He would have married Jennifer. If only she'd said yes. In the four and
half years they'd spent together, she'd become his entire world. She was
his lover, his best friend, his confidant and his favorite drinking buddy.
He never got tired of her. She knew his emotional and physical scars. Her
love had finally ended the depression that followed his best friend's death
several years before. He'd taken her to Syracuse to meet his family and
taken her to Ireland when his grandmother died. He knew the meaning behind
every look she gave him, every sound she made. He'd found his soul mate.
And then it all came crashing down. In the blink of an eye, it was over.
All because she wouldn't or, couldn't, say yes.
It'd been a pity proposal, she argued later. He didn't really want to marry her, she said. What the hell did she know?
Jennifer had come home from her shift early one day. Didn't feel well, she'd said. After three days, Speed took her to the doctor. They'd run some tests and drawn blood. Finally the doctor came back in. "Well, Jennifer, Tim, seems like I get to pass some good news on to you. You're pregnant!" the doctor exclaimed. Tim looked at Jennifer. All the blood had rushed out her face, and she had her head between her legs. "Pregnant?" Tim stared at the doctor. "We're going to have a baby?" It had been the beginning of the end.
They'd gone home that afternoon, Jennifer in shock, Tim elated. "How could I be pregnant?" She'd said it like it was some kind of disease. "We've always been so careful." She started crying. Tim sat on the couch next to her and put his arm around her. "No form of birth control is 100% effective. I guess we're that small minority." She just stared at him. "This is going to be great, baby, you'll see." He wasn't just trying to comfort her. He really was excited. She just needed some time to get used to the idea.
He'd gone back to work that afternoon - caught up with his co-workers at the private club where they were meeting the feds. He could hardly contain his excitement when he got to club and was more than a little zealous in introducing himself to the CSIs from Las Vegas, who were in town working on the case. Tim didn't think he'd ever smiled this much in his life.
Eric had asked him about it later that afternoon, while he was suiting up to search the canal for a possible murder weapon. "So, what are you going to do?" Eric asked. "Do?" Tim replied. "What do you mean do?" "Are you going to marry her, dumb ass? She's pregnant.with your child, man." Delko looked at his best friend like he was a complete idiot. Tim's mood changed dramatically. "I haven't made it that far yet." What was he going to do?
They'd talked about marriage, but Jennifer had her heart set on being a detective, and she was almost there. She could take the test in six months, when she was of the right age and the right rank. Jennifer hadn't wanted to risk getting pregnant before she could ever take the test, or right after she made detective, so they decided to wait for a while. And now, here they were. Jennifer was pregnant. Right now. Six months away from the detective exam. No wonder she wasn't excited. A baby was not in her plans.
When Tim got home that night, they didn't discuss the baby or the future. Jennifer made dinner, Tim told her about his day, about Willows and Brown from Vegas. They went to bed. They got up the next day and went to work. It went on this way for weeks.
Tim had secretly gone to Calleigh for help in picking out a ring for Jennifer. He'd buttered her up by reminding her of her great taste. Calleigh was more than willing to help. She and Jennifer had become very good friends since Calleigh came to work in Miami.
They'd gone out that afternoon, looking for the perfect ring. Calleigh rolled her eyes and made gagging sounds when Tim sold the sales lady that the diamond had to be as bright as Jennifer's eyes. "You are so far gone, man!" she'd teased him. He found the ring at the third store. A carat and a half, three stone ring, white gold. Three stones, he thought: Jen, the baby and me. "I'll take it," he'd said. He'd swiped Jennifer's high school ring from her jewelry box so he'd know her size. He picked up the ring two days later. He was ready.
Just as Tim was getting back into his truck, his cell phone rang. He didn't recognize the number.
"Speedle."
"Speed. It's John."
"Hey man! I was going to call you. I've got something I need to talk to you about." He couldn't hide the excitement in his voice. John and Jennifer's father had died eight years ago, and Tim was going to ask John if he could marry his little sister.
"Tim," John hesitated. "Stop, man. There's been an accident. I'm at St. Francis and I need you to come up here." Tim couldn't find his voice.
"I'll be right there."
Tim reached St. Francis in less than ten minutes. John was waiting as he came running through the emergency room doors.
"Where is she?" Tim demanded to know.
"She's in with the doctors. They're stitching her up, running some tests." John's face expressed concern, but his voice was relatively calm.
"What the hell happened?" Tim grew more impatient the longer he stood in the hall with John.
"Jen and her partner pulled this guy over for a broken tail light. When Jen got up to the window, the guy pulled a gun on her and shot." John's words made Tim felt faint. He sat down in the closet chair.
"He didn't hit her. Missed by a mile, according to her." Hagen chuckled lightly. "The guy took off; Jen jumped back in the patrol car and took off after him. There was a high-speed chase. I was in the vicinity, so I got involved too. Some other idiot was coming through an intersection, saw the suspect's car flying through the light, stopped, and then took off. Broadsided Jen's car - on her side. I saw the whole thing."
Tim couldn't speak. He sat there, taking in the situation. Jennifer was hurt. She wouldn't be in the damn emergency room if she weren't hurt, right? Oh God, he thought, the baby. He'd have to find the doctor.
"John, what about." His voice trailed off. John didn't know about the baby. No one knew about the baby, other than Delko, and that was just because Tim had to tell someone.
John took a deep breath and stared at the floor. "No, man, she lost the baby. I'm really sorry."
Tim felt a wave a nausea wash over him. John placed a hand on Speed's shoulder. "I'm going to go tell the nurse that you're here, okay?" Tim simply nodded a reply.
Thirty minutes later, a nurse came out and told Tim he could see Jennifer. That walk into the room was the longest he'd ever taken. He paused outside the door and took a deep breath, exhaling it very slowly.
"Hey beautiful" he said as he opened the door, trying to put his best face forward.
She immediately started crying and turned her head away from him.
"Hey, what are the tears for? The doctor says you are going to be fine. John says that your car looks a whole lot worse than you do." It was a sad attempt at a joke and he knew it. He just didn't know what to say to her.
"Tim, I." she said through the sobs.
"I know, baby, I know. It's gonna be okay, I swear." He sat down beside her on the bed and took her hand. She leaned into him and continued to sob.
Tim took her home two days later. He'd hidden the ring in his sock drawer because he didn't figure Jennifer would be doing the laundry any time soon. She slept, a lot. She cried, a lot. The doctor told him it was normal for someone who had lost a baby. That it had to do with her hormones, or something like that. He'd only been half-listening, lost in his own sorrow and grief. He just wanted to get her home. Jennifer refused to talk about the baby or her feelings. She'd shut herself up inside. He'd touch her and she'd pull away.
She stayed that way for almost six weeks. When she finally went back to work, things slowly began returning to normal. One night at dinner, out of the blue, Jennifer said, "We need to name the baby." Tim dropped his fork. "Name the baby?" he said. "She needs a name, Tim. We can't keep calling her 'the baby' forever." Jennifer was staring at her plate, moving her mashed potatoes around with her fork. Tim debated seriously about cracking a joke right now. Hell go for it, you've got nothing to lose, he thought. "What makes you so sure it was a girl? My good Irish blood produces boys." He grinned at her, and was thrilled when she gave him a half-smile back and rolled her eyes. "A mother knows these things, Tim. She was a girl."
They named her Emily. Emily Grace Speedle. Jennifer said now that the baby had a name, Emily could rest in peace, and so could she. Jennifer slept that night better than she had in months. She woke up refreshed, and happy. They'd made love for the first time that morning since the accident. Tim knew that it was time. He was ready to ask Jennifer to marry him.
It'd been a pity proposal, she argued later. He didn't really want to marry her, she said. What the hell did she know?
Jennifer had come home from her shift early one day. Didn't feel well, she'd said. After three days, Speed took her to the doctor. They'd run some tests and drawn blood. Finally the doctor came back in. "Well, Jennifer, Tim, seems like I get to pass some good news on to you. You're pregnant!" the doctor exclaimed. Tim looked at Jennifer. All the blood had rushed out her face, and she had her head between her legs. "Pregnant?" Tim stared at the doctor. "We're going to have a baby?" It had been the beginning of the end.
They'd gone home that afternoon, Jennifer in shock, Tim elated. "How could I be pregnant?" She'd said it like it was some kind of disease. "We've always been so careful." She started crying. Tim sat on the couch next to her and put his arm around her. "No form of birth control is 100% effective. I guess we're that small minority." She just stared at him. "This is going to be great, baby, you'll see." He wasn't just trying to comfort her. He really was excited. She just needed some time to get used to the idea.
He'd gone back to work that afternoon - caught up with his co-workers at the private club where they were meeting the feds. He could hardly contain his excitement when he got to club and was more than a little zealous in introducing himself to the CSIs from Las Vegas, who were in town working on the case. Tim didn't think he'd ever smiled this much in his life.
Eric had asked him about it later that afternoon, while he was suiting up to search the canal for a possible murder weapon. "So, what are you going to do?" Eric asked. "Do?" Tim replied. "What do you mean do?" "Are you going to marry her, dumb ass? She's pregnant.with your child, man." Delko looked at his best friend like he was a complete idiot. Tim's mood changed dramatically. "I haven't made it that far yet." What was he going to do?
They'd talked about marriage, but Jennifer had her heart set on being a detective, and she was almost there. She could take the test in six months, when she was of the right age and the right rank. Jennifer hadn't wanted to risk getting pregnant before she could ever take the test, or right after she made detective, so they decided to wait for a while. And now, here they were. Jennifer was pregnant. Right now. Six months away from the detective exam. No wonder she wasn't excited. A baby was not in her plans.
When Tim got home that night, they didn't discuss the baby or the future. Jennifer made dinner, Tim told her about his day, about Willows and Brown from Vegas. They went to bed. They got up the next day and went to work. It went on this way for weeks.
Tim had secretly gone to Calleigh for help in picking out a ring for Jennifer. He'd buttered her up by reminding her of her great taste. Calleigh was more than willing to help. She and Jennifer had become very good friends since Calleigh came to work in Miami.
They'd gone out that afternoon, looking for the perfect ring. Calleigh rolled her eyes and made gagging sounds when Tim sold the sales lady that the diamond had to be as bright as Jennifer's eyes. "You are so far gone, man!" she'd teased him. He found the ring at the third store. A carat and a half, three stone ring, white gold. Three stones, he thought: Jen, the baby and me. "I'll take it," he'd said. He'd swiped Jennifer's high school ring from her jewelry box so he'd know her size. He picked up the ring two days later. He was ready.
Just as Tim was getting back into his truck, his cell phone rang. He didn't recognize the number.
"Speedle."
"Speed. It's John."
"Hey man! I was going to call you. I've got something I need to talk to you about." He couldn't hide the excitement in his voice. John and Jennifer's father had died eight years ago, and Tim was going to ask John if he could marry his little sister.
"Tim," John hesitated. "Stop, man. There's been an accident. I'm at St. Francis and I need you to come up here." Tim couldn't find his voice.
"I'll be right there."
Tim reached St. Francis in less than ten minutes. John was waiting as he came running through the emergency room doors.
"Where is she?" Tim demanded to know.
"She's in with the doctors. They're stitching her up, running some tests." John's face expressed concern, but his voice was relatively calm.
"What the hell happened?" Tim grew more impatient the longer he stood in the hall with John.
"Jen and her partner pulled this guy over for a broken tail light. When Jen got up to the window, the guy pulled a gun on her and shot." John's words made Tim felt faint. He sat down in the closet chair.
"He didn't hit her. Missed by a mile, according to her." Hagen chuckled lightly. "The guy took off; Jen jumped back in the patrol car and took off after him. There was a high-speed chase. I was in the vicinity, so I got involved too. Some other idiot was coming through an intersection, saw the suspect's car flying through the light, stopped, and then took off. Broadsided Jen's car - on her side. I saw the whole thing."
Tim couldn't speak. He sat there, taking in the situation. Jennifer was hurt. She wouldn't be in the damn emergency room if she weren't hurt, right? Oh God, he thought, the baby. He'd have to find the doctor.
"John, what about." His voice trailed off. John didn't know about the baby. No one knew about the baby, other than Delko, and that was just because Tim had to tell someone.
John took a deep breath and stared at the floor. "No, man, she lost the baby. I'm really sorry."
Tim felt a wave a nausea wash over him. John placed a hand on Speed's shoulder. "I'm going to go tell the nurse that you're here, okay?" Tim simply nodded a reply.
Thirty minutes later, a nurse came out and told Tim he could see Jennifer. That walk into the room was the longest he'd ever taken. He paused outside the door and took a deep breath, exhaling it very slowly.
"Hey beautiful" he said as he opened the door, trying to put his best face forward.
She immediately started crying and turned her head away from him.
"Hey, what are the tears for? The doctor says you are going to be fine. John says that your car looks a whole lot worse than you do." It was a sad attempt at a joke and he knew it. He just didn't know what to say to her.
"Tim, I." she said through the sobs.
"I know, baby, I know. It's gonna be okay, I swear." He sat down beside her on the bed and took her hand. She leaned into him and continued to sob.
Tim took her home two days later. He'd hidden the ring in his sock drawer because he didn't figure Jennifer would be doing the laundry any time soon. She slept, a lot. She cried, a lot. The doctor told him it was normal for someone who had lost a baby. That it had to do with her hormones, or something like that. He'd only been half-listening, lost in his own sorrow and grief. He just wanted to get her home. Jennifer refused to talk about the baby or her feelings. She'd shut herself up inside. He'd touch her and she'd pull away.
She stayed that way for almost six weeks. When she finally went back to work, things slowly began returning to normal. One night at dinner, out of the blue, Jennifer said, "We need to name the baby." Tim dropped his fork. "Name the baby?" he said. "She needs a name, Tim. We can't keep calling her 'the baby' forever." Jennifer was staring at her plate, moving her mashed potatoes around with her fork. Tim debated seriously about cracking a joke right now. Hell go for it, you've got nothing to lose, he thought. "What makes you so sure it was a girl? My good Irish blood produces boys." He grinned at her, and was thrilled when she gave him a half-smile back and rolled her eyes. "A mother knows these things, Tim. She was a girl."
They named her Emily. Emily Grace Speedle. Jennifer said now that the baby had a name, Emily could rest in peace, and so could she. Jennifer slept that night better than she had in months. She woke up refreshed, and happy. They'd made love for the first time that morning since the accident. Tim knew that it was time. He was ready to ask Jennifer to marry him.