Bomberman's Naked Soccer Game
A very good friend of mine wrote something like this about Harry Potter, in the letter format anyway. So I decided to take a shot at it.
Main characters:
Bomberman: The galaxy's protector and guardian. He has the energy from the Elemental Stones that allows him to create bombs from thin air! He also has access to a large amount of gizmo's, gadgets, and vehicles.
Pommy: Bomberman's recently found sidekick, a strange Kirby like characters, which seems to have a not so big intelligence at times, but other times seems, to have a larger one, go fig…
Ralph: Another inhabitant of Planet Bomber. He enlisted as Bomberman's successor to learn the ropes of what Bomberman does. It seems as though he volunteered to prove himself to Bomberman as a worthy successor. Though he is a coward and fights with Pommy a lot.
Ray / Max: A robot created to be superior to Bomberman. He does not need the Elemental Stones to create his bombs, he has super strength, and he can fly. Ray is his alter ego, disguised an inhabitant of Planet Bomber. As Ray he is easy going and a nice guy. When he transforms to Max though, he is arrogant, mean, and usually causes more trouble with his attitude than he is worth. Also as Max, he is sort of a live wire and isn't very dependable.
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To: All Employee's Of the Bomber Base
From: Chief Technician, Brad Danly
Re: Naked Soccer
As reported, by part of your foolish use of Truth or Dare house rules (anyone who does not do what they have to do is flogged!), the next annual soccer game conducted by The Bomber Base team will be in the buff.
All betting regarding the various sizes and weights of the players equipment is not condoned. Should a measuring stick be seen in the vicinity of the field on game day, there will be a suspension from work and your privlages will be revoked for 3 months.
Employees in first through third years playing on the team are exempted from this display, as they were non-participants in the foolish game. They are to remain in their Soccer uniforms.
Given the fact jock cups cannot be used in this game as per the restrictions of a "naked Soccer challenge", any male employee who wishes to protect their "package" is out of luck.
I would like to stress to all participants that this type of "dare" from a Truth and Dare game is unacceptable, but technically binding. It has been brought to my attention that if anyone opts out of participation… the penalty will be a sever flogging. Please do try to engage brains before making foolish choices.
–Chief Technician, Brad Danly
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To: Level 5 Teammates
From: Ralph
Re: Game Next Week
Okay, so we all know we're playing naked. Letting it all hang out. Exposing our bits. Flaunting our glory... it's no use fighting it… we're stuck with it.
Now, the last going bid for the Pommy's package came in at a miserable 2.08 inches. Anyone out there, at ALL, care to dare higher? Oh, and Bomberman? Your fan-club has dumped the mother-load for your dimensions. You might want to consider posing for 'em.
-Ralph, Game Coordinator
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To: Female Employees
From: Lilith (On planet for this event)
Re: Game Next Week
We've got Ray! As we all know he is a robot, and his optic units also function as cameras, and because all such equipment is banned, he has gladly agreed to film the "interesting" parts of the game for us.
–Lilith
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To: Ralph
From: Bomberman
Re: Level 5 Teammates Memo
You are SO very dead.
–Bomberman
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To: Ralph
From: Lilith
Re: You have a BIG problem
Dude, we're going to lose the bet. Pommy's gone AWOL. Noone knows where he is.
BTW, Bomberman and crew have it out for you. They've been practicing beat-the-jackass and their aim is PHENOMENAL! They are pretty pissed that you caused this whole game in the first place.
-Lilith
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To: Lilith
From: Ralph
Re: You have a BIG problem
Let them be pissed…
After this game Im gonna be friggin RICH off the bets!
-Ralph
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To: All employees
From: Ralph
Re: Where the hell is he???
We are still trying to locate the whereabouts of Pommy. If anyone has any information please contact any team coordinator.
- Ralph
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To: Level 5 Team
From: Bomberman
Re: The Damn Situation Ralph Got Us In.!
Here's an idea... let's concede the game. LET us have shame. We wont be flogged for chickening out… we can simply say we did not have enough team members after our goalie Pommy vanished! I'm not going out there naked!
-Bomberman
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To: Level 5 Team
From: Ralph
Re: Concede the game?!
We can't possibly concede the game! Are you mad?! If we even consider it, think of what everyone's gonna say. Not only do we have our personal prides at stake here, but also the glory of our Level 5!
And if anyone else is even considering this idea, we'll go straight to Brad Danly. He's not going to let his favorite team go down like that!
Oh, and Bomberman, if only the bets on the size of your package were paid company sick days, we'd all be on retirement by next week!--Ralph
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To: Level 5 Team
From: Bomberman
Re: Concede the game?!
Ralph… your FUCKING DEAD!!!
Not only did you get us into this situation in the first place, you made Pommy vanish and everyone is worried sick about him, you informed Lilith and the Elemental Knight about this, and to top it all off, you're most likely gonna get us KILLED OUT THERE!!!
You wont live through the night…
-Bomberman
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To: Bomberman
From: Rukifelth
Re: House Pride
I've just been informed by email about this Naked Soccer Match and your reactions. Bomberman, what do you think you're doing?! All you simply need to do is get some sort of surgery to enhance your package! Sure it will cost you thousands of dollars… but when everyone sees how wrong they were on their bets… you'll be rolling in so much cash that you can easily pay it off!
-Rukifelth
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To: Rukifelth
From: Bomerman
Re: Re: House Pride
Go to Hell.
– Bomberman
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To: All Employees
From: Brad Danly
Re: Pommy!!!
Good news! We've found Pommy. The little guy had been hiding in the dumpster behind the Bomber Base for three days. We have decided not to flog him due to his innocent nature, however, if any one has any ideas, they will not be sparred. Nor will Pommy if he repeats this offense.
-Brad Danly
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To: Ralph
From: Pommy
Re: Welcome back little friend
Ralph…
Pommy will cut you bitch! MYU!
-Pommy
-*
To: Ralph
From: Ray/Max
Re: Game Date Pending
Hey man, I just got word that a lot of the level five's including Bomberman and Pommy are planning to get you dude. Normally I would join them, but I have so much money riding on this game that if something happens to you, and the Level 5 Team cannot play, I'll be broke!
-Ray/Max
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To: Ray/Max
From: Ralph
Re: Re: Game Date Pending
I have already taken the necessary precautions to protect my life. I have enlisted the Elemental Knights, Lilith, and Rukifelth as personal bodyguards. They want to see this (and make a profit) just as much as anyone else.
-Ralph
To: Pommy
From: Bomberman
Re: The plan
Remember to be there at midnight. We execute this plan tonight! Tell all the other Level 5 Team Members…
-Bomberman