AN: This is shorter than the other chapters, but I thought it stood by itself. I'll try to update soon! Thanks for the reviews!
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Chapter 8: Discoveries
Remus was barely aware that he was moving as he tore himself away from Sirius and rushed down the stairs, through the common room, and out of Gryffindor Tower. He ignored James' and Peter's inquiries, only thinking about getting away. He was, however, very conscious of the fact that his heart was beating so loud that the whole castle could probably hear it.
Remus didn't even know where he was running. The only thing he knew was that he had to get away from Sirius. What did Sirius think of him now? Remus could hardly bare to think of the embarrassment he had just thrust upon himself.
It had been hard enough enduring the constant struggle in his own head about being attracted to Sirius, but now he would have to face it head on. He suddenly found himself sprinting out of the castle and onto the damp grounds. Rain was falling from the sky in buckets, but Remus didn't care. He was just thankful that he hadn't met any teachers on his way out.
Remus stopped to catch his breath and pushed his sopping wet hair out of his eyes. Numb shock had overcome him when he had kissed Sirius, but now he had time to ponder what he had just done. How could he have been so stupid? He sighed and sank to his knees. Would Sirius ever speak to him again? Would their friendship ever be the same? Remus doubted it very much.
And as his anger began to fade into a dreary realization that Sirius would probably never want to look at him again, Remus began to play the kiss over in his mind. What scared him the most was how much he had enjoyed it. It was such a simple gesture; two people expressing affection in such a regular way (or perhaps one-sided in this case), and yet he knew his life would never be the same.
What if Sirius told James and Peter? What if he lost all of his friends? The rational part of Remus's mind told him that Sirius wouldn't tell anyone. It was probably rather embarrassing for him too. He imagined Sirius trying to tell James and Peter about what happened and began to feel nauseated.
Remus shivered. His senses seemed to come back to him in full force as he realized that he was sitting on the muddy ground while a storm raged on around him. He sighed and tried to tell himself that everything would work out in the end, but panic seized him again as he stood up to return to the castle.
How could he go in there, look at Sirius, and pretend nothing happened? Remus stared into the Forbidden Forest, part of him wishing the trees would swallow him up.
"Hey," a soft voice said behind him.
Remus swiveled around. It was Sirius. Remus tried to greet him in return, but his voice didn't seem to be working correctly. The only thing that came out was an odd grunting noise. Sirius coming out here has to be a good sign, Remus thought. At least he was talking to him.
"About what just happened-" Sirius began, but Remus cut him off.
"Sirius you have to understand," Remus pleaded. "I wasn't thinking. I just spaced out for a second and the next thing I knew…please don't let this ruin our friendship."
Sirius did not meet his eyes, but continued to stare at his own mud-caked boots. "So, it was a mistake?"
Remus breathed a sigh of relief. "Yes, yes…it didn't mean anything. I just let my emotions get control of me."
Sirius finally looked up at him. "What do you mean by that?"
Remus paused. He had dug himself in a hole. How could he explain that his actions were products of his emotions without telling Sirius about his feelings? "I was just feeling…scared for you, worried about you," Remus said finally.
Sirius nodded. "So what happened up there…it meant nothing to you?"
Remus hesitated. It had meant something to him, but he didn't know if he could admit that to Sirius. He decided to stop analyzing his words. "It did mean something to me…I just know it didn't mean anything to you."
Sirius stared at him for a long moment. "How do you know?"
Remus's heart stopped. Was he saying…"Did it mean something to you?"
Sirius stepped closer to him. Remus could feel the other boy's ragged breathing on his face. And then Sirius did what Remus least expected.
He kissed him.
It was nothing like the soft, timid kiss that Remus had given him less than an hour ago. It was rough and wild, like Sirius. Remus stopped thinking about the repercussions of his actions and let his emotions take over. They didn't stop to breath as they kissed, both wanting it too much to think about parting. Sirius pulled Remus closer. Remus let out a soft moan, finally letting his feelings run amok. He had been suppressing them for so long.
After a few minutes, they separated. They stared at each for a minute before Sirius broke the silence with a laugh. "Do you think it meant something to me?"
Remus could only respond with a nod. He was too amazed, too shocked. How could Sirius like him? They headed back to the castle without speaking. Remus was too busy trying to process what had just happened to make conversation.
Finally, he broke the silence. "Where did you tell James and Peter I had gone?" Remus asked.
"Oh, I just told them that you felt like you were going to be sick and went to the Hospital Wing," Sirius stated with a grin.
"Good one," Remus said.
They reached the common room, both in high spirits. As they walked through the Portrait hole, James came rushing up to them, Peter trailing behind him. James looked too shocked to speak.
Peter seemed terrified as well, but he managed a few words. "It's the Dementors. Voldemort's taken them out of Azkaban."
AN: Please Review!