harry limped into breakfast the next morning. Draco had been so angry with him for making fun of his little Hairy, that he hadn't just lifted the Shrinking Charm- he'd used an Engorging Charm. He was very, very, sore. He never thought he'd be relieved when Draco finally returned 'Hairy' to its proper size.
"I couldn't find you last night," Hermione said, eyeing him suspiciously, "so I wrote to Fred and George for you. I wonder what they'll make of this situation."
Harry shrugged, unconcerned. "Doesn't matter, now they could keep sending the Howlers if they want."
Hermione didn't have to say anything. She gave Harry a Look, and he knew immediately that he'd better explain himself. "Mr. Malfoy, apparently, ordered Draco to 'win me over.' We had a good laugh over that one, but basically we can be seen together in public. In fact… we have to be."
"Bully for you," Ron grunted, plopping in the chair beside him.
"Looks like somebody got up on the wrong side of bed," Hermione said airily, turning to her toast.
"Looks like the school genius is wrong," he answered sourly. "Someone didn't get out of any sides of bed at all. I couldn't sleep last night, so I left at like 2 in the morning. Come to think of it, Harry, you weren't back by then…" he said, a bit suspiciously.
It would be a good idea to change the subject now. "Why couldn't you sleep?" Harry asked hastily.
"And where did you go?" Hermione added sternly.
"I went to the kitchens," Ron said. "Oh, and you'll never guess what! I met the Creevey brothers in the hallway, so we all went and got a snack."
"What did you talk about?" Harry asked, a bit apprehensively.
"Oh… nothing much," Ron said, shrugging a little and smiling a little more. Colin and Dennis were desperately worried about the safety of their two biggest idols, and Ron was worried about his best friend. The three of them had decided to take it into their own hands… they would get Mr. Malfoy!
How, why, where, and when could be questioned later. At their lunchtime meeting in the library, as a matter of fact. Lucius Malfoy was going down.
*~*~*
The only thing he could do, Draco decided, was scream. So he did.
"Draco!" his mother yelped, hurriedly putting her hand over his mouth. "What in Merlin's name has gotten into you?"
"Mom?" he asked disbelievingly. "Why are you here?!"
"Well, I heard about your father, of course," she said casually, glancing around. They were standing at the base of the stairs. Draco had been heading to lunch when he turned a corner and saw her.
Yeah, that was when he had started screaming. But really, wasn't it every kid's worst nightmare to have both your parents come to school with you?
"I was afraid for you and Harry- your father is not a good person to have around," she said, lowering her voice a little. "So I wrote to your father and asked him if I could stay with him… I told him I missed him. I also wrote to Dumbledore, who fully agreed with the situation, and I got here last night! Someone has to keep an eye on that slimy snake," she added, mostly to herself, "though I must admit… he is a Great Snake."
Harry's scar might be on his forehead, but Draco's scar was in it. He was going to be mentally scarred for life after this.
He followed his mother into the Great Hall, deliberately lagging behind. Dumbledore greeted his mother with a secret smile, and Lucius greeted her with a cold glance at her chest. Yep, he was going to be scarred.
He took his seat at the Slytherin table, but two seconds later a bunch of flowers dropped on his empty plate. He spun around to see Harry grinning at him.
"Magic flowers," the dark-haired boy said, winking. "You put them by your bed."
A/N: Dun dun dun… Okay, that chapter is finished. I still haven't worked on my other story, so I really have to get my lazy butt in gear. But I happen to like this one better, and I've even started the next chapter…
Once again, I haven't specifically outlined anything, though I do have a bunch of ideas. But if you have any suggestions, or scenes you'd just like to see, feel free to tell me.
If you liked this kind of story (Harry/Draco, sarcastic humor), you might want to read two of my other ones- "The Polyjuice Potion" and "Emotions Running High." Both are finished- though, Emotions Running High has a sequel that should be out in a YEAR OR SO at the rate I'm going. And if you wanted to do me a favor, you could go read "The Other Side," a WIP that is VERY VERY different from these. But don't feel pressured or anything… LOL.
Okay, my much-beloved reviewers: (those who reviewed as of 8/25 3:00 ^_^ )
Serenitas: Hehe, I don't want to give the story away, but I'll just say: I can't stand angst and I'm a sucker for happy endings. ~_^
Lucyfer-Salazar-Malfoy: Thanks- I hope this is enough 'more' ^_^
Party Girl2: Good Lucius would be nice, but he would also throw my plot out the window. Hehe. Or what little plot I have… at least he hasn't killed anyone yet! LOL. Haven't really decided his fate yet… throw in any suggestions!
Shelli: Don't worry, I wouldn't hurt my lovely main characters. At least not fatally… ::laughs maniacally:: to tell you the truth, I haven't really decided what will happen. I hope this fit your definition of 'soon'… ^_^
xx Dodo xx: Thank you so much- that's always such a nice thing to hear! Very good for the old self-esteem ::grins::
SoulSister: Hehe. I love Fred and George… they make anything interesting. ^_^
Tommi/Dragon-Wolf: LOL, well, it burned. Thanks! ~_^
Lunadeath: Bluish-purplish. ::grins:: It's a pretty color, though. ::rolls eyes at self:: Anyway, thank you! And I think "trouble" are Harry and Draco's middle name, LOL.
luin-lote: Thanks! Generally, I try to update fast, but I'm not sure what will happen now that my school has started…
Fuyu Tokyo: I dislike Fudge… a lot… Malfoy paid him off, basically, that's how he got out. Yes, poor Harry and Draco, but at least things are looking up now, right? ^_^
Tasha: Wow- I don't know, but what a cool idea! Too bad Draco and Harry aren't as smart as you… (and good thing Hermione is!) ^_^
Firewrath: Well, I wrote more. And you got it two days before everyone else, too! (Ah, the privileges of actually knowing the author, right?) ^_^ Thanks for reviewing, Christine.
Haretsu: Hm, another reviewer smarter and quicker than Harry and Draco. That was a smart idea! Was that "Agh, those Weasley twins" a good or bad Agh? ~_^ Oh well, I love them, especially their trouble-causing crazy ideas.
Hypergurl20022: All right… was that a good review or a bad review? Well, if you're actually reading this, you know what happened to the Howler, right? ~_^
My review alert seems to be kind of messed up- probably because of all the upgrades going on on FF.net. I hope I didn't miss anyone! But thanks to everyone who reviewed, you guys make my day.