'Cause then I'd fall apart
Hiiiiiii! I'm back! Yipeee! This is chapter 7. This is so exciting! So okay
Disclaimer: Last time I looked I wasn't her.
A/N: I hope you like this so far! It's not going to be very long, but hey! It's one of my first fics! And I know it's been crap! (Ducks rotten tomatoes) please don't flame me!
As always thanx to all reviewers.
Miss darkening black---- Thanx 4 reviewing and hrry up with Dorian story.!
Harryphsyched----- you sent me an e-mail titled 'chappie 3' and it didn't have chappie 3 in it! Could you send agin?
Mystical witch----- millions of thanx for the reviews! Keep reviewing!
Everyone else------ Review!! REVIEW!!! And 4 some of u……… Keep reviewing!!
Abby.
I'M SO SORRY I TOOK SO LONG! I WILL HURRY UP WITH NEXT ONE I PROMISE!
Chapter 7°- Suicide.
Maybe I should just let go. Let go of my life, and then be free. I'm hungry, but I refuse to eat again. I will not kill another person, I can't, not another one.
All those people were innocent. They deserved to grow up properly, they deserved to survive. They don't know that the only way for a vampire to die is if he takes his own life willingly. Then I will be dead soon. I will make sure of it…oh god! I don't just deserve to die! I have to suffer! The way they all did as they fell to the ground.
They died thinking that I was soulless and oh I was. But that's not who I am. I have a soul again, and it explodes from within me. It shows me that everything I ever did, or believed in… was wrong. Now more than before. I heard her last words, and now they're killing me softly.
"Once a Malfoy, always a Malfoy…I should've known"
Damn! She is right! Why why WHY did I accept to be sired? Look at me now, I'm falling, and there's only the ground do pick me up. And it won't. I must take my own life…it must hurt me, and I must do it hidden, where no one can pity me…or in a crowd, so everyone can laugh.
What is life? Life is an illusion, life is a shadow, life is fiction. And when truth dances with our lies, we cannot escape, and we can no longer deny. What's done is done, however painful that may prove --- this is indeed too painful for me. And finally, I let out what was been locked inside me far too long.
I'm screaming, and I feel free, the feelings that I had locked away have all been let free, all of a sudden I'm crying laughing and screaming…I'm free…. And they can't kill me for it; they can't kill me at all.
Everyone is quiet as they listen to my screams. I don't think I've screamed or cried since I was merely three years old. My cheeks are wet now, and I'm diminished on the floor, my head pounding, as so is my heart. Pounding the whole time.
I am quiet now, but for me that moment was priceless, tension in my body wearing out.
I stand up and walk away toward the manor, if peoples eyes were daggers, I'd be dead. I will apply the cruciatus on myself, and then I will jump of the Jocelyn tower. The tallest tower in the manor, dedicated to Jocelyn Dilouxi, the girl that gave her life to save this worthless family. An incompetent brute and nothing else.
I walk toward my room, that dark, humid corner in my room. The one I'm so used to sit cursed in. I look at myself in my mirror, and I break it with my now bleeding fist. Never again will the mirror have to see my face.
I sit down, and I point my wand at my face, I know it will hurt like hell, but I no longer care, because I know that I deserve it, I feel a tear fall from my cold eyes as I repeat it to myself. I deserve it.
"Crucio!"
FUCK, IT HURTS! I had forgotten the feeling of such sharp pain, but I remind myself. Pain that I deserve, I am torn apart, sinew by sinew, and my blood is boiling, millions of knifes being dug into my skin, my too white skin.
It's stopped, finally. My body aches sourly. But the time has now come to say good bye to this sick, sad world. All muggles and mudbloods will be dead in a matter of hours. All part of my doing. Once a Malfoy always a Malfoy right?!
Trust me to do all this so dramatically. It's very like me I must say, to try to get credit from all things, even when credit shouldn't be bragged from them.
The stairs drag on, all for stupid Dilouxi. As I finally reach the highest part of the tower, I notice that it's snowing, the snow is so white… it's so new and cold. It freezes my face as it falls on it, and I climb the wall.
Standing on the wall, so high up… it's priceless, the world is white beneath me, and I am above it, above everything, except my expectations of myself. Expectations that scream what I could have been and never was. Life is for living, and I lived it wrong, I could have saved those people, and myself. Or just to have been born a muggle, and to be dying now, with a conscience clean as slate.
Drowning? Drowned. This is finally the end, when this life meets another.
So this is it, the cold breeze playing with my hair, and the cold snow freezing my veins. So this is goodbye, this is what it feels like. Fate is a funny thing. If I had joined the side of light, those of the dark would have killed me, and now I'm here, about to kill myself. My fate is to die, the world no longer wants me, and it's fires spit me out. Goodbye world, forever farewell. I will not return and you will not miss me. You make fate, and you made this, at last I meet my doom, my absolution.
End chapter 7°-_
A/N: That was NOT the last chapter! Still more to come! You review, me update!
Abby