[A/N] I seem to like parodies…(Just the title, mind you)…and it's the itsy bitsy spider…and I have no excuse for the lateness of this chapter…er…parley?

Welcome to My World

Kayo

Chapter XVII: The Evil Black-eyed Hunter Climbed Up the Concert Stage…Down Came the Elfling and Killed Him In a Rage…Out Came the Istari and Helped to Heal the Pain…And the Evil Black-eyed Hunter Went to Middle Earth Again

The song had just come to a blaring ending, though since Legolas and Shawn were behind the amps, the sound didn't have its harmful effects on the poor Elf. Elidh smiled and waved at the crowd, the concert seemingly coming to an end. The other band was waiting anxiously over by their instruments so they could set up fast. Elidh unhooked his bass from the amp located behind him, several water bottles lining the edge. He threw them at the crowd, water spurting onto the humid bodies. It was as if he did this as a kind gesture, as if to relieve the sweltering heat that had possessed his fans while zoning out to his music. Why is he being nice to those people?? I thought he was a brain dead murdering thing from Middle Earth! And I still don't get why he wanted us on stage… Shawn's question was soon answered.

So my pointy-eared-bow-twanger, you finally came. Elidh looked up and down Legolas. That's a very interesting outfit. Did your lover here help dress you?

Legolas' eyes burnt red. Insinuate anything you want! We are here now, so where's Megan?? He grabbed onto Elidh's shirt. The hunter lifted up his hands in defense.

Hey now, don't be so hasty. He glared at Legolas. You wouldn't want to harm me in front of all these people now, would you? The discovery of a living Elf in this world is much worse than losing your precious girl.

Legolas growled at him and roughly pushed him away. Elidh flashed a smirk and led them away from the stage area, towards the backrooms of Shbooms. Shawn supposed Elidh would lead them to his "star room" (those rooms with the stars on the doors) and proceed to take a chainsaw and kill them. On the bright side of things, Jared would save Megan, end up becoming a Mormon, and marrying both Nina and Chloe. Unless that was outlawed, in which he would have an affair with one of them. But that's going off topic.

Elidh, though, did indeed lead them into what looked like the band hang out room. The other band members must have ditched Elidh to hang out with the back stage pass people (mainly consisting of girls of whom they would proceed to flirt with). There was the clichéd mirror with make-up and such for the bands outfits on one side of the room while a rack of clothing stood with only hangers on it. A window was slightly cracked open. There was a little circle of couches where people could sit and brood over the meaning of life or whatever in the middle of the room, and random knick-knacks littering the walls. It was very cozy. Like a cozy den for EVIL!

Elidh plopped himself down on a couch, propping his legs up on the table in front of him. He took a long drink from his water bottle before speaking. So I see you decided to come. And with no weapons too. Very good, friend Elf. He emphasized the word "friend." Now I think we should get down to business.

Throughout the entire time, Legolas held a stern face, ready to pounce. His hands were drawn into fists, causing his knuckles to turn white. Elidh did not notice that Shawn had tucked the two Elven Blades into his clothes, which had somehow stayed with him even after moshing. That was at least an upper hand.

Legolas sneered at the man. Give Megan back, and then we will talk about business. Shawn felt sort of out of place with the Sindarin talk, and stood next to his Elven friend as the harsh words were spoken. Whatever was going on between them, he was sure Legolas wanted to wring Elidh's neck.

Elidh smiled and cocked his head to the side. Now why would I give you Megan? Especially when your Istari friend is already with her, though I doubt he will come out of there with her. Once I get what I want, you can have that girl back. The smile was filled with malice and contempt.

In the back of Legolas' mind, he believed that Jared would be fine. It would be just like Elidh-Feredir to trick them into believing his only way home was in some kind of trouble. So what do you propose we do? I do not even know what it is you want!

Elidh jumped up and exclaimed, I want out of this world! Bring me back to Middle Earth and Sauron! Fire blazed in those eyes.

Shawn had taken a sudden step backwards without even noticing he had. This guy was really creepy.

I cannot being you back to Middle Earth if you are intent on destroying the only Istari located here! Elidh snorted when Legolas said this.

There is now way that Istari by himself could send any one of us back to Middle Earth. Legolas looked at him questionably. In sending Sauron there, he drained all his energy, as you know. But what you don't know is that it took him seventeen years to accumulate all that power.

Legolas was speechless. Seventeen years? Was that what Jared meant when he said it would only take "a little while" for him to regenerate his energy. Of course the time wasn't an issue for the Elf. He would live forever; but the hobbits wouldn't. He needed to return to Middle Earth as fast as he could. But Elidh's knowledge of Jared's strength alerted him to a new predicament: if he was to save Megan, how was he going to send Elidh home if Jared could not?

If the Istari is unable to send either of us home, then how am I supposed to help you?

Elidh smirked, and sat back down on the couch. Though the Istari needed an exceptional amount of energy to send Sauron home, you, Elf, are able to return home as you please. Legolas gasped uncontrollably. It is true. The goal posts in the Edison High School football field are a central portal back to Middle Earth. Did you really think Sauron wouldn't have an emergency exit back to Middle Earth in case his energy was depleted? How could you be so blind even! He brought you here through them!

It made sense. Sauron had had to use power to bring Legolas here, but the goal posts must've had some kind of magic or incantation that used his own Elven light to bring him to Edison. So he could return to Middle Earth whenever he wanted! But would he still need the Istari's help? If Elidh was willing to let Jared die, then apparently not.

It was Legolas' turn to smirk. I will do nothing to aid you. As if the flames in Elidh's eyes caused ill fate, the three men heard screams through the open window.

"That was Megan and Jared!!" Shawn dashed over to the window, ignoring the Sindarin conversation that he didn't understand at all. From it he could see the band's tour bus. I'm such an idiot! Shawn mentally hit himself. Of course Elidh would be a bastard and hide Megan outside the building, away from the crowd! Shawn was about to leave the room when he realized Elidh had taken out a rather long sword from who-knew-where and pointed it at his chest.

"I wouldn't be leaving so soon, no?" He pushed Shawn back into Legolas. Legolas caught him before the weight caused them both to fall down. Elidh circled them both, stroking the tip of his blade.

"I told Legolas your friend would die. I did not know it would take this long, but I guess that would mean I hired good service." Shawn gasped. Jared, Megan…were they dead?! He shook his head. He refused to believe it. Jared was an Istari! He couldn't possibly die!

Before he could think of his sister lying in there in a pile of her own blood, he shouted, "What do you mean by that!?? What did you do to Megan and Jared!?" His breaths came in frantic gasps. His best friend and sister possibly dead; he could not live with that. Though with his luck, he probably wouldn't have to. Elidh walked up to him, sword at Shawn's neck. Through all the confusion in his mind, he still thought, once again with the neck thing.

"That is what happens when your friend here does not comply with requests. Your sister and Istari are dead," he said in a flat tone. Shawn edged his way backwards. Legolas blocked his way. Legolas. He caused their deaths. All the problems in his life came from Legolas. His girlfriend's obsession, Chloe and her fanfiction Haldir/Legolas romances, Sauron trying to kill him, his best friend turning out to be from another world; the list could go on.

"Kill him," Elidh whispered in Shawn's ear.

Is he that stupid? Shawn questioned himself. Me take out an Elf. Doesn't matter than my life's screwed up because of him. He's at least trying to help me, unlike this bastard. The hidden Elven Blades of Doom were exposed from Shawn's baggy pants.

"I'd rather kill you!" And with a swift V-swipe, Elidh was the headless Elf-Hunter. The body fell to the floor with a thud as blood spurted from the severed arteries. Shawn dropped the blades. He couldn't stand the thought that he had just taken a life. Even justified by what he had done, he didn't think he'd ever forgive himself.

"Megan," he whispered under his breath. Legolas was two steps ahead of him. Legolas grabbed the blades so as to not leave any evidence. He had noticed a pole on the outside of the window. They frantically shimmied down onto the hard concrete. The tour bus was eerily quiet. Shawn feared what Elidh had said was true. Were they both dead??

"What took you so long?" a voice shouted. Legolas and Shawn scrambled to the other side of the building to find Jared clutching Megan to him. Megan was crying, her sobs came in hiccups and powerful gasps for air. A trail of blood was running from Jared. "I thought Elidh would'nt've taken that long." A small smile crossed his face.

Shawn smiled in return. "Well if Legolas here hadn't wanted to hold a Coffee Talk with Elidh, we could've been down here sooner to help." Legolas was already prying Megan from Jared. The worn child's eyes lit up when she saw it was her hero, the pretty Elf, who was handing her to her brother.

"SHAWN!" She squealed into his ear and hugged him. Tears welled up in Shawn's eyes, and he fought them away. "I'm so sorry I was gone! I won't get kidnapped again!" Shawn laughed at her innocence.

"Don't worry 'bout it. Just promise not to tell dad about this EVER." Megan nodded her head enthusiastically. Giving her another hug and picking her up, he glanced at Legolas. He was helping Jared stand up. Shawn noticed the broken pieces of his staff and a gaping hole in his side. Grimacing that that was going to be a horrible recovery, he warned, "We should get out of here before they see that mess up there." The group nodded and headed off into the night, the base of the next performing band echoing on.

~*~

"So tell me, how'd you end up with a broken staff and nasty big ass hole?" Shawn questioned on their way home, finally away from the intensely populated area.

Jared sighed. "Well there was a mini-troll thing guarding Megan. I've never run into something like it. I think maybe Sauron or Elidh created it specifically for guarding things. But anyway, like I said before, I found Meg tied up in the bus and the thing attacked me. Bastard thing knocked my staff away from me when I realized Megan was in there. We started to wrestle for it, and it broke it in half. The bottom half if pretty sharp from all the walking I've done in Middle Earth. I, of course, get the blunt end with the ball on top. So it stabs me in the side with the sharp end, causing major pain, ear-piercing cry, and a scream by Meg for seeing blood. Bloody hell does she scream loud. She distracted the creature while I took the blunt in and beat the living shit out of it. Simple as that. Of course I had to pull out the rest of my staff from my body, but hey."

This was of course, all told to Legolas again in Sindarin, though not as in depth. Legolas, however, had his mind on other things. Was it true he could return home without the help of an Istari? He had to know.

Jared, is it true that I can return home without your aid? Jared stopped short. So there was a way. Elidh told me something about the goal posts that Sauron used to transport me here. Is it true that I can return the same way without your help?

It took Jared several moments to answer, Shawn all the while trying to keep Megan from falling out of his arms (she had fallen asleep after her great ordeal). Sauron in a way has Istari energy. He could transport you because one, you are an Elf and already easy to transport because of your purity. And two, he wanted to conserve his energy. If it were possible to send you home through the goal posts, I would have a while ago. But you need something with some kind of energy there to give the final push, so to say.

Legolas sighed. An Istari, I take it? Jared shook his head.

Anyone with major energy. You just have to find him. Or he'll…find…you… They were both looking at Shawn now.

"What!? Is there something on my face??"

Jared swayed over to Shawn. "Looks like we found the person who will be sending Legolas home!"

Shawn looked at Jared and Legolas incredulously. "Why me?"

"Because it makes sense, stupid. It takes major energy to bring someone here, right? So, Sauron created the goal posts portal so it wouldn't strain him so much. That means it borrows energy. So the one who was there was Legolas appeared or was around him the longest must be the one who helped bring him here because of the amount of hidden energy he has! OH I'M SMART."

I don't get it…

~*~

"I can see them now," the flap of a curtain said to the door.

"And they have the goods?" Asked the door.

"Alive and well. Shall we proceed with the plan?" The flap bounced around.

"Yes." Cackling laughter from both objects. "And they thought they could go off on an adventure and use us as a distraction. Oh how wrong they were!!!"

Then the door opened.

tbc…

Sorry this took so long. I was on hiatus for a while! No worries mate, one or two chapters left!

Responses to Reviews:

Josh: You need a computer again. You better be happy that I wrote this chapter for you so that you better go to the dance tomorrow. You still owe me a dance ::glares:: Would make this longer if I didn't talk to you so much and if I didn't want this up soon.

purrple kat: ^_^ Glad to here you liked it! Btw, you spelled "write" wrong ^_~

TitanicHobbit: Awesome name!! Sorry if this chapter wasn't that funny. The next two will be. That's a promise! And you're right, Dreamstrifer has awesome fanfics. Wicked funny, that they are. I wish I were a pirate. AYE AVAST!

Vaniwen Calenlas: You have a cool name too! ^___^ heehee, I wish I were as creative with pen names as others. Oh well, I still like Kayo! And yes, yay for a sequel!

Raptor Rage: lol, yes, prisoners have their own set of "laws." Though I don't think they'd kill Elidh for killing Elves, seeing as how his inmates would think him crazy. And it's not like he's a pedofile, so yay for Elidh! He lives! And look! Meg's alive!

Das Blume: hahahaha, I forgot about the Elf light thing! Yes, we should add that to the list of Kayo Inc. products that I have (though have yet to post). ::falls on floor laughing:: can you imagine Gandalf as a pimp!?? Well, Nina and Chloe are in this chapter…sorta. ^_^;; Don't worry, they're there next chapter! And bungee jumping! NOT FAIR! I wanna go too! ::holds out Legolas as offering::

Nina: oh those fangirls aren't lazy. They're been plotting while the boys were out. As they say, When they boy's are away, the fangirls will plot and…play… lol Yaa…Nina is actually an alien from another planet sent to Earth to take over the planet. ^_^ Thanks for the review!

tamara: hey, you must've clicked the button twice or something! I got two of the same review ::laughs:: If you have that picture of freaky Orlando, I would greatly appreciate it if you would send it to me. If anyone has the picture I want it! Lol

Namarie2legolas: That review was so random and funny with the dolphin thing. ^_^; It's a good thing to know, right?? The principle at my old school looked like he was part of the mafia. And now it's cloudy out and almost time for bed! DAMN WEATHER.

Lindiel Eryn: Honored with a U, you're from either England or Canada! COOL! Lol, though I had a bad habit of spelling humorous with a U for a while. Don't know why. I bought Two Towers and have watched it several times. Though now my DVD player is being mean and I can't watch anything! ARG

Dreamstrifer: Wow we haven't talked in a while! Lol, nice job with the combat boots. My feet were stepped on like crazy! I had to push someone's arse out of my face. Didn't feel too clean after that! And yes, I'm still searching for that damn picture!

Thanks to everyone for sticking through with this! I'm going to try my best to finish this fic ASAP and start the sequel! See ya!