Chapter 19
I remember how tired I was of waiting, and yet he made me wait even longer. How can anyone be so cruel? I thought. I didn't want to leave things with Snape hanging. He wouldn't tell me if he loved me or not.
What will happen if he says he doesn't? Will I simply die? Will I just shrivel up into a ball and stop existing? And what if he tells me he does? That prospect seemed even more frightening, as I wasn't exactly experienced in the love department.
Be cool. Act like you don't care, I chanted over and over in my head the day that Easter Break began. As everyone was eating breakfast I poked at my toast and shot brief glances up to the staff table. Play hard to get. Don't make a fool of yourself. Franco was talking to me, but I wasn't really listening. If you get shot down, don't cry. Act like it's no big deal.
Psh. You'll never be able to do that, said that tiny voice in the back of my head.
"...But really, are you sure you don't want to come stay with us?" Franco was talking.
"Hm? Oh, no," I was tired of feeding Franco the same lame excuse over and over when I was sure he knew I was lying, but I said it again. "I really need to work on my Ancient Runes. I'm so behind, and I just don't have the resources back home."
You're such a pathetic liar.
"I just feel bad that you'll be stuck in the library all week."
"I'm fine, Franco. You don't want me to fail my N.E.W.T's do you?"
"No, I guess not," he said slowly.
"Well, then there you go!" I smiled as genuine a smile as I could muster. He smiled back, but I knew that he didn't entirely believe me. How kind it was of him not to make a big fuss.
Later that morning I walked him to the door with almost the whole rest of the school who was taking the opportunity to visit their parents and friends back home.
"Bye," I said to him and gave him a brief hug.
"See you. Good luck on your Ancient Runes." He looked me straight in the eye, but I did not flinch.
"Bye, Franco. Have fun," I said, ignoring him.
"You too," he replied, and carried his luggage out the door.
After seeing him off I went up to the library, just in case he came back and checked if I was actually there. I stayed there for a few hours, trying to read, but really just staring at the same page without reading the words. After I was sure the coast was clear, I slowly made my way to the dungeons. My hands felt cold and clammy. My heart was pounding in my chest so loudly that I thought it would wake the dead. I almost tripped on a loose stone in the floor and laughed nervously. It echoed down the hallway.
Remember, be cool! Be calm!
"Be cool. Be calm," I whispered over and over. "Be cool, be calm."
I was turning the corner right when someone else was coming the other way, and we almost collided.
"Sorry," I mumbled. "This always happens to me here." I attempted to go around, but the person blocked me.
"Meta."
I looked up. Snape was standing in front of me. His face was apprehensive, perhaps even a bit sad.
He's going to tell me that he doesn't love me. He's going to tell me to go away...
"Prof--"
"Meta, it's Franco."
"What?" I didn't understand what he was trying to say. What did Franco have to do with us?
"Meta, I'm sorry."
Oh, here it comes. 'Meta, I don't love you.' It's coming, I thought. But that is not what he said.
"Meta, Franco is dead."
I remember how tired I was of waiting, and yet he made me wait even longer. How can anyone be so cruel? I thought. I didn't want to leave things with Snape hanging. He wouldn't tell me if he loved me or not.
What will happen if he says he doesn't? Will I simply die? Will I just shrivel up into a ball and stop existing? And what if he tells me he does? That prospect seemed even more frightening, as I wasn't exactly experienced in the love department.
Be cool. Act like you don't care, I chanted over and over in my head the day that Easter Break began. As everyone was eating breakfast I poked at my toast and shot brief glances up to the staff table. Play hard to get. Don't make a fool of yourself. Franco was talking to me, but I wasn't really listening. If you get shot down, don't cry. Act like it's no big deal.
Psh. You'll never be able to do that, said that tiny voice in the back of my head.
"...But really, are you sure you don't want to come stay with us?" Franco was talking.
"Hm? Oh, no," I was tired of feeding Franco the same lame excuse over and over when I was sure he knew I was lying, but I said it again. "I really need to work on my Ancient Runes. I'm so behind, and I just don't have the resources back home."
You're such a pathetic liar.
"I just feel bad that you'll be stuck in the library all week."
"I'm fine, Franco. You don't want me to fail my N.E.W.T's do you?"
"No, I guess not," he said slowly.
"Well, then there you go!" I smiled as genuine a smile as I could muster. He smiled back, but I knew that he didn't entirely believe me. How kind it was of him not to make a big fuss.
Later that morning I walked him to the door with almost the whole rest of the school who was taking the opportunity to visit their parents and friends back home.
"Bye," I said to him and gave him a brief hug.
"See you. Good luck on your Ancient Runes." He looked me straight in the eye, but I did not flinch.
"Bye, Franco. Have fun," I said, ignoring him.
"You too," he replied, and carried his luggage out the door.
After seeing him off I went up to the library, just in case he came back and checked if I was actually there. I stayed there for a few hours, trying to read, but really just staring at the same page without reading the words. After I was sure the coast was clear, I slowly made my way to the dungeons. My hands felt cold and clammy. My heart was pounding in my chest so loudly that I thought it would wake the dead. I almost tripped on a loose stone in the floor and laughed nervously. It echoed down the hallway.
Remember, be cool! Be calm!
"Be cool. Be calm," I whispered over and over. "Be cool, be calm."
I was turning the corner right when someone else was coming the other way, and we almost collided.
"Sorry," I mumbled. "This always happens to me here." I attempted to go around, but the person blocked me.
"Meta."
I looked up. Snape was standing in front of me. His face was apprehensive, perhaps even a bit sad.
He's going to tell me that he doesn't love me. He's going to tell me to go away...
"Prof--"
"Meta, it's Franco."
"What?" I didn't understand what he was trying to say. What did Franco have to do with us?
"Meta, I'm sorry."
Oh, here it comes. 'Meta, I don't love you.' It's coming, I thought. But that is not what he said.
"Meta, Franco is dead."