A quick note (you can find longer ones as well as my disclaimer in previous chapters):
For the duration of the detention, paragraphs in italics with stars on either side are Draco's thoughts as he hides under the invisibility cloak.
More notes at the bottom, but for now read and I hope you enjoy!
*~*~*
"You'll be dead by the time this detention is over," Lucius announced casually as he strode to the front of the room.
Harry looked up in surprise. "Oh. Thanks for letting me know, I guess. I'm getting sick of all these subtle threats. It's good to have it said flat out of a change."
*I always did know Harry was insane. Even when I wasn't shagging him nightly. He'd better be careful, is all I can say. Well, I can't actually say anything, because then my father will hear me and my cover will be blown, but what I really mean here is if he tries to kill Harry I'll curse him. I have my wand out and ready. And then, after this detention, Harry and I can go into the Room of Requirements, and I'll have a different wand out and ready.*
Lucius nodded. "I'm not going to tell you how, though, of course."
"Oh, right. That makes sense."
"Here." Lucius handed Harry a small, crystal bottle. "Clean the desks with this."
"What?" Harry held the bottle up to his eye and shook it a bit. "Clean the desks with it? What is this?"
"It's a cleaning potion." Lucius grinned wolfishly. "A very strong cleaning potion."
"Are you sure there's enough to go around?" Harry asked doubtfully.
"Oh, there's enough to… accomplish my purposes." Lucius grinned again, then discreetly put a hand to his nose.
Harry sighed and set the bottle down. "I'm assuming this is a poison, Professor, and that the fumes will either kill me or cause me to become unconscious."
Lucius frowned. "No! You're getting paranoid. I wouldn't do that!"
Harry made a face. "Hmp. I bet you would."
"Open the bottle, Potter."
"It's poison!""I don't care! Open it and smell it!"
Harry scowled, and lifted his wand to aim at the bottle.
"Expeliarmus." Lucius held out his hand to catch Harry's wand. "Ha! I win!"
"That wasn't fair! You didn't tell me you were going to try and disarm me!"
"I'm not going to tell you in a duel."
"Well, we weren't dueling."
"Hmp. I'm your Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. I'm supposed to be teaching you to be always on your guard. Consider this a lesson and smell the damn bottle!"
Harry felt a finger poke his back gently. Immediately he relaxed. "Fine, then." He yanked out the stopper and inhaled deeply. "Mmmmm…"
Lucius eagerly counted under his breath. "One… two… three! … Three! … I said, three! … What the hell, aren't you listening? THREE! Die, already!"
Harry put a hand to his head, slightly unsteady. But he wasn't close to dying. "That was rum!" he hissed under his breath. "The last thing I need is to be drunk for all of detention! You couldn't have tried to turn it into water or something?"
*Whoops. I probably shouldn't have asked Seamus to teach me that 'turning into rum' spell. [1] At least it didn't blow up in my face! Oh, that would have been horrible. His eyebrows were singed for weeks!*
"Damn you, Potter!" Malfoy said, frowning. "Ah, well, I have a back up plan." He fell silent for a minute, while Harry stared at him silently and tried to take a discreet sip of the rum. It was just so good! He should ask Draco to do this to the pumpkin juice. Although, there were probably spells on liquids that originated in Hogwarts, or most of the school would spend most of their time drunk. Either that or with no eyebrows.Malfoy glanced at him suspiciously, and Harry hastily lowered the bottle. 'Yes, Professor, I'm drinking your "poison".' That wouldn't go over too well.
"It's awfully hot in here!" Lucius said cheerfully. Harry raised an eyebrow. It was February, and though the castle was kept warm, it certainly wasn't hot. [2]
Lucius strode over to the window and flung it open. "Much better!" he said cheerfully as a blast of cold air hit him, leaving him covered with a white film. "And look! It's snowing! How lovely!"
Harry flung his arms around his shoulders. "It's freezing!"
"Oh?" Malfoy smiled innocently. Then his grin broadened. Then he giggled.
*Bloody hell, he's scaring me. I don't sound like that when Harry's stroking me or anything, do I?*
"Well, if you don't like it, Mr. Potter… go close the window."
"Well, duh," Harry said, rolling his eyes. He took two steps forward and stopped. "You're going to push me out, aren't you?"
"Damnit!" Lucius cried, stamping his foot. "I mean, no! Of course not! Why would I do such a thing?"
Harry scowled. "You did say you were going to try and kill me."
"Well, yes, but I told Severus I was going to get him into bed, and did that work out? Nooo…"
Harry considered this. "So you mean, I'm not really going to die?"
Lucius thought about what he just said. "The world is against me!" He sat down stubbornly on the floor, and Harry picked this instance to dart forward and swing the window closed.
"Harry! Even you're against me!" Lucius sniffed.
"You're trying to kill me, Professor Malfoy. I'm not going to be on your side."
"I won't try and kill you if you get Severus into bed with me!" Lucius suddenly offered, jumping up in excitement.
Harry thought about it. "Well, I do hate Snape…" Draco gave him a sharp nudge. "I mean, no! I wouldn't subject even Snape to that kind of torture. Take your best shot!"
*Okay, so maybe it would have saved Harry, but it just didn't seem fair! But I'll protect him anyway.*
"Fine! I'll kill you, Potter! You meddling child!"
"With a full head of hair!"
Lucius's eyes went wide. "That was low," he whispered.
Harry did feel a little ashamed, but… "Speaking of hair, what's with your turban?"
Lucius immediately scowled. "None of your business! Now, go… go… go… go and die!"
Harry raised his eyebrows. "You mean you're not going to come up with some thinly disguised reason for me to do something deadly?"
"I can't think of anymore," Lucius confessed. "Just leave, Potter! Leave me alone!" He sat on the floor again, pouting.
"Fine!" Harry stormed over to the door, flung it open, and marched outside. Then he slammed it behind him.
*Oooooowww!! Shiiit!! Bloody bloody bloody hell! Shit! Damnit! God-damned door!*
Harry immediately yanked the door open again, having heard it collide with something big and heavy. And Draco was the only big, heavy, invisible thing he thought was in the room.
"You're back," Lucius said sullenly.
"Yeah, um, I… Oh! I want my wand back! Ow!"
Lucius threw the wand at Harry's head as hard as he could. Harry debated staying to fight, but Draco was tugging at his arm, so he settled for glaring and running.
*~*~*
Mexican Goal:
To start a food-fight in the Great Hall, with Lucius Great Snake Malfoy being the main target.
*~*~*
The Mexicans had mixed reactions after reading the latest Mexican Goal.
Ron and Neville were too busy kissing to pay attention.
Narcissa shrieked that if one single crumb got into her hair she would make all of them pay with their lives.
Colin shrugged and said, "Awesome!"
Luna nodded serenely.
And Dennis fell out of his chair. The resulting boom was loud enough so that even Ron and Neville looked up.
"Dennis, what's the matter?" Narcissa asked wearily from her perch on the desk. They'd been allowed to use the Charms classroom as meeting grounds, though Flitwick had no idea what they were doing in there.
Dennis crawled quickly on the floor and peered out the door. "He's gone."
"Who is gone?" Colin asked, rolling his eyes.
"Harry. I saw him while I was sitting on the chair, and I tried to lean over to see him. But he got further down the hall, and I just fell off the seat. And he's gone now."
"Are you really that obsessed with Harry?" Ron asked, brow crinkling.
"Well, he was acting weird. He was hugging the air, and doing some weird wiggly movements with his hips, and moaning, and biting the area in front of his shoulder, but no one was with him."
Ron shook his head. "Harry gets stranger and stranger every day. But wandering down the hallway, pretending to make out with someone, alone? That's a new one."
"Why was he wandering the hallway, anyway?" Neville mused.
"Probably finishing his detention," Narcissa said thoughtfully.
"Oh. Right."
After about five seconds of silence, Ron also fell out of his chair, landing dangerously close to Dennis, who was crawling back to his seat. "Harry's detention!"
"We forgot about it!" Colin said, jumping up.
"We have to go make sure he's still alive!" Ron said frantically. "Who knows what happened to him! He's probably dead by now!"
They all rushed for the door. As the five children tried to squeeze through at the same time, Narcissa asked in a drawling voice, "Didn't Dennis just see him?"
They all stopped. "That's right…"
Narcissa let out a loud sigh. "Maybe we should all go to dinner," she suggested.
They nodded timidly.
*~*~*
Harry and Draco exercised self-control for once. When they got to the Great Hall, they peeled away from each other and Draco returned the Invisibility Cloak, and the boys headed to opposite sides to eat.
The Mexicans entered and took their seats, taking mental note of the food. Turkey, mashed potatoes, lots and lots of gravy. They were all excellent foods for food fights.
Lucius stormed in a few minutes later, turban coming dangerously loose. As a matter of fact, when Dennis decided he didn't want to wait until the man even sat down to begin the food fight and threw a turkey drumstick at his head, it came off.
There was dead silence for a few minutes, as people took in his hairstyle. Then Ron, quickly bored, flung a handful of mashed potatoes at his robes.
That was as far as the food fight progressed, at least at the beginning of the meal. No one wanted to be the next one to move, for Lucius had a murderous expression on his face.
Slowly, he sat down. No more than two seconds had passed, when Draco jumped up and raced across the room.
He stopped next to Harry, who gave him a questioning look. Draco ignored him, and pretended to study a spot on the wall above his head.
After a few seconds of standing there, he announced loudly, "No need to worry, folks. There really wasn't a smudge on the wall, Hogwarts is clean as always!" He turned dramatically and tripped over a non-existent bump on the floor.
He took his time sweet time standing up, and managed to whisper in Harry's ear, "I'm just checking up on you! I want to make sure you're okay after the 'scare in detention' today!"
Harry put a hand over his face to hide the big grin, and also to whisper "I'm fine." Draco then rushed back over to the Slytherin table.
Two minutes had passed before the blonde boy jumped up again. Fewer people looked up to watch him hurry across the room. "Harry, pass the gravy?" he asked loudly. "Are you sure you're okay?" he asked again, in a whisper.
"Sure," Harry said loudly. "Sure," he whispered. "I'm fine."
"Okay." Draco took the gravy and brought it to the Slytherin table, poured it carefully, and moved back over to the Gryffindor tables. "Here! I'm done with this delicious gravy!" He gave Harry a bright smile. "You're still okay?"
"I'm still okay, Draco," Harry said patiently.
Draco left the Slytherin tables five more times during the meal to check up on Harry. No one believed the flimsy excuses he came up with ("I wanted to study the wall here more closely", "You can see the Great Hall's ceiling better from this angle," "I thought there was a delicious-looking bug hovering near Potter's ear") except the one person he wanted to deceive. His father sat at the Head Table, glaring at Severus and Narcissa and ignoring Draco.
For Narcissa was sitting next to the man, chatting away happily, making things up blatantly, though Lucius had no idea. For him, these "Last night was marvelous, Severus!" and "I loved that new underwear you bought," and "Those new leather bonds were fabulous!" were torture for him to hear.
Poor Severus Snape, too, wasn't altogether happy. He had no idea what Narcissa was talking about, but every time he tried to say this, she would pinch him sharply on the thigh. It wasn't much of an improvement from the last meal.
About two-thirds of the way though the meal, Ron decided it was time for a food-fight again. However, even he wasn't stupid enough to begin throwing things at Professor Lucius Great Snake Malfoy again. This time, he grabbed a turkey leg and threw it at the Slytherin table.
It hit Crabbe in the head. Now, Crabbe wasn't known for being bright. But he was known for being strong, testy, and supremely violent. So he lifted the entire plate of turkey and threw it high into the center of the room. It came crashing down some scared Hufflepuff third-years.
That was all it took, really. The whole of the school erupted into one giant food-fight. Perhaps the teachers would have stopped it right away, but Narcissa had placed some Fascination Spells on their drinking goblets. Severus and Lucius were the only two she hadn't done it to, (Albus Dumbledore wasn't in the room) however. Lucius was busy being bombarded by mashed potatoes dripping with gravy, and Severus was actually looking at Narcissa in admiration. It took a strong Fascination Spell to completely overwhelm the whole of the faculty. In between mashed potatoes dripping down his eyes, Lucius noticed the glance and completely misinterpreted it, and even under the layer of food one could see his face growing red.
The prefects were no match for the ready-to-fight students, either, and the fact that many of them were willingly throwing food around wasn't helpful either. The Head Boy and Girl were not present at the meal, either- there were some suspicions about this, as the two were dating.
So the food-fight raged long and hard. Ron thought it was a rather splendid success. That is, until the door to the Great Hall flung open and Albus Dumbledore walked in, accompanied by the Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge.
*~*~*
[1] – Heh, this is from the first Harry Potter movie. Anyone remember that scene?
[2] – I have to confess, I have no idea what date it's supposed to be. I have a bad feeling I already assigned a month to the story, but for the life of me I cannot remember if I did. I think the fact that it's February makes that little run Neville took a little weird, but ah, he was in a panic. And Draco and Harry looking at the stars, well, they're just insane. ~.^
I'm not entirely happy with this chapter. I'm not sure why. Maybe because the OOCness reached new heights. -_-() Anyway, I thought the whole thing was kind of lame.
This might seem kind of sudden: I think the next chapter will be the last. It doesn't look like I'm anywhere near a real conclusion, but I hope I'll be able to wrap things up. Guess we'll just have to see. ^_^
And in response to Arwen Rayne: Hufflepuff macaroni and cheese does sound the best. I wonder why it seems so appealing…? ~.^ You got me thinking about that all week. They should really go ahead and make some. Heh.
Thanks to everyone who reviewed, and please keep it up! ~.^