Summary: Sequel to Telling Everyone. Harry and Draco are dating happily, but nothing's guaranteed. Lucius Malfoy is out of Azkaban and… their teacher? They'll be in trouble if he finds out that they're together, but how can they keep it a secret when Everyone Knows?
Disclaimer: I'm not doing this again! I'm sick of it! I don't own anything, and I'm almost positive I won't be owning Harry Potter by the end of this fic. So that's how long this applies!
A/N: This story (as well as Telling Everyone) is archived both at FanFiction.net and at Serenitas's website: www.draconis-carpe-noctem.com. If you're a Slytherin supporter, or just a Harry Potter fan in general, I would really recommend taking a look at this awesome site. ^_^
Review! I absolutely love all my reviewers. Well, except the ones whining about the ships. If you don't like Harry/Draco, you should not have gotten this far.
::cough:: This chapter might not be as funny. And it's a bit shorter… sorry bout that. You'll have to tell me what you think. And read the author's note at the bottom! But for now, I hope you enjoy the chapter! ^_^
*~*~*
Ron gave Neville a sharp nod and a pat on the back before they entered the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. Surprisingly, Neville didn't appear nervous. On the contrary, his face was set and determined, and looked almost excited to have an important mission.
Lucius Malfoy was sitting at his desk, scribbling away at something with an intense look on his face. He looked up in surprise as Ron and Neville boldly took seats in the very front row. "You're early," he commented, slightly annoyed.
Ron shrugged brightly. "My favorite class!" he said. Neville nodded emphatically.
Lucius Great Snake Malfoy simply stared at him. After thirty seconds, in which Ron began to feel extremely uncomfortable: "You're an hour early."
"So?"
"Ten points from Gryffindor," he said calmly, almost happily, and resumed his writing.
Ron wanted to know what he was writing.
Ron also wanted to get Professor Malfoy annoyed with him.
This had nothing to do with wanting to impress Neville. He was straight, goddamn it!
Ron stood up and walked over to Professor Malfoy and bent directly over the desk, reading what he found to be a letter to Professor Snape.
Severus,
How did you sleep last night? Oh, haha, silly me, I know how you slept. You couldn't stop thinking of me, could you? Don't think I didn't notice how you refused to look at me at breakfast. I know you're completely obsessed over me.
There's something going on between you and Narcissa, isn't there? Isn't there?? She kept looking at you this morning and laughing. You can't hide anything from me!
You and Draco are lovers. I know it. You couldn't stop staring at his 'Shaggy' last night. What the hell? I'm bigger than that!
But don't worry, I know how you really feel about me. When you ever get your courage, you know where I'll be. And what I'll be wearing.
"You have some serious issues," Ron commented.
"Mister Weasley!" Lucius bellowed. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"Reading," he said. "And trying to figure out your complex persona. Let me get this straight. Snape loves you. No, wait, he's having an affair with your wife. Actually, he's lusting after your son. But underneath all this, he wants you."
"Actually, he just wants me," Lucius said proudly. "The rest of this crap is just to make him feel guilty for not gathering his courage and therefore allegedly making me suspicious. But I have more self-confidence then that."
"You should see a relationship expert," Ron commented.
"Do you know a good one?"
Ron sighed. "Well, I wish I did! You wouldn't believe the stuff I have to deal with. People keep thinking I'm gay. My own sister thought I was going to give Dennis Creevey sex. And Neville suspected me of inviting him to an orgy!"
Malfoy sighed in sympathy. "We should find one together," he said. "I'll make you a deal. If you find a good relationship expert, I'll pay."
"Really?" Ron asked excitedly. "I bet I could find one. Hey, thanks a lot!"
BOOM!
As the dust cleared, Ron looked over at Professor Malfoy and saw to his satisfaction that his head was a pumpkin.
Actually, he mused, it would technically be a jack o'lantern, right? It had eyes, and a mouth that was currently hanging open in shock. He wondered if there was a little candle inside that lit up when Lucius got an idea.
Okay, now his thoughts were just getting weird.
*~*~*
Mexican Agenda, Goal 1:
Ronald Weasley will distract Lucius Great Snake Malfoy, and attempt to befriend him, while Neville Longbottom Transfigures his head into a watermelon.
*~*~*
Well, it wasn't a watermelon, but he supposed this was good enough. Neville had always been horrible at Transfiguration.
"TURN! IT! BACK!" the jack o'lantern bellowed. "Look at what you've done to my hair!"
*~*~*
Harry and Draco sat on one of the staircases. Their heads were resting against each other, creating a lovely picture Narcissa had once commented on, dark against light. Their arms were around each other's shoulders. Harry had one leg curled up under him and the other stretching out. Draco had one leg stretched out.
The other leg was mostly submerged in the trick stair.
"You know, this is nice," Harry spoke up. "We don't do this enough."
"Just sit together," Draco agreed. "You're right. Maybe we have sex too much."
Silence.
"Naah," they agreed as one.
"Maybe we just don't spend enough time together," Harry suggested, moving his other arm to wrap around Draco.
"That's it," the blonde agreed. "But we spend every hour we possibly can together. I guess there aren't just enough hours in the day."
"Mmmm," Harry agreed.
"You boys could at least do something resembling subtle," Narcissa said, trotting down the stairs behind them.
Harry twisted around. "Hello, Mrs. Malfoy," he said, smiling.
"Hi, Mum," Draco said, trying to twist his head. "D'you think you could help me? I'm a bit stuck. Blasted stairs," he muttered under his breath.
"I'll do it," Harry said, standing up lazily. He put his arms under Draco's and hauled him upward.
"Potter!" Draco said indignantly. "You bloody could have done that three hours ago! My leg's fallen asleep!" To prove it, he collapsed in a dramatic heap.
"I liked you like that," Harry smirked. "Made me feel dominant for once."
"I have some fuzzy handcuffs you could use," Narcissa offered. Harry gracefully collapsed next to Draco. "Lucius and I don't use them anymore. He's evolved to the full-body chains and whips."
"I challenge any kid who says their parents are embarrassing," Draco muttered.
"What color are the handcuffs?" Harry asked interestedly.
*~*~*
"You come to DADA."
"I bloody will not! I'm going to fail Charms. You come with me."
"If you're going to fail Charms, then missing one more class won't hurt you. On the other hand, I've got a reputation as a DADA master to uphold. I'll show everyone I can fight Dark wizards even with my lover chained to me."
"You make it sound so erotic."
Harry shook his head despairingly. "We shouldn't have been in such a hurry to try out the handcuffs."
"Who knew they were magical handcuffs?" Draco asked reasonably.
"The fact that they were glowing should have tipped us off."
Draco gave Harry a lopsided smile. "We could always fulfill the requirements…"
"Don't tempt me!" Harry said in a slightly strangled voice. "I can't have sex right before Defense Against the Dark Arts. That would totally screw up my performance."
Draco shook his head. "You sound so serious," he teased. "Oof!"
Harry had looked at his watch, saw that there were only five minutes left until the start of class, and promptly dragged Draco down the hall to the classroom. Lucius lifted an eyebrow (yes, Neville had turned him back) when he saw his son come in after Harry.
"Draco, what are you…" his voice trailed off. His gaze traveled to the handcuffs, which turned out to be pink, and his mouth formed a smirk. Those in the class that recognized the magical object began snickering. The magical handcuffs, once clipped to somebody, could not be undone until said person had sex. Harry and Draco, in momentary amusement, had fastened one end to each of their wrists. And now they weren't coming off. Hence the argument about who was going with who to class.
Harry lifted his chin determinedly and sat down in his desk. Unfortunately, the closest desk to his was… far. Draco ended up on the floor.
"Ha-rry…" he whined.
Harry glanced down, and the corner of his mouth twitched. "Sit in my lap," he suggested.
The boys were rather distracted through the first fifteen minutes of class. Professor Malfoy, despite his 'supreme git-ness,' as Narcissa had put it to the couple, wasn't a bad teacher. Today, he had decided to let them do a little hands-on training. "I have an Acromantula in this closet. You'll go in one by one and try to face it." Ron made a disgusted face and vowed that he'd rather kiss Neville than face the spider.
No! See, kissing Neville was a bad thing. Because he was straight, damnit! How many times did he have to say that?
Harry raised his hand- the one not currently attached to Draco- intending to ask how he was going to go in one by one when he was two. No, he didn't understand it either.
"Any volunteers?" Lucius asked. "Thank you, Mister Potter."
"Huh? Oh- actually… Well, I guess I'll just go," he said uncertainly, looking at Draco and shrugging.
Draco opened his eyes in panic. "No!" he said frantically, but before he knew it, Harry had dragged him into the closet.
"Come on out, spider!" Harry called boldly.
"Harry, we left our wands back by the stairs!" Draco whispered urgently.
Harry gulped.
*~*~*
The class listened to screams of pain and horror floating from the closet. Ron winced as Harry shrieked particularly loudly. "D'you reckon he's okay?" he asked no one in particular.
"He'll be fine," Hermione said confidently. "He's really good in Defense Against the Dark Arts. As long as he has his wand, he'll beat the Acromantula easily."
The door opened and Narcissa waltzed in. "Hello, all," she said cheerfully. Lucius looked at her disinterestedly… probably wondering what she'd look like with sallow skin, crooked teeth, and greasy black hair. What was wrong with him, anyway? "Look what Harry and Draco left!" she said, holding up two bags. "Where are they, anyway? Their quills are in here… not to mention their wands! They'll need those."
Ron and Hermione's jaws dropped. Neville went white. Even Lucius managed to look concerned. The Gryffindors sucked their breaths in with horror.
And the closet door swung open, revealing a beaming Harry and Draco. "Professor Malfoy, do you think it was that closet the Acromantula is in?" Harry asked innocently, pointing at the door across the classroom.
Silence. Everyone looked at each other. Ron slowly stood up, walked over, opened the door, and slammed it shut. Face white, body shaking, he launched himself across the room and planted a kiss on Neville's lips.
"Don't look at me that way!" he told the class as Neville hid under his desk, shaking. "I'm straight! There is a logical explanation to this!"
"What were you doing in the closet, then?" Hermione asked reasonably, seeming to be the only one in the room keeping her wits. It was then that she noticed that Harry's and Draco's wrists were no longer chained together.
*~*~*
Ron received an owl at breakfast the next morning. He skimmed the parchment it delivered, grinned broadly, and gave Lucius Malfoy the thumbs-up sign. The blonde hurriedly got up from the Head Table and met Ron outside.
"Found a relationship expert," he said excitedly. "The weird thing, he used to be a patient in Saint Mungo's. Everyone thought he would be in there for life. But I guess if you can make it out of Azkaban to become our substitute teacher, he can make it out of Saint Mungo's and become a relationship expert."
"Who is it, Weasley?" Lucius asked, trying to mask his excitement. Finally, he'd be getting some professional help!
***A/N: All right, people, this is important. I need some help here!***
As you may have noticed, I've been drifting towards a bit of Neville/Ron. I honestly didn't mean to, my plot bunny has a mind of its own!
But I'm considering putting Ron with someone definitely. Neville/Ron would be my ideal choice, I guess, but I don't have a real preference. So I guess I'll let you guys decide. Tell me if you want straight Ron, gay Ron, or single Ron. And if you choose to have Ron hook up with someone, please tell me who!
**Vote in a review!!** And I really want your advice on this, people. Ships with the most votes wins, I guess that's fair. Cutoff date… um, I guess Monday (Sunday night), and I'll try and write the 6th chapter quick but because of that it might be a little delayed.
And the last thing – anyone have any good Mexican Agenda – Goals? Stick 'em in a review. I'll give you credit if I decide to use them. But I could always use inspiration. ^_^
Thanks for all the people who try and help me out!!
And hey… anyone have a guess as to the identity of the relationship expert? (Now that I asked that, I'm sure you'll start thinking and get it.) Hehe.