The Next Day
Harm's Apartment
North of Union Station
0900 EST
I didn't sleep a wink last night. After leaving Webb at McMurphy's, I came straight home and just sat, looking at a picture of her. I couldn't take my eyes off her, she looked so beautiful. Why didn't I just do something way back then, when things weren't so complicated?
"You've really done it this time, Rabb." I mutter to myself, finally tearing my gaze away from the wall.
I'd like to pretend that I'll be okay if she decides that she doesn't want me, but I honestly don't know if that's true. What if I break down, and completely lose it?
"Oh God, Sarah. I need you." Rapping on the door breaks my concentration, but further eggs on the headache that's been brewing for the past few hours.
"Coming!" I call out, getting up and glancing down at myself. I'm wearing exactly what I wore last night, but I don't care. Opening the door, I'm surprised to see Mac standing there. She's not in uniform, but rather in a pair of blue jeans and a blue long-sleeved sweater.
"Hi." I say quietly, unable and completely unwilling to break eye contact with her. She looks me over and frowns slightly, but says,
"Hi. Can I come in?" I nod, opening the door farther for her to come in. She does, but stands in my living room, turning around to look back at me.
"So, what brings you here?" I ask her. Looking me over quickly, she gives me a small smile.
"I have to talk to you." She says. Nodding, I sigh.
"Okay." I mutter. Holding her head up high, she says,
"I realize that it wasn't fair for me to just count you out, to say that nothing could ever work out between us...But I'm just so tired of all of this-this drama that goes on in our relationship. To say that I was surprised when you told me that you love me would be an understatement. You shocked me, confused me...I thought about it and I thought about it..." She sounds stressed out. Annoyance flares in my chest, out of nowhere.
"Maybe if you would stop thinking so much, this wouldn't be so hard." I throw at her, watching her expression change in less than a second from fragile to pissed off.
"What? You've got to be kidding me. You are the king of over-thinking this relationship. You are. This is the first time that I've ever had to take a second to think about us, and you're blaming our trouble on me?" Why does she sound so incredulous? She didn't have to run off with Webb.
"Look, Mac. I love you, but you're not perfect. You didn't have to go running off with Webb and completely dismiss my efforts to get closer to you in Paraguay. You could have tried a little harder." I say. She looks disgusted with me.
"I cannot believe you. Harm, you've been pushing me away for years, and now, you want me to just drop everything and fall into your arms, crying about how much I love you? It doesn't work that way." She retorts. A stab of something unpleasant shoots through me. I've got a horrible feeling about this conversation.
"Mac, I'm not asking you to fall into my arms crying or whatever...I just-I want this to be easy. It should be easy, right?" I ask her. I don't think I'm asking for that much.
"Harm, don't you understand, there's no way that this could ever be easy. Too much has happened between us, too many words have been said, or not said. Sometimes you have to fight for the things that are important to you." She tells me. A little voice in me heart tells me that she's right, but my analytical lawyer's mind stamps out the voice.
"I know what this is all about. You just want people to want you. You're holding out, making this hard for everyone else because you like the attention. I mean, look! Webb would give his left nut to have you choose him over me. And apparently, the fact that I came crawling to your door even after all you said to me in Paraguay means that you're irresistable. But you're doing it all on purpose, aren't you? You're manipulating everyone." I sneer at her. She looks shocked, and suddenly so much angrier than before.
"How dare you." She mutters, anger making her voice terse and dangerous. I don't know how it happens, but somehow, I completely lose control of what I'm saying.
"How dare I? How dare you! You've shown me in the past few weeks that you're hypocritical and selfish, not to mention willing and able to ruin people's lives. Suddenly, I'm not so surprised that your mom didn't stick around when you were a kid." I spit at her. The words that I just said echo back to my ears, and I freeze. Did I just say that to her? Her jaw tightens.
"I don't even know what I was thinking coming here, trying to reason with you. You are irrational, and pig-headed, and-" She begins, her voice low.
"And what, Mac? And what? If you hate everything about me, then maybe you should leave. We'd both be better off." I spit out at her. Now I'm on a roll.
"You want me to leave? Fine. I'll go. But this is the end of us, Harm. This is it. I can't do this anymore." She says. The finality of her words hits me in the chest like a sledgehammer, but I'm as sick of this as she is. I shrug, feigning indifference.
"Fine. Go. But remember this. I tried. I tried and you wouldn't give. You ruined us." I tell her. She shakes her head, looks like she wants to fight, but then turns and quietly leaves my apartment.
What have I done? Can I ever take back the words that I just said to her?
God...
---------------
I didn't sleep a wink last night. After leaving Webb at McMurphy's, I came straight home and just sat, looking at a picture of her. I couldn't take my eyes off her, she looked so beautiful. Why didn't I just do something way back then, when things weren't so complicated?
"You've really done it this time, Rabb." I mutter to myself, finally tearing my gaze away from the wall.
I'd like to pretend that I'll be okay if she decides that she doesn't want me, but I honestly don't know if that's true. What if I break down, and completely lose it?
"Oh God, Sarah. I need you." Rapping on the door breaks my concentration, but further eggs on the headache that's been brewing for the past few hours.
"Coming!" I call out, getting up and glancing down at myself. I'm wearing exactly what I wore last night, but I don't care. Opening the door, I'm surprised to see Mac standing there. She's not in uniform, but rather in a pair of blue jeans and a blue long-sleeved sweater.
"Hi." I say quietly, unable and completely unwilling to break eye contact with her. She looks me over and frowns slightly, but says,
"Hi. Can I come in?" I nod, opening the door farther for her to come in. She does, but stands in my living room, turning around to look back at me.
"So, what brings you here?" I ask her. Looking me over quickly, she gives me a small smile.
"I have to talk to you." She says. Nodding, I sigh.
"Okay." I mutter. Holding her head up high, she says,
"I realize that it wasn't fair for me to just count you out, to say that nothing could ever work out between us...But I'm just so tired of all of this-this drama that goes on in our relationship. To say that I was surprised when you told me that you love me would be an understatement. You shocked me, confused me...I thought about it and I thought about it..." She sounds stressed out. Annoyance flares in my chest, out of nowhere.
"Maybe if you would stop thinking so much, this wouldn't be so hard." I throw at her, watching her expression change in less than a second from fragile to pissed off.
"What? You've got to be kidding me. You are the king of over-thinking this relationship. You are. This is the first time that I've ever had to take a second to think about us, and you're blaming our trouble on me?" Why does she sound so incredulous? She didn't have to run off with Webb.
"Look, Mac. I love you, but you're not perfect. You didn't have to go running off with Webb and completely dismiss my efforts to get closer to you in Paraguay. You could have tried a little harder." I say. She looks disgusted with me.
"I cannot believe you. Harm, you've been pushing me away for years, and now, you want me to just drop everything and fall into your arms, crying about how much I love you? It doesn't work that way." She retorts. A stab of something unpleasant shoots through me. I've got a horrible feeling about this conversation.
"Mac, I'm not asking you to fall into my arms crying or whatever...I just-I want this to be easy. It should be easy, right?" I ask her. I don't think I'm asking for that much.
"Harm, don't you understand, there's no way that this could ever be easy. Too much has happened between us, too many words have been said, or not said. Sometimes you have to fight for the things that are important to you." She tells me. A little voice in me heart tells me that she's right, but my analytical lawyer's mind stamps out the voice.
"I know what this is all about. You just want people to want you. You're holding out, making this hard for everyone else because you like the attention. I mean, look! Webb would give his left nut to have you choose him over me. And apparently, the fact that I came crawling to your door even after all you said to me in Paraguay means that you're irresistable. But you're doing it all on purpose, aren't you? You're manipulating everyone." I sneer at her. She looks shocked, and suddenly so much angrier than before.
"How dare you." She mutters, anger making her voice terse and dangerous. I don't know how it happens, but somehow, I completely lose control of what I'm saying.
"How dare I? How dare you! You've shown me in the past few weeks that you're hypocritical and selfish, not to mention willing and able to ruin people's lives. Suddenly, I'm not so surprised that your mom didn't stick around when you were a kid." I spit at her. The words that I just said echo back to my ears, and I freeze. Did I just say that to her? Her jaw tightens.
"I don't even know what I was thinking coming here, trying to reason with you. You are irrational, and pig-headed, and-" She begins, her voice low.
"And what, Mac? And what? If you hate everything about me, then maybe you should leave. We'd both be better off." I spit out at her. Now I'm on a roll.
"You want me to leave? Fine. I'll go. But this is the end of us, Harm. This is it. I can't do this anymore." She says. The finality of her words hits me in the chest like a sledgehammer, but I'm as sick of this as she is. I shrug, feigning indifference.
"Fine. Go. But remember this. I tried. I tried and you wouldn't give. You ruined us." I tell her. She shakes her head, looks like she wants to fight, but then turns and quietly leaves my apartment.
What have I done? Can I ever take back the words that I just said to her?
God...
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