TitleSecrets & Lies (Chapter 4Choices)

by KiNGz-Fan-16

Disclaimer: As much as I hate to admit it, I don't own Gilmore Girls, nor do I have the intention of. The show belongs to Amy Sherman-Palladino, although I have to say, Gilmore Girls is the best show!!!

Rating: PG…I think. Oy with the poodles already, I'm not good with ratings!

Summary: Rory was there on the night of Jess's death, but when she thinks back to that night, her mind is a blur. She then goes on a search to find the guy who killed Jess, but she discovers shocking news that leads her to rethink everything…

*~*

"Honey, say something please. Your silence is scaring Mommy," Lorelai said lightly.

Rory remained silent.

"OK, this isn't natural," Lorelai muttered.

"Sorry," Rory said. "I'm just thinking."

"About?…"

"Everything," Rory replied shrugging. "I don't know. I'm just thinking about…stuff."

There was a long silence when Lorelai finally spoke up. "You didn't want to come, did you?"

Rory shook her head. "No, it's not that! It's just…" She sighed. "Mom, it's a funeral. I don't like seeing all those people crying and I don't like deaths in general." Especially this one, she thought silently.

Lorelai nodded slowly. "No one likes that stuff but we deal," Lorelai said as she pulled into an open parking space. "'Cuz that's the only thing to do: deal."

There was another silence. Rory turned to Lorelai. "I told Luke yes."

Lorelai smiled. "That's good. You know how Luke is at giving speeches. I'm glad you're gonna be saying it." Rory smiled back, then sighed heavily as they got out of the car.

Rory remained silent as they walked towards the cemetery. Luke had decided to make the funeral short, so they had skipped the thing at the church and proceeded with the readings and speeches at the cemetery.

The whole ceremony passed as a blur for Rory. Everything was changing so fast and she didn't know how she was going to deal. The cold February breezes came and went as the funeral passed on until finally, it was Rory's turn to say something. She stood up, walked to the podium, and looked out at the people there.

Rory saw familiar faces and some she didn't know. There was her mom, Luke, and most of the people from Stars Hollow who knew that this was a tough time for Luke. Dean had even showed up for moral support for Rory. Then there were the ones she didn't know, but assumed that they were Jess's friends and family from New York. Rory cleared her throat and looked down at the podium. She then just realized that she hadn't written a speech. Of all the stupid things she had done before, this takes the cake. There was no speech, and here she was standing in front of a bunch of people who were just waiting.

Don't panic, don't panic! Rory gulped and suddenly she remembered something she had heard once: Just say what you feel. Whatever comes from the heart. Rory opened her mouth and launched into the deep feelings hidden down in her heart:

"Many of you thought you knew Jess Mariano, but you didn't really. Many of you saw and knew him as a 'bad boy' rebel who only knew how to pull pranks, but you never really gave him a chance. If you had given him the benefit of the doubt then you could have been lucky enough to see what I saw. Jess was…smart, understanding, brave, and he had a great sense of humor. All in all, he was a wonderful person, but I doubt many of you saw what was inside of him and judged him instead by the way he acted, but his behavior and attitude was really only a response to how people treated him. He came to Stars Hollow against his will, so naturally there was some hostility in him. But see, the thing is that despite people's resentment towards him, he stayed in Stars Hollow and only went back to New York when he was blamed for something he didn't do. And then, for God knows what reason, he came back and he tried to change, but again he was treated terribly…still, he stayed.

"If he were alive and standing in front of me, I'd tell him… Well, I'd tell him that I owe him my life because the truth is he died protecting me. But he's not alive and that hurts a lot inside of me because I'll never be able to discuss books with him or talk to him at all. I won't be able to see his face again or spend time with him. But I think what hurts most is that I've been living in denial about my true feelings for Jess. Yes, I was his girlfriend, but things became strained and awkward between us…I never got the chance to say…because the truth is that…" Rory hesitated. No matter what she said right now, things would change.  

She stared out at the crowd as they looked up expectantly at her. She saw her mom's face, full of questions and concern…She saw Luke's face, full of confusion…She saw Lane's face, full of understanding, knowing, and predictions…And then she saw Dean's face. Dean—her first love. And now she was about to let out what she felt.

"Love is a leap…", Rory remembered from Kate & Leopold. She knew she had to make a choice.

Rory took a deep breath and made that leap. "…the truth is that I loved him."

Gasps and whispers filled the air as the people considered what Rory had just said. Good-girl Rory loved Jess, the bad boy they had grown to know. They didn't know why it was so surprising. Rory and Jess were a couple. It was natural. But no one expected them together. Rory looked back at Dean and saw his emotionless face. Tears filled her eyes as she concluded, "And he's never going to know…" Rory broke off. She turned around and just walked away, ignoring the stunned faces of the people she had known practically forever. Rory felt as if she was turning her back on them as she walked away, blinded by her choice.

* * * * *

Rory kept walking, not knowing exactly where she was headed. Her words played like a never ending commercial in her head.

"…the truth is that I loved him…"

She had never said that about anybody except for Dean. Jess was dead though. What difference would it make if she proclaimed it now? Jess would never hear it…He would never hear it…

"Hey." Rory looked up. It was Dean.

"Oh, hi," she said.

"I thought I'd find you here."

Rory looked around and realized that she was on the bridge where she and Jess spent most of their time. The bridge where they had confessed their feelings for each other the night of the dance marathon. The night where Dean had dumped her.

"Yeah, well…"

He cleared his throat. "That took courage. What you said."

Rory looked down at the water. "I can't believe he's dead."

"Yeah…" Dean said standing next to her. "Neither can I."

At that moment, Rory wanted to cry. But she couldn't. She felt out-cried. She just stood there. Silently. And at that moment, she made another decision—

"I'm going to New York," she said out loud.

"What? Why?"

"I want to find the person who killed Jess."

"But you don't know who it is. Besides, the police would've found the person already, what with the information you gave them."

Rory gulped guiltily. "I didn't tell them everything," she confided.

Dean nodded knowingly. "Go then." She looked at him. "He meant a lot to you," he said difficultly. "Go ahead."

"Thanks…"

"Do you want me to come with you?"

She shook her head. "No, I've gotta do this myself."