Chapter 1
A girl walked boldly into Wolfram and Hart.
She brought a presence with her that every
demon felt. She topped the scanners with
an overload of power. Up the stairs she stormed.
Knowing exactly where she was heading. Hoping
he'd be happy to see her. Wanting him to be happy.
She had been through so much, she needed him to
need her. This girl of small frame, who brought
such a presence, pushed open the heavy, locked,
double doors to his office. She looked into this
room to see him with Eve.
Shock ran through her body. Emotions ran high;
hate, anger, hurt, love, betrayal, and longing
to be the one in his arms. He looks at her and
his face fills with love then drops to fear and
worry. He silently kicks himself for being so
absorbed in his own self that he didn't feel her
coming. She turns and runs away from him. Away from
this room just to run into a newly restored Spike.
Once again shock runs through her and she believes
she is seeing an illusion. The last time she had seen
him he had given his life to save hers and the
world. She doesn't let herself stop as she passes
him he tries to stop her. She pushes him to the
side and keeps running.
Blinded by tears she runs into Fred who is waiting
for her. Fred holds her as she begins to sob
uncontrollably. Fred comforts her and takes her down
to the lab. Fred had been watching the scanners once
they went off. Fred knew, she watched as she had gone
up to his office and she watched as she ran down the
stairs.
Upstairs, Spike stares at Angel who is trying to tug
on his pants as fast as he could. Spike gives him a
disgusted look for hurting her, then he takes off after
her. Angel gets his pants on and runs right behind
Spike. At the bottom of the stairs they see no one, but
her scent hangs in the air. Spike and Angel follow it.
Hoping to find her before some of the clients did.
Her scent leads them to Fred's office. Spike cautiously
looks in through the window to see Fred rocking back and
forth with 'her' in her arms. His heart flutters, in a manner
of speaking. Just seeing her again awoke something inside
of him he thought had died. Angel crept up beside him
and both knew they felt the same way for this blonde
angel.
Spike takes a deep breath and works up the courage
to go into the room. Angel follows in step. It's Angel
who turns the nob, so very slow not to disturb them.
He pokes his head through the opening and the girls
look up and straight at him.
"Um. . . Fred, could we talk to her alone?" Angel asks
with a hint of fear in his voice. Fred nods and leaves
in a hurry. Angel goes in first, followed by Spike who
closes the door. She just stares at them with a broken
heart and tear ridden eyes.
"I don't know how to start without saying 'Hi, how are you?'"
Angel said while trying to break the tension between the
three of them. She looks at him with such anger that it hurts
him.
"What? You can bed with her but not me?? With me loss of
soul, with her loss of sexual tension! Why? Another
question I have for you. Is he really here or am
I seeing things?" she asks in such a way it makes them
both shutter.
"Its not like that Buffy. I don't love her. Wow,
that makes me a bad man. But I do need some release
or I'll kill myself. Oh, and yes he is real. He
came back through the amulet as a ghost type being,
but now he's all back to himself again." Angel says
glaring at him. Spike advances toward her. He touches her
face.
"There now pet. Its going to be alright." He says not
knowing what else to say. She looks at him lovingly.
"I never thought I'd see you again." she says softly.
She looks at Angel and asks, "You still love me?" her
eyes wide with innocence.
"I hate to say it, but we both love you." he answers her.
She looks at Angel, then at Spike, then back to Angel.
Silence fills the air and she stares at them. A warmth
fills her body. She knows that what they say is true.
Knowing that both love and knowing that she loves them
back. Never admitting to either of them her feelings.
Whenever she does she seems to get hurt. She loses the
man to the beast. Then something tells her to tell
them. Not knowing how'd they's react she looks at
both of them, then begins to speak.
"I have a confession for both of you. I don't
know how either of you will respond to it, but I
have to tell you. Angel, I love you. I've loved you
since we were together. I love everything about
you and truthfully I loved you when you were Angelus.
You were my first, my everything." she says and
he smiles at her. His tense body relaxes and she goes
on. "Spike, this may be hard for you guys to understand,
but I love you too. Ever since you took charge and
gave your life to save all of ours. Though I did love
you before then I would never admit to myself that
I did. You two haunt my dreams. I long for you
both. It hurts me to dream, so I don't sleep. Even
with no sleep I have no release from your grips.
I carry you with me each day." She says as a tear
drops from her eye.
The two men look at each other. Even though they deny
each other they cannot deny her. They know that both of
them love her, and yet a question lingered in their minds,
'which one would or will she choose?' Spike is the first
to speak.
"Which one of us do you choose?" He asks. She stares at
him. Not knowing how to answerthe question she
has been given.
"You want me to choose? Between the two of you?
I can't do that. I cannot choose. Both of you
have my love equally. I hate it sometimes. I
know you can never be mine. Thats why I came
today. To try to forget you. There is no forgetting
you. I am lost without either of you. I need
you both to live. I came to tell Angel goodbye
forever because I thought you to be dead. Now that
your here I cannot stop these feelings. What am I
supposed to do? Who am I supposed to love?"she
breaks down and begins to cry. Both Spike and Angel
let tears slip from their eyes.
Angel walkes over to her and lifts her to her feet.
He takes her over to Spike and each of the boys hold
her as she sobs. Angel runs his fingers through her hair
and Spike lightly touches her face. She looks into
Spikes eyes and they kiss. Angel lets go of her and
turns to leave. She lets go of Spike and grabs the
loop of Angels pants. She pulls him in for a kiss.
Suddenly, she lets go of his lips and begins to cry
once again.
Spike and Angel look at each other. They know that
if both of them let her love them then there would be
no reason for worry. In silence they came to an
agreement. Angel takes Buffy in his arms and lifts
her chin with his finger. He kisses her soflty then
says,"You don't have to choose."
END CH.1
A girl walked boldly into Wolfram and Hart.
She brought a presence with her that every
demon felt. She topped the scanners with
an overload of power. Up the stairs she stormed.
Knowing exactly where she was heading. Hoping
he'd be happy to see her. Wanting him to be happy.
She had been through so much, she needed him to
need her. This girl of small frame, who brought
such a presence, pushed open the heavy, locked,
double doors to his office. She looked into this
room to see him with Eve.
Shock ran through her body. Emotions ran high;
hate, anger, hurt, love, betrayal, and longing
to be the one in his arms. He looks at her and
his face fills with love then drops to fear and
worry. He silently kicks himself for being so
absorbed in his own self that he didn't feel her
coming. She turns and runs away from him. Away from
this room just to run into a newly restored Spike.
Once again shock runs through her and she believes
she is seeing an illusion. The last time she had seen
him he had given his life to save hers and the
world. She doesn't let herself stop as she passes
him he tries to stop her. She pushes him to the
side and keeps running.
Blinded by tears she runs into Fred who is waiting
for her. Fred holds her as she begins to sob
uncontrollably. Fred comforts her and takes her down
to the lab. Fred had been watching the scanners once
they went off. Fred knew, she watched as she had gone
up to his office and she watched as she ran down the
stairs.
Upstairs, Spike stares at Angel who is trying to tug
on his pants as fast as he could. Spike gives him a
disgusted look for hurting her, then he takes off after
her. Angel gets his pants on and runs right behind
Spike. At the bottom of the stairs they see no one, but
her scent hangs in the air. Spike and Angel follow it.
Hoping to find her before some of the clients did.
Her scent leads them to Fred's office. Spike cautiously
looks in through the window to see Fred rocking back and
forth with 'her' in her arms. His heart flutters, in a manner
of speaking. Just seeing her again awoke something inside
of him he thought had died. Angel crept up beside him
and both knew they felt the same way for this blonde
angel.
Spike takes a deep breath and works up the courage
to go into the room. Angel follows in step. It's Angel
who turns the nob, so very slow not to disturb them.
He pokes his head through the opening and the girls
look up and straight at him.
"Um. . . Fred, could we talk to her alone?" Angel asks
with a hint of fear in his voice. Fred nods and leaves
in a hurry. Angel goes in first, followed by Spike who
closes the door. She just stares at them with a broken
heart and tear ridden eyes.
"I don't know how to start without saying 'Hi, how are you?'"
Angel said while trying to break the tension between the
three of them. She looks at him with such anger that it hurts
him.
"What? You can bed with her but not me?? With me loss of
soul, with her loss of sexual tension! Why? Another
question I have for you. Is he really here or am
I seeing things?" she asks in such a way it makes them
both shutter.
"Its not like that Buffy. I don't love her. Wow,
that makes me a bad man. But I do need some release
or I'll kill myself. Oh, and yes he is real. He
came back through the amulet as a ghost type being,
but now he's all back to himself again." Angel says
glaring at him. Spike advances toward her. He touches her
face.
"There now pet. Its going to be alright." He says not
knowing what else to say. She looks at him lovingly.
"I never thought I'd see you again." she says softly.
She looks at Angel and asks, "You still love me?" her
eyes wide with innocence.
"I hate to say it, but we both love you." he answers her.
She looks at Angel, then at Spike, then back to Angel.
Silence fills the air and she stares at them. A warmth
fills her body. She knows that what they say is true.
Knowing that both love and knowing that she loves them
back. Never admitting to either of them her feelings.
Whenever she does she seems to get hurt. She loses the
man to the beast. Then something tells her to tell
them. Not knowing how'd they's react she looks at
both of them, then begins to speak.
"I have a confession for both of you. I don't
know how either of you will respond to it, but I
have to tell you. Angel, I love you. I've loved you
since we were together. I love everything about
you and truthfully I loved you when you were Angelus.
You were my first, my everything." she says and
he smiles at her. His tense body relaxes and she goes
on. "Spike, this may be hard for you guys to understand,
but I love you too. Ever since you took charge and
gave your life to save all of ours. Though I did love
you before then I would never admit to myself that
I did. You two haunt my dreams. I long for you
both. It hurts me to dream, so I don't sleep. Even
with no sleep I have no release from your grips.
I carry you with me each day." She says as a tear
drops from her eye.
The two men look at each other. Even though they deny
each other they cannot deny her. They know that both of
them love her, and yet a question lingered in their minds,
'which one would or will she choose?' Spike is the first
to speak.
"Which one of us do you choose?" He asks. She stares at
him. Not knowing how to answerthe question she
has been given.
"You want me to choose? Between the two of you?
I can't do that. I cannot choose. Both of you
have my love equally. I hate it sometimes. I
know you can never be mine. Thats why I came
today. To try to forget you. There is no forgetting
you. I am lost without either of you. I need
you both to live. I came to tell Angel goodbye
forever because I thought you to be dead. Now that
your here I cannot stop these feelings. What am I
supposed to do? Who am I supposed to love?"she
breaks down and begins to cry. Both Spike and Angel
let tears slip from their eyes.
Angel walkes over to her and lifts her to her feet.
He takes her over to Spike and each of the boys hold
her as she sobs. Angel runs his fingers through her hair
and Spike lightly touches her face. She looks into
Spikes eyes and they kiss. Angel lets go of her and
turns to leave. She lets go of Spike and grabs the
loop of Angels pants. She pulls him in for a kiss.
Suddenly, she lets go of his lips and begins to cry
once again.
Spike and Angel look at each other. They know that
if both of them let her love them then there would be
no reason for worry. In silence they came to an
agreement. Angel takes Buffy in his arms and lifts
her chin with his finger. He kisses her soflty then
says,"You don't have to choose."
END CH.1