Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin, but I borrow it from time to time.
Chapter Eight
"Where's some parental supervision when you need it?" Himura moaned as he stood against a wall the kids had put him up against.
He was still bound, but only at his wrists now, and his gag had been reformed into a blindfold. The children must've been shooting for a firing squad atmosphere (no pun intended), and were succeeding quite nicely.
"Quiet!" He recognized this voice to be of their "leader," who's name he'd yet to hear. "You're under punishment, so you can't talk!"
"Don't I need a fair trial before getting punishment?" the redhead dared to ask.
"Hmm… I guess there should be a vote cast from different points of view…"
"Thank-you."
"All in favor of bagging the girly man, say 'aye!'"
"Oro?!"
"AYE!" came a unanimous shout.
"Oh well, guess the party has found you guilty anyway. Now for the punishment!"
"That wasn't very fair…" he sulked.
"Prepare the target for the armed squad!"
So it was a firing range. He suddenly wasn't sure which was worse for his health; his reputation, brothels, or children.
Despite the awful situation, Himura wasn't feeling as ill-fated as he expected himself to be. What was the worse these kids could throw at him anyway? Rocks, right? He could take rocks. Heck, he could dodge rocks. …Er, well, he could dodge better if he weren't blindfolded, but still, his senses were honed enough that he could avoid any nasty bumps. He'd just follow their game for a while, playing the stupid-luck rurouni until he found the prefect moment to run and save his little Battousai butt.
Yup, he could do this. They were only kids after all. How much harm could they do?
And suddenly he was wet.
"Gah! What the?" he sputtered as soon as someone had finished dousing him with a few buckets of water. Water? Why water?
"Fire!" the 10-year old boy commanded, and Himura prepared himself for the stones.
Now, when a rock hits a person, it usually leaves a good impression (or bad, depending on your definition) along with a bruise in the morning. As far as Himura knew, stones didn't dissolve or explode in a large puff of smoke after giving you the equal damage of a light tap. Stones didn't… But dirt clods did. And Himura was soon enveloped in a cloud of dust.
This wouldn't have been so bad if it weren't for a number of tiny things.
The first that Himura realized was that with all the dirt in the air, it made it hard to breath. And it was a bit harder to dodge things blindfolded when you were coughing a fit.
The second, was that the little buggers had thought to soak him first, thus making the earth stick to him unpleasantly wherever it hit. The dirt, turned mud, clung irritably to his skin and probably wasn't doing wonders for his clothes either. …Then again, considering what he was wearing, this could be an improvement.
Lastly… lastly… Cripes, he was getting bullied by kids half his size! And considering his size, that was saying a lot. And yet still, he was unsure of how to retaliate against them.
Luckily, Salvation stepped in once again.
"CAN'T A PERSON GET ANY DECENT REST AROUND HERE?!?!?!"
All activity ceased and Himura dully noted that his salvation often tended to be quite unconcerned with his welfare. Using the distraction of the kids as an opportunity to lift his blindfold with his tied hands, Himura looked over to see a figure in the doorway of the small house; a figure with round curves, but mostly going out.
With sudden realization, Himura discovered it to be a young woman. A very young, very pregnant, and very irritated woman who looked like she was a few joys short of being "just peachy." Together, it was a dangerous, possibly deadly combination, and even the children seemed to realize it judging by their lapse in silence. With a tired scowl, she turned toward the head boy.
"Futashi-kun," she all but snarled. "Exactly what are you all doing out here that's making so much noise?"
The boy named Futashi pointed at the drenched and dirty redhead behind him. "Just scarring the life of some strange guy."
At this, the girl looked up at Himura, noticing him for the very first time. Chuckling self-consciously at the thought of what a sight he must be at that moment, he tried waving friendlily to her before remembering that it was hard to wave when your wrists were corded together by extra laundry line. …Which just now he realized was something of an irony.
It was only later that Himura realized he should have asked her for help. As consequence would have it though, the young woman merely raised an uninterested eyebrow at him before turning back to Futashi.
"Making a habit of this, aren't you?"
"It's something to do," the boy shrugged.
Yawning, the soon-to-be mother turned back to go inside, adding, "Try and keep it down, okay? I'm trying to get some sleep."
"Okay oneesan."
NANI?! was the one word flashing through Himura's mind. Not only had his misfortune been brushed off again, but this little brat was that girl's younger brother?! Did that mean all of these kids were related to her? Exactly who were they anyway? What were they doing near a brothel? And could someone just tell him what the heck was going on?!
Himura had yet another strange and vague impression that someone should be coming over to him and welcoming him to a place called "The Twilight Zone." That feeling also quickly passed after not happening.
"Alright, that's enough of the firing squad," Futashi told the others. "Let's move him on to the dunking barrel. Help me get the femmy-man upside down and tie him by his ankles."
All at once, it was the perfect moment for Himura to run for his life.
-----------
Himura had forgotten one element of a child other than their "innocence" that made them the most difficult and dangerous foe of all. While they weren't very intimidating or even very skilled…
…They were creative little buggers.
He watched them from the roof of the small hut, the only place he'd found refuge in that clearing. They were too short to reach after him, and none of them had the capability of jumping up on their own. No ladders were in sight, and none of the four walls had anything that could aid in climbing their way up. It seemed like the safest bet and he figured he could work the ropes off his wrists as they decided what to do. …They decided a little quicker than he'd hoped.
Himura's eye bugged out as he watched them quickly go to work. Climbing atop one another's backs and shoulders, a human chain of small, young, strong bodies was soon developed, and Futashi was preparing to scale after him.
"Kami, don't I get any friggin' break?!" he groaned. Then the wood beneath him groaned. Pausing to check, Himura noticed that, indeed, the lumber he was standing on was definitely bending heavily under his weight. But just before the shingles gave away completely, he added with all the sunshine of a storm cloud, "I should've known that that sentence would come back to bite me in the-" Crack! "-Aaaaaaaahhhhh!!!" he began to shout. Then mid-way, thought better of it and switch to, "Ororororororooooo!!!"
(*CRASH*)
"Orororooo…" the redhead said, but not sounding half as hurt as he did frustrated. "I am not experiencing a very good life de gozaru."
"It's about to get worse," someone told him. Looking towards the doorway, Himura recognized Futashi's form in the doorway. The kid had the most forbidding aura about him despite looking like he'd just raided a candy store and got a free pony out of it. "If my sister doesn't finish you off first, I'll be sure to do the honors, Girly Man," he told the redhead before closing the doors with a sound that Himura figured Doom must sound like.
"Ahem."
Blinking, Himura turned around and found himself looking into the face of Futashi's sister. And she didn't look to happy to see him. Asuka's wrath looked to be nothing compared to what this young woman was imagining doing to him.
"Care to tell me what exactly you're doing here?" she inquired evenly.
"…Oro?" he offered in means of an introduction.
"I bet you say that to all the girls."
-----------
"Himura Kenshin de gozaru. I'm a rurouni who Yuuishi-dono is-"
"Letting stay at the teahouse for a while," the young woman finished, brushing aside some stray locks of dark brown hair that has come free from its bun. "I know. Yuiishi-sama and Asuka-chan bring the meals to us and Asuka has a tendency to gossip incisively. I've actually heard a lot about you." She cast a critical eye over him. "Although you're not quite what I imagined from her description. I didn't realize you were so short and… colorblind. Maybe it's just the fact that you're covered in dirt that's effecting my judgement."
Himura fought the urge to frown sourly, unsure if the bluntness was a woman thing or just something geishas had a habit of doing. Either way he'd certainly gotten a lot of it lately. "Sumanu," he decided to continue. "I didn't mean to intrude or trespass on your family's privacy. I was merely curious when I saw a child go through the gates de gozaru."
"That would probably be Hiroshi-kun," the woman said with a sigh, trying to prop more pillows behind her to make her more comfortable. "That boy is always playing too close to the fence despite us telling him not to. It often leads to situations like these."
Himura blinked. "You mean other men have been back here?"
"Not often, but yes, they have. Most get the same greeting you did."
"Friendly little tikes, aren't they?" he asked, trying to sound oblivious but unable to prevent a sliver of sarcasm from entering his words.
"Actually, they're very playful and kind." He stared at her dubiously to which end she shrugged casually. "They just know not to trust strangers as any well-brought up child should, that's all. You're the first one I've seen though to actually think to climb on the roof. Most just run for the gate."
"I tried that but I couldn't open the gate with my hands tied." He held up the ropes with his now free hands, having been remedying that condition during the conversation. "I didn't see any other option. …Er, by the way…" He abashedly glanced up at the hole in the roof. "I'll fix that for you de gozaru."
"I would hope so," she replied dryly. "As much as I admire the new skylight, I don't think Yuiishi-sama will take to it too well. She'll probably not be please as is that you were back here at all. This area is supposed to be prohibited from outside men."
"So I've noticed," Himura responded, nervously watching the little faces that were peering in through the windows and cracks in the doors. He was unable to stop himself from feeling like he was trapped in a cage where small demons were outside, just waiting for him to try and escape, promising untold suffering should he dare.
What a nice day to stay inside.
"Don't take it too personally, Himura-san. It's just that every woman needs her space and this is a good place for refuge. The only men allowed back here are the fathers. The one's who actually care to keep track of their offspring, that is."
"Fathers?" Himura blinked, slowly realizing. He motioned towards the various children. "You mean…"
Her brown eyes remained as level as her tone. "You honestly didn't think that in this line of business a girl doesn't get knocked up every now and then, did you?"
Himura blushed and decided that the tactlessness must be a geisha thing.
"Su-sumanu. I guess I just didn't realize… I'm sorry for trespassing de gozaru," he stuttered, bowing himself humbly before her.
"Eh, it's not the first time," she waved. "Futashi-kun is pretty good at taking care of intruders."
As if the mentioning of his name was a cue to make an appearance, Futashi slid the door open far enough to stick his head in.
"Oi, oneesan," he said. "Are you beating up this girly guy or what? I thought there would be more screams of pain and anguish and stuff."
His older sibling sighed. "Futashi-kun, do I look like I'm in any condition to pummel someone? I mean, sure I helped out before I'd gotten too big, and sure this guy is frail enough to break in half-"
"Hey."
"-but do I honestly look like I'm up to rearranging body parts today?"
"Gomen, I forgot how tired pregnant women get when they're so far along. I promise not to expect you to work anymore."
"Thank-you."
There was a moment of lapsing silence.
"…So can we play with him again?" Futashi asked at the end of it.
The girl shrugged. "Sure, whatever you want. Just keep it down."
"Oro!" Himura cried, hoping the word would save him again. It didn't seem to do as many wonders this time however.
"Get the Fem-Boy!" Futashi shouted as the small hoard piled into the doorway.
"NOT INSIDE!" their caretaker shouted, causing every child to halt inside the entrance. "Enough damage has been done in here so take it out!"
"…But he's inside," a young girl with chubby cheeks and chestnut eyes protested. "How can we take him outside if we can't go in to get him there?"
"He'll go out himself," the young woman stated simply. Everyone turned to Himura expectantly.
"You expect me to willingly throw myself to the mob de gozaru ka?!" he asked her incredulously.
"Yup," she replied with no hesitation.
"…You are heartless de gozaru."
"I'm pregnant and I want my nap. Now get out of here. Not only are you getting the floor dirty but you're also leaving watermarks. I suggest you go straight for the gate."
"Can I use the window?"
"Be my guest."
"Death to the Girly Man!!!"
-----------
"Good evening, Yuiishi-dono, Asuka-dono," Obaga greeted politely as the two women made their usual trek to the enclosed area at the back of their gardens. "I finished the errands you asked me to do today."
"Arigatou, Obaga-san," Yuiishi answered kindly. "I also saw that Himura-san finished the laundry. I must admit that was done much faster than I ever imagined it to be. Wouldn't you agree, Asuka-chan?"
"Humph," the brunet responded, turning her chin up hotly.
"Speaking of Himura-dono," Nuhiro continued, slightly befuddled by Asuka's strange behavior. "Have you seen him at all today? He's disappeared somewhere I'm not sure of."
"No I haven't," the head mistress replied. "But I'm sure that he'll-"
Suddenly a distant collective cry of shouts could be heard growing closer at a rapid speed. Everyone soon realized where it was coming from and a short moment later the back gate swung open with a crash, a certain redhead standing there in its wake. All blinked in surprise.
"Himura-san," Yuiishi gasped. "What are you…"
"Oro? Himura-dono?"
"What in the world are you doing back there?!" Asuka demanded.
"SANCTUARY!" Himura cried as he promptly fled into the laundry room, all the while bellowing, "Sanctuary de gozaru yo!!"
The others could only stare in a moment of silent shock. …Well, Nuhiro meekly 'oro-ed,' but otherwise it was pretty silent.
Until the kids nearly came barging through the gate. They stopped dead when they saw Yuiishi Nanari glaring down at them however. Somehow the frown of this one woman was enough to send them scattering back towards their home. After the matter Yuiishi sighed.
"It would seem, Obaga-san," she said, turning towards the samurai, "that we have a slight situation on our hands. I will speak to you later on the matter. Until then, please do not leave the compounds."
"I understand, Yuiishi-dono," he said without really comprehending. After the two women exited through the gate, he turned to look back at where his companion had fled. He rubbed his mustache thoughtfully and mused.
"The plot thickens de gozaru."
End of chapter eight.
Author's Notes:
Okay kiddies, Auntie Gochan has a question for you! Q: What is the worst thing that a authoress writing a Rurouni Kenshin humor fic can do?
...Well, okay, yes, I suppose that, "Getting addicted to another series" is also an answer that would fit, but not quite the one that I'm looking for. Let's put an emphasis on "Rurouni Kenshin humor fic."
Yup, you guess it. The worst thing she could do is: Watch the Seissouhen OAVs!
...Unfortunately, that's just what I did. -_-;;
Yeah, I even knew myself that it was a stupid thing to do, but I couldn't help it!! It was right there and my brothers were going to be watching it before I did! I could not let this happen!! ...So I watched it. I hated/loved it. And in essence, suffered from SDS (Seissouhen Depression Syndrom). Do you know how hard it is to write humor when you're feeling depressed?! Pretty friggin' hard!!
...And then... Salvation!!! Without warning I got cheered up immensely when I recieved... *drumroll* My first fanfic fanart!!! *rejoices*
A BIG and AWESOME huge THANK-YOU to ~*AnimeLuva1*~ for creating it! And thanks to Shirai, this fic's Official Ever-Faithful Rabid Fangirl, for being the first to point it out to me and make a link for me to visit in the Reviews! Here's the link! Copy and past the URL to go there!
http://studio_oro.tripod.com/images/kenshin_giopticalillusion.jpg
*sniffles* It's beutiful. ^_^ And I feel so much better now, that I was able to complete this chapter. Thank you again! Oh, and go check out the site that belongs to ~*AnimeLuva1*~. Copy and paste this one too.
http://studio_oro.tripod.com
Thanks soooooo much minna! The fic shall continue!!!
...but the rant is over. =P