Chiquitita 11
"So I can't hug you very tight, Dee says, but I can bring you things. I can bring you anything." Nando bounced around next to the sofa bed like a puppy. "Do you want anything?"
"I want my hug." Bikky held out his arms. "And I want a good one. I promise not to tell."
Nando slipped into his embrace, and the second he was gone Miguel stepped forward shyly, putting his own arms around the man.
"I've really missed you guys. It stinks that they wouldn't let you come visit me. I got all your pictures though." Bikky leaned back on the pillows, moving the remote out from under his hip.
"We drew lots more. For Rosa too. Her Papa came by and picked them up for her. He says to tell you that you have to come to dinner when you're well. I want to go too. She has fun brothers."
Man, he'd missed this little guy, Bikky smiled. Both of them. Miguel was hovering over him like a small mother, his black eyes looking worried whenever Bikky moved. It was really good to be back home. Or at least where home was for now.
Several days after really waking up, Bikky had demanded to be released from the hospital, and had not been amused to be told they wanted to keep him for at least another week. Sitting around and doing nothing just wasn't him. He was bored with television, bored with crossword puzzles, bored with books.
So he had done what he had found always worked well in situations like this; ignored the rules and did as he pleased. He'd managed to get himself dressed without too much of a problem, trying to ignore the dizziness that hit him as soon as he stood, and trying not to puke all over the floor.
He kept an eye on the door and as soon as the hall was clear he made a break for it. It went well until he reached the elevator, and ran headlong into his shocked and horrified foster parents. After forcing him back into his room and lecturing him for half an hour, they left with his shoes and clothing. As desperate as he had been to leave, the prospect of escaping barefoot and in a hospital gown hadn't appealed to him.
He'd finally been able to coax the hospital into releasing him a day early, on the grounds that he spend the next month doing nothing but taking it easy. After his director assured him again that his job would be waiting, the young man had finally agreed.
Now the question, he thought, as the boys crawled onto the hideabed with him to watch "Starlight Cove", was whether or not he could survive a month of being mothered to death. The hospital had been thoughtless enough to send along a whole laundry list of does and don'ts, and Ryo had nabbed it before Bikky got a chance to make corrections. Paying no attention to the fact that his foster son hated the taste of domestic beer and would have rather drank sewer water, he'd forced Dee to get rid of his entire supply. Just in case Bikky suddenly became tempted.
"He's not supposed to get his incision wet, either." The beer's irate owner reminded Ryo sardonically. "Should I have Mr. Jenks turn off the water to our apartment just in case he gets tempted to go play in the toilet?"
They'd provided him with a bell to ring if he needed anything, and he'd snapped that if they thought he was using it, they should give him a neck to wring too.
He leaned back, watching Durmella and Armando stare longingly at each other through prison glass, Armando having been convicted of starting the fire where Styler/Malanse had supposedly died. The real arsonist hadn't been revealed yet, but Bikky suspected Cortland.
He dozed off a bit during the commercials, vaguely aware that someone was trying to convince him that his clothing would never really be clean unless he used Ultra Wow. He guessed he'd be doomed to dirty laundry forever; Ultra Wow made him break out in hives.
The soap returned to show Natalina and Dustin rolling around on a bearskin rug. Next to Bikky, Nando began to giggle. "That must tickle if you're all naked like that."
"What in the HELL are you letting them watch?"
Dee, having entered the room quietly in case Bikky was sleeping, grabbed the remote away and changed the television quickly to Nickelodeon.
"Hey!" Nando sulked. "That's not nice!"
Miguel, apparently having no interest in 'The Wild Thornberries,' nodded in agreement, and pointed at the TV hopefully.
Bikky gave Dee a baleful glance. "Like they're old enough to understand any of it." He was still groggy. "Spoil sport."
Dee rapped the remote lightly against his head. "You better believe it. Nothing non-kid friendly as long as Flotsam and Jetsam are awake."
"This is the same guy who snuck Cal and I out to see 'Bloody Butcher Part 7' after Ryo said we were too young?"
"That's different." Dee shrugged. "You were 12. Plus, Ryo just has no appreciate for the classics. 'Bloody Butcher' is an American institution."
"Ahem." Came a voice behind Dee, and he glared at Bikky, who was giving him a sleepy grin. "You set me up!"
"You're making me miss 'Starlight Cove.'" Came the swift reply. "Serves you right."
Ryo had his arms crossed. "And how many other 'classics' did you take him to after I said no?"
Nando and Miguel were now more enthralled with this conversation than they had been with Dustin and Natalina's love-life.
"What's Bloody Butcher?" Nando asked. "Can I see it too?"
"NO!" Ryo snapped. "It's very bad. Not for kids."
"That means we'd like it." Nando assured Miguel.
"I guess that means you don't want to see part 16 when it comes out next week." Dee grumbled. "'Butcher's Block'. He moves into a new neighborhood and." He paused, noticing how interested the children were.
"Then what?" Nando pressed. "What does he do then?"
"He has a block party." Ryo inserted quickly "He invites a lot of people and they have too much to drink and pass out. That's why I don't want you watching it."
Bikky snorted loudly.
Miguel was giving Ryo a steady look, and he shook his head in disapproval. He might as well have yelled LIAR at the top of his lungs. That did it for the still-doped Federal Agent, who began laughing as hard as his injured side would allow.
It was going to be a long month, but the pain made him realize suddenly just how lucky he was to have it at all.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
"Look, you're being paranoid. The bigger one isn't talking, and the other one is too young to know what he's saying. No one listens to a kid that little."
"Because it was dark, that's why. Anyone would have made the same mistake."
"I know, I know. How can I forget with you reminding me constantly? I need more time."
"Because they're protected better than Fort Knox! You try and get them!"
"I understand. You're worrying too much. I'll take care of it. I promised you I would. I just need the right opportunity."
"You do that. I want this over as much as you do."
"Are you drunk? No way. What does he have to do with anything? I'm still bruised as all hell."
"Wow, you are serious aren't you? You know I'm not going to say no to that. But I'm not making you any promises on that angle, dude."
"I guess. You know I don't think like that. I didn't have much time to notice, to be honest. I was too busy trying to get out of there alive. He's strong as a mule."
"Yeah, yeah, blah blah. Anything else I can pick up for you while I'm out, Your Majesty?"
"You too. I'll call you back later."
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Peace.
Papa was strong and loud. He liked to tell jokes and pull quarters out of your ears. He shaved in the morning and put shaving cream on your face and told you that soon, you'd be a big man shaving too. He liked to tease you, telling you that you thought too much for your age. Sometimes it hurt because you knew he wished you were more like him and Nando, but you liked to listen instead of talk. You loved listening to your family chatter at dinner time, and you would answer if spoken to, but their voices were musical to you.
Your Mama liked to sing, and you sang along with her. Sometimes she danced around the kitchen with you and Nando, laughing, her long black hair spilling over both of you. Outside in the backyard there was a vegetable garden spilling over with onions and tomatoes and tiny peppers. You and Mama went out to gather these things together, and she let you help make her special salsa. Silly Nando always couldn't wait and ate a pepper straight down and had to drink lots of water. Mama laughed at his red face and comforted him.
You remember, although sometimes it is hard, the last time you saw your Mama and Papa as they left in the new car. Mama kissed you and told you, as she always did, to take care of your little brother. You took that very seriously. She trusted you more than she trusted the babysitter, and Nando was so goofy he caused lots of trouble.
But Mama and Papa didn't come back. Instead policemen came and took you and Nando with them. Someone told you that Mama and Papa were in heaven with the angels now. Nando wanted to call them and cried when they said he couldn't. You were numb inside, knowing that you'd never see them again, having a very brief idea of what death was from television. You were four, and Nando was three and you wanted your mother very badly.
You stayed for a while with a man and a woman who had lots of other kids around. Nando liked to play with them, but you wanted to be left alone. You watched him though. To make sure no one hurt him.
You thought maybe the man and woman would be a new Mama and Papa, but then they made you leave again and go live with an old woman you didn't know. They said she was Grandmama, and at first you were happy. You knew she was Mama's Mama, and it would be almost as good as living with Mama again.
But she wasn't Mama, and she scared you badly. She didn't want you to make any noise at all, and Nando loved to make noise. Sometimes when she was at work a sitter came, a big fat woman who only watched TV. Sometimes Grandmama left you and Nando alone, and you didn't mind that.
You did not know when you turned five and when Nando turned four. Grandmama did not mention birthdays and you didn't even know what month it was now because you didn't leave the apartment much.
Grandmama seemed to like you better than Nando because you were better at staying out of her way, but she hated Nando.
You tired to stop her from burning him, but she did it anyway, and then she burned you for trying to help him. And she said that she was going to call the monsters to come because you were such bad boys.
You failed. You were supposed to protect your little brother and you didn't do it. You couldn't stop Grandmama from hurting him and you couldn't stop the monster from hurting him, and you knew it had hurt him very badly.
Before the monster had left you, he whispered in your ear in a monster hiss "If you ever say a word to anyone, I'll come back. I'll kill your brother. No matter where you are, I'll find you."
And very silently, you promised Mama and Papa in heaven that you'd make sure no one ever hurt Nando again. You'd do what you were told, you'd never say a word and maybe the monster would stay away.
You liked it here with Dee and Ryo and now Bikky, and you were afraid that if you said anything the monster would hurt them too. You had the power to protect these new people you loved. You could keep the monster claws off of them.
You knew that the monster would come back, because monsters were liars. You could only hope that by the time it did come back, you'd be big and strong like Papa was and could scare it away.
Under the mattress on your side was kitchen knife you'd snuck into your room. You felt bad about that because you were not supposed to touch sharp knives, but you felt safer with the knife there. What you really wanted was a gun, but all of those were locked up now in Dee and Ryo's room, even Bikky's now.
Sometimes at night you would slip out of bed and walk around the apartment with the knife, making sure no monsters were hiding in the shadows.
You only got up to pee tonight, but you took the knife anyway, your hand not even able to go around the handle all the way. Ryo looked for that knife, and decided he must have thrown it away. It is not a small one.
Before you go to return to bed you make your rounds quickly, hearing snoring coming from Dee and Ryo's room, and Bikky snoring in the living room.
There are shadows against the window, cast by other buildings because you're too high up for trees here. Outside of the kitchen window is a fire escape. You know only to open it if there really is a fire because Dee and Ryo have alarms on all the windows and only they know how to turn them off.
But there is something wrong with the shadows the fire escape is casting on the wall. It is too big, and it's moving too much. Your hand goes sweaty on the knife handle and your blood runs cold, and if you had not just been to the bathroom, you probably would have peed right there on the floor.
Suddenly you feel very, very tiny and alone, and you want to run down the hall and yell for Ryo and Dee, make them come. But something else battles in you. Your pride is still torn to ribbons from your last fight. You are angry now. You are determined that you will protect Nando, and if you get hurt again, so what?
You raise up the knife, watching the light flicker from the blade, watching the shadows twist into man-shape on the fire escape outside.
His hands work at the window, and you watch, interested in spite of your fear, as he removes a small piece of glass and reaches in to unlock it. He pulls the window open.
There is silence for a moment and then the alarm starts screaming. It's attached to the kitchen light and that comes on and you see his face.
This is not a monster though. He is a man and he looks about Bikky's age. His eyes are very pale blue and his hair is red and buzz-cut. You do not know this man, but in the second the light comes on he looks stunned to see you standing there holding up the knife.
He vanishes quickly back down the fire escape a second before Dee and Ryo run into the kitchen with their guns drawn. Nando is right behind them and Bikky has stumbled in from the living room.
You're still holding the knife up, and you point at the window with your other hand.
The alarm is still blaring and Nando is crying now but you can't even move to comfort him. You watch the window without blinking, staring out into the black of the New York night. Dee went out the window after him, but now he comes back in, angry that the man got away.
Bikky moves to kneel in front of you, and you see understanding in eyes. He whispers "It's okay. He's gone now. You scared him away. Give me the knife. You don't it any more tonight."
Slowly you hand it over to him, and it feels like you're handing your strength over to him as well. You stagger and he catches you, tossing the knife on top of the counter first. He's not well enough to pick you up yet, but you huddle on his lap, not even aware that like a toddler you're sucking your thumb again.
Finally they shut off the alarm and other police have been called, and now Dee and Ryo are asking you questions you can't answer and you bury your head against Bikky's shoulder, because he doesn't want to know anything. He's just warm and solid and safe and you think that it's nice not to have to be the big brother now all the time. It's nice having a big brother of your own.
"Was it the monster?" You are aware of Nando asking. "Was it him, Miguel?"
You shake your head no, and he sags in relief.
"Next time." Dee is saying firmly, and making you look at him. "If you hear noises you go wake up one of us. You're very brave, but you don't have to be brave with something like that. Let us big guys handle it. It's our job."
Ryo says the same thing in different words, and he realizes that you were the one who took his knife and how long you've had it. He gives you a lecture on that as well, on how you've been told not to play with knives, and then he hugs you and says he's not mad, but something bad could have happened to you.
You think about the man with the red hair, and wonder what he wanted. But since he was not the monster, you do not realize that in the instant the light came on, he saw exactly what he was after.
"So I can't hug you very tight, Dee says, but I can bring you things. I can bring you anything." Nando bounced around next to the sofa bed like a puppy. "Do you want anything?"
"I want my hug." Bikky held out his arms. "And I want a good one. I promise not to tell."
Nando slipped into his embrace, and the second he was gone Miguel stepped forward shyly, putting his own arms around the man.
"I've really missed you guys. It stinks that they wouldn't let you come visit me. I got all your pictures though." Bikky leaned back on the pillows, moving the remote out from under his hip.
"We drew lots more. For Rosa too. Her Papa came by and picked them up for her. He says to tell you that you have to come to dinner when you're well. I want to go too. She has fun brothers."
Man, he'd missed this little guy, Bikky smiled. Both of them. Miguel was hovering over him like a small mother, his black eyes looking worried whenever Bikky moved. It was really good to be back home. Or at least where home was for now.
Several days after really waking up, Bikky had demanded to be released from the hospital, and had not been amused to be told they wanted to keep him for at least another week. Sitting around and doing nothing just wasn't him. He was bored with television, bored with crossword puzzles, bored with books.
So he had done what he had found always worked well in situations like this; ignored the rules and did as he pleased. He'd managed to get himself dressed without too much of a problem, trying to ignore the dizziness that hit him as soon as he stood, and trying not to puke all over the floor.
He kept an eye on the door and as soon as the hall was clear he made a break for it. It went well until he reached the elevator, and ran headlong into his shocked and horrified foster parents. After forcing him back into his room and lecturing him for half an hour, they left with his shoes and clothing. As desperate as he had been to leave, the prospect of escaping barefoot and in a hospital gown hadn't appealed to him.
He'd finally been able to coax the hospital into releasing him a day early, on the grounds that he spend the next month doing nothing but taking it easy. After his director assured him again that his job would be waiting, the young man had finally agreed.
Now the question, he thought, as the boys crawled onto the hideabed with him to watch "Starlight Cove", was whether or not he could survive a month of being mothered to death. The hospital had been thoughtless enough to send along a whole laundry list of does and don'ts, and Ryo had nabbed it before Bikky got a chance to make corrections. Paying no attention to the fact that his foster son hated the taste of domestic beer and would have rather drank sewer water, he'd forced Dee to get rid of his entire supply. Just in case Bikky suddenly became tempted.
"He's not supposed to get his incision wet, either." The beer's irate owner reminded Ryo sardonically. "Should I have Mr. Jenks turn off the water to our apartment just in case he gets tempted to go play in the toilet?"
They'd provided him with a bell to ring if he needed anything, and he'd snapped that if they thought he was using it, they should give him a neck to wring too.
He leaned back, watching Durmella and Armando stare longingly at each other through prison glass, Armando having been convicted of starting the fire where Styler/Malanse had supposedly died. The real arsonist hadn't been revealed yet, but Bikky suspected Cortland.
He dozed off a bit during the commercials, vaguely aware that someone was trying to convince him that his clothing would never really be clean unless he used Ultra Wow. He guessed he'd be doomed to dirty laundry forever; Ultra Wow made him break out in hives.
The soap returned to show Natalina and Dustin rolling around on a bearskin rug. Next to Bikky, Nando began to giggle. "That must tickle if you're all naked like that."
"What in the HELL are you letting them watch?"
Dee, having entered the room quietly in case Bikky was sleeping, grabbed the remote away and changed the television quickly to Nickelodeon.
"Hey!" Nando sulked. "That's not nice!"
Miguel, apparently having no interest in 'The Wild Thornberries,' nodded in agreement, and pointed at the TV hopefully.
Bikky gave Dee a baleful glance. "Like they're old enough to understand any of it." He was still groggy. "Spoil sport."
Dee rapped the remote lightly against his head. "You better believe it. Nothing non-kid friendly as long as Flotsam and Jetsam are awake."
"This is the same guy who snuck Cal and I out to see 'Bloody Butcher Part 7' after Ryo said we were too young?"
"That's different." Dee shrugged. "You were 12. Plus, Ryo just has no appreciate for the classics. 'Bloody Butcher' is an American institution."
"Ahem." Came a voice behind Dee, and he glared at Bikky, who was giving him a sleepy grin. "You set me up!"
"You're making me miss 'Starlight Cove.'" Came the swift reply. "Serves you right."
Ryo had his arms crossed. "And how many other 'classics' did you take him to after I said no?"
Nando and Miguel were now more enthralled with this conversation than they had been with Dustin and Natalina's love-life.
"What's Bloody Butcher?" Nando asked. "Can I see it too?"
"NO!" Ryo snapped. "It's very bad. Not for kids."
"That means we'd like it." Nando assured Miguel.
"I guess that means you don't want to see part 16 when it comes out next week." Dee grumbled. "'Butcher's Block'. He moves into a new neighborhood and." He paused, noticing how interested the children were.
"Then what?" Nando pressed. "What does he do then?"
"He has a block party." Ryo inserted quickly "He invites a lot of people and they have too much to drink and pass out. That's why I don't want you watching it."
Bikky snorted loudly.
Miguel was giving Ryo a steady look, and he shook his head in disapproval. He might as well have yelled LIAR at the top of his lungs. That did it for the still-doped Federal Agent, who began laughing as hard as his injured side would allow.
It was going to be a long month, but the pain made him realize suddenly just how lucky he was to have it at all.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
"Look, you're being paranoid. The bigger one isn't talking, and the other one is too young to know what he's saying. No one listens to a kid that little."
"Because it was dark, that's why. Anyone would have made the same mistake."
"I know, I know. How can I forget with you reminding me constantly? I need more time."
"Because they're protected better than Fort Knox! You try and get them!"
"I understand. You're worrying too much. I'll take care of it. I promised you I would. I just need the right opportunity."
"You do that. I want this over as much as you do."
"Are you drunk? No way. What does he have to do with anything? I'm still bruised as all hell."
"Wow, you are serious aren't you? You know I'm not going to say no to that. But I'm not making you any promises on that angle, dude."
"I guess. You know I don't think like that. I didn't have much time to notice, to be honest. I was too busy trying to get out of there alive. He's strong as a mule."
"Yeah, yeah, blah blah. Anything else I can pick up for you while I'm out, Your Majesty?"
"You too. I'll call you back later."
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Peace.
Papa was strong and loud. He liked to tell jokes and pull quarters out of your ears. He shaved in the morning and put shaving cream on your face and told you that soon, you'd be a big man shaving too. He liked to tease you, telling you that you thought too much for your age. Sometimes it hurt because you knew he wished you were more like him and Nando, but you liked to listen instead of talk. You loved listening to your family chatter at dinner time, and you would answer if spoken to, but their voices were musical to you.
Your Mama liked to sing, and you sang along with her. Sometimes she danced around the kitchen with you and Nando, laughing, her long black hair spilling over both of you. Outside in the backyard there was a vegetable garden spilling over with onions and tomatoes and tiny peppers. You and Mama went out to gather these things together, and she let you help make her special salsa. Silly Nando always couldn't wait and ate a pepper straight down and had to drink lots of water. Mama laughed at his red face and comforted him.
You remember, although sometimes it is hard, the last time you saw your Mama and Papa as they left in the new car. Mama kissed you and told you, as she always did, to take care of your little brother. You took that very seriously. She trusted you more than she trusted the babysitter, and Nando was so goofy he caused lots of trouble.
But Mama and Papa didn't come back. Instead policemen came and took you and Nando with them. Someone told you that Mama and Papa were in heaven with the angels now. Nando wanted to call them and cried when they said he couldn't. You were numb inside, knowing that you'd never see them again, having a very brief idea of what death was from television. You were four, and Nando was three and you wanted your mother very badly.
You stayed for a while with a man and a woman who had lots of other kids around. Nando liked to play with them, but you wanted to be left alone. You watched him though. To make sure no one hurt him.
You thought maybe the man and woman would be a new Mama and Papa, but then they made you leave again and go live with an old woman you didn't know. They said she was Grandmama, and at first you were happy. You knew she was Mama's Mama, and it would be almost as good as living with Mama again.
But she wasn't Mama, and she scared you badly. She didn't want you to make any noise at all, and Nando loved to make noise. Sometimes when she was at work a sitter came, a big fat woman who only watched TV. Sometimes Grandmama left you and Nando alone, and you didn't mind that.
You did not know when you turned five and when Nando turned four. Grandmama did not mention birthdays and you didn't even know what month it was now because you didn't leave the apartment much.
Grandmama seemed to like you better than Nando because you were better at staying out of her way, but she hated Nando.
You tired to stop her from burning him, but she did it anyway, and then she burned you for trying to help him. And she said that she was going to call the monsters to come because you were such bad boys.
You failed. You were supposed to protect your little brother and you didn't do it. You couldn't stop Grandmama from hurting him and you couldn't stop the monster from hurting him, and you knew it had hurt him very badly.
Before the monster had left you, he whispered in your ear in a monster hiss "If you ever say a word to anyone, I'll come back. I'll kill your brother. No matter where you are, I'll find you."
And very silently, you promised Mama and Papa in heaven that you'd make sure no one ever hurt Nando again. You'd do what you were told, you'd never say a word and maybe the monster would stay away.
You liked it here with Dee and Ryo and now Bikky, and you were afraid that if you said anything the monster would hurt them too. You had the power to protect these new people you loved. You could keep the monster claws off of them.
You knew that the monster would come back, because monsters were liars. You could only hope that by the time it did come back, you'd be big and strong like Papa was and could scare it away.
Under the mattress on your side was kitchen knife you'd snuck into your room. You felt bad about that because you were not supposed to touch sharp knives, but you felt safer with the knife there. What you really wanted was a gun, but all of those were locked up now in Dee and Ryo's room, even Bikky's now.
Sometimes at night you would slip out of bed and walk around the apartment with the knife, making sure no monsters were hiding in the shadows.
You only got up to pee tonight, but you took the knife anyway, your hand not even able to go around the handle all the way. Ryo looked for that knife, and decided he must have thrown it away. It is not a small one.
Before you go to return to bed you make your rounds quickly, hearing snoring coming from Dee and Ryo's room, and Bikky snoring in the living room.
There are shadows against the window, cast by other buildings because you're too high up for trees here. Outside of the kitchen window is a fire escape. You know only to open it if there really is a fire because Dee and Ryo have alarms on all the windows and only they know how to turn them off.
But there is something wrong with the shadows the fire escape is casting on the wall. It is too big, and it's moving too much. Your hand goes sweaty on the knife handle and your blood runs cold, and if you had not just been to the bathroom, you probably would have peed right there on the floor.
Suddenly you feel very, very tiny and alone, and you want to run down the hall and yell for Ryo and Dee, make them come. But something else battles in you. Your pride is still torn to ribbons from your last fight. You are angry now. You are determined that you will protect Nando, and if you get hurt again, so what?
You raise up the knife, watching the light flicker from the blade, watching the shadows twist into man-shape on the fire escape outside.
His hands work at the window, and you watch, interested in spite of your fear, as he removes a small piece of glass and reaches in to unlock it. He pulls the window open.
There is silence for a moment and then the alarm starts screaming. It's attached to the kitchen light and that comes on and you see his face.
This is not a monster though. He is a man and he looks about Bikky's age. His eyes are very pale blue and his hair is red and buzz-cut. You do not know this man, but in the second the light comes on he looks stunned to see you standing there holding up the knife.
He vanishes quickly back down the fire escape a second before Dee and Ryo run into the kitchen with their guns drawn. Nando is right behind them and Bikky has stumbled in from the living room.
You're still holding the knife up, and you point at the window with your other hand.
The alarm is still blaring and Nando is crying now but you can't even move to comfort him. You watch the window without blinking, staring out into the black of the New York night. Dee went out the window after him, but now he comes back in, angry that the man got away.
Bikky moves to kneel in front of you, and you see understanding in eyes. He whispers "It's okay. He's gone now. You scared him away. Give me the knife. You don't it any more tonight."
Slowly you hand it over to him, and it feels like you're handing your strength over to him as well. You stagger and he catches you, tossing the knife on top of the counter first. He's not well enough to pick you up yet, but you huddle on his lap, not even aware that like a toddler you're sucking your thumb again.
Finally they shut off the alarm and other police have been called, and now Dee and Ryo are asking you questions you can't answer and you bury your head against Bikky's shoulder, because he doesn't want to know anything. He's just warm and solid and safe and you think that it's nice not to have to be the big brother now all the time. It's nice having a big brother of your own.
"Was it the monster?" You are aware of Nando asking. "Was it him, Miguel?"
You shake your head no, and he sags in relief.
"Next time." Dee is saying firmly, and making you look at him. "If you hear noises you go wake up one of us. You're very brave, but you don't have to be brave with something like that. Let us big guys handle it. It's our job."
Ryo says the same thing in different words, and he realizes that you were the one who took his knife and how long you've had it. He gives you a lecture on that as well, on how you've been told not to play with knives, and then he hugs you and says he's not mad, but something bad could have happened to you.
You think about the man with the red hair, and wonder what he wanted. But since he was not the monster, you do not realize that in the instant the light came on, he saw exactly what he was after.