Chapter 03:                              Fears

"I can't believe that I'm here." Berenice of Gohman looked at her new bedroom in the pages' wing. It was furnished more plain than she was used to. A bed, some chairs, a table, and a cupboard. That was everything. Her suitcases were on the bed, only half the things she would have liked to take with her. She felt lonely and frustrated.

'Why did I agree to come to the palace? Why didn't I just go to convent where noble girls like me belong? I'm a complete idiot, that's it,' she thought. 'Only because Cori and Sam wanted to be knights. They talked me around. That's it. Without Sam, mother would have never agreed.' Grumbling she started to clear away her clothes. 'Boys' clothes. I will make a fool of myself. They will beat me up. The girl who thought she could keep up with boys. They believe that I don't belong here. I saw how they glared at me when I arrived. And they are right.' Bery sat down. 'What shall I do?'

Suddenly somebody was knocking on the door.

"Who is there?"

"It's me."

Bery groaned. "Come in." 'If it's necessary,' she added in her mind.

A smiling young girl entered the room. She had short blond hair and gold brown eyes. Corvina of Kourell.

'Why is she always that happy? It drives me crazy! I would kill for her looks. And she risks her pretty face in fights.' Bery herself had brown hair and dark brown eyes. In her own opinion, she looked much too ordinary for a noble. "What do you want?"

"Are you in a bad mood?"  Cori was still smiling.

'How sagacious she is.' "I would describe it differently."

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to see your room. Did you know that it's next to mine?"

"Oh really? How pleasing!"

"I don't like it when you talk like that."

"And how do I talk, my lady?"

"Ironic. Aggressive."

"Oh! Yes. Now that you're mentioning it. But why on earth should I be ironic? I mean, being here .. following your stupid dream ..."

"Wait a minute. My dream? You wanted to become a knight, too"

"It was you that brought up that stupid idea to me. No. It's Sam. She is the reason we are here."

Now Cori was really angry. "Sam has nothing to do with your presence. It was your own decision. If you didn't want to be here, why didn't you say something?"

"And look like a coward! I knew both of you would have liked it ..."

"Hey! Don't attack ME. If you are not courageous enough to say what you want to do, it's not MY fault."

"I knew I would find both of you here. I just had to follow the noise."

Both girls turned to look at the girl leaning in the door.

"Sam!"

Samira of Pinehollow sighed. "OK. What or who is the problem? And does it really interest me?"

Suddenly Bery's rage cooled down. Arguing with Cori was something completely different than with Sam. Sam was direct and honest, even if she hurt other people. Normally she didn't care about people. But sometimes ... Even Bery, who had a quite sharp tongue was afraid of a discussion with her. "It's ... it's only ... because of you," she stammered. "Only because of you we are here."

Sam looked bored. As if nothing could displease her. "Cori. Please, leave us alone."

Cori looked surprised at her cousin. "What ...?"

"Please."

Cori still hesitated. "Don't be too ... severe." She left the room, closing the door behind her.

Sam looked at Bery. "Now. The truth. At once. What frightens you?"

Bery looked surprised. "I am not frightened."

Sam went on staring at her. Moss green eyes can be very irritating. When Sam looked like that, nobody was able to lie.

"I want to be home."

"Why?"

"I'll fail. I know it. I'm just a girl. I'm not strong enough. They'll hurt me. They'll make my life misery. I can't do that." Bery almost cried.

"That's true. You will fail."

"What?"

"If you don't trust yourself, you will fail. Especially if you want to fail."

"How can you think that I want to fail?" Bery was shocked.

"Being a typical court lady is easier then being a lady knight. You are not really afraid of the effort it will take. You are afraid of the responsibility you will have. You will be responsible for the life of your people and, what frightens you even more, responsible for your own life."

Bery looked confused.

After a while Sam continued. "Remember. After the burial of your father, after the last male member of your family was gone, you told me that you wanted to protect your mother. Nobody should harm your family anymore. Your father and your brothers are gone. Nobody can do this, apart from you. Do you want to wait until you are married to a nobleman who might be brave and clever enough to protect and to manage your fief with success? Or do you want to be the master of your destiny?" Sam sighed again. "Bery. This is the first and the last time I'll say this to you. You are strong enough to do this. You are stubborn, you are brave (most of the time) and you are clever. Choose your destiny. It's in your hand."

"Choose my destiny? Like you?"

"No. I don't have a choice."

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I know it's not my best chapter. Go on reading,  the next chapters will be better.