Chiquitita 7/??
Bikky's POV:
"Come on, Rosa, it's easy."
After only a week, Nando and Miguel were both experts on the rollerblades and we'd been able to move the wheels into normal positions. The weather was warming up, and it was too nice to keep them cooped up inside.
With a week left on my vacation, I'd fallen into a routine. While Dee and Ryo were at work, Rosa and I took the kids to the park every afternoon. Cal had joined us once, but couldn't get away from work again. I still saw her in the evenings, and I'd planned to spend most nights over there, but she said it wore her out too much for work the next day. Since I'd gotten back, we'd only been together twice. Okay, two and a half times.
It wasn't the lack of sex that was bothering me, it was the lack of Cal herself, the lack of the bond we'd once shared so closely. I felt like I was watching her though a pane of glass, and as she became more and more engrossed in her work, the glass fogged over more and more. The nights I was there, she was out of bed almost right away, pouring over case files for hours, biting my head off if I tried to coax her back into my arms.
After watching the boys and I tear around on the blades, Rosa had gotten up enough nerve to request a few lessons herself. She'd almost lost her nerve when we weren't able to find training blades for adults. Dee and Ryo had given her the pair she was wearing now as special thank you for her help with the kids.
"How do you make it look so simple?" Rosa asked me now, sprawled on the ground. I bent to help her up and she wobbled on my arm. "I think I should stick to walking."
"Come on Rosa, don't be a wimp." I teased her. "You'll get the hang of it."
"I'll hang myself with the laces." She muttered, but made another attempt to push off. She managed a few feet this time before landing back on the ground, shooting a dirty look at Nando, who was giggling.
She was twenty-two, and had graduated college last year. She had her teaching certificate, but they didn't have placement for her until the new school year in the fall, where she planned to teach kindergarten. For now she was still living at home, being harassed by her little brothers and taking care of my little brothers on the side. She said it was her mother's fondest goal for Rosa to have a nice job, meet a man there immediately, and give it up. Rosa said she wouldn't put it like that herself, but the idea of getting married and starting a family wasn't something she was against.
"Not just anyone though." She said firmly one day. "My own Papa. I love him very much. He is never mean to me, he never scolds me or hurts me. But he isn't comfortable with children. He does not know what children need to hear. He does not believe that children need hugs from Papas as well as Mamas. He is very. distant. My children will have a Papa who will play with them, who will tell them stories and sing silly songs to them and hold them when they cry. My children will have a Papa like Ryo or Dee."
She was shy at first glance, but once you go to know her she was very open and honest. She laughed with her entire body, and she could take a joke as well as she gave them. In a lot of ways, she reminded me of Cal as she used to be, before she'd been buried in duty and responsibility.
We managed somehow to keep Rosa upright, and by the time we were ready to head home she was doing pretty well. I had my arm around her waist, and Nando was holding on to her free hand. Miguel was holding to my other hand and we had formed a shaky sort of chain. Nando, Rosa, and I were laughing, and Miguel was even give us smiles that lasted for more than a few seconds.
I heard a car horn honk, and saw Dee's battered brown Dodge pull up to the curb. We all piled in, and made small talk while he drove Rosa home, and then back to our place. "Wait here." He told me, and I glanced at him in surprise as he unbuckled the boys and disappeared inside the building with them. A minute later he came back alone and climbed back behind the wheel.
"Where are we going?" I asked, confused.
"No where really." He glanced at me. "But I think you and I need to talk."
Those words, when I was a kid, always put me on edge, and they did so now. Dee's talks were never something he went into lightly.
"What about?"
"What's going on between you and Rosa?" He asked softly.
"Nothing is going on. We're just friends, that's all." I picked at a thread on the car seat.
"That's not what it looked like to me. That's not what it would have looked like to Cal if she'd seen."
"I was teaching Rosa how to skate! You gave her the skates, you knew I was going to teach her. And Cal could have seen. She could have been there; we invited her. We always invite her. She never comes!"
"Maybe she doesn't come because she doesn't want to watch her boyfriend hitting on another woman."
"Get real!" I tried to bite down my anger. Anger at Dee for forcing me to talk about things I'd rather not face at all. "Cal never has time for anything. Not me, that's for sure. The only way I could get Cal to notice me now is to shrink myself back down to ten and put some bruises on my face."
He had parked the car in a fast food lot, I noticed. "I know you're angry at her, and that she's hurting you. But Rosa isn't the answer. If you're using her to get back at Cal, you're going to hurt both of them in the process and I won't allow that to happen."
"I like Rosa. She's smart, and funny, and she's sweet. She listens to me when I talk." I leaned back. "Is that so much to want?"
"No." He shook his head. "It's not. What's wrong is trying to have two things at the same time. That's not fair to either of them. I know you love Cal. You know you love Cal. But do you have feelings for Rosa too?"
"I don't want to." God, I was almost crying. "But what if I do? What then?"
"Well, you have a few choices. You're being shipped off to Jersey City next week, right?"
I had requested to be assigned in New York City, but I'd been told that everyone wanted to be assigned in New York City. Jersey City was as close as I could come.
"Yeah."
"You can let it ride out until then, and go on your way. Not face any of it."
"Sounds good to me."
"The mature options are to either tell Rosa that you're not interested in anything but a friendship, or to tell Cal that it's over. But you'd better do one or the other and soon before this gets way out of hand."
I wanted to tell him that it was none of his business, but where Cal was concerned it was. He'd been her surrogate father, one of them, as much as he had been mine, even if she hadn't lived with us.
"If Cal loved me, she'd make me a priority." I said at last. "She's pushing me away." I paused. "Dee, do you know something I don't know? Is it just work? Is there something else going on with Cal? Is she using work as an excuse?"
"I don't know." He said after a moment. "She hasn't told me anything, but before you make any big decisions try talking to her one more time. Maybe if she realizes how close she is to losing you, it might shock some sense into her."
He started the car up again. "But if you do end up with Rosa, I'm not saying I won't support you in it. Just as long as you're sure of what you want."
"I barely know Rosa. You're making it sound like I'm about to run off with her. I only met her a week ago."
I noticed that he was heading toward Cal's apartment instead of his own. He stopped at the curb. "You're right. You've known her a week. You've known Cal most of your life. Go talk to her. Get her to listen."
I changed back into my shoes and started to put the blades in the backseat, paused, and hung them around my neck instead. "Here goes nothing." I muttered. His hand on my arm made me turn around.
"Good luck, Bik."
"Thanks. I'll need it." It was only after he had driven away that I realized he'd called me Bik instead of Bikky. For some reason, it gave me a burst of confidence. Cal had to listen to me tonight. Our future was riding on it.
Bikky's POV:
"Come on, Rosa, it's easy."
After only a week, Nando and Miguel were both experts on the rollerblades and we'd been able to move the wheels into normal positions. The weather was warming up, and it was too nice to keep them cooped up inside.
With a week left on my vacation, I'd fallen into a routine. While Dee and Ryo were at work, Rosa and I took the kids to the park every afternoon. Cal had joined us once, but couldn't get away from work again. I still saw her in the evenings, and I'd planned to spend most nights over there, but she said it wore her out too much for work the next day. Since I'd gotten back, we'd only been together twice. Okay, two and a half times.
It wasn't the lack of sex that was bothering me, it was the lack of Cal herself, the lack of the bond we'd once shared so closely. I felt like I was watching her though a pane of glass, and as she became more and more engrossed in her work, the glass fogged over more and more. The nights I was there, she was out of bed almost right away, pouring over case files for hours, biting my head off if I tried to coax her back into my arms.
After watching the boys and I tear around on the blades, Rosa had gotten up enough nerve to request a few lessons herself. She'd almost lost her nerve when we weren't able to find training blades for adults. Dee and Ryo had given her the pair she was wearing now as special thank you for her help with the kids.
"How do you make it look so simple?" Rosa asked me now, sprawled on the ground. I bent to help her up and she wobbled on my arm. "I think I should stick to walking."
"Come on Rosa, don't be a wimp." I teased her. "You'll get the hang of it."
"I'll hang myself with the laces." She muttered, but made another attempt to push off. She managed a few feet this time before landing back on the ground, shooting a dirty look at Nando, who was giggling.
She was twenty-two, and had graduated college last year. She had her teaching certificate, but they didn't have placement for her until the new school year in the fall, where she planned to teach kindergarten. For now she was still living at home, being harassed by her little brothers and taking care of my little brothers on the side. She said it was her mother's fondest goal for Rosa to have a nice job, meet a man there immediately, and give it up. Rosa said she wouldn't put it like that herself, but the idea of getting married and starting a family wasn't something she was against.
"Not just anyone though." She said firmly one day. "My own Papa. I love him very much. He is never mean to me, he never scolds me or hurts me. But he isn't comfortable with children. He does not know what children need to hear. He does not believe that children need hugs from Papas as well as Mamas. He is very. distant. My children will have a Papa who will play with them, who will tell them stories and sing silly songs to them and hold them when they cry. My children will have a Papa like Ryo or Dee."
She was shy at first glance, but once you go to know her she was very open and honest. She laughed with her entire body, and she could take a joke as well as she gave them. In a lot of ways, she reminded me of Cal as she used to be, before she'd been buried in duty and responsibility.
We managed somehow to keep Rosa upright, and by the time we were ready to head home she was doing pretty well. I had my arm around her waist, and Nando was holding on to her free hand. Miguel was holding to my other hand and we had formed a shaky sort of chain. Nando, Rosa, and I were laughing, and Miguel was even give us smiles that lasted for more than a few seconds.
I heard a car horn honk, and saw Dee's battered brown Dodge pull up to the curb. We all piled in, and made small talk while he drove Rosa home, and then back to our place. "Wait here." He told me, and I glanced at him in surprise as he unbuckled the boys and disappeared inside the building with them. A minute later he came back alone and climbed back behind the wheel.
"Where are we going?" I asked, confused.
"No where really." He glanced at me. "But I think you and I need to talk."
Those words, when I was a kid, always put me on edge, and they did so now. Dee's talks were never something he went into lightly.
"What about?"
"What's going on between you and Rosa?" He asked softly.
"Nothing is going on. We're just friends, that's all." I picked at a thread on the car seat.
"That's not what it looked like to me. That's not what it would have looked like to Cal if she'd seen."
"I was teaching Rosa how to skate! You gave her the skates, you knew I was going to teach her. And Cal could have seen. She could have been there; we invited her. We always invite her. She never comes!"
"Maybe she doesn't come because she doesn't want to watch her boyfriend hitting on another woman."
"Get real!" I tried to bite down my anger. Anger at Dee for forcing me to talk about things I'd rather not face at all. "Cal never has time for anything. Not me, that's for sure. The only way I could get Cal to notice me now is to shrink myself back down to ten and put some bruises on my face."
He had parked the car in a fast food lot, I noticed. "I know you're angry at her, and that she's hurting you. But Rosa isn't the answer. If you're using her to get back at Cal, you're going to hurt both of them in the process and I won't allow that to happen."
"I like Rosa. She's smart, and funny, and she's sweet. She listens to me when I talk." I leaned back. "Is that so much to want?"
"No." He shook his head. "It's not. What's wrong is trying to have two things at the same time. That's not fair to either of them. I know you love Cal. You know you love Cal. But do you have feelings for Rosa too?"
"I don't want to." God, I was almost crying. "But what if I do? What then?"
"Well, you have a few choices. You're being shipped off to Jersey City next week, right?"
I had requested to be assigned in New York City, but I'd been told that everyone wanted to be assigned in New York City. Jersey City was as close as I could come.
"Yeah."
"You can let it ride out until then, and go on your way. Not face any of it."
"Sounds good to me."
"The mature options are to either tell Rosa that you're not interested in anything but a friendship, or to tell Cal that it's over. But you'd better do one or the other and soon before this gets way out of hand."
I wanted to tell him that it was none of his business, but where Cal was concerned it was. He'd been her surrogate father, one of them, as much as he had been mine, even if she hadn't lived with us.
"If Cal loved me, she'd make me a priority." I said at last. "She's pushing me away." I paused. "Dee, do you know something I don't know? Is it just work? Is there something else going on with Cal? Is she using work as an excuse?"
"I don't know." He said after a moment. "She hasn't told me anything, but before you make any big decisions try talking to her one more time. Maybe if she realizes how close she is to losing you, it might shock some sense into her."
He started the car up again. "But if you do end up with Rosa, I'm not saying I won't support you in it. Just as long as you're sure of what you want."
"I barely know Rosa. You're making it sound like I'm about to run off with her. I only met her a week ago."
I noticed that he was heading toward Cal's apartment instead of his own. He stopped at the curb. "You're right. You've known her a week. You've known Cal most of your life. Go talk to her. Get her to listen."
I changed back into my shoes and started to put the blades in the backseat, paused, and hung them around my neck instead. "Here goes nothing." I muttered. His hand on my arm made me turn around.
"Good luck, Bik."
"Thanks. I'll need it." It was only after he had driven away that I realized he'd called me Bik instead of Bikky. For some reason, it gave me a burst of confidence. Cal had to listen to me tonight. Our future was riding on it.