Chiquitita 8/??
Bikky's POV:
She took my breath away when she opened the door, standing backlit by the glow of her apartment.
Her hair was loose around her shoulders, and she was barefoot, wearing an over-sized button-down shirt and faded jeans. She'd never looked more beautiful to me than she did at this moment, the professional facade she wore during the day discarded for the something fey and untamed. In this woman, not the other, was the ghost of the girl who had grown up at my side. Best friend, lover, boon companion, fellow outcast. I took a step forward.
"Honey, it's not a good time." She raised her hand. "I've got a ton of work to do."
"It's never a good time." I tried to keep my anger down. "And you've always got a ton of work to do." I pushed past her into the apartment. There were some benefits to being bigger.
"Let's not do this again, please. I'm not up to it." She reluctantly shut the door, but still stood near it. "It's been a long day. They're returning the Jensen girl to her father because he's supposed to be clean this time, and two months from now I know she's going to end up beaten again or worse. We still don't have a placement for Tyler; no one is willing to take on a kid with retardation that severe. Kalvin was doing okay, we thought, but today he attacked his foster brother with a ballbat..."
"And I feel just as bad about that as you do." I argued with her. "But there's nothing you can do for any of them tonight."
"You don't understand." She turned away. "God, you are so selfish sometimes. Who cares if little kids suffer, as long as you get what you want!"
"I do care." I grabbed her arm and she jerked away. "I care that you're going to burn yourself out and not be any good to anyone. I care that I'm leaving next week and it might be a while before I see you again. I care that the woman I love, the one that's supposed to love me, can't even be bothered to give me five minutes of her precious time! I can't live this way."
"Then don't." Her eyes were blazing. "Get out. Go find someone else. Someone who'll be the little housewife you're looking for. It won't be me!"
"I never said I wanted a housewife!"
"Well, you sure don't want one with a career. When you left for training, did I pitch a fit? How many months were you gone? Did I act like you were doing it on purpose to hurt me? Why is your career SO important and mine isn't?"
"Cal, I know it's important to you. I'm not asking you to give it up. I'm just asking...." I steadied myself. "I need to know if you still have room in your life for me. If you don't, then tell me now."
"Why now?" She asked suspiciously. "Is there someone else?"
"No." I shook my head. "Not yet, anyway."
"I see."
"No, you don't see! I don't want there to be anyone else. But I'm not going to spend the rest of my life waiting in the shadows for you to make up your mind. Do you want me in your life or don't you?"
"Bikky, it's not a question of wanting you or not wanting you. It's a question of what I have to put first. Right now you don't need me as much as these kids do."
"Right now." I repeated. "When is right now going to change? Where do my needs fit on your list of priorities, Cal? When is it my turn? When you retire? When we're too old to have a family of our own? Will it be my turn then?"
"I think you should go." She reached toward the door and I stopped her hand. "I guess that's my answer." I pointed to the skates around my neck. "But I'll give you one last chance. Come skating with me. Just for half an hour."
"Maybe this weekend. Not tonight."
"Don't put yourself out." I was using everything I had in me not to cry. "Sorry to have wasted your time. I promise never to do it again." I yanked the door open, left her apartment, and slammed it shut behind me.
I walked slowly down the hall, giving her a chance to call me back, but she did not.
Outside, it was starting to turn cold, and I shivered, thinking that I should cry now but not able to let it happen.
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"Hey you klutz!"
Rosa sighed as she heard a splash, and went out to the kitchen, where a puddle of milk was dripping off the table and onto the floor. Nini, a tabby kitten Roberto had found last week, was purring loudly as she lapped it up.
"Who did it?" Rosa put her hands on her hips and glared at two small faces.
"It was Carlos." 6-year-old Roberto pointed at his 5-year-old-brother.
"Clean it up, Carlos."
Muttering, the child mopped up the spill while his brother grinned with the glee of seeing a sibling on the wrong end of Rosa's temper. Nini looked devastated to see her treat vanish.
"Now." She glanced at the clock. "You can go to the store with me to pick up more."
"I want to go!" Roberto jumped up. "Please, Rosa? Please?"
"No! She asked me!" Carlos stuck out his lip.
"You're too little to carry anything."
"I am not!" Carlos lunged at Roberto and with a sigh Rosa separated them. "Enough. Both of you get your coats and shoes." Still arguing, the boys took off down the hall.
As annoying as it was at times, that was how brothers were supposed to act, she though, wiping up a bit of milk the boy and the kitten had missed. Her brothers were all loud and healthy and obnoxious, and she'd never really appreciated that until she'd met Fernando and Miguel.
Stopping to tell her mother they were going, she hustled the little boys out the front door and down the street toward the corner store, ignoring their pleas for her to buy them candy once they got there. She probably would, she decided, but they didn't need to know that now. They would behave better this way.
She ended up buying a few other things besides milk, and a bag of raisins for each of the boys. To their keen disappointment, not the chocolate- covered kind, but realizing it was all they were getting, they were content to eat them in silence as Rosa led them back home, shifting the heavy grocery bag from hip to hip.
It was completely dark out now, and as they neared their apartment Rosa felt a sense of unease, a chill in the air. She couldn't quit name it, but suddenly she was afraid, and she wanted nothing more than to be back inside.
"Hurry." She snapped at the boys, and they looked at her out of big eyes, reflecting their own fear. They sensed it as well.
From behind her, she heard the faintest sound of footsteps.
"RUN!" She shoved the boys forward as something landed on her from behind. To her horror she saw a blacked gloved hand reach for Roberto and miss by inches.
"RUN! NOW!" She screamed, and her brothers took off toward their building, shrieking.
The figured, dressed entirely in black, and wearing a ski-mask, tried to go after them, but she hooked out her foot, catching his ankle and tripping him. They both tumbled to the pavement, and she screamed again to see the streetlight reflect off of a silver blade, and then a searing pain ripped through her shoulder. As the world began to darken, she locked her muscles around her attacker tighter, trying to buy her brothers more time, knowing that for reasons she didn't understand, it was them he'd been after.
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Bikky's POV:
I skated around aimlessly after leaving Cal's apartment, up and down the dark streets of New York, and I felt wild again. How many nights as a child had I done this, using physical speed instead of the manufactured kind to get my high?
To my surprise, I found myself heading toward Rosa's apartment. It wasn't that late, I knew she'd still be up, and I needed someone to talk to. Not as a potential girlfriend, I realized, but as someone who being a woman understood them. Rosa might have some insight on Cal that I'd missed, she might know the magic words to say or do to make things better between us.
I remember Dee saying once that it seemed violence followed he and Ryo everywhere. That they couldn't go out to a diner for a cup of coffee without a good chance of someone trying to rob it while they were there. Ryo said they just had good timing; Dee claimed that fate just wanted to make sure they never got a chance to relax. He pointed over and over at what had happened in England. "We just HAD to pick that hotel."
It was a family curse that had latched on to me, and so no matter how lost I was in my own thoughts or misery, I was always alert for something to happen. That's why, when I was close to Rosa's apartment and heard the screams, I reacted without thinking.
I rounded the corner on my skates as fast I could, cursing the fact that my gun was still at Ryo's place. I saw in an instant the girl on the ground, and the man above her, holding a bloody knife and lunging for her again.
I threw myself at them, trying to get him to drop the knife, yelling "FBI! FREEZE!" as loud as I could.
He grabbed my shoes, which were around my neck, and yanked, trying to choke me with the laces. I twisted under him, trying desperately to remember my training. But I was still wearing my skates and it was hard to balance. We were rolling in spilled groceries, and I could smell milk and broken eggs and soap. I felt the blade of the knife against my forehead, and my skin split open as blood poured into my eyes. The knife came down again, this time stabbing into my side. I gave one final, desperate punch and the knife went flying out of his hands. Disarmed, he jumped away from me and began running down the street.
I might have caught him. On my blades I might have been fast enough, but I couldn't be two places at once. I knelt down toward the woman and pushed her hair aside, blinking away my blood. I was aware of a pain in my side, but I barely noticed the red puddle forming under it.
"Rosa?" I was stunned. Her face was pure white and her breathing was jerky and labored, her coat soaking wet and red. I yanked out my cell phone and called 911. Around me I could see lights coming on, and faces appearing in doorways.
"BACK!" I yelled, reaching into my own coat and someone screamed, assuming I had a gun. I flipped out my badge and held it up in the lamplight. "FBI! Get back in your own apartments. The paramedics are on the way!" I grabbed a package of lunchmeat from the ground and placed it over the wound. The plastic would make it airtight and the cold would slow down the bleeding a little. Where had I learned that? I couldn't recall.
"ROSA!!!" A heavy-set woman was running at us. At her side was a balding man, and they were followed several boys of varying ages. "ROSA!" The woman flung herself to the ground over my friend.
"Don't move her!" I warned. "She has to be kept still. Come on Rosa, just hang on." I pressed the wound harder. "Stay with us."
The man was shaking. "My sons came back, said she'd been attacked. Who are you? Did you do this to her?" He grabbed at my coat.
"No! I'm her friend. She babysits my brothers!" I was trembling myself, remembering just a few hours ago holding Rosa against me and laughing. "Look. I'm Federal Agent. See?"
"Juan, this is Mr. Goldman." Rosa's mother was crying, touching her daughter's hair. "He is a good man. He would not do this. Rosa, she likes him." She sucked in her breath. "He is hurt badly too." She was trying to make me lie down but I couldn't understand why. My head wasn't that badly cut, it would only need a few stitches at most. It was getting hard to think clearly.
The next few minutes were a blur of lights and sirens, and I couldn't quite understand why I couldn't make my brain function correctly. What was the proper procedure for this? Rosa. Rosa was being taken in the ambulance and they were trying to put me on a stretcher as well and I was trying to push them away. It was just a scratch. "It's only a flesh wound." I remember giggling in a fake British accent as they forced me down. Someone was yelling out that my BP was something over something, and they were trying to take my clothing off.
Bit rude, I though muzzily. I don't even know their names. Serves Cal right though. I'll sleep with all of them, even if I'm not gay. Who knows? Maybe I am and just don't know it. How much exactly did I have to drink? I looked up into worried faces, and that was the last thing I remembered for a while.
Bikky's POV:
She took my breath away when she opened the door, standing backlit by the glow of her apartment.
Her hair was loose around her shoulders, and she was barefoot, wearing an over-sized button-down shirt and faded jeans. She'd never looked more beautiful to me than she did at this moment, the professional facade she wore during the day discarded for the something fey and untamed. In this woman, not the other, was the ghost of the girl who had grown up at my side. Best friend, lover, boon companion, fellow outcast. I took a step forward.
"Honey, it's not a good time." She raised her hand. "I've got a ton of work to do."
"It's never a good time." I tried to keep my anger down. "And you've always got a ton of work to do." I pushed past her into the apartment. There were some benefits to being bigger.
"Let's not do this again, please. I'm not up to it." She reluctantly shut the door, but still stood near it. "It's been a long day. They're returning the Jensen girl to her father because he's supposed to be clean this time, and two months from now I know she's going to end up beaten again or worse. We still don't have a placement for Tyler; no one is willing to take on a kid with retardation that severe. Kalvin was doing okay, we thought, but today he attacked his foster brother with a ballbat..."
"And I feel just as bad about that as you do." I argued with her. "But there's nothing you can do for any of them tonight."
"You don't understand." She turned away. "God, you are so selfish sometimes. Who cares if little kids suffer, as long as you get what you want!"
"I do care." I grabbed her arm and she jerked away. "I care that you're going to burn yourself out and not be any good to anyone. I care that I'm leaving next week and it might be a while before I see you again. I care that the woman I love, the one that's supposed to love me, can't even be bothered to give me five minutes of her precious time! I can't live this way."
"Then don't." Her eyes were blazing. "Get out. Go find someone else. Someone who'll be the little housewife you're looking for. It won't be me!"
"I never said I wanted a housewife!"
"Well, you sure don't want one with a career. When you left for training, did I pitch a fit? How many months were you gone? Did I act like you were doing it on purpose to hurt me? Why is your career SO important and mine isn't?"
"Cal, I know it's important to you. I'm not asking you to give it up. I'm just asking...." I steadied myself. "I need to know if you still have room in your life for me. If you don't, then tell me now."
"Why now?" She asked suspiciously. "Is there someone else?"
"No." I shook my head. "Not yet, anyway."
"I see."
"No, you don't see! I don't want there to be anyone else. But I'm not going to spend the rest of my life waiting in the shadows for you to make up your mind. Do you want me in your life or don't you?"
"Bikky, it's not a question of wanting you or not wanting you. It's a question of what I have to put first. Right now you don't need me as much as these kids do."
"Right now." I repeated. "When is right now going to change? Where do my needs fit on your list of priorities, Cal? When is it my turn? When you retire? When we're too old to have a family of our own? Will it be my turn then?"
"I think you should go." She reached toward the door and I stopped her hand. "I guess that's my answer." I pointed to the skates around my neck. "But I'll give you one last chance. Come skating with me. Just for half an hour."
"Maybe this weekend. Not tonight."
"Don't put yourself out." I was using everything I had in me not to cry. "Sorry to have wasted your time. I promise never to do it again." I yanked the door open, left her apartment, and slammed it shut behind me.
I walked slowly down the hall, giving her a chance to call me back, but she did not.
Outside, it was starting to turn cold, and I shivered, thinking that I should cry now but not able to let it happen.
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"Hey you klutz!"
Rosa sighed as she heard a splash, and went out to the kitchen, where a puddle of milk was dripping off the table and onto the floor. Nini, a tabby kitten Roberto had found last week, was purring loudly as she lapped it up.
"Who did it?" Rosa put her hands on her hips and glared at two small faces.
"It was Carlos." 6-year-old Roberto pointed at his 5-year-old-brother.
"Clean it up, Carlos."
Muttering, the child mopped up the spill while his brother grinned with the glee of seeing a sibling on the wrong end of Rosa's temper. Nini looked devastated to see her treat vanish.
"Now." She glanced at the clock. "You can go to the store with me to pick up more."
"I want to go!" Roberto jumped up. "Please, Rosa? Please?"
"No! She asked me!" Carlos stuck out his lip.
"You're too little to carry anything."
"I am not!" Carlos lunged at Roberto and with a sigh Rosa separated them. "Enough. Both of you get your coats and shoes." Still arguing, the boys took off down the hall.
As annoying as it was at times, that was how brothers were supposed to act, she though, wiping up a bit of milk the boy and the kitten had missed. Her brothers were all loud and healthy and obnoxious, and she'd never really appreciated that until she'd met Fernando and Miguel.
Stopping to tell her mother they were going, she hustled the little boys out the front door and down the street toward the corner store, ignoring their pleas for her to buy them candy once they got there. She probably would, she decided, but they didn't need to know that now. They would behave better this way.
She ended up buying a few other things besides milk, and a bag of raisins for each of the boys. To their keen disappointment, not the chocolate- covered kind, but realizing it was all they were getting, they were content to eat them in silence as Rosa led them back home, shifting the heavy grocery bag from hip to hip.
It was completely dark out now, and as they neared their apartment Rosa felt a sense of unease, a chill in the air. She couldn't quit name it, but suddenly she was afraid, and she wanted nothing more than to be back inside.
"Hurry." She snapped at the boys, and they looked at her out of big eyes, reflecting their own fear. They sensed it as well.
From behind her, she heard the faintest sound of footsteps.
"RUN!" She shoved the boys forward as something landed on her from behind. To her horror she saw a blacked gloved hand reach for Roberto and miss by inches.
"RUN! NOW!" She screamed, and her brothers took off toward their building, shrieking.
The figured, dressed entirely in black, and wearing a ski-mask, tried to go after them, but she hooked out her foot, catching his ankle and tripping him. They both tumbled to the pavement, and she screamed again to see the streetlight reflect off of a silver blade, and then a searing pain ripped through her shoulder. As the world began to darken, she locked her muscles around her attacker tighter, trying to buy her brothers more time, knowing that for reasons she didn't understand, it was them he'd been after.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Bikky's POV:
I skated around aimlessly after leaving Cal's apartment, up and down the dark streets of New York, and I felt wild again. How many nights as a child had I done this, using physical speed instead of the manufactured kind to get my high?
To my surprise, I found myself heading toward Rosa's apartment. It wasn't that late, I knew she'd still be up, and I needed someone to talk to. Not as a potential girlfriend, I realized, but as someone who being a woman understood them. Rosa might have some insight on Cal that I'd missed, she might know the magic words to say or do to make things better between us.
I remember Dee saying once that it seemed violence followed he and Ryo everywhere. That they couldn't go out to a diner for a cup of coffee without a good chance of someone trying to rob it while they were there. Ryo said they just had good timing; Dee claimed that fate just wanted to make sure they never got a chance to relax. He pointed over and over at what had happened in England. "We just HAD to pick that hotel."
It was a family curse that had latched on to me, and so no matter how lost I was in my own thoughts or misery, I was always alert for something to happen. That's why, when I was close to Rosa's apartment and heard the screams, I reacted without thinking.
I rounded the corner on my skates as fast I could, cursing the fact that my gun was still at Ryo's place. I saw in an instant the girl on the ground, and the man above her, holding a bloody knife and lunging for her again.
I threw myself at them, trying to get him to drop the knife, yelling "FBI! FREEZE!" as loud as I could.
He grabbed my shoes, which were around my neck, and yanked, trying to choke me with the laces. I twisted under him, trying desperately to remember my training. But I was still wearing my skates and it was hard to balance. We were rolling in spilled groceries, and I could smell milk and broken eggs and soap. I felt the blade of the knife against my forehead, and my skin split open as blood poured into my eyes. The knife came down again, this time stabbing into my side. I gave one final, desperate punch and the knife went flying out of his hands. Disarmed, he jumped away from me and began running down the street.
I might have caught him. On my blades I might have been fast enough, but I couldn't be two places at once. I knelt down toward the woman and pushed her hair aside, blinking away my blood. I was aware of a pain in my side, but I barely noticed the red puddle forming under it.
"Rosa?" I was stunned. Her face was pure white and her breathing was jerky and labored, her coat soaking wet and red. I yanked out my cell phone and called 911. Around me I could see lights coming on, and faces appearing in doorways.
"BACK!" I yelled, reaching into my own coat and someone screamed, assuming I had a gun. I flipped out my badge and held it up in the lamplight. "FBI! Get back in your own apartments. The paramedics are on the way!" I grabbed a package of lunchmeat from the ground and placed it over the wound. The plastic would make it airtight and the cold would slow down the bleeding a little. Where had I learned that? I couldn't recall.
"ROSA!!!" A heavy-set woman was running at us. At her side was a balding man, and they were followed several boys of varying ages. "ROSA!" The woman flung herself to the ground over my friend.
"Don't move her!" I warned. "She has to be kept still. Come on Rosa, just hang on." I pressed the wound harder. "Stay with us."
The man was shaking. "My sons came back, said she'd been attacked. Who are you? Did you do this to her?" He grabbed at my coat.
"No! I'm her friend. She babysits my brothers!" I was trembling myself, remembering just a few hours ago holding Rosa against me and laughing. "Look. I'm Federal Agent. See?"
"Juan, this is Mr. Goldman." Rosa's mother was crying, touching her daughter's hair. "He is a good man. He would not do this. Rosa, she likes him." She sucked in her breath. "He is hurt badly too." She was trying to make me lie down but I couldn't understand why. My head wasn't that badly cut, it would only need a few stitches at most. It was getting hard to think clearly.
The next few minutes were a blur of lights and sirens, and I couldn't quite understand why I couldn't make my brain function correctly. What was the proper procedure for this? Rosa. Rosa was being taken in the ambulance and they were trying to put me on a stretcher as well and I was trying to push them away. It was just a scratch. "It's only a flesh wound." I remember giggling in a fake British accent as they forced me down. Someone was yelling out that my BP was something over something, and they were trying to take my clothing off.
Bit rude, I though muzzily. I don't even know their names. Serves Cal right though. I'll sleep with all of them, even if I'm not gay. Who knows? Maybe I am and just don't know it. How much exactly did I have to drink? I looked up into worried faces, and that was the last thing I remembered for a while.