[ mood: tired ]
[ music: Breaking The Habit - Linkin Park ]
What can you do when the only person you thought could save you is the same person that is where you are? I felt stunned, so shocked, like someone had just poured ice water over my body after running on the sun. I had never felt more confused, or anything of that matter then I did then.
"What do you mean you can see it too? Why didn't you tell me?!"
All the words came tumbling out at once. I had never felt so relieved, yet puzzled at the same exact time.
"I didn't think you would understand. I always thought you would think I was crazy, and run away. That's why I went away from you. I didn't want to take you there."
I looked at him, eyes wide, and mouth slightly gawked.
"You ran away from me, while I was trying to run away from it... Makes perfect sense."
I nodded, putting the pieces together a bit at a time.
"After you stopped talking for so long, I knew you had been trapped there too. It was the time that you had tried to get away from it all after everything happened. I knew it would be you Malakai. You were the only one he could reach."
His gaze turned down towards the floor as I knew he felt a sense of shame engulf him totally.
"Xander... I stopped talking because I was scared. This could never be your fault. But, I do have a question for you... Who is he? Is he really... God?"
The question sounded so blunt, and I didn't know whether or not I had done the right thing by throwing it out there like that. But I saw his head move up and down.
"Yes, yes.. it is."
"Then why would he hurt us, Xander?!?! Why would he do these terrible things?"
I lifted up the strands of hair away from my forehead revealing the red cross etched into my skin.
"Why would he want us to suffer, when he's the one that was supposed to save us from everything?!"
I felt hot tears of frustration and fear mixed together start streaming down my cheeks as my voice had risen steadily just to fall. I wanted to close my eyes, and just make it go away. Go back to him and ask him why the fuck he was doing these things to us.
"The path of the just is as a bright light that shineth brighter and brighter unto the perfect day."
The psalms ran through my head. I had heard it before. Xander and I had come from two totally different backgrounds. Myself, Jewish and him Baptist. But brought together by just more then fate.
Did he want to prove something, or just play with two people? I couldn't help but wonder as I started blankly at Xander now. He just shook his head.
"I don't know, baby. I just... don't know."