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Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Chapter 9: Putting the Fear Aside
"What?" Remus asked. How could that happen? He thought of hundreds of Dementors running around unchecked and suddenly felt nauseated.
Peter nodded. "McGonagall just came and told us. She said that it would probably be in the Prophet tomorrow, but Dumbledore wanted us to know now."
James looked oddly pale. "I can't believe this," he muttered, still recovering from the news himself. "Voldemort was frightening enough by himself, but with those Dementors…"
Remus shivered. He remembered the feelings the Dementors caused. They had studied them in Defense Against the Dark Arts last year. He had felt like he would never be cheerful again. And then there had been the visions…it was almost too horrible to think about. He recalled Professor Ward lecturing to them about the Dementor's Kiss. Remus knew one thing: he would rather die than live soulless.
"How the hell did Voldemort just run in there and set them loose?" Sirius asked harshly.
"We weren't given details," James said. "My father always talked about how the Dementors were never loyal to the Ministry. Maybe Voldemort or his followers just talked them into it."
Remus shrugged. He didn't particularly care at the moment how they had been released. He was still dealing with the thought that those horrid, filthy creatures were now in the hands of a wizard like Voldemort.
Sirius went over to one the couches in front of the fireplace and buried his head in his hands. Remus knew he was thinking about his family and whether they were involved with the breakout of the Dementors. Sirius was always wondering if his family was involved in the latest Death Eater activity.
Remus went over and sat beside him, resisting the urge to put a comforting arm around his shoulder. "Hey," he whispered softly into his ear. "It's going to be okay."
Sirius shrugged. He didn't seem to be up to talking. James and Peter sat in the squashy chairs across from the couch. The common room was empty accept for the four of them. It was odd, sitting there without laughing or joking. It wasn't normal….sitting in silence. Remus hoped it wouldn't happen too often.
After awhile, Peter went up to bed. He muttered something about how they needed to try and get rest. Remus didn't think he would sleep much tonight. Besides, Sirius looked a wreck and Remus didn't like the idea of leaving him alone down here to stew in his thoughts.
It was a little under an hour when James yawned, stretched, and declared that he was too tired to stay awake any longer. "You coming, Padfoot? Moony?"
Sirius shook his head and Remus followed suit. As James headed up the stairs to the boys' dormitories, what had happened earlier that evening had floated back into Remus's thoughts. For a second, he felt guilty being happy while others around him were hurting. But then he decided that they would all have to keep living. They couldn't let Voldemort succeed in making their lives hell even when he wasn't near. They would have to endure and live their lives.
Remus smiled grimly. It was almost ironic that something so good could happen amidst everything that was so wrong. He glanced at Sirius. He was curled up against the side of the couch, one hand hanging off the side. His dark hair was a mess, looking more like James' unruly mop, than his own usually elegant style. Sirius was breathing softly. Remus grinned at the prone figure of his friend. He grabbed a crimson and gold blanket off the back of the couch and threw it over Sirius who instinctively reached for the covers and pulled them closer to him.
Remus gave one last look to the sleeping Sirius before turning around to head to the boys' dormitory. "Wait," someone said softly.
Remus wheeled around. Sirius was awake, though he looked half-asleep. "What is it?" Remus asked.
"Come sit here," Sirius said, sitting up and patting the seat next to him. Remus sat down and looked at Sirius thoughtfully. "I really don't want to talk about Voldemort and Dementors and Death Eaters. We can't let that dictate our lives."
Remus nodded. He had been thinking the same thing hours before.
"And…well," Sirius began again. "I-don't-want-to-wait-for-us-any-longer," Sirius said in one breath.
"What?" Remus asked. He hadn't quite caught all that.
Sirius sighed and looked down at his hands. "I said I don't want to wait any longer for us."
Remus felt happier than he had felt in a long time. What had he done to deserve this? Why was such good fortune coming to him now? "Maybe Voldemort shouldn't control our lives," Remus said softly. "But these times have taught me one thing. You can't count on tomorrow to do something. You have to do it now...because there might not be a tomorrow."
Remus looked up into Sirius's dark eyes. He wasn't sure who leaned in first, but the next thing he knew their lips had met in a soft kiss. At first, they were rather timid, but as the minutes passed, Remus began to feel a bit more adventurous. Sirius kissed him rougher before and Remus parted his lips with his tongue. Remus's heart was pounding so fast he was sure it was about to jump out of his chest. Sirius's tongue flicked in and out of his mouth and Remus heard himself moan softly. Where there had been contentment only moments before, there was now a strange sense of longing for something more.
Soon, the two boys parted. They took a minute to catch their breath. Sirius grinned at him and then yawned. "Well we better get to bed," he said.
"Yeah, I suppose," Remus muttered. "But I don't think I'll be sleeping much tonight."
"Me neither," Sirius said, stretching. "We have to try though. I don't want to hear Ferris griping about us not paying attention."
Remus groaned in irritation. Professor Ferris was their new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It seemed like they had a new one every year. Remus didn't hate the subject; on the other hand, he rather enjoyed the class. He felt like he was learning something useful. But Professor Ferris hated the four Marauders. Sirius and James always acted clueless as to why, but Remus had a sneaking suspicion that she didn't particularly like James' and Sirius's arrogant attitudes. She had caught them hexing other students numerous times and she had always been furious when they got off with easy punishments. She often took it upon herself to take points from Gryffindor when Sirius flipped the page of his book too loudly or when James sneezed in the middle of class so she could compensate for the lax punishments they received when they made real trouble. Remus could only assume that she disliked him and Peter because they associated with the two students she hated the most.
The two boys headed up the steps in silence. As they changed into their pajamas, Remus resisted the urge to look at Sirius's half-clad body. He had seen the other boy change many times, but somehow it felt different now. He blushed at the thought and quickly got into to bed to conceal his beet red face.
"Goodnight," Sirius said quietly.
"G'night," Remus whispered with a yawn. He fell asleep quickly, but his dreams were rather unpleasant and kept him up half the night. He dreamed that his friends had all been killed and it was his fault. Remus knew the vision quite well. He had seen it many times last year when practicing against the Dementors and now it came back to him in full force. He tried to think of Sirius instead and soon he had drifted into a dreamless slumber.
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