I sucked in a breath of filthy, polluted air. The scent of the sludge radiated up to my nostrils. I was disgusted.
My companion breathed deep. "You'll get used to it after a while," she told me with a condescending smile. "It almost gets familiar. Comfortable."
"You shouldn't let me see so much of your soul, Taylor," I answered. "It's not a pretty thing to look at."
"Neither is yours," she replied softly.
I turned my head away as well as I could. My cheek brushed the cold rock.
When I'm all alone, and no one else is there
Waiting by the phone to remind me I'm still here
When shadows paint the scenes where spotlights used to fall
And I'm left wondering, is it really worth it all?
"You think everyone down here doesn't know what you are? They've seen you rip the throats out of their brethren and they see you now unrepentant."
"Are you any better?" I snapped.
"No. But I don't pretend to be. You do. You're trying to be this great savior of mankind, this sacrificial maiden, this warrior giving herself up for her comrades – and you're just a rage machine. Maybe you're happy to have a little time off from the fight. Maybe it was just getting too stressful. Maybe you were scared to die. But I know this – you didn't surrender just to save your friends."
"You're right. I didn't." I looked at her again. "I surrendered to save myself."
She raised a perfect eyebrow skeptically.
"You want to know what it's all really about?" I challenged.
"I don't want a philosophy lesson."
I shrugged, unconcerned. "Everyone fights a war, Taylor. There's a war for Earth. Animorphs and Yeerks fight that. But you know what? The hosts fight too. Some of them fight every day."
"Not all of us," Taylor said with a smirk.
Life can hold you down when you're not looking up
Can't you hear the sound, hearts beating out loud?
Although the names change inside we're all the same
Why can't we tear down the walls to show the scars we're covering
"We don't just fight the creatures we're trying to kill. They're the physical evil. That's something we can just throw ourselves at and fight until it's dead and then it will stop breathing and it'll all be over. But we fight our own evil, and that one won't die. We just have to live with it, and try to kill it every day."
"Our own evil?" Taylor scoffed. "Save that for storybooks and inspiring self-help lectures. This is reality, Rachel."
"There's something dark inside of all of us," I persisted. "I faced mine, Taylor. You're just giving in to yours."
She shrugged. "I faced it. I looked at it and decided that it was me. You can't fight yourself forever." For a moment, she looked like a lost child, innocent and haloed by her perfect blonde hair. "What if your darkness is who you are?"
"Then you overcome it, even if it means overcoming yourself. Especially if it means overcoming yourself."
"So you really are a sacrifice," she sneered, innocence gone. "You really do think that you saved yourself somehow. You think you're going to be a pure little girl again instead of the warrior who rips the heart out of her enemies. Good luck with that, Rachel."
I shrugged. The Hork-Bajir were coming back for me; it was time for reinfestation. I felt at peace.
"Thanks, Taylor." I turned back to meet her glare. "Good luck to you, too."
There's a peace inside us all
Let it be your friend
It will help you carry on
In the end
There's a peace inside us all