The problem with playing any game with Fernando was that he had, as their
father put it, the attention span of a puppy. Anything could and did
distract him; a patch of sunlight, a beetle on the ground, a weird-shaped
cloud. And then without even thinking he'd wander away from his task,
leaving his frustrated brother to either coax him back or find something
else to do.
They were in the backyard by themselves this morning; their father had already left for work and their mother was inside the house finishing up the last of the breakfast dishes. Fernando had sulked when he hadn't been allowed to help, and Mama had ordered both boys outside, promising to join them in a few minutes. The backyard was surrounded by a high chain-line fence, and she had no fear about letting them play alone for a little while.
To Miguel, the backyard was as close to paradise as one could get. There was lots of grass to roll around in, Mama's garden, a tire swing hanging from the big oak tree. That tree held the promise of a treehouse in the future, as soon as they were big enough. Papa said maybe when they were 7 and 8; Mama said when they were 29 and 30.
One corner of the yard was full of holes, where the boys were allowed to dig to their hearts content. They'd never gotten as far as China (Miguel wasn't sure exactly how far that was) but he wasn't in any hurry. He didn't really like Chinese food. And Fernando was much more interested in the various rocks and worms they unearthed in their efforts.
Today, Miguel had managed to get Nando interested in kicking a red rubber ball back and forth. At three, Nando's coordination was still iffy at best. He missed the ball more than he hit it, and ended up flat on his butt usually, but he still gamely got up each time laughing to try again.
Finally Miguel signaled a halt. "I'm going inside to pee. I'll be right back."
Nando nodded, bending down to examine a rock, and Miguel jogged up the steps and into the cool kitchen.
On his way back out, he passed by his mother, who was on the phone with someone. She blew him a kiss and he blew it back, grinning as she mussed up his hair. She was wearing old jeans and one of his father's white tee- shirts, which was way too big on her. Unlike his friends' mothers, he couldn't recall ever seeing her dressed up and fancy-looking, and he was glad of that. He wouldn't want a Mama who was afraid of rolling around in the mud. What fun would she be?
When he got outside, he glanced around for Nando, but at first he didn't see his little brother anywhere. He frowned, studying the patches of tomatoes to see if Nando was hiding in there, and then the sound of voices made him look toward the fence.
Nando was standing there, the rubber ball near his feet, talking to a man on the other side of the fence. The man was smiling down at him, and Nando was gesturing with his small hands excitedly.
Miguel started toward them, and the man glanced up at him, still smiling. The sun hit the top of his bald head, and his eyes were black as midnight. Although the morning was warm, he was wearing a blue sweater, and his hands were long and delicate.
The little boy couldn't say exactly what it was about the man, but suddenly he was terrified. He began to run toward his brother.
"This is Miguel." Nando was saying to his new friend. "He's my big brother. Do you have a brother?"
"Nando, no talking to strangers!" Miguel scolded, not even speaking to the man. He took his brother's hand. "Come on."
"Miguel, you are rude! He's not a stranger, he told me his name!" Nando dug his feet into the ground stubbornly. "His name is Silvio."
Miguel began tugging on Nando again. "Come away, Nando. Now!"
"NANDO!"
The scream came from behind them and suddenly before he knew it his mother was there, thrusting himself and Nando behind her. What he could see of her back was trembling, and suddenly his fear increased a hundred fold. He grabbed Nando's hand and held it tightly.
"What the hell are you doing here?" His mother's voice was low and furious.
"Do I need a reason to come and visit my sister?" The man asked. "And look at my beautiful nephews? It's been five years since we saw each other. Is this a way to greet me?"
"Get out!" Miguel's mother hissed. "You're not welcome here! Don't you ever come near my children!"
Silvio laughed. "You still have a temper, little sister. How fierce you look now; a mama lion and her little cubs. They favor you, you know. Especially Nando. I think Nando and I should be friends."
"I'll see you dead first." Miguel's mother vowed.
Her brother stepped away from the fence. "You're making a mistake, denying them their grandmother, denying them their uncle. Someday they'll hate you for it."
"GET OUT!" Miguel's mother screamed, startling both boys. Miguel noticed that Nando was sucking his thumb, tears running down his cheeks. He silently put his arm around the other boy.
Silvio walked away, whistling, and for a long time after he was gone Miguel's mother stood there, her head bowed, still trembling.
"Mama?" Miguel tugged on her shirt. "Are you okay?"
His mother knelt down and grabbed both of them, squeezing them tightly and brushing away Nando's tears. "I'm okay. It's okay now. He's gone."
"But Mama, he was nice." Nando offered shakily.
"No." His mother shook her head firmly. "He's a very bad man. He pretends to be nice, but he's not. Never, ever go near him again. If you see him, you have to run and tell me or Papa right away. Don't ever get close enough to let him touch you. Promise me, Nando."
"I promise." Nando looked confused. "Why is he a bad man?"
His mother bit her lip. "He hurt some little boys and girls. He's been in jail for a long time for that. He was hurting little boys and girls for a long time before they caught him. I have to make sure he doesn't hurt you too."
Miguel suddenly knew, in spite of his age, and without being told, that this Silvio had once hurt his mother. He'd hurt her badly. His heart filled with pure hatred. "Is he your brother?"
She hestitated and gave one quick nod. "But not all brothers are good. Come on, I don't want to think about him any more. Get dressed and we'll go to the mall."
"Dipping Dots!" Fernando cheered, trauma immediately forgotten. "Please, Mama?"
"Dipping Dots and big fat pretzels." Their mother promised cheerfully, but Miguel could tell it was faked. He reached up and took her hand, not knowing what else to do, and the three of them walked back toward the house.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
"I guess he's okay." Ryo frowned as he looked Bikky up and down. "How are you feeling?"
Bikky flopped down on the couch dramatically and threw his right arm up over his head. "Butch. it's all. going black. Tell.Ma..I love her..tell Sue..sorry I can't.marry her.tell Fido. go on the paper. Go.on the.papeerrrr."
"Very funny." Ryo smacked his foot.
Dee rolled his neck, laughing. "Where are Flotsam and Jetsam?"
"In their room."
"How did it go with Denise?"
"She's still on this kick about putting Miguel into a residential treatment center, but the good news is I don't think she's going to do anything to hold off on our adoption of them." Ryo stared at the wall. "You know, I wonder if maybe she's right sometimes. What if we don't allow Miguel to be treated, and he never gets better? What if he never talks again?"
"He will, baby. He's almost there." Dee hugged him. "We just need a little more time with him. They're not sending him anywhere! He'll wither and die in some institution. He needs us. Damn it, I need him."
Nando slipped back from the doorway and went back to his bedroom, where Miguel was sitting at the desk coloring.
"Miguel, you have to start talking now!" Nando hissed. "Denise thinks you should be locked up because you don't!"
Miguel shook his head no firmly.
"Miguel, what if they make you go away from me?" Nando's voice caught. "What if they take you away and I never see you again?"
Miguel shook his head no again, squeezing Nando's hand.
"Please, Miguel. Please talk. Just for me. Just one word?"
Miguel gave him a look that shattered his heart, and went back to drawing.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
"My Mama will not be happy with me, but I couldn't just stay there any longer. I stuck out while she was busy." Rosa grinned at Bikky, who sat on the steps next to her. "Any minute now she'll show up here, telling me to get back to bed."
"I hear you. Took me forever to convince Dee and Ryo that I'd be okay looking after the kids for an hour while they went to the store. Hey, Nando, get back over here!" Bikky yelled. "Where do you think you're going?"
Nando strolled back over to the steps, where Miguel was playing with toy cars. "France?" He asked hopefully, and Rosa began to sputter.
"Stay close." Bikky scolded. "We're not strong enough to go running after you."
"Sometimes." Nando sighed. "You are very much like Ryo."
Rosa snickered again.
"Yeah, well get used to it." Bikky gave him a mock scowl. "No little brother of mine is getting hit by a taxi."
The boy sat down and began racing his car around Miguel's. "You'll be a good father." Rosa whispered. "Some child will be very lucky to call you his Papa."
Bikky glanced down at the boys. "Scary thought, but. I want it. I want to be a Dad. I want little guys like this so bad sometimes. maybe I want to prove that I can be better than my old man was. Pretty horrible reason for having kids, huh?"
"No, a very noble reason." Rosa corrected him. "People tell me, there's no hurry. You have the rest of your life to be a Mama. But if a baby were dropped into my arms tomorrow, I wouldn't mind. I think I'm ready for it."
She shifted closer, her fingers grazing his, and he reached out to cup her chin. Their lips brushed together.
"WELL YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE A KID RIGHT THERE ON THE SPOT!" Someone yelled from a window above them.
They pulled away, and Bikky started to make an obscene gesture, then remembered the boys. "Eat your heart out!" was the best he could come up with instead, and the man's head vanished back inside his own apartment.
"What's that mean?" Nando asked.
"It means that he's just jealous because I've got a pretty lady here to kiss and he doesn't." Bikky explained.
Rosa was blushing, but her hand was now wrapped in Bikky's.
"New York. What are you going to do?" The young man asked.
"I want to go to the park." Nando interrupted. "That's what I want to do." His brother nodded, getting to his feet.
"Okay, but just for a little while." Bikky decided. "You up to it, Rosa?"
"With my favorite men? Always. Maybe I should take the rollerblades, so I can have you catch me again." She winked.
Bikky nearly blushed himself. Tonight, he and Rosa would have to talk about this, figure out where if anywhere it might be headed. But for now, he was tired of thinking. He was tired of analyzing the feelings of everyone around him. He just wanted to relax and have fun.
They walked down the street together, and people smiled as they passed by. People probably thought that they were married, and that the little boys walking in front of them were their own sons, Bikky realized. It was a warm feeling, a sense of belong to something, and he allowed himself to get lost in the fantasy as well.
Rosa was his wife, and Miguel and Nando were their children. No one had ever hurt them, and they were safe and happy. He and Rosa were even talking about trying for a daughter, because they both wanted the experience of raising a little girl. He imagined Dee and Ryo constantly butting in, giving him advice he didn't ask for, and spoiling their young grandchildren rotten. They'd all spend holidays together; his small unconventional family and Rosa's large traditional one, and Norman Rockwell could just sit on his thumb and rotate if he had any problems with it.
"Hot dogs!" Nando pointed at a vender. "I want a hot dog, Bikky."
"I think I can do that. Miguel, you want one too, buddy?" Bikky asked, rejoining reality for a moment, almost startled by the fact that Nando had called him Bikky instead of 'Daddy'.
The child shook his head no and made a face. For good measure, he made a vomiting motion.
"I agree with him." Rosa smiled. "None for me either."
"Fine, more for Nando and I." Bikky took the boy's hand and walked over toward the cart, which already had a crowd of people around it. They vanished into the swirl.
Rosa glanced down at Miguel. "I really like Bikky. Do you know that?"
Miguel nodded, and patted her hand.
"Someday, maybe Bikky and I, we'll have little boys just like you and Nando. We'll all be part of one family."
Miguel nodded again, grinning.
"But first. where IS he?" The crowd had thinned, and Bikky and Nando were no where in sight.
Miguel bit his lip, glancing worriedly down the street. Nando had probably seen pigeons or something and had run off after them, and Bikky hadn't had time to tell them before he followed.
Rosa's grip tightened instinctively on Miguel's hand. She had the same cold feeling of dread she'd felt on the night that she'd been attacked. "Bikky?" She called out. "Fernando?"
Miguel suddenly jerked her hand so hard she almost fell, and began to run forward, dragging her behind him. She saw he was making a bee-line for a white Ford Focus, which gunned to life and began to roll down the street. Horrified, she saw Nando's pale, tear-stained face against the rear window, his fists beating against the glass helplessly. Next to him, she could see Bikky, slumped over forward.
"STOP! HELP!" She screamed, picking up Miguel. "SOMEONE STOP THEM!"
But the car rounded the corner, and vanished.
They were in the backyard by themselves this morning; their father had already left for work and their mother was inside the house finishing up the last of the breakfast dishes. Fernando had sulked when he hadn't been allowed to help, and Mama had ordered both boys outside, promising to join them in a few minutes. The backyard was surrounded by a high chain-line fence, and she had no fear about letting them play alone for a little while.
To Miguel, the backyard was as close to paradise as one could get. There was lots of grass to roll around in, Mama's garden, a tire swing hanging from the big oak tree. That tree held the promise of a treehouse in the future, as soon as they were big enough. Papa said maybe when they were 7 and 8; Mama said when they were 29 and 30.
One corner of the yard was full of holes, where the boys were allowed to dig to their hearts content. They'd never gotten as far as China (Miguel wasn't sure exactly how far that was) but he wasn't in any hurry. He didn't really like Chinese food. And Fernando was much more interested in the various rocks and worms they unearthed in their efforts.
Today, Miguel had managed to get Nando interested in kicking a red rubber ball back and forth. At three, Nando's coordination was still iffy at best. He missed the ball more than he hit it, and ended up flat on his butt usually, but he still gamely got up each time laughing to try again.
Finally Miguel signaled a halt. "I'm going inside to pee. I'll be right back."
Nando nodded, bending down to examine a rock, and Miguel jogged up the steps and into the cool kitchen.
On his way back out, he passed by his mother, who was on the phone with someone. She blew him a kiss and he blew it back, grinning as she mussed up his hair. She was wearing old jeans and one of his father's white tee- shirts, which was way too big on her. Unlike his friends' mothers, he couldn't recall ever seeing her dressed up and fancy-looking, and he was glad of that. He wouldn't want a Mama who was afraid of rolling around in the mud. What fun would she be?
When he got outside, he glanced around for Nando, but at first he didn't see his little brother anywhere. He frowned, studying the patches of tomatoes to see if Nando was hiding in there, and then the sound of voices made him look toward the fence.
Nando was standing there, the rubber ball near his feet, talking to a man on the other side of the fence. The man was smiling down at him, and Nando was gesturing with his small hands excitedly.
Miguel started toward them, and the man glanced up at him, still smiling. The sun hit the top of his bald head, and his eyes were black as midnight. Although the morning was warm, he was wearing a blue sweater, and his hands were long and delicate.
The little boy couldn't say exactly what it was about the man, but suddenly he was terrified. He began to run toward his brother.
"This is Miguel." Nando was saying to his new friend. "He's my big brother. Do you have a brother?"
"Nando, no talking to strangers!" Miguel scolded, not even speaking to the man. He took his brother's hand. "Come on."
"Miguel, you are rude! He's not a stranger, he told me his name!" Nando dug his feet into the ground stubbornly. "His name is Silvio."
Miguel began tugging on Nando again. "Come away, Nando. Now!"
"NANDO!"
The scream came from behind them and suddenly before he knew it his mother was there, thrusting himself and Nando behind her. What he could see of her back was trembling, and suddenly his fear increased a hundred fold. He grabbed Nando's hand and held it tightly.
"What the hell are you doing here?" His mother's voice was low and furious.
"Do I need a reason to come and visit my sister?" The man asked. "And look at my beautiful nephews? It's been five years since we saw each other. Is this a way to greet me?"
"Get out!" Miguel's mother hissed. "You're not welcome here! Don't you ever come near my children!"
Silvio laughed. "You still have a temper, little sister. How fierce you look now; a mama lion and her little cubs. They favor you, you know. Especially Nando. I think Nando and I should be friends."
"I'll see you dead first." Miguel's mother vowed.
Her brother stepped away from the fence. "You're making a mistake, denying them their grandmother, denying them their uncle. Someday they'll hate you for it."
"GET OUT!" Miguel's mother screamed, startling both boys. Miguel noticed that Nando was sucking his thumb, tears running down his cheeks. He silently put his arm around the other boy.
Silvio walked away, whistling, and for a long time after he was gone Miguel's mother stood there, her head bowed, still trembling.
"Mama?" Miguel tugged on her shirt. "Are you okay?"
His mother knelt down and grabbed both of them, squeezing them tightly and brushing away Nando's tears. "I'm okay. It's okay now. He's gone."
"But Mama, he was nice." Nando offered shakily.
"No." His mother shook her head firmly. "He's a very bad man. He pretends to be nice, but he's not. Never, ever go near him again. If you see him, you have to run and tell me or Papa right away. Don't ever get close enough to let him touch you. Promise me, Nando."
"I promise." Nando looked confused. "Why is he a bad man?"
His mother bit her lip. "He hurt some little boys and girls. He's been in jail for a long time for that. He was hurting little boys and girls for a long time before they caught him. I have to make sure he doesn't hurt you too."
Miguel suddenly knew, in spite of his age, and without being told, that this Silvio had once hurt his mother. He'd hurt her badly. His heart filled with pure hatred. "Is he your brother?"
She hestitated and gave one quick nod. "But not all brothers are good. Come on, I don't want to think about him any more. Get dressed and we'll go to the mall."
"Dipping Dots!" Fernando cheered, trauma immediately forgotten. "Please, Mama?"
"Dipping Dots and big fat pretzels." Their mother promised cheerfully, but Miguel could tell it was faked. He reached up and took her hand, not knowing what else to do, and the three of them walked back toward the house.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
"I guess he's okay." Ryo frowned as he looked Bikky up and down. "How are you feeling?"
Bikky flopped down on the couch dramatically and threw his right arm up over his head. "Butch. it's all. going black. Tell.Ma..I love her..tell Sue..sorry I can't.marry her.tell Fido. go on the paper. Go.on the.papeerrrr."
"Very funny." Ryo smacked his foot.
Dee rolled his neck, laughing. "Where are Flotsam and Jetsam?"
"In their room."
"How did it go with Denise?"
"She's still on this kick about putting Miguel into a residential treatment center, but the good news is I don't think she's going to do anything to hold off on our adoption of them." Ryo stared at the wall. "You know, I wonder if maybe she's right sometimes. What if we don't allow Miguel to be treated, and he never gets better? What if he never talks again?"
"He will, baby. He's almost there." Dee hugged him. "We just need a little more time with him. They're not sending him anywhere! He'll wither and die in some institution. He needs us. Damn it, I need him."
Nando slipped back from the doorway and went back to his bedroom, where Miguel was sitting at the desk coloring.
"Miguel, you have to start talking now!" Nando hissed. "Denise thinks you should be locked up because you don't!"
Miguel shook his head no firmly.
"Miguel, what if they make you go away from me?" Nando's voice caught. "What if they take you away and I never see you again?"
Miguel shook his head no again, squeezing Nando's hand.
"Please, Miguel. Please talk. Just for me. Just one word?"
Miguel gave him a look that shattered his heart, and went back to drawing.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
"My Mama will not be happy with me, but I couldn't just stay there any longer. I stuck out while she was busy." Rosa grinned at Bikky, who sat on the steps next to her. "Any minute now she'll show up here, telling me to get back to bed."
"I hear you. Took me forever to convince Dee and Ryo that I'd be okay looking after the kids for an hour while they went to the store. Hey, Nando, get back over here!" Bikky yelled. "Where do you think you're going?"
Nando strolled back over to the steps, where Miguel was playing with toy cars. "France?" He asked hopefully, and Rosa began to sputter.
"Stay close." Bikky scolded. "We're not strong enough to go running after you."
"Sometimes." Nando sighed. "You are very much like Ryo."
Rosa snickered again.
"Yeah, well get used to it." Bikky gave him a mock scowl. "No little brother of mine is getting hit by a taxi."
The boy sat down and began racing his car around Miguel's. "You'll be a good father." Rosa whispered. "Some child will be very lucky to call you his Papa."
Bikky glanced down at the boys. "Scary thought, but. I want it. I want to be a Dad. I want little guys like this so bad sometimes. maybe I want to prove that I can be better than my old man was. Pretty horrible reason for having kids, huh?"
"No, a very noble reason." Rosa corrected him. "People tell me, there's no hurry. You have the rest of your life to be a Mama. But if a baby were dropped into my arms tomorrow, I wouldn't mind. I think I'm ready for it."
She shifted closer, her fingers grazing his, and he reached out to cup her chin. Their lips brushed together.
"WELL YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE A KID RIGHT THERE ON THE SPOT!" Someone yelled from a window above them.
They pulled away, and Bikky started to make an obscene gesture, then remembered the boys. "Eat your heart out!" was the best he could come up with instead, and the man's head vanished back inside his own apartment.
"What's that mean?" Nando asked.
"It means that he's just jealous because I've got a pretty lady here to kiss and he doesn't." Bikky explained.
Rosa was blushing, but her hand was now wrapped in Bikky's.
"New York. What are you going to do?" The young man asked.
"I want to go to the park." Nando interrupted. "That's what I want to do." His brother nodded, getting to his feet.
"Okay, but just for a little while." Bikky decided. "You up to it, Rosa?"
"With my favorite men? Always. Maybe I should take the rollerblades, so I can have you catch me again." She winked.
Bikky nearly blushed himself. Tonight, he and Rosa would have to talk about this, figure out where if anywhere it might be headed. But for now, he was tired of thinking. He was tired of analyzing the feelings of everyone around him. He just wanted to relax and have fun.
They walked down the street together, and people smiled as they passed by. People probably thought that they were married, and that the little boys walking in front of them were their own sons, Bikky realized. It was a warm feeling, a sense of belong to something, and he allowed himself to get lost in the fantasy as well.
Rosa was his wife, and Miguel and Nando were their children. No one had ever hurt them, and they were safe and happy. He and Rosa were even talking about trying for a daughter, because they both wanted the experience of raising a little girl. He imagined Dee and Ryo constantly butting in, giving him advice he didn't ask for, and spoiling their young grandchildren rotten. They'd all spend holidays together; his small unconventional family and Rosa's large traditional one, and Norman Rockwell could just sit on his thumb and rotate if he had any problems with it.
"Hot dogs!" Nando pointed at a vender. "I want a hot dog, Bikky."
"I think I can do that. Miguel, you want one too, buddy?" Bikky asked, rejoining reality for a moment, almost startled by the fact that Nando had called him Bikky instead of 'Daddy'.
The child shook his head no and made a face. For good measure, he made a vomiting motion.
"I agree with him." Rosa smiled. "None for me either."
"Fine, more for Nando and I." Bikky took the boy's hand and walked over toward the cart, which already had a crowd of people around it. They vanished into the swirl.
Rosa glanced down at Miguel. "I really like Bikky. Do you know that?"
Miguel nodded, and patted her hand.
"Someday, maybe Bikky and I, we'll have little boys just like you and Nando. We'll all be part of one family."
Miguel nodded again, grinning.
"But first. where IS he?" The crowd had thinned, and Bikky and Nando were no where in sight.
Miguel bit his lip, glancing worriedly down the street. Nando had probably seen pigeons or something and had run off after them, and Bikky hadn't had time to tell them before he followed.
Rosa's grip tightened instinctively on Miguel's hand. She had the same cold feeling of dread she'd felt on the night that she'd been attacked. "Bikky?" She called out. "Fernando?"
Miguel suddenly jerked her hand so hard she almost fell, and began to run forward, dragging her behind him. She saw he was making a bee-line for a white Ford Focus, which gunned to life and began to roll down the street. Horrified, she saw Nando's pale, tear-stained face against the rear window, his fists beating against the glass helplessly. Next to him, she could see Bikky, slumped over forward.
"STOP! HELP!" She screamed, picking up Miguel. "SOMEONE STOP THEM!"
But the car rounded the corner, and vanished.