The One Where Mercury Continues
Original story by: Ezika
Continued with permission. Thanks, Ezika!
Continuation by: Jana~
Chapter Three
*****
--"What are you doing here?" Monica asked the visitor to her room, her voice showing the strain on her emotions.
"Your parents called me."
She sighed, "I really wish they hadn't done that."
"What happened, Monica?"
A slight shake of her head was all she was capable of responding with in that moment.
"Why did you do this?"
Taking in a shaky breath, she willed herself to speak. "I don't think this is a good idea, Richard."
"What's not a good idea?" he asked.
"Talking with you right now. I can't deal with talking to you right now."
Not wanting to leave, unsure if he should press for answers, Richard just remained cemented in place. The only sound in the room was the beeping of the machine that monitored her heart rate.
"I'm sorry that our breakup hurt you this badly," he whispered.
"It wasn't just about the breakup," she told him, "It was a lot of things."
"Like what?"
"Please," she pleaded, "I can't do this right now."
"But, I can't help but feel respon-"
"Richard," she interrupted him, "You have nothing to feel guilty about, alright? If you came here to ease your conscience, then you didn't need to come down at all."
"But-"
"If you need answers," she interrupted him again, "Ask Ross. He knows most of the story." With a heavy sigh, she turned away from him. "Please, just go."
A silent nod was returned as he slowly walked to her bedside. Leaning to her, he kissed her hair before whispering 'ok', then turned on his heal and headed for the door. "You have my number," he reminded her, pausing before leaving. "If you need anything…"
Shoes reverberated on the floor as he left the room, the door making a whooshing sound before clicking shut. That's when she lost it. She allowed the tears to fall freely, emotions overwhelming her.
"I don't even know what I need," she choked out, almost inaudibly. "I wish I did."
***
--The hospital cafeteria was abuzz with lunch traffic. Everyone from friends and relatives of patients to Drs, nurses, and other hospital employees, all chattering over plates of spaghetti, meatloaf, or stale disgusting sandwiches; all except for the five people in the far back, occupying the table for four in cramped style.
Ross explained all he knew, all except for the part about Chandler and Monica sleeping together. He figured that would just be hurtful to Richard, so he omitted it.
Richard felt numb as he listened to the recount of all that happened, agreeing with Phoebe that the situation was probably, in part, due to the hormonal imbalance Monica was experiencing because of the pregnancy and miscarriage.
"I don't understand why she didn't tell me about the baby," he muttered, glancing at all of them in a request for answers.
"You said you didn't want kids," Phoebe offered. "She probably thought you would be unhappy about the pregnancy."
"Maybe she thought it would look to you like she was trying to trap you," Joey suggested as a possibility.
"I wouldn't have thought that," Richard defended.
"She didn't know that. She wasn't thinking right, remember?" Phoebe reminded. "Whacked out hormones?"
"Where is Chandler now?" he asked. "Maybe she said something to him."
They all shared looks before Rachel decided on answering. "He lost it, when she was brought in. He witnessed her… jumping."
"It messed him up bad," Phoebe added. "He had a nervous breakdown. They admitted him to the hospital for observation."
"Of course he did," Richard sighed, shaking his head, and they all questioned him with various comments. "He's in love with her," Richard reported. "Has been for what?" he directed the question at Joey, "Since 1989?"
Joey's eyes grew wide and Ross, Phoebe, and Rachel all became intensely interested in knowing more about the secret the two men obviously shared.
"Joey?" Phoebe asked for an explanation by just the use of his name.
When Joey hesitated to respond, Richard began telling the story. "When Monica and I were dating, I hung out with Joey and Chandler for a while, remember?" Everyone nodded. "Well, one night we went to this bar, and we got a bit tipsy. Well," he corrected, "Joey and I got tipsy, Chandler got wasted. Alcohol has a tendency to loosen one's tongue. He confessed to me that he's been in love with her for years. Ever since some Thanksgiving dinner, where she apparently, accidentally cut off his pinky toe."
"I asked Richard not to say anything," Joey continued. "I knew Chandler would be mortified to know that he had spilled his guts like that. Especially to her current boyfriend."
"If he was so in love with her," Ross asked, "Then why didn't he just tell her?"
"Like you told Rachel?" Phoebe asked, reminding him that he too waited for forever to tell the woman he loved how he felt about her.
Ross looked away, muttering, "Point taken."
"If you knew all this time," Phoebe directed the question at Joey, "Then why didn't you tell us?"
"I was sworn to secrecy!" he announced. "You wouldn't want me blabbing your secrets, now would you?"
They all conceded.
***
--Drumming his fingers impatiently, Chandler only half-listened as the Dr continued his psycho-babble, carrying on like they were best friends, trying to get him to 'open up and share his feelings'. All Chandler wanted to do was get to Monica's room, to see her.
He had tried to call her room when the sedative started wearing off, but her calls were being screened, and the one doing the screening didn't think she could handle a call from him.
"Have you ever had to deal with loss in your life, Chandler?" the Dr asked.
"I lose at foosball all the time," he joked. "Does that count?"
The Dr smiled and jotted something down on the pad of paper he held.
"What was going through your mind when you thought Monica was going to die?"
He sighed, slightly annoyed. "I was upset, ok? And I know I went a little off the deep-end, but I hadn't slept in a million hours! And I'd had, like, a zillion cups of bad coffee! I overreacted, is all…"
"Do you blame yourself for what Monica did to herself?"
Chandler shook his head, in a way that clearly stated he thought the line of questioning was ridiculous.
"Chandler," the Dr stated calmly, "The sooner you talk to me, the sooner we can determine the best course for helping you, and the sooner you will be released."
Chandler knew what the Dr wanted to hear. He knew what needed to be said to get them to release him. All those times he rehearsed lines with Joey was going to pay off. He would have to be believable, though.
He shrugged, putting on his best sincere face. "Maybe. But, I was more just thinking that- that maybe I could have done more, ya'know? If I had just moved a little faster, I might've been able to grab her. I've gone over the moment a thousand times since it happened, and I just don't think I could've moved any faster than I did."
The Dr looked at him incredulously. "If I'm going to help you, I need you to be honest with me, Chandler."
He sighed. He thought he sounded pretty convincing, but obviously not convincing enough. "What is it you want from me?"
"This isn't torture, Chandler," the Dr told him. "I'm just trying to help you. I just want you to talk to me, honestly. Can you do that, Chandler?"
He hated the way the Dr kept saying his name. They both knew his name, there was no one else in the room the Dr could be talking to… 'Stop saying my stupid name,' he said silently in his head.
"I can do that," Chandler relented. He just wanted it to be over with so he could go see Monica.
"In what ways do you blame yourself for what happened to Monica?"
There was no getting around it. "I knew she was depressed," he finally confided in the Dr. "I had the chance to get her help, but she said she was fine, so I didn't push the matter. If I had moved faster," he choked out, tears beginning to fall, "I could have grabbed her. If I hadn't slept with her," he whispered, "She wouldn't have wanted to…" He trailed off, attempting to get a handle on his emotions.
"Do you think she jumped because you two shared an intimate moment, prior?"
Wiping at his eyes and nose, he sniffled as he muttered, "I don't know."
"If Monica had died, do you think you would have spent the rest of your life, thinking you were the reason for her death?"
"Maybe," he answered with a shrug.
"If she tells you that you are not to blame, will you believe her?"
He took a moment to think about that question before responding. "I think so."
"You said you were intimate with her before the incident. Can you tell me what happened to lead to that?"
With a sigh, he stared down at the dorky hospital gown they made him put on. "She came on to me," he explained, almost as if defending his actions. "I told her no, that it was a bad idea, but she wouldn't relent. She said it felt right, and she started undressing me. A man only has so much willpower. I wanted her," he cried softly, "And I let it cloud my better judgment."
"How long have you wanted her in that way?"
"Forever," he whispered.
"Have you ever told her how you feel?" Chandler shook his head. "Why not?" Chandler shook his head again, an indication that he didn't want to answer the question. "Chandler, why didn't you tell Monica that you are in love with her?"
"I was afraid," he blurted out. "I was afraid of rejection."
The Dr nodded. "What will you tell her, when you see her?"
Chandler looked up at the Dr, with a sincerity he knew to be genuine. "I'm going to tell her how I feel. All of it."
"And what if she tells you that she doesn't feel the same way about you?"
"Then, we'll be friends again. Still. Like we've always been."
"And that will be enough for you?"
He nodded. "I just want her in my life. I'll take whatever she's willing to give me. And willing to take from me."
The Dr smiled as he jotted more notes down on his pad, then closed the file. "I will start the paperwork for your release," he informed. "I would like to see you as an outpatient for a few weeks, at least, to help you with some issues, but I think you'll be fine to leave. And visit Monica," he added.
Chandler nodded, smiling slightly. "Thank you, Dr."
The Dr extended his hand. "You're welcome, Chandler."
***
--Monica closed her eyes tight as her mom continued on, cheerfully criticizing her like she had always done, since the beginning of time. Why she thought it would be any different now was beyond her. It didn't diffuse her mother's criticism, the idea that she had tried to kill herself, it just gave the woman ammunition.
"And then, your brother tells us that you slept with that Chandler! Well, honestly, Monica, I just don't know what goes through your head sometimes!"
'Moving to another country and getting away from you, Mom!' she screamed inside her head. 'That's what's going through my head right now!'
"If you're so in love with someone else that you want to end your life cause you can't be with him, then what good does it do to sleep with someone else? I mean, really!" Judy scoffed. "And I don't know what you expected, anyway. I mean, Richard is ages older than you! Did you honestly think it was going to last? Of course, your taste in men has always been iffy at best."
Monica suddenly began to laugh. Everyone was so busy walking on eggshells around her, afraid of upsetting her by talking about the simplest things, and here her mother was, bashing her as if nothing had changed. She found herself almost appreciative of the trait that made her mom like that. The woman could berate a drowning man as he struggled for breath, calling him an idiot for not having taken swim lessons as a child, all while sounding sympathetic and caring.
"What's so funny?" Judy asked.
"You, Mom," Monica laughed. "You are what is so funny."
Judy scoffed. "I don't see what's so funny about what I said."
"It's not what you said, it's when and how you said it."
She scowled at her daughter. "I'm not following you."
Monica shook her head, her smile slowly fading away as her laughter quieted. "Why are you here?"
"What do you mean? I'm here to see you!"
"Why?"
"Because…" She hesitated. "Because," she repeated, "You've been through a horrible ordeal, and I wanted to be here for you."
"Be here for me, why?" Monica asked, irritating her mother further.
"What is the matter with you?" Judy asked. "I'm here because you are my daughter and I love you!"
"Ah, I see," Monica said, nodding along. "And tell me, Mom, which part was more loving? The part where you berate me for sleeping with Chandler, or the part where you tell me I have bad taste in men? Or that I was stupid for thinking it would last with Richard?"
Judy turned to say something to her husband, Jack, but found he wasn't in the room any longer.
"Where did your father go?"
"He left," Monica answered. "Some time ago. Why don't you go see if you can find him?"
"Are you asking me to leave?" Judy snipped.
"Yes, I am," Monica snipped back. "But don't worry, I'm sure you can think of at least a few criticisms to mutter under your breath as you go." She rolled her head away from where her mother was standing, confirming with body language that she wanted her gone.
Judy made a huffing sound, clearly irritated, and stormed out of Monica's room, mumbling as she went. She was so predictable.
At least her mom didn't act any different around her, but she just simply wasn't in the mood for her at that moment. She could handle her mom better when she felt at least a little in control of her life. Right then, she felt the complete opposite.
She heard the door whoosh open, and two hesitant footsteps entering; she didn't even bother to look up.
"I need some time alone, please," she said to whoever was standing there.
"Ok, when can I come back?"
Monica gasped as she turned to see him. To be sure her ears weren't playing tricks on her. They weren't. He was really there. She shook her head, her voice caught on the lump in her throat.
"Or did you never want to see me again?" he asked.
She just stared back, her expression almost pained.
"Ok," he sighed, then turned to leave.
"Chandler, wait!" she called out, forcing the words from her mouth.
Turning around to face her, he avoided eye contact for a moment before meeting her stare.
"Please stay," she whispered, tears pooling in her eyes.
With just the slightest smile, he nodded, taking another step into the room, towards her.
"I don't know what to say to you," she choked out. "I don't even know how to be in the same room with you. But," she added, "I don't want you to leave."
"Then I won't," Chandler said softly. "I'll just sit here by your bedside," he told her, pulling up a chair, "And we don't have to say a word."
She nodded, showing her gratitude.
TO BE CONTINUED…
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