Chapter 23:                              Guilt and Punishment

"Were you successful?" Danny looked excitedly at her sister.

Ria blinked, confused, trying to get her thoughts clear. "What? What did you just say?"

Danny looked quite irritated now. "Ehm. Ria? I wanted to know if you prepared Sam's room as you proposed to."

Ria felt a bit dizzy at the moment. "No. I don't think so. I went inside her room, then I slipped and fell, I guess. I don't really remember. And suddenly Sam was also there, and she threw me out. She looked ... as if she ... I don't know ... I can't think clear. I have a major headache. I must have hit my head hard. I'm going to bed."

Now her sister was a bit worried. "Are you OK? Do you need a healer?"

Ria shook her head. "All I need is sleep and peace."

Danny sighed. "Fine. Then go to sleep. I think I will take care of Sam's room myself, when she has calmed down a bit."

"NO!"

Danny glared at her sister. "Pardon?"

Ria seemed shocked at the idea to play more tricks at Sam. "No more jokes. Don't go into her room again. It is wrong. We should stop. Please, promise me that you won't do anything."

Danny frowned. "Did she threaten you?"

Ria shook her head. "She only said: out. That was everything. She didn't even beat me or anything like that. But the look on her face ... Danny, please, for me. Stop it."

Danny stared at her intensely. "Well, go to bed, little sister. We will talk tomorrow. I promise not to do anything until then."

Ria nodded tiredly. "Thanks."

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Sam looked down at her hands. "What have I done?" Her voice was just a husky whisper. "No magic. It's been one and a half years now. Master Numair has been testing me every week, since my breakdown, and he's never found anything. And suddenly there it is. But I still don't have control over it. And now ... it's gone again. Like it was before. Why? What is happening with me? It is not normal. I never heard that one of my ancestors had any problem like mine."

She closed her eyes tiredly. 'I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired. If only my sleep could give me some peace.'

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          Darkness. All around her.

          Screams.

          Then silence.

          Pain, blood ... one face.

Ria woke up sweating 'What? A dream? I've never dreamed in my whole life. And now, such a horrible nightmare.'

Her whole body trembled. 'It was so intense. It seemed so real.' She tried to calm down. 'It is just a dream. Nothing more. It's still late in the night. I have to go back to sleep. I'm surprised that I can even do that with the headache I have.' She lay back in her bed and fell immediately asleep.

          She was running through a dark corridor.

          She heard noises. There was a fight.

          Finally she arrived at a door. She opened it slowly.

          She saw two men fighting with each other.   

          They seemed to know each other. But something was wrong.

          She wasn't able to see the faces of both men, only one of them.

          She felt danger in the air. She could hardly breathe.

          She wanted to shout. She wanted to warn the man with the brown hair and the moss green eyes.

          She didn't even know why. She had never seen him in her whole life.

          Not sound escaped from her lips.

          Suddenly everything went dark. She heard the sound of a sword cutting through flesh and

          bones. She heard a little boy scream. She heard a woman's cries. Then suddenly

          ... silence.

          Someone took her in his arms and ran away. She felt a pain at her backside. Then the

          person carrying her fell down, throwing her away.

          She was falling for what seemed to be an eternity.

          Blood all over her.

Ria opened her eyes. She felt cold.  A coldness from deep inside herself.

Ria trembled. 'Why? Why do I have to dream such horrible things? It's not normal ... at least for me.' She felt like crying, but she soon found out that she wasn't able to cry.

It was still long until morning.

'I would like to fall asleep again and forget about this ... but then the nightmares could come back.'

So she just sat there, awake and afraid of something she didn't know and didn't understand. But soon she lost the battle and sleep claimed her again, and so did the nightmares.

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Sam woke up in the morning, feeling the immense weight of guilt on her shoulders. 'What have I done to her. Have I stolen her memories? She didn't seem to remember what nearly happened.'

She got up very slowly. 'I will see when I meet her. Strange things are taking place these days. And I seem to be at the centre of it. Was it really a good idea to come here? I only wanted to do at least one thing in my life I can be proud of. But everything is getting out of control now. I never wanted to have friends. I know that I can't fulfil their expectations. I won't last long. And when I'm gone, they will be sad. It hurts me to know that I will be the reason they feel pain. But I needed someone to talk to. And Cori was there, listening, understanding, and comforting. I thought one friend, especially a relative, couldn't be so bad. But then there was Bery, hurt, alone, mourning for her father and for her brothers. And I developed feelings for her as well. I helped her get stronger, and I asked my uncle to talk to her mother about her future, about her dream of being a Lady Knight.'

Sam shook her head. 'And then we arrived here, and I met Nat. Seeing my own pain reflected in his eyes, I wasn't able to turn away from him. And I told him things that I have only told Cori before, and nobody else. And then there were the triplets, so innocent and lively. They enjoy life in a way I have never been able to. When I look in their eyes, I see pure life, hope and happiness. And I can't close my heart to the overwhelming fire burning inside of them. Even if they play tricks on me, I can't manage not to like them.'

Sam smiled a bit at that thought. But the smile vanished soon. 'And the others? Lachran and Milan, the sponsors of my friends. They are honest and honourable. They will help Cori and Bery when I'm gone. They won't ever leave a friend behind. How can I deny them the same feelings I have for the others? Colin, Quentin and Robert, busy sponsors of the active triplets. They'll need humour to get through this, and they have a lot of it. Humour, loyalty and a good heart. They make me laugh, inwardly, and they will never know how much. And sometimes I hate them for doing this to me. No! They cause no real hatred in me. I would miss them badly if they were gone.'

Sam sighed, and started to get dressed. 'And how can I block Feli out of my life, with her being Cori's sister, the same positive creature, the same friendly and lovely character, and still an independent person. And Mo, my problem child. I've already fought for her without even knowing who she really was. I still don't know her very well, and I still would do the same again, and more. So much for not letting feelings develop.'

Sam looked out of her window, watching the sun raising. 'Damian. The confused and unhappy child, not knowing where to turn. He doesn't know what's right, the things he has been told his whole life, or the way of his own heart. He fears to loose what he has by doing what he thinks is right. So he acts as he is expected to, going the way of hate and destruction, to save what he thinks his life is based on. I sometimes feel so old, thinking like that, knowing things, and not being able to help.'

Sam's eyes became sad. 'My uncle, Lord Victor, the Hawk of Pinehollow. A broken man, somehow. Never subdued the loss of my mother, his beloved and well-protected little sister. I really love him. And I know when I'm gone, he will follow me soon. Better not to tell him too early, he couldn't bear it.'

Sam finished with her clothes and looked in the mirror. 'Maybe I'm not afraid of the feelings I will cause my friends. Maybe I'm afraid of the feelings they cause in me. Making me unable to go, holding me back, keeping me alive. What is love? Pain? Bliss? Both of it?'

She stared at her reflection in the mirror. 'Face it, Samira, they have beaten you. They have conquered your heart and they have revealed your own suppressed fears to you. The thing you can be proud of is not being a Lady Knight someday, but having people like them as your friends. And what will you do? Throw it all away. You will hurt them and yourself. You are heartless, you can't even cry, you can't even show your true emotions, not to yourself and not to them. Letting them go as soon as possible would be the best, for all.'

Sam closed her eyes and lowered her head. 'But I can't. Losing them would be like dying. I can't bear that. I can't bear more pain. I am weak, and I know it. But they are all I have.'

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"Ria, you look horrible."

"Oh, thank you Feli. You always know what to say to make someone feel better, don't you."

The girls were standing in a corner of the training yard, waiting for the boys. Ria seemed to be more pale than usual.

"I didn't slept very well. I had a number of horrible nightmares."

Cori looked sympathetically at the other girl. "Oh, that's horrible. I know how you must feel. Sam has a lot of nightmares, and she's always grumpy after it."

Sam frowned at her cousin. "You don't have to tell everybody about my sleeping habits."

Cori grinned and pointed with her thumb at Sam. "You see, grumpy."

Sam snorted.

Cori grinned even more. "What did you dream about? Sam never tells me her nightmares, but maybe it could help to talk about it."

Sam rolled her eyes and Ria smiled tiredly. "If you really want to know. I'm dreamt about death and blood. I saw men fighting, I heard people screaming and strangely, I can feel pain during the dreams."

The other girls looked rather shocked after this.

Danny gave a worried look at her sister. "What are the dreams exactly about?"

Ria sighed. "Well, I can't remember everything. But one dream I still know quite clearly. I am running through a dark corridor, and I'm hearing noises, noises of a fight. Then I enter a room, and I see two men fighting. Two men I've never seen in my whole life. I can only see the face of one man clearly; he has brown hair and green eyes. Oh, and they are fighting with two swords, like Sam is teaching us. Well, in my dream I feel that there is danger for the green-eyed man, I want to warn him, but I can't. Than everything turns dark, and I hear screams. Then I am carried away, and I feel a pain in my back, like a huge cut or something. And suddenly the person is falling down and I am falling. Then I wake up. I had this dream and another non-stop last night. I've never dreamed before. I don't know what's happening to me." She looked up. "I hope that this was an one night thing, because I don't want to dream this again."

The other girls shook their heads. "Maybe you ate something wrong."

"Maybe. But I don't know what."

Then the boys arrived and the girls turned their attention to the training.

None of them noticed how pale Sam had become and the strange looks she was giving Ria.

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Nat was worried. He had watched Sam the whole day. Nobody else seemed to notice the change, but something was different. He couldn't point a finger on it, but there was something wrong.

He watched her get up from her chair, ready to leave the library where the whole group was doing their homework. Everybody had to get ready for the tests. For Robert, Colin and himself it would be the last time, because this was their last year as pages.

He watched her leave the room. He knew there was something wrong. He shook his head. He wouldn't be able to go on learning, so he decided to finish for today as well. 'She needs me.' He got up slowly and followed the girl.

Cori watched her two friends leave. 'There's something going on here. I hope Nat can help her. Sometimes she blocks me out, like today, and I can't do anything. But maybe he'll be able to help her.'

Nat found her sitting on a bench in the park, her head buried in her palms. 'Is she crying?' He stepped next to her and put his hand on her shoulder. She looked up to him. Her eyes were dry, but they had an expression of pure pain in them, which made his heart ache. He sat down next to her. "What's wrong?"

Sam just gave him a painful look and turned her head away.

Now he was really worried. She didn't even try to pretend that everything was well. She didn't even try to say something like "This is none of your business." He took her chin and turned her head to face him. "What is wrong with you? There is something bothering you. Tell me, Sam. Tell me, so I can help you."

She stared into his eyes and whispered. "There is nothing you could do. You should go and leave me. That would be the best for you. I only hurt the people around me."

Nat frowned. "What?"

Sam looked down at her hands. "When you look at me, what do you see?"

"I see you."

Sam looked up, surprise in her eyes.

"I see all of you that you let me see, and a bit more I think."

Sam looked at him and noticed how much he had changed since she had met him for the first time. He still had his wonderful ice-blue eyes. But his sandy-blond hair had darkened, and was now nearly brown. He still had his full, sensible lips, but his other features had changed, they had become less soft and more masculine. He was growing up. His voice had changed already to a very warm and nice sound. He would be a very attractive man someday.

"It's my fault. I make all people around me unhappy."

Nat's frown deepened. "That's not true."

"You don't know what has happened. You don't know what I've nearly done."

He bent down to her, looking deep in her eyes. "Then tell me."

Sam gulped. She couldn't help but start to speak. "Ria ... she came in my room again. Yesterday. She wanted to play a trick to me. She wanted to force the chest in my room to open by using her magic. But my ancestors created this chest, and it has a spell on it that destroys everything around it when magic is done to it. It only leaves the keeper a little time to stop it, just in case it had been an accident. I came just right in time to prevent the worst. The whole city could have been destroyed. Then suddenly my magic came back. It somehow took control over me and erased Ria's memories. She doesn't even remember what she almost did. And now she is having my nightmares."

Nat looked a bit irritated, but still friendly. "Your nightmares? Are you sure?"

Sam nodded. "The pain she was feeling in her back. His sword cut me there, and I am still dream of it. She is dreaming of my memories. But I only dream of it from time to time. She had several nightmares in one night, and I am afraid it just the beginning. And it is my fault."

Nat shook his head. "No. You said you didn't have any control over your actions."

"But I should have had. It is my magic. I am supposed to control it."

Nat sighed. "And if it wasn't your magic? Maybe it is a sort of ... mechanism in the head of every keeper. You have to protect what's yours, and you have to prevent your secret from being discovered. If your life would be the price, Ria's memories are worth it."

Sam frowned. Her mind worked on an idea. "Mechanism? No ... it's not a mechanism ... it was a ... force."

Nat looked at her. She seemed to be far away, like in trance.

"It is a punishment."

Nat blinked surprised. "A punishment?"

"Yes. Ria is punished because of what she nearly did." Sam woke up from her dreamlike status. "I was a instrument. Nat, I was used to harm her." She looked down at her hands. "My hands are a source of pain, only made to hurt people."

She nearly jumped when Nat took her hands in his. He raised them to his face and kissed her palms and fingertips. Then he looked in her eyes and she was frightened by the deep love his eyes were expressing. She blushed deeply. "Wha...?"

"You've never caused me any pain. Sam, you may ignore it, but you don't cause pain in other people. You cause friendship and love. Ria might be in trouble, but she got there by herself. But do you know something?"

"What?"

"I know you will be able to help her. You have a strong will power and you can solve the problem. Your fear is just blocking you. I know you are able to do great things. And if you have any problems, come to me and I will do all I can."

Sam was deeply shocked by his actions. "Why are you doing this? Why are you saying such things?"

Nat smiled sadly. "Do you know how it is possible that I will become a knight, although my family has not enough money because of the king's punishment?"

Sam shook her head.

"I have an older sister, she is ten years older than me, and very beautiful. She married a rich man, who is willing to pay the money I need. The bad thing is that he beats her from time to time. Do you know why she decided to marry him, why she is staying with him?"

Sam shook her head.

"She wants that the name of Malven to regain its former honour. We both had a rather hard childhood, and she wants the next generation to have a better life. She hopes I can do a great deed for the crown someday. And she loves her husband, no matter what he does to her. I always blamed myself for being the reason of her misfortune. I felt so unworthy of the expectations my family set on me. But then I met you and everything changed. Both of us have inherited guilt from our ancestors and both of us are suffering because of it. But you face your destiny. You don't let others triumph over you. You fight back. You have a strength I only can dream of. The story of your life is harder than mine can ever be. So I stopped feeling pity for myself and started acting like someone worthy of your friendship."

Sam was unable to reply. He embraced her softly and whispered. "You are the best thing that ever happened to me. You changed me, made me someone better. Don't push me out of your life. I couldn't bear it. You are afraid of how I will feel when you are gone. I am afraid of what would have happened to me if I never knew you."

Sam closed her eyes and let the feeling of being protected and safe enter her heart. She trembled lightly, but for the first time in many years she felt calm and content.

Unnoticed by both of them jealous eyes where watching from behind a bush. Damian could hardly breath out his anger. 'I will find your weak point Pinehollow, and I will have my revenge for all you've done to me.'

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Sleep came to her with a force she didn't know it could posses. Every time her head touched her pillow, she fell asleep immediately. Three days, since the first dream, two nights full of horror. She went on dreaming of fights and blood. It seemed to be always the same man, for her only a shadow, his features unknown. And although she couldn't identify his face, she always knew it was HIM. And she was afraid of him. There had been dreams he was hunting her, dreams where he killed her friends and family. And every time she woke up, shaking in fear, she wasn't able to cry, although she knew she needed to, although she knew she would feel better crying the pain and the fear out.

Sam watched Ria, growing more and more worried. She knew the signs; she had seen them in her own face. 'I have to do something. Something quick.'

That night Sam went to her room early, but she didn't plan to go to sleep. She had something else in mind. She would wait until Ria fell asleep and then ... well ... she would try to stop whoever was torturing her. She knew there was something out there, something inhuman, something she would have to stop.

Slowly she sat down, legs crossed, and closed her eyes. Her breath became even and she slowly put herself into a trance. She knew the thing that bothered Ria had come from deep inside of her. And that was where she started to search.

Ria stared at her bed. She knew she had to sleep, but she was afraid.

'It will happen again. I will dream of him. Why? What has happened to me? Why do I deserve this?' It didn't help. She lay down, closed her eyes and fell immediately asleep.

She found herself standing in an endless field with high grass. The sky above her was dark and grey with huge clouds. At the horizon lightning was flickering. The wind was blowing heavily, she could feel its force on her skin. She turned around and noticed a figure standing there. She only saw its backside. The figure had blond hair and dark green clothes. The short hair was blowing wildly in the wind, but the person itself didn't move.

Somehow Ria felt this person was familiar to her, but she didn't recognise her. She only knew that she didn't have to fear her. Her? How did she know it was a female?

She slowly walked towards the girl, curious of what would happen.

Suddenly the girl started to speak. "A storm is coming."

Ria blinked. "I see. You should run away."

"I can't run away, I'm the centre of it."

"It's dangerous out here."

The girl turned around, green eyes locking with Ria's blue ones. "That doesn't really matter anymore."

The next moment Ria found herself in a dark hall. She started to tremble. She knew what would happen. HE was there. He would go after her. She had already had this dream several times.

A movement in front of her got her attention. A dark figure appeared and walked towards her, a sword in his right hand. Ria couldn't move, she was frozen in fear, waiting for what would happen next.

The figure raised the sword, ready to kill her. But before he could make the hit, another figure jumped between them, the girl from the field.

The fear that had frozen Ria vanished and she was able to move again. She heard the girl yell. "No! You won't hurt her. I won't allow this. You have to kill me first before you can get her."

*Go away! You interfere with something that is not your business anymore. *

"It IS my business. She is my friend. It was MY fault that she was able to wake up the chest's power. It's ME that should be punished."

*You are wrong, little one. She had no right to do what she did. She has to be punished or she will do it again. *

"No. She won't. YOU erased her memory. She doesn't even remember. You had no right to do this. You had no right to manipulate my friend."

*I have EVERY right. How do you think you were able to hide for such a long time? It was ME who took care of that. Many people became suspicious of you. And I silenced them. I didn't take their memories, but I made them shut up. They think it's their own decision not to talk about it, BUT it was ME. They will be free the day you wake up completely. But until then I have to protect you. *

"But that doesn't give you any right to torture a 12 years old girl. I will NOT ALLOW this. If I am so important to you, then obey my wishes. I understand that her memories were to dangerous, but there is no reason to punish her because of something she doesn't even remember."

*Deep inside of her she knows it. She will never play a trick on you again. *

"Then you can stop."

*If you wish so. But remember who is caring for your security. Your friend betrayed you. Because of her you are in more danger than ever before. Is she really worth it? *

"Yes."

A long silence followed.

Suddenly the dark figure disappeared.

The girl turned to Ria, pity in her eyes.

"Nobody will hunt you again in your dreams."

"Th ... thank you."

"Don't thank me. It was ..."

Ria stopped the girl's speech by hugging her. Tears in her eyes she whispered:

"Thank you ..." She hesitated. " ... Sam?"

Then she vanished, leaving Sam alone in the dark hall.

*I will have to silence her like all the others. Nobody will ever know what happened, until the day you are the one your are supposed to be. *

"It's fine, as long as she is all right."

Ria woke up, tears streaming over her face. She felt the coldness melting inside of her. She was free again. She silently cried the pain away and fell in a deep, dreamless sleep.

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Weeks passed and everything turned back to normal. At least it seemed to be normal for everybody except Sam. She had started to feel strange around the others. One part of the feeling was guilt, for being the reason they were manipulated. Another part was love, which didn't allow her to turn away from them. And she felt unhappy, because she feared to lose those who would be squires soon, especially Nat. Both of them were even closer than ever before. When they were alone, they shared their thoughts and feelings. He understood her, and she understood him. They didn't judge each other; they only listened and gave advice if it was wanted.

She knew she couldn't stop time, but she wished it would slow down a bit.

Only the fact that her sister didn't feel well had stopped Danny from playing any tricks on Sam. That was over now. She didn't plan to do anything huge or special. Only a little … sign that it would always be her who had the last word. She already had something in mind …

She moved slowly towards Sam's room. The other girls were still at the library. Two days until the tests were. She had said that she had forgotten something. She didn't have much time. She looked around carefully and quickly slipped through the door. She walked towards the bed and smirked. "Have fun, Sam."

Sam slowly walked towards her bed, stretching her tired muscles. 'The day I'm finished with those stupid studies, I'll burn these damn books.' She chuckled at the thought. 'Sure, Sam, as if YOU would ever burn a book. Talking is one thing, doing another.'

She undressed herself and put on her night-gown. Brushing her hair she sat down on the bed. Suddenly she stopped and looked down at her sheets. There was something moving. Carefully she took the sheet and lifted it up.

A tiny black creature was staring at her, seeming as surprised as she was. Sam blinked, then frowned. "If you lose control over your intestines in my bed we are through."

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The next morning…

Cori was cheerful as ever when she opened her cousin's door, not bothering with knocking. 'When that girl is meditating knocking doesn't help.'

Sam wasn't meditating. She was doing some push-ups on the floor. And she was not alone.

Cori froze and stared. "Ehem. Sam? Don't freak out, but there is something on your shoulder. A mouse."

Sam continued her push-ups calmly. "I know."

Cori frowned. "OK. What is this animal doing on your shoulder?"

"Enjoying the view? How should I know?"

Cori rolled her eyes. "You know that we aren't allowed to have pets."

"This isn't a pet. It's a pest."

The mouse squeaked protesting.

"Hey, it's true."

Cori stared at them and shook her head. "Are you keeping it?"

"The question is does it stay here. It seems to have adopted me." Sam finally got up of the floor, the mouse still on her shoulder.

"What's its name?"

Sam shrugged. "Mouse?"

Cori groaned. "That is not a very creative name."

Sam shrugged again. "It's no dog, it won't obey my orders. When I call it mouse it knows who I mean."

Cori stared at her. "We will find a proper name."

"Cori, you sound as if we were a married couple."

"Hey, somebody has to take care of you."

"I can take care of myself."

"No, you can't."

"Of course I can."

"No, you can't"

"Yes I can."

"No, you can't."

"Yes I… damn Cori, why does arguing with you always a childish tendency?"

"Just give up and there will be no childish argument anymore."

Sam threw her hands up in defeat. "Fine. What do you want."

"How about … hmm … Blacky."

"Pardon?"

"That's a name, silly."

"Calling it Blacky because it is black … really creative."

"Fine. Find a better one."

"Mouse."

"Hell, no. Sam, you are manipulating the whole thing."

"It wasn't me who started this."

"Sam. A name. Quickly."

Sam rolled her eyes and shook her head. "A name you would accept. … Hhm … It has to be something … sweet and … trashy."

"Hey, that's not true."

"Of course it is."

"It's not."

"Of c… STOP THAT."

"MAKE ME."

"HOW?"

"GIVE IT A NAME."

Sam glared at Cori, then at the mouse, which seemed to follow the conversation, really interested. "How shall I call you?"

"By the way, is it a girl or a boy?"

Sam raised an eyebrow. "I don't know. I didn't ask it yet."

"Look what it is."

"Never."

"Come on, don't be a chicken."

"This conversation becomes more and more annoying."

"Than make it quick so we can finish it."

Sam took the mouse carefully and looked at the important place.

"You have to squeeze there."

"Shut up or do it yourself." After a while they had their answer and a very embarrassed mouse was put back on Sam's shoulder. "Okay, a name for a female mouse."

"How about Cat."

Both girls turned to see Bery leaning against the doorframe.

Sam frowned. "I should call it the name of her enemy? It will never know if it is a warning or a call."

"Fine. Find a better one."

Sam rubbed her forehead. "Let's see … Ti."

The other girls glared at her. "Ti?"

"Yeah. Ti like Tiny. I think that will do." She looked at the mouse. "Is that fine with you?"

The mouse looked at her a short moment and then squeaked.

"I take that as a yes."

The mouse squeaked again and Sam smiled.

Cori shrugged and started to grin contentedly. "Was it that hard?"

Behind Bery, Danny was glaring at the view in front of her. 'Mission failed, I guess. Stupid of me to think Sam would be afraid of mice. She doesn't even seem a little bit angry. Fine, I know when I've lost.'

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It had started to rain. Feli was staring up at the clouded sky. They had been on the road for two weeks now. It was her first time at the camp and she had been very excited … at the beginning. But now … rain for a whole week. She couldn't remember the last time she had been dry. The first five days Lord Padraig had insisted on sleeping in tents. He had said that it was necessary for them to know how to survive in wild nature, no matter what weather. But at day six he had decided that it was enough, which could have had something to do with the hole in his tent, and now, on day seven they had found some huts to sleep in. Some of them, including Feli, had the task to make the old left huts habitable. Another part had the task to find wood for a fire. And the last part had to hunt for something to eat.

Everybody seemed quite happy at the thought of becoming dry again. Even the toughest of them had problems with the rain. Well, only Sam didn't seem to bother, she never complained, well she hardly had said anything in the last two weeks.

Feli never had a very close relationship to her cousin, not like her sister. Sam had always been a mystery to her. She could never tell what the other girl thought or felt, or if she had feelings at all. And from time to time she had been afraid of her. But during the last year she had started to warm up to Sam. She had watched her with her friends and she had noticed that the girl had changed. Cori didn't seem to notice it that much, maybe because she had been with her the whole time, but Feli did. She had been surprised when she had arrived at Pinehollow, two weeks before they had left for the palace. It wasn't that Sam's behaviour had changed drastically. Not at all. She acted nearly as usual, but there was something in her eyes Feli couldn't explain.

Feli had been irritated at her cousin since the first day Sam had arrived. Maybe because she didn't act like a child anymore, at least not like a child of her age. She had been quiet and reserved, but not shy. She didn't do things because of her feelings and wishes. Her decisions were based on logic and reason. She thought a lot about things which were too complicated for the five year old Feli and six year old Cori to understand. When she fought, her movements had a cat-like elegance, flexible and deadly. Even her cheerful sister hadn't been able to break through the walls Sam had built around herself, but unlike Feli, she had kept on trying everything to change that. Cori had never been angry with the other girl, always friendly and helpful. No success, they had thought at least.

They had been wrong. Sam proved to them how she felt they day Cori nearly drowned. They had been visiting Pinehollow with their parents. She still remembered how sad her mother has been. A year before, Feli's older brother Fedor had died because of a disease, and now her aunt, uncle and cousin had been killed, the only person who survived had been Sam.

One afternoon the sisters had sneaked outside to play, unnoticed by anybody. Sam had had a little cold at that time and was sleeping in her room. They had been running around, not knowing the terrain. And Cori had made the mistake to run through a bush, oblivious to the little river at the other side. It had been raining the last days and the little river was not so little anymore. Feli remembered how frightened she had been when she had heard her sister screaming. Then suddenly she had seen a little figure running towards the source of the scream, jumping after her sister. Feli had been frozen in place, staring at the wild surface of the river. Then she had seen something glowing green deep down, and suddenly Sam broke through the surface, her eyes glowing dark green, her arms holding the unconscious Cori. Feli didn't remember how they got to the bank, nor how the adults had been alarmed, but she remembered that both girls had been ill for weeks. Her mother had told her how lucky they had been that Sam had had a vision of Cori falling in the river, and that Sam had such a powerful Gift to protect both of them. And she remembered that from this day on the relationship between her sister and her cousin had become something she would never understand. And one day she had caught Cori crying in her bed. She had never told her why, but Feli knew that it had something to do with Sam.

Feli heard a noise in front of her and found herself eye to eye to the person she was thinking about. Sam was staring at her with her unreadable moss-green eyes. In her hands she had a number of rabbits, she had been in the hunting group. But as usual she had separated from the group and hunted alone, but successfully. She also had some plants with her to make the meat tastier. She had the ability to find eatable plants nearly anywhere.

Feli couldn't move. She just stared at her cousin, wondering what the girl in front of her felt. She wished so badly to understand her.

Suddenly Sam stared to speak.

"You should go inside and get dry. You will catch cold if you go on like this."

Feli stared at her. Did she see concern in her eyes? What did Sam feel for her, for her little cousin?

Sam nodded to her and started to go inside the hut.

Suddenly a realisation hit Feli. 'She misses Nat. She feels lonely, so she is building more walls around her to hide behind them.' Feli turned her head and watched Sam intently. 'Maybe … one of us has to start …' "Sam?"

Sam stopped and looked back at Feli.

"Could you show me how to cook with those plants and how to find them?"

Sam frowned surprised and nodded slowly.

Feli smiled happily. 'One step after another.'

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I think this is one of my saddest (at least at the beginning) and longest chapters ever. I have to be in a sad mood to write something like this. I worked hard on it and I had difficulties not becoming completely melancholic myself. But I think it was worth it. Now you know much more about the feelings of my persons. I think this is important so as to understand their actions (especially their future actions ^_^).

I expect a lot of reviews for this. (I'm serious! You except me to write much, then be a good example.) I hope you now know why it took so long for me to write it. Hell, I thought it would never end. °_°

Now to the names. You will get six with every chapter. When it starts to bore you, tell me, or simply don't read it. Deal? ^_^

Sometimes the meaning might sound strange, but I have to translate it from German into English, and that's not so easy because there are some things you express differently in these two languages, so you can't always translate it word by word.

Samira:            singing  [I choose this name because I like both, the sound and the meaning, and a little allusion to 'Song of the Lioness'. ^_~]

Corvina:            little raven  [It sounds like the name of a noble, and I like ravens, they are mystical animals.]

Berenice:            bringing the victory  [A good name for a Lady Knight, I think.]

Ariadne:            invisible, hidden  [Good name for someone who like to play tricks and who can create illusions.]

Aidan:                        little fire  [I read in my book that it was a boy's name as well. It suits the character very well I think. From the two sisters, Aidan acts more like a boy, and she is the leader of the triplets.]

Aaron:                        the enlightened  [What can I say? I liked the name and I needed one with an A at the beginning.]

Okay, because my friend pestered me because of the mouse's name, I had to add this: I don't have anything against black animals named Blacky. My friend's black dog is named Blacky and he is one of the cutest, loveliest and sweetest dogs I ever met (and one of the laziest, compared to mine). He his huge but has the temper of a lamb. I am deeply sorry if he feels hurt because of my mindless joke. I hope he will accept the apology.