Well… I haven't uploaded in a while.

Ken: No, you haven't.

Fordina: Why is that?

Ken: Because you're lazy, and no one's reviewing this one.

Fordina: Right, right. Oh yeah, since I'm stubborn and can't make up my mind… I'm moving this back to Digimon… I really don't care anymore.

Ken: Did you care before?

Fordina: Of course I did. If I didn't then I wouldn't have moved it in the first place.

Ken: True.

Fordina: So, I don't own Digimon. OR! Any one else in the story… I think I've explained it enough as to why…

" - " = Talking.

' - ' = Thinking.

Through the Years:

A Story about Me

By: Fordina

Chapter 8- The Unthinkable

Well… It's around 5:00 PM and I'm still undecided on whether or not to go to the party… I mean Jen will be there… But is that enough? I don't think so… I know Stephanie and Merrit… And I will know a few other people there probably… I don't know if I can do this… All those people… And what if I'm right and this is just a prank? Just some lame way to make fun of me? I mean my self-esteem isn't good now… But after something like that… Would I be able to take it?

My train of thought is broken when I hear a knock at my door.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Tracilee? Can you come out for a second?" It's my mother. I walk over to my door and walk out.

Once downstairs I notice that my mother's boyfriend, Kevin, is here.

"Tracilee we have something to tell you," My mother started. At those words my heart started to race. Oh gods… Oh gods no…

"Tracilee? Tracilee are you listening?" My mum asked.

I snapped to attention. "Huh? Oh yeah."

"Now I don't want you freaking out or anything," Oh my gods… "You may think this is to soon," Why are they doing this to me? "But Kevin and I," Oh gods no… "Are," Please don't say it… "Getting," No, no, no, no… "Married." AHH……!!!!!!

My world started to spin and I felt like I was falling into some dark whole. Never to see a bottom. Although, none of this was said outside though. I just smiled and nodded.

"T-that's great mum," I said trying to keep a straight face. "Um… I-I have… I got to go do some homework…" I stuttered as I left the living room.

Walking over to my room I had to reach onto the wall so that I wouldn't fall. This was not possible… No… It can't be…

At one point I almost fell which caused my mum to yell and ask me what happened. I just lied and said that I tripped. Which was partially true I guess… But I hate lying so…

"Um… I'm going out… I'll see you later mum…" I said walking over to the door.

"But Tracilee! I thought you said you had homework?" My mother asked.

I stopped. "Um… Yeah well… I'll do it later…" I told her. I'm lying again but this time I don't care. I don't have any homework anyway. I hardly ever have homework. And when I do have it I try and get it over with as soon as possible. Without saying 'bye' I walked out the door.

I didn't get very far. I just got to a park that's near my school. Once there I slumped down on a bench.

"Gods… Why is this happening to me?" I asked myself aloud. "Sure… Kevin's nice and all… But him living with us all the time? I don't think I could handle that…" I looked up at the sky. It was pretty dark out already. "Surprised mum didn't come running after me telling me to put on a coat or to get back inside," I mused.

It was starting to get cold out. I rubbed my arms with my hands. "Why didn't I bring a jacket?" I asked myself.

Suddenly I felt two warm arms wrap around me. I knew who it was in an instant. "Ken…" I sighed.

He kissed my ear. "Why so sad?" He asked quietly.

"My mother is marrying Kevin," I stated gloomily.

"Is it really that bad?"

I shook my head. "No I guess not… But I don't want it to happen!" I yelled.

His arms tightened around me. "It's okay Trac-chan… Shush now…" I leaned into his touch.

Just as I was about to speak again I felt a rain drop on my nose, and then it started to pour. Looking behind me I saw that Ken was already gone. "Why'd he leave?" I asked no one in particular. I just sat there in the rain for maybe an hour before I started to walk home.

Arriving home I was forced to listen to my mother and soon to be 'Step father' yelling at me for not coming home before the downpour.

"Where were you?" My mother screamed at me.

"I was at the park," I told her.

"Why didn't you come back here when it started to rain?" Kevin asked.

"Because I didn't want to! Gods just leave me alone! You aren't my father!" I yelled running to my room and slamming the door shut behind me. "What gives him the right to tell me what to do…?!" I grumbled as I flopped down on my bed.

Just as I shut my eyes to rest for a while I heard the phone ring. Picking it up I said, "Hello?"

"Traci?" The voice asked.

"Yeah?"

"It's Jen, how come you didn't go to the party? I told you it would be fun and it was!" The party! Oh my gods! I totally forgot about it!

"I um… Forgot about it…" I stuttered. "Something's went down at my house today and well… I just didn't go…" I sighed.

"Really? What kind of stuff?" Her normally cheery voice is now dripping with concern… Why does she care so much? I'm not important…

"It's just some stuff!" I laughed even though there was no humor in this. "Just the fact that my mums getting married!" I yelled into the phone, hoping that my mother wouldn't hear.

"Oh! That's great!" She yelled. Then added. "Isn't it?"

"You could say that," I told her. "Then again you might not want to!"

"Traci? Do you wanna talk about it?" She asked.

"Me? Talk? No, no, no, no, no, no…" I shook my head at the phone. "No, I don't talk about things. I keep everything bottled up inside me until I burst!" For some reason I can't stop laughing.

"You know that's not good right?" She asked.

"Of course I know that! But that never stopped me from doing it!" I told her. "And it's never stopped me from thinking so called 'evil things'!"

"What do you mean by evil things?"

"Oh you know! Thoughts about bringing harm to myself! Suicide! Those kinda things!" Still laughing.

"God Traci, you really don't think about killing yourself do you?" She asked quietly.

"Hmm…" I thought for a second. "Yup, I do. Sorry," I was grinning but I knew she couldn't see that. I also know she wouldn't think it was something to grin about.

I could hear her gasp over the phone. "Traci you have to get help before you let this anger you have get out of control, and you do something that you're gonna regret!" She was yelling at me now. Ordering me to do something. No one tells me to do anything.

"Listen Ms. I'm always so cheerful! You can't tell me what I can and cannot do! If I want to end my life then so be it! It's not like I'm gonna be missed!" I told her.

"Of course people are going to miss you! I'll miss you! Zaira will miss you! Your parents will miss you!" She yelled then added. "And Ken most of all will miss you!"

"I don't need to hear this right now," I told her and hung up.

Closing my eyes I started to fall into a deep dream haunting sleep…

Tbc…

::Shudders:: I would die if that happened…

Ken: So, this is one of the parts that isn't real?

Fordina: No! And thank the gods for that… if they… if my mum… if… oh gods I can't even say it.

Ken: S'okay Ford-chan.

Fordina: Thank you Ken. Well that's it for now. Later!