Disclaimer: It ain't mine... *sniffle*
Notes: I fear this chapter won't be as... *cough* amusing... as the last. I ishn't a funny person. U_u;;
(The Seven Oompa Loompas blinked in confusion as Snow Yellow entered their little hut. From the hut came strange noises... snorts, sloshing noises, and the breaking of a plate.)
Sweary: Oh my fucking God! That fucking bitchy broke my fucking plate, I bet!
Jesus: Take not the Lord's name in vain...
(Nervously, the Oompa Loompas entered their home, only to find that in the less than two minutes Snow Yellow had been their, she had eaten all of the food, sat in all the chairs, messed up the sheets on all the beds, and cracked someone's cup.)
Snow Yellow: *blinking in that funny way in which she blinks* Hey... um... you guys have no food.
Sweary: Because you fuckin-!
Jesus: *holding his cracked cup sadly* Cup... the Lord must have needed you. We cannot understand His ways.
Boozy: *hic* 'ey... she broked both'a yer cupses...
Snow Yellow: Do you guys really live in this place? It's tiny. You're tiny.
Smelly: Well, you smell like yellow snow.
Other six Oompa Loompas: *coughcough*hypocrite*coughcough*
Smelly: u_u
Snow Yellow: Are you guys the whimsical gold miners who live in the little hut in the forest?
Dopey: @__@
(Now, as you know, no one is actually a gold miner. It's a stupid profession and it's dangerous and it gets very boring. The Oompla Loompas held perfectly sensible jobs. Slutty was a stripper at a club. Boozy was a barkeep at said club. Dopey was a security guard at afore-mentioned club. Sweary was a telemarketer. Jesus was a taxi driver. Satan was a middle school math teacher. And Smelly was that kid who sat next to you in last- period social studies class.)
Slutty: *pulls a dollar bill from between her breasts* You want some of this?
Snow Yellow: Um... no thanks. I'd like to be a virgin when the prince finds me d-
Smelly: Shhhhhh! You're going to give the ending of the story away!
Snow Yellow: Oh, right. *looks around* Hey, this place is all messy. I don't want to stay here. I should have just let that drugged-up girl in the red cape kill me... this place smells.
Smelly: You guys hurt my feelings. u_u
Dopey: Well... if you cleaned this place up... it'd be... clean. @_@
Satan: Yeah! How about you clean our house and make us food and we'll let you sleep over there! *points* In that corner. Next to Smelly.
Snow Yellow: And what am I getting out of this deal?
Jesus: Helping others cleanses your soul.
Snow Yellow: Hot damn! I'm in!
Slutty: Right. So we'll go to sleep *makes suggestive eyebrow gestures at Satan, who winks* and then we'll leave for work and you can spend all tomorrow cleaning the house. And don't touch the bondage equipment under my bed. *glares*
Snow Yellow: *blinks* Uh... okay.
(So, the Oompa Loompas went to sleep. Jesus forced everyone to pray, then lectured Slutty and Satan on the sins of premarital sex. Then, after waking everyone from the coma's his prayer and lecture induced, they all went to sleep. Well, except Snow Yellow. She was kept away from the stench coming from Smelly's bed and from the obscene noises coming from Satan's. Not soon enough for Snow Yellow, morning came.)
Sweary: Everyone get the fuck up! We have to fucking go to work, you lazy ass-holes!
Jesus: God doesn't like it when you swear.
Satan: Shut UP!
Slutty: Well, Snow Yellow. We have to go off to work so we can pay to feed all of us. Oh, and you. And maybe afford some cosmetic surgery for those freaky eyes of yours. *shudders* Snow Yellow: *as they all head for the door* Well, okay. Bye.
Smelly: *as they all go out* Bye.
Snow Yellow: Wait! Aren't you supposed to tell me not to let anyone in or something?
Satan: No. We don't really give a damn what happens to you.
(And so the Oompa Loompas left. Meanwhile, back in the palace...)
Evil Queen: Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the most absolutely gorgeous, sexy, and lust-inspiring woman of them all?
Mirror: Ew. You're sick.
Evil Queen:...--. Just answer the question.
Mirror: You. Noot! Snow Yellow. Heh.
Evil Queen: *whines* You're supposed to rhyyyyme!
Mirror: Don't wanna.
Evil Queen: Hmph. Fine. *clears throat* NooooooooooOOOOooo! I'M supposed to be the sexiest! I thought Snow Yellow DIED! I have to kiiiiiill her!!!! *foams*
Mirror:... you have had your rabies shots, right?
(Back in the Oompa Loompas' cottage, Snow Yellow shoved some dirt and mess into the deepest corners of cupboards and under rugs, where no one would see it. Unless they looked real hard. Or had a special dust-detector. Or something. So anyway, she was cleaning when she heard someone knock on the door.)
Snow Yellow: Whoo hoo! Maybe it's a door-to-door salesman! *runs to door and flings it open* Aww... it's only an old lady.
Old Lady: You wanna buy an apple? _ _
Snow Yellow: Um... not really.
Old Lady: You wanna buy an apple. If not, I am forseeing an accident in the near future... capiche? Snow Yellow: o_o... Gimme the apple.
(So, Snow Yellow snatched the apple from the Old Lady/Mafia Man and bit into it. And died. This, children, is why we should never give in to threats and take apples from creepy Mafia Men.)
Old Lady: Whoo hoo! She's dead! I'M the sexiest now! *skips back to the palace, since she was actually the Evil Queen in disguise. But I'm sure you all guessed that.*
(So Snow Yellow lay dead on the floor for a while. When evening came and the Oompa Loompas returned from the club/school/taxi cab HQ/ telemarketer- land and found Snow Yellow dead on their floor, they were deeply shocked.)
Smelly: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwww! Ew! Ew! THERE'S A DEAD PERSON ON THE FLOOR! I'm not toouuuuching iiiiit!
Sweary: Shit. We are so fucking gonna get blamed for this shit.
To Be Continued...
Next Chapter: Balex returns again...
Notes: I fear this chapter won't be as... *cough* amusing... as the last. I ishn't a funny person. U_u;;
(The Seven Oompa Loompas blinked in confusion as Snow Yellow entered their little hut. From the hut came strange noises... snorts, sloshing noises, and the breaking of a plate.)
Sweary: Oh my fucking God! That fucking bitchy broke my fucking plate, I bet!
Jesus: Take not the Lord's name in vain...
(Nervously, the Oompa Loompas entered their home, only to find that in the less than two minutes Snow Yellow had been their, she had eaten all of the food, sat in all the chairs, messed up the sheets on all the beds, and cracked someone's cup.)
Snow Yellow: *blinking in that funny way in which she blinks* Hey... um... you guys have no food.
Sweary: Because you fuckin-!
Jesus: *holding his cracked cup sadly* Cup... the Lord must have needed you. We cannot understand His ways.
Boozy: *hic* 'ey... she broked both'a yer cupses...
Snow Yellow: Do you guys really live in this place? It's tiny. You're tiny.
Smelly: Well, you smell like yellow snow.
Other six Oompa Loompas: *coughcough*hypocrite*coughcough*
Smelly: u_u
Snow Yellow: Are you guys the whimsical gold miners who live in the little hut in the forest?
Dopey: @__@
(Now, as you know, no one is actually a gold miner. It's a stupid profession and it's dangerous and it gets very boring. The Oompla Loompas held perfectly sensible jobs. Slutty was a stripper at a club. Boozy was a barkeep at said club. Dopey was a security guard at afore-mentioned club. Sweary was a telemarketer. Jesus was a taxi driver. Satan was a middle school math teacher. And Smelly was that kid who sat next to you in last- period social studies class.)
Slutty: *pulls a dollar bill from between her breasts* You want some of this?
Snow Yellow: Um... no thanks. I'd like to be a virgin when the prince finds me d-
Smelly: Shhhhhh! You're going to give the ending of the story away!
Snow Yellow: Oh, right. *looks around* Hey, this place is all messy. I don't want to stay here. I should have just let that drugged-up girl in the red cape kill me... this place smells.
Smelly: You guys hurt my feelings. u_u
Dopey: Well... if you cleaned this place up... it'd be... clean. @_@
Satan: Yeah! How about you clean our house and make us food and we'll let you sleep over there! *points* In that corner. Next to Smelly.
Snow Yellow: And what am I getting out of this deal?
Jesus: Helping others cleanses your soul.
Snow Yellow: Hot damn! I'm in!
Slutty: Right. So we'll go to sleep *makes suggestive eyebrow gestures at Satan, who winks* and then we'll leave for work and you can spend all tomorrow cleaning the house. And don't touch the bondage equipment under my bed. *glares*
Snow Yellow: *blinks* Uh... okay.
(So, the Oompa Loompas went to sleep. Jesus forced everyone to pray, then lectured Slutty and Satan on the sins of premarital sex. Then, after waking everyone from the coma's his prayer and lecture induced, they all went to sleep. Well, except Snow Yellow. She was kept away from the stench coming from Smelly's bed and from the obscene noises coming from Satan's. Not soon enough for Snow Yellow, morning came.)
Sweary: Everyone get the fuck up! We have to fucking go to work, you lazy ass-holes!
Jesus: God doesn't like it when you swear.
Satan: Shut UP!
Slutty: Well, Snow Yellow. We have to go off to work so we can pay to feed all of us. Oh, and you. And maybe afford some cosmetic surgery for those freaky eyes of yours. *shudders* Snow Yellow: *as they all head for the door* Well, okay. Bye.
Smelly: *as they all go out* Bye.
Snow Yellow: Wait! Aren't you supposed to tell me not to let anyone in or something?
Satan: No. We don't really give a damn what happens to you.
(And so the Oompa Loompas left. Meanwhile, back in the palace...)
Evil Queen: Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the most absolutely gorgeous, sexy, and lust-inspiring woman of them all?
Mirror: Ew. You're sick.
Evil Queen:...--. Just answer the question.
Mirror: You. Noot! Snow Yellow. Heh.
Evil Queen: *whines* You're supposed to rhyyyyme!
Mirror: Don't wanna.
Evil Queen: Hmph. Fine. *clears throat* NooooooooooOOOOooo! I'M supposed to be the sexiest! I thought Snow Yellow DIED! I have to kiiiiiill her!!!! *foams*
Mirror:... you have had your rabies shots, right?
(Back in the Oompa Loompas' cottage, Snow Yellow shoved some dirt and mess into the deepest corners of cupboards and under rugs, where no one would see it. Unless they looked real hard. Or had a special dust-detector. Or something. So anyway, she was cleaning when she heard someone knock on the door.)
Snow Yellow: Whoo hoo! Maybe it's a door-to-door salesman! *runs to door and flings it open* Aww... it's only an old lady.
Old Lady: You wanna buy an apple? _ _
Snow Yellow: Um... not really.
Old Lady: You wanna buy an apple. If not, I am forseeing an accident in the near future... capiche? Snow Yellow: o_o... Gimme the apple.
(So, Snow Yellow snatched the apple from the Old Lady/Mafia Man and bit into it. And died. This, children, is why we should never give in to threats and take apples from creepy Mafia Men.)
Old Lady: Whoo hoo! She's dead! I'M the sexiest now! *skips back to the palace, since she was actually the Evil Queen in disguise. But I'm sure you all guessed that.*
(So Snow Yellow lay dead on the floor for a while. When evening came and the Oompa Loompas returned from the club/school/taxi cab HQ/ telemarketer- land and found Snow Yellow dead on their floor, they were deeply shocked.)
Smelly: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwww! Ew! Ew! THERE'S A DEAD PERSON ON THE FLOOR! I'm not toouuuuching iiiiit!
Sweary: Shit. We are so fucking gonna get blamed for this shit.
To Be Continued...
Next Chapter: Balex returns again...