AN: Thanks to the people who reviewed the first chapter! I love you!
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter!
Chapter 2: Strength Comes In Many Forms
The first day of classes did not hold much excitement for Remus. He had Transfiguration, Ancient Runes, and Charms. It seemed as if the teachers did not believe much in easing into things. They began working right away.
Remus's thoughts kept traveling back to what he had told Sirius last night. He had told him that he'd missed Padfoot during his summer transformations. This was true, but Remus felt it a bit too revealing. After all, he had not missed Prongs or Wormtail, and they were always present during full moons as well.
What did that mean; that he had only missed Padfoot? Remus had always felt that his connection with Padfoot ran much deeper than anything he had with Prongs or Wormtail, though he could not explain why.
He wondered if Sirius found it odd that he had not mentioned missing James or Peter and decided that he didn't. After all, it had been Sirius he was talking to.
When dinner came that evening, Remus was relieved. It was always exhausting to begin a new school year, especially one that started not too long after a transformation.
As he helped himself to pork chops, Sirius, James, and Peter seated themselves around him.
"Hey Moony," James said cheerfully. "Up to planning this month's adventure?"
Remus nodded and tried to appear as though nothing was troubling him. "Sure."
"Anyone have anything good?" James asked them.
Peter was as usual silent, and Sirius was, as usual, not. "I was thinking we could go deeper into the Forbidden Forest then we have before," he said excitedly. "Not many wizards have been in there. I'm sure there's some cool stuff to discover."
James considered this for a moment. "Could be good…we'll do that unless someone comes up with something better before the 15th."
Remus was never really the one to come up with the jokes or the plans. He left that to Sirius and James. He had fun during their late night romps, but the fear of the dark creature inside of him was still evident in the back of his mind.
They ate the rest of their meal in silence, with the occasional Quidditch comment from James. Remus was too occupied with his thoughts to try and make conversation today. It seemed the others, too, were thinking of other things. He knew, James, at least, would be dwelling on Lily. He always did.
During the next week, Remus tried to keep his mind off of Sirius. It seemed that whenever his friend drifted into his thoughts, he was accompanied by visions of lonely full moon nights without Padfoot, and the two boys' eyes meeting in the darkness. Remus was sure neither of these things was impacting his friend as much as they were him, and hoped he could forget about it with the approaching full moon and burden of school work.
Six days before the full moon, however, thoughts of Sirius had left his mind altogether, but not for the reason he would have liked.
Remus received the Daily Prophet each morning in the Great Hall. He enjoyed reading it on a normal basis, and felt that he had some obligation to keep up with the morbid news that had been circulating lately.
Today the headline was worse then it had been since last year when that family had been killed. The front page of the Prophet was titled, "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and Followers Responsible For Savage Muggle Killings"
Remus gave a sigh. The killings were becoming more frequent. Eleven Muggles had been killed, all in the same neighborhood. The Death Eaters had supposedly murdered them for 'fun.' Among the deceased were three women, and four children. Remus cursed under his breath and passed the paper to James.
James' reaction was similar to his and soon all four friends had read the article and were feeling a bit depressed.
Remus glanced at the Ravenclaw table. Their faces were somber and some had faraway looks on their faces. No doubt they were reliving the day they had returned from Christmas break last year to find that not all of them would be returning.
Remus felt a surge of hatred in his heart for people like Voldemort, all who supported him, and times like these. When things were constantly dark, it kept you from ever getting over your pain. The wounds stayed fresh. Remus felt sorry again, for the Ravenclaws. Every time news of another dark deed arose, they were forced to reopen their own scars.
But then, almost everyone had a story to tell. Remus considered himself rather lucky that he did not have any sorrowful tales to spin. Peter, too, remained free from personal tragedy.
James and Sirius had already experienced it first hand.
James' grandparents had already been killed in fifth year, when the threat of Voldemort was still relatively new. James' rarely mentioned them now, but before their deaths he had often spoken of them, happy memories of visiting their farmhouse as a boy. He looked at James. The boy was staring down at his toast, but didn't really seem to be looking at it. The pain in his face was almost tangible. Remus thought, that if he wanted to, he could almost reach out and touch it.
Sirius also had a story that made Remus sick with rage and sadness. Sirius had never been truly loved before he came to Hogwarts. His parents were dark and sick and twisted and everything that Sirius was against. Their dark ways had forced him, at age 16, to leave his home. Remus admired Sirius more than any other person. He was so strong, and rarely did he let his pain show through, though it must have been there.
Sirius was always trying to be strong for other people. When would he get a chance to talk to someone about his pain, to let someone be strong for him? It didn't seem healthy to keep smiling and acting as though nothing had happened to him. Remus hoped that Sirius talked to James about it, but somehow he didn't believe that was true.
Remus wondered if by the end of this war, he would remain untouched, whether anyone would remain untouched. It seemed impossible.
The day was a sullen one. The teachers, who had heard of the killings as well, seemed preoccupied and distressed. Remus knew, they too, must have lost something in this war.
Everyone had.
And Remus realized with a jolt, that he had lost something too. He had lost carefree times with his best friends. He had lost James' constant smile. He had lost Sirius's genuine happiness.
Two of Remus's best friends had lost a piece of their sanity, and Remus was affected by it everyday. He hoped nothing ever happen to Peter. There was enough tragedy in their circle as it was.
That night, Remus and Sirius went up to bed early, as James and Peter stayed downstairs to have a game of Exploding Snap. When they reached the dormitory, Remus remembered his thoughts earlier in the day about Sirius and how Remus had never seen him share his pain.
"Are you feeling okay?" Remus asked suddenly.
Sirius looked at him thoughtfully. "Sure, why wouldn't I be?"
Remus rolled his eyes. This was going to be harder than he thought. "It's just…when something happens like today, I know you-you probably think about your family."
There was a pause and then Sirius spoke. "I'm fine."
"You can talk to me," Remus said. "You don't have to pretend like nothing bothers you."
"It doesn't bother me," Sirius said matter-of-factly.
"God damnit, Sirius!" Remus shouted. "Why do you think you always have to be strong, for me, for James, for Peter? When will someone get to be strong for you?" Remus didn't know why he was shouting. He just knew that Sirius needed to talk to someone, and if he had to be the person to yell at him to get him to speak then so be it. "You can't keep things bottled up all the time like you do," Remus said softly. "It's just not good. Talk to me…please."
Sirius stared at him for a long moment and then took a step closer to where Remus was standing. "Who are you to tell me to talk, to open up, to moan about everything that's wrong with the world?" he challenged. His tone was harsh.
"I'm one of your best friends! That's who I am!" Remus yelled.
"Does that give you the right to tell me what to do?" Sirius said.
Remus paused and when he spoke he knew Sirius could barely hear him. "It gives me the right to care about you."
Sirius's aggressive face seemed to soften slightly. "Yeah well, don't worry about me."
"That's just it! I do worry about you," Remus shouted, stepping closer to Sirius.
Sirius, who had been staring at his hands, looked up. His dark eyes were cold. "I don't need anyone to look after me."
They were so close now that Remus could feel the other boy's ragged, angered breathing on his face. Remus swallowed and then whispered. "It's a bit too late for me to stop caring about you Sirius. I just worry that you feel you have to act like the strong one…and you never get to talk about what's bothering you.
Sirius attempted a grin and failed. "I'm just not a big 'talk-about-your-feelings' kinda bloke. Why don't you harass James?"
"James talks. He tells us what's bothering him," Remus stated. "You usually do too, but when it comes to your family-"
"Did it ever occur to you," Sirius interrupted, eyes flashing with anger, "that maybe I don't feel the need to talk? Did you ever think that maybe it hurts more when you say it out loud? My family does bother me, but the more I talk about it, the more it hurts that I came from a line of dark wizards. Do you think I'm proud of that family?"
Remus hesitated before speaking. "You know when you and James and Peter first figured out what I was, I…I didn't want to talk to anyone about it. But when all of you wouldn't stop questioning me, I answered and afterwards it felt better. I was glad I shared my pain with you. It's so much easier to bear a burden of someone else is helping you along the way."
Sirius's anger seemed to ebb away. He didn't say anything, just got into his pajamas, and laid down in his four-poster. Remus did the same.
He had just closed his eyes when Sirius began to speak.
"My mother never liked me. Even when my brother and I were little she could sense…something. She said there was always something different about me. I didn't know what she was talking about at the time, but as I got older, I realized," he said softly.
Remus said nothing and continued to listen. "Every time I see these attacks…I-I wonder if my parents or my brother haven't gone to the Death Eaters. I mean, they weren't part of that crew when I left, but maybe that would explain why Regulus left school. And Bellatrix too," he added.
Remus thought that very possible. Sirius's brother Regulus had always believed in the pureblood prejudices that his parents raised him with. He had been Sorted into Slytherin and just about to start his sixth year, but had not returned this year. Sirius's cousin Bellatrix had much the same story. Remus had thought that the disappearance of the two was linked with Voldemort's current uprising, but had never voiced this opinion out loud.
Sirius trailed off and didn't seem to want to talk anymore. Remus was satisfied that Sirius had at least admitted to some of his worries. As he was drifting off to sleep, Remus thought he heard someone whisper, "thank you."
AN: Was it good? Did it suck? Please review!