Sequel to Tomorrow… (Today) jacks view.
Most days he prefers to be on deck, even in storms he prefers to stand at the helm guiding the Pearl through the waves.
On bad days, he stays in his cabin. Even on bad days, he can still hide the demons in his head from the others with the guise of having work to do. He tells them that he has 'Nautical Things' to take care of, hence do not disturb. He sits alone at his oak table with the map spread out in front of him and he stares at the places he's been, and all the places he hasn't and most likely never will be.
On the worst of days, hiding isn't possible. Alone in his cabin he feels suffocated, he feels like a spring wound to its breaking point, and yet he has no idea how to get free. He needs the rum. Most days he drinks it for pleasure and habit, these times he drinks for escape.
Memory haunts him in horrid detail. Like looking at his self through another persons eyes, but what he sees is rotten. The bad times, the mistakes, and the failures stand out clear as day. There are a lot of them. It is hard at these times to think straight.
There are too many warring thoughts in his head. They mimic the voices of his friends, and he can't ignore them. You are nothing, they tell him. You will never be anything more than nothing. You do not deserve good things. Don't even try.
The rum helps, but it takes a lot. He can't be alone in his cabin when this happens, he's afraid of what he might do if he's alone. Up on deck, he knows he'll do nothing to arouse suspicion. He sits, stares out at the endless sea, and he drinks himself unconscious.
He knows this too will pass.