I just realised I made a mistake before. I mentioned there were four people in Yama's band, but there are five including him. Uh … one of the members met up with them at the civics hall … yeah, that's what happened. ^_^;;

Guilty Wonderings

Urinto's grey gaze was fixed his lead singer and close friend anxiously as they made their way back to the hotel in the sleek limousine. Yamato was staring moodily out the tinted window, much as he had on the way to the Civics hall, but this time, there was something more serious playing on his mind.

"'Mato? You all right man?" Urinto asked the melancholy blond man.

"I'm fine." The lie was so blatant that Urinto didn't even have to raise an eyebrow to make Yamato talk. "No, I'm not, but I don't feel like talking about it."

"Who needs to talk when it's obvious what was wrong." Urinto glared at Yamato. "What happened with you and Taichi? And don't say nothing or you don't want to talk about it, you really should you know. And we deserved to know." Urinto looked around to see that the other three members of the band were also looking at Yamato curiously. Their manager was no longer with them, he'd been dropped off along the way at the Japanese branch of the record company they were signed to.

Yamato's eyes iced over. "My personal life is just that, personal. I don't have to tell you anything."

"Don't give me that shit Yamato," Urinto glared openly at him now. "We worry about you, ever since we got this deal you've been really depressed. Not all the time, but there are some bouts that make us wonder how stable you really are. I know it has to do with Taichi."

"Does it have something to do with that letter you asked me give him before I left?" Seiyo inquired innocently.

"What letter?" Ji asked.

Yamato glanced nervously around the inside of the car. They were all against him trying to pry and find out. "Nothing, it was nothing," he assured them quickly.

"Then why was Taichi so relieved to get it, and why were you crying when you gave it to me?" Seiyo's green eyes were hard and accusing and Yamato pushed himself further up against the seat.

"Look, can we talk about this later, please?" Yamato begged them. He knew they wouldn't relent, so he gave in. "I don't think the backseat of a car is a good place to talk about this."

Urinto nodded, his short brown dreadlocks swaying slightly as he did so. "You're right, but you better talk Yamato."

Yamato sighed and nodded. Great, now I have to take a trip down the one part of memory lane I'd hoped I could avoid.

* * *

"Hey Yama!"

Yamato turned as he heard the endearing nickname and smiled brightly, a smile reserved for one person.

"Tai-chan." Yamato opened his arms as his boyfriend came running towards him. Taichi sailed smoothly into the comfortable embrace and grinned before kissing Yamato deeply

"I missed you so much."

"I know. How was your trip? What's Kyoto like?" Yamato didn't care that there were people beginning to stare at them in the hallway, his koi was back and he couldn't care less what people thought of him.

"Oh Yama, it's so great there. You've got to come with me on a trip there sometime."

"Yeah, I should." Yamato grinned as he thought of something. "How about after we graduate? We can make a holiday of it before going to university or soccer camp or a record deal or whatever!"

Taichi smiled brightly and kissed Yamato again. "That's a perfect plan. You're so wonderful my Yama. Now we have something else to look forward to in the future."

"You're the only thing I look forward to."

Taichi laughed and Yamato delighted in the sound and the feelings that course through his body as he held his ecstatic beloved. "You're such a sap sometimes Yama."

"Well if you weren't so darn adorable," Yamato nipped playfully at Taichi's ear, "or delicious," a lick at his jaw line, "then I wouldn't have a problem in the first place."

"So you're blaming me for your sappy feelings?"

"Yes I am. You're the cause and reason for every feeling surging through me, and I wouldn't have it any other way. You make my life worth living."

Taichi smiled gently. "I love you Yama."

"And I love you, Tai-chan." Yamato kissed him softly.

* * *

"Hey Yamato?"

Yamato opened his eyes and peered over at Kiromi who had jostled him lightly.

"You awake?"

"Yeah, just thinking."

"Oh. Well, we're back at the hotel." He gestured for Yamato to leave the backseat of the limousine.

"Right." Yamato got out and made his way slowly towards the door, knowing that Kiromi would catch up. He managed to stay moderately calm as he felt soft dark brown eyes staring intently at him through a mess of wild black hair, but after almost a minute of Kiromi's unwavering gaze in the very small elevator, he finally snapped.

"What?" he demanded.

"You shouldn't have to tell us if you're not ready. It was unfair of Urinto to make you."

Yamato sighed. "Thanks, but I don't think Urinto's going to back off."

Kiromi shrugged. "I guess not. But if you don't feel comfortable, I'll back you up."

Yamato smiled at him, a genuine smile of thanks. "I really appreciate that Kir." Then he sighed. "But I really should have gotten this out a while ago. I mean, it's been three years."

"I suppose. Still, if you need anything, or anyone, I'm here for you."

"Thanks." Yamato clapped Kiromi an the shoulder. "That means a lot to me." Kiromi smiled and nodded. The elevator door opened and they made their way down the long hallway. "Can I ask you one thing?"

"Sure."

"After all of this, can you please not say anything. I'm only telling you guys what I feel comfortable with. This is painful enough already without you all trying to poke and pry into this more."

Kiromi nodded. "Sure thing. I'll make sure the others don't do anything either."

"Thanks." Yamato smiled gratefully again, but it wavered slightly and Kiromi could see the nervous state he was really in. Yamato took a deep breath as he approached the door to the large suite the band occupied and braced himself as he turned the handle and opened the door.

* * *

"How about in the third week after graduation? I'm sure that gives us both enough time to prepare and possibly postpone anything if absolutely necessary."

"Sounds great." Yamato grinned at Taichi then leaned in close and kissed his nose, causing the brunette to wrinkle it. Yamato laughed. "You're so cute when you do that Tai-chan."

Taichi grinned. "Well, you're even cuter when I do this."

Yamato started laughing hysterically and squirming about as Taichi furiously attacked him with his lean fingers in all of his sensitive spots. He fell back onto Taichi's bed and tried to plead with his boyfriend to stop.

"I like having you like this," Taichi grinned. "Underneath me, helpless, begging me, squirming. A guy could get used to this."

"You … kinky … bastard," Yamato panted between laughs. Finally thinking of something, Yamato reached up a hand and grabbed Taichi so they were now only inches apart. "But that's what I love about you," Yamato whispered before claiming Taichi's mouth passionately and rolling them over so that he was now on top of Taichi.

"Hmm," he grinned as he pulled away. "Now this is an interesting situation. I wonder if you're as appealing to me squirming, helpless and begging underneath me as I was to you." Yamato started tickling Taichi and grinned as Taichi started laughing. "Yeah, I guess you are."

* * *

Yamato's face was completely still as he faced the three band members on the couch. They looked as determined as they did in the limousine. Yamato looked away and sat down in one of the large armchairs, facing the couch where they sat. Kiromi sat in one of the other armchairs.

"All right, so you want to know what happened to me and Taichi."

"Yeah, we do." Urinto sounded cold, but Yamato saw the flicker of worry and relief in his eyes. I guess they are doing it for my own good. Keeping things in doesn't help.

Yamato sighed. "About three weeks after graduation, Taichi and I had planned to go on a trip to Kyoto. We'd been so excited about it, we'd been planning it for months. It the second week, we got the letter from the record company. They had organised a meeting for sometime within the next two weeks, but only then. It was cutting things a bit close as I'd planned to spend at least a week in Kyoto with Taichi, but I was sure I could manage. So I went over to his house that night to tell him the good news."

Yamato took a deep breath. "I never told him. Something happened that night." He could feel their inquisitive stares and held up a hand. "Please, don't ask me what, just know that I freaked and decided to leave for LA the next morning. The letter I gave to Seiyo told Taichi that I had taken the record deal and was going to be in America for quite a while. I gave him no address or way of communicating with me. I left him without a word being said. Typical of me, something happens in my life and I run and hide from it until it's gone." Yamato laughed cynically.

He looked over at his band with cold eyes. "So that's it, are you satisfied now?" The four of them looked really guilty and didn't meet his furious gaze. He smirked. "That's what I thought."

"Yamato," Urinto started as the blond singer got up.

"No, don't. Don't say a word. I was hoping to leave my past behind me without trudging it back up to wallow in misery every so often. I thought I'd moved on, but I haven't. Give me some space to deal, please." Yamato stared at his friend with tears in his vulnerable eyes.

Urinto nodded and sat back down, watching sadly as Yamato walked into his room and locked the door behind him.

* * *

"Yama, you're here!"

Yamato barely had time to react before his arms were full with Taichi. The brunette smiled at the surprised look on his koi's face and kissed him softly. "You haven't been around for a while, I missed you."

"Me too Tai-chan." Yamato returned the kiss with a gentle smile. "Guess what, I found out —"

"Taichi," the boys heard Mrs. Yagami call from inside the house before she appeared near the doorway. She smiled at Yamato. "Hello Yamato dear. I'm sure that Taichi told you about our trip. We won't see you both for a few weeks so I'm glad I caught you. I hope you both have a wonderful trip to Kyoto and don't get up to too much mischief while we're away Taichi."

"Yeah," Mr. Yagami agreed as he came out too. "No parties, no friends over, except Yamato and a few others. Definitely none of the soccer team. I don't want the house trashed while we're away."

"Sure thing, you know you can trust me." Yamato groaned as Taichi smiled innocently. His parents looked at him suspiciously before waving goodbye and calling out for Hikari to hurry.

"Hi Matt, Bye Matt." Hikari rushed pat Yamato with a hasty kiss to the cheek. "Tell Keru I love him."

"Will do."

"Bye Tai. Have fun." She pause to give Taichi a quick peck on the cheek."

"Later Kars." The door closed behind her and the two boys were alone.

"So" Taichi asked with that innocent look. "What do you want to do?"

Needless to say, a few hour later the two boys found themselves on Taichi's bed kissing softly and lazily as they both drifted off to sleep. Taichi was gently stroking Yamato's bare stomach as he planted kisses down his throat.

"Yamato?"

Yamato opened his eyes and looked curiously over at Taichi who had a serious expression on his face. "Yeah?"

"Do," he cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Do you ever think you could go further in our relationship?" Taichi stared intently at him. "I know we've fooled around, but I'd really like to show you how much … how much I care for you."

Yamato had stilled as he heard this, dozens of thoughts running through his mind, all of them panicked. "I … I don't know. Did you want to?"

Taichi nodded. "But only if you are ready. I love you so much Yama, I don't want to hurt you."

"I know." Yamato looked away. "But, I'm still not sure."

Taichi smiled in understanding. "That's fine." He kissed Yamato softly and snuggled up to him. "Just know that I'd do anything for you Yama."

"I know," Yamato whispered as he felt Taichi's breathing even out as he drifted slowly off to sleep. "I know," he repeated softly to himself.

* * *

Yamato sighed, feeling tears in his eyes. "I wish I could have said the same Taichi. I'm sorry I hurt you. Everything was so perfect." Yamato felt hot tears sliding down his cheeks. "Perfect and I left it. Everything that was that great in my life had been screwed up, but this time I screwed up." Yamato sobbed. "I'm sorry Taichi."

AN: I hope that cleared most things up. Now with the reason out of the way I can get back onto the business of kissing and making up … after a few more obstacles interfere. *evil grin*