A/N OK finally chapter 6 is done. I mention Bob Hope and Jane Fonda in
this chapter. I don't own them. I don't own any of the Outsiders either.
Everyone else is mine. Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed up
until now. I hope you all take the time to read and review this chapter as
well.
ABOARD THE USS MERCY
I absently rubbed the stump of my right leg and stared at the wall as everybody fidgeted and tried to think of something to say. Two-Bit cleared his throat and tried to change the subject. Unfortunately he picked another touchy subject.
"How's Evie doing? I ain't seen her since you got home."
I looked up sharply and he shrank back from my glare.
"What?" he asked
"The bitch dumped me while I was in the hospital," I growled.
Four faces looked at me in shock and surprise.
"Are you serious?" asked Soda.
"No, I'm lying," I said. "Of course I'm serious you dumb ass."
Soda reddened a little and looked at the floor. I felt bad for snapping at him but damn it, if there was anything I wanted to talk about less than my leg just then it was Evie.
"Oh, what the Hell," I muttered and began to talk.
~FLASHBACK~
I was in and out of consciousness for the next several days and when I did finally wake up I wished that I hadn't.
The first thing I remember hearing was a soft voice calling, "Doctor, he's waking up." I felt soft, cool hands lightly touch my forehead and thought of Evie as I struggled against a wave of loneliness.
I struggled to sit up but was pressed back into the bed by the doc. "Take it easy there, Son. How are you feeling?"
"Like shit, Sir."
"I'd be surprised if you felt any differently," he said. "You're one of the lucky ones though. Most of the guys from Khe Sanh that came through here were a lot worse off than you are."
I swallowed hard and asked the question I knew I had to ask, "How's my leg, Sir?"
"I'm sorry, Son, we had to take it."
I closed my eyes and swore softly and colorfully under my breath. I felt the doctor pat my shoulder awkwardly as he said, "At least you're alive, son" and then he walked away.
"Fucking lot of good it does me," I muttered.
As I lay there growing angrier by the minute, I started yelling, 'Fuckin' son of a bitch! Goddamn Johnson and his stupid fuckin' war! Why the fuck are we here? Fuckin' gooks oughta fight their own goddamn war but no, we gotta come to this shit hole and get shot up because they're to goddamn chicken to do it!" I threw my pillow and kept screamin', "Fuckin' incompetent, worthless, piece of shit doctors! What the fuck do they teach you in school?" I threw the bed pan and screamed, "Why me? Why the Hell did this have to happen to me?"
"Shut the fuck up! Look around dumb ass, there's a lot of guys here a whole lot worse off than you."
I looked at the guy in the bed next to me, "The fuckin' doctors cut off my leg, dickhead," I growled.
"Fuckin' land mine blew mine off, asshole. If you'd bother to look around you'd see guys a hell of a lot worse off then you."
"Why don't you shut the fuck up?" I snarled.
"Why don't you fucking grow up?" he asked. "Why me? Why me?" he whined in a high-pitched voice. "Why the fuck not you?"
My pillow landed in my lap and the bedpan was placed on my bedside table with a thump. "What the fuck?" I said as I looked up and saw Bubba at the foot of the bed.
"I really like you, Slick, but you cause another disturbance like that again and I'll kick your ass," he said. "In case you didn't notice this is a hospital not the battlefield," he looked at the guy in the next bed, "that goes for you too, Edwards. You guys are on the same side so either get along or shut up."
"Damn, you're cranky today, Bubba," said Edwards with a laugh.
Bubba grinned. "Damn right I am. You two are disturbing my nice, quite ward. Now play nice." He sat on the edge of my bed. "Want to talk?"
"Not really. I want to know where I am and what happened because I can't remember much."
"What do you remember?" he asked
"Bulldog. He was hit and I was trying to get to him, then there was this burning in my leg and an explosion. I couldn't move. That's all I remember until I woke up here and the Doc was telling me he had to take my leg." I looked into Bubba's eyes; "Did he come through here? Is he OK?"
"Slick, I'll see what I can find out but if you can't give me anything other than "Bulldog" it's not going to be easy." He looked at the floor and then back at me, "Don't get your hopes up to much. It was a goddamn blood bath up there. I'll see what I can find out but most of the guys that came out of there came out in body bags."
I nodded that I understood but I didn't trust my voice. Hell, I knew what it was like. I'd been there.
"I don't know exactly what happened. What I do know is that your right leg was almost torn off by something. Whatever hit you absolutely mangled that leg. Saving it wasn't an option. When they brought you in here you were damn near dead and keeping you alive was our top priority. I can only tell you that you got the best care possible. If you had been sent to a MASH unit you might not have made it at all."
"Where am I?"
"You're aboard the USS Mercy." He got up and shook my hand. "I gotta go. It's real good to see you I'm just sorry it was under these circumstances."
"Me too. Hey Bubba?"
"Yeah?"
"Were you one of the guys that worked on me?"
"No."
"Good. I'll probably be OK then."
He grinned and said, "Smart ass," as he walked away.
I closed my eyes and tried to sleep but visions of Shadow dying in my arms kept me awake.
"Hey."
I turned to look at Edwards, "Yeah?"
"Were you really at Khe Sanh?"
"Yeah."
'Was it as bad as they say?"
"It was worse."
Neither of us spoke, we were both lost in thoughts too horrible and private to share. The silence was interrupted by a good-looking yeoman bringing the mail. I was surprised when a pile of letters landed on my bed. Picking them up I began to sort through them to see who they were from. Silently I read off the names, Pony, Pony, Pony, Soda, Pony, Keith, "Who the Hell is Keith?" I mumbled as I opened the letter.
Hey Steve,
Bet you didn't know who this was from did ya? Not a lot going on around here. Are you still at Khe Sanh? I heard that's the worst place to be right now. Hope everything is OK. Have you met Bob Hope yet? How about some of them USO girls? Don't do anything with them that I wouldn't.
Take Care Buddy Two-Bit
I wish I could remember he has a real name so he couldn't get me like that, I thought as I continued flipping through the letters. Pony, Pony, "I think he writes at least one a day," I chuckled. Darry, Cherry, Evie. I looked at the last two. Cherry the soc? I thought. Wow. I stared with Pony's letters.
Hi Steve,
How is everything going? I hope you are still OK. There have been a few protest rallies downtown and Soda and Two-Bit got in a fight the other day with some guys who were saying we had no business being in Vietnam and that our guys over there were nothing more than baby killers and rapists. I don't know if they changed their minds but I think Two-Bit and Soda at least shut their mouths for a little while.
The soc's pretty much leave us alone now. I still don't walk alone though. Soda and I went out to the cemetery and cleaned up around Dally and Johnny's graves. I still miss them a lot.
Darry is still working to hard and Soda still flirts with every girl that comes through the DX.
Have you heard from Evie? I haven't seen her around lately. Does your dad ever write? I talked to him the other day when I ran into him. He really is proud of you, Steve. Maybe someday he'll be able to tell you that himself. I hope I'm not the only one who writes to you. I can't even begin to imagine how lonely it must be for you. I'm trying to write everyday so that you will have at least one letter most of the time.
I guess that's all for now.
Stay Safe Ponyboy Curtis
He's a sweet kid, I thought as I read the rest of his letters. Soda and Darry's were about the same as Pony's just little bits of news from home. Saving Evie's letter for last, I opened Cherry's next.
Dear Steve,
I'm sure you were surprised to get a letter from me but when Pony told me you were in Vietnam I had to write. I just wanted you to know that even though I do not agree with this war I support all of you who are over there. I don't know if anyone has told you but it's getting ugly back here in the states and even in Tulsa. Soldiers are being spit on and cursed at when they get home. The things that are being said and done are reprehensible. I just wanted to let you know so that you wouldn't be surprised when you came home.
I know we aren't exactly friends but I can't stand the thought of someone I know being over there in danger. Stay safe and write back if you want.
Cherry Valance
That's pretty tuff, I thought as I put her letter back in the envelope. I held Evie's letter for several minutes before I opened it.
Steve,
This is a very difficult letter to write but I know I have to do it. When you get home, please do not try to see me. As much as I love you, there is no way that I can stay with a man who would kill innocent women and children. I saw Jane Fonda on TV and she says that the American POW's are being treated fairly and that they should be ashamed for killing babies and I really think she's right; I believe that she is telling the public the real truth. The thought of you being part of that is more than I can stand. Good bye, Steve. I really did love you.
Evie
"Fucking bitch."
"Problem there, Shipmate?"
I turned and looked at Edwards. "My girl just dumped me. She called me a baby killer and said she never wanted to see me again." I turned my head away because I knew I was going to start crying and I didn't want anyone to see me.
"Man, that sucks," he said. "Hey, cry if you want. You don't have to be tough in here just don't be weak."
I looked at him.
"It's not weak to cry," Edwards explained. "It's weak to piss and moan about something you have no control over."
As the tears rolled down my cheeks I said, "You know what sucks? I have killed kids, babies, and women. She's right."
"She's wrong. You were following orders. This is a war not a picnic. How many kids have killed soldiers? How many women would just as soon kill you as look at you?"
"But"
"But nothing. I got the same damn letter from my wife only she sent it after she knew about my legs." He raised is voice to a high pitched, girlie voice and said, "I just couldn't stay married to a cripple. Everyone would look at us and stare. I couldn't handle knowing everybody thought you were a freak." His voice came back to normal, "Stupid bitch."
We spent the next hour bitching about everything that was going wrong and trying to figure out who to blame.
"Well it's not my fault," Edwards finally declared.
"It's not my fault either. Hell I was just following orders."
"Part of it is my wife's fault for being a stupid, selfish bitch."
"And part of it is my girlfriend's fault for the same reason."
"Part of it is Jane Fonda's fault for being a Commie loving slut."
"And for being a lying whore," I added.
Suddenly his eyes lit up. "It's Johnson's fault," he said.
"Yeah," I agreed. "If he hadn't gotten us involved in this mess we wouldn't be here."
"And we'd still have our women and our legs. Yep, it's Johnson's fault."
We laughed and when someone suggested a game of poker we both played.
I still felt resentment over the loss of my leg and I was still angry but I wasn't alone. I met guys there who lost their eyes, their arms, their legs; and they were the lucky the ones. There were guys that were nothing but bandages. They didn't move or talk. They couldn't do anything but breathe. Whenever I started feeling to sorry for myself I would try to remember that it could be worse.
~END FLASHBACK~
"That's about it," I said. "Nothing else really happened while I was there." It was a lie but I didn't want to talk about all the nights I spent talking to Bubba about Shadow or how Edwards cried when he talked about his wife and how guys would cry out in pain from a limb that they didn't have. Some things are best kept between those who have been through them and not shared with anybody. Not even best friends.
ABOARD THE USS MERCY
I absently rubbed the stump of my right leg and stared at the wall as everybody fidgeted and tried to think of something to say. Two-Bit cleared his throat and tried to change the subject. Unfortunately he picked another touchy subject.
"How's Evie doing? I ain't seen her since you got home."
I looked up sharply and he shrank back from my glare.
"What?" he asked
"The bitch dumped me while I was in the hospital," I growled.
Four faces looked at me in shock and surprise.
"Are you serious?" asked Soda.
"No, I'm lying," I said. "Of course I'm serious you dumb ass."
Soda reddened a little and looked at the floor. I felt bad for snapping at him but damn it, if there was anything I wanted to talk about less than my leg just then it was Evie.
"Oh, what the Hell," I muttered and began to talk.
~FLASHBACK~
I was in and out of consciousness for the next several days and when I did finally wake up I wished that I hadn't.
The first thing I remember hearing was a soft voice calling, "Doctor, he's waking up." I felt soft, cool hands lightly touch my forehead and thought of Evie as I struggled against a wave of loneliness.
I struggled to sit up but was pressed back into the bed by the doc. "Take it easy there, Son. How are you feeling?"
"Like shit, Sir."
"I'd be surprised if you felt any differently," he said. "You're one of the lucky ones though. Most of the guys from Khe Sanh that came through here were a lot worse off than you are."
I swallowed hard and asked the question I knew I had to ask, "How's my leg, Sir?"
"I'm sorry, Son, we had to take it."
I closed my eyes and swore softly and colorfully under my breath. I felt the doctor pat my shoulder awkwardly as he said, "At least you're alive, son" and then he walked away.
"Fucking lot of good it does me," I muttered.
As I lay there growing angrier by the minute, I started yelling, 'Fuckin' son of a bitch! Goddamn Johnson and his stupid fuckin' war! Why the fuck are we here? Fuckin' gooks oughta fight their own goddamn war but no, we gotta come to this shit hole and get shot up because they're to goddamn chicken to do it!" I threw my pillow and kept screamin', "Fuckin' incompetent, worthless, piece of shit doctors! What the fuck do they teach you in school?" I threw the bed pan and screamed, "Why me? Why the Hell did this have to happen to me?"
"Shut the fuck up! Look around dumb ass, there's a lot of guys here a whole lot worse off than you."
I looked at the guy in the bed next to me, "The fuckin' doctors cut off my leg, dickhead," I growled.
"Fuckin' land mine blew mine off, asshole. If you'd bother to look around you'd see guys a hell of a lot worse off then you."
"Why don't you shut the fuck up?" I snarled.
"Why don't you fucking grow up?" he asked. "Why me? Why me?" he whined in a high-pitched voice. "Why the fuck not you?"
My pillow landed in my lap and the bedpan was placed on my bedside table with a thump. "What the fuck?" I said as I looked up and saw Bubba at the foot of the bed.
"I really like you, Slick, but you cause another disturbance like that again and I'll kick your ass," he said. "In case you didn't notice this is a hospital not the battlefield," he looked at the guy in the next bed, "that goes for you too, Edwards. You guys are on the same side so either get along or shut up."
"Damn, you're cranky today, Bubba," said Edwards with a laugh.
Bubba grinned. "Damn right I am. You two are disturbing my nice, quite ward. Now play nice." He sat on the edge of my bed. "Want to talk?"
"Not really. I want to know where I am and what happened because I can't remember much."
"What do you remember?" he asked
"Bulldog. He was hit and I was trying to get to him, then there was this burning in my leg and an explosion. I couldn't move. That's all I remember until I woke up here and the Doc was telling me he had to take my leg." I looked into Bubba's eyes; "Did he come through here? Is he OK?"
"Slick, I'll see what I can find out but if you can't give me anything other than "Bulldog" it's not going to be easy." He looked at the floor and then back at me, "Don't get your hopes up to much. It was a goddamn blood bath up there. I'll see what I can find out but most of the guys that came out of there came out in body bags."
I nodded that I understood but I didn't trust my voice. Hell, I knew what it was like. I'd been there.
"I don't know exactly what happened. What I do know is that your right leg was almost torn off by something. Whatever hit you absolutely mangled that leg. Saving it wasn't an option. When they brought you in here you were damn near dead and keeping you alive was our top priority. I can only tell you that you got the best care possible. If you had been sent to a MASH unit you might not have made it at all."
"Where am I?"
"You're aboard the USS Mercy." He got up and shook my hand. "I gotta go. It's real good to see you I'm just sorry it was under these circumstances."
"Me too. Hey Bubba?"
"Yeah?"
"Were you one of the guys that worked on me?"
"No."
"Good. I'll probably be OK then."
He grinned and said, "Smart ass," as he walked away.
I closed my eyes and tried to sleep but visions of Shadow dying in my arms kept me awake.
"Hey."
I turned to look at Edwards, "Yeah?"
"Were you really at Khe Sanh?"
"Yeah."
'Was it as bad as they say?"
"It was worse."
Neither of us spoke, we were both lost in thoughts too horrible and private to share. The silence was interrupted by a good-looking yeoman bringing the mail. I was surprised when a pile of letters landed on my bed. Picking them up I began to sort through them to see who they were from. Silently I read off the names, Pony, Pony, Pony, Soda, Pony, Keith, "Who the Hell is Keith?" I mumbled as I opened the letter.
Hey Steve,
Bet you didn't know who this was from did ya? Not a lot going on around here. Are you still at Khe Sanh? I heard that's the worst place to be right now. Hope everything is OK. Have you met Bob Hope yet? How about some of them USO girls? Don't do anything with them that I wouldn't.
Take Care Buddy Two-Bit
I wish I could remember he has a real name so he couldn't get me like that, I thought as I continued flipping through the letters. Pony, Pony, "I think he writes at least one a day," I chuckled. Darry, Cherry, Evie. I looked at the last two. Cherry the soc? I thought. Wow. I stared with Pony's letters.
Hi Steve,
How is everything going? I hope you are still OK. There have been a few protest rallies downtown and Soda and Two-Bit got in a fight the other day with some guys who were saying we had no business being in Vietnam and that our guys over there were nothing more than baby killers and rapists. I don't know if they changed their minds but I think Two-Bit and Soda at least shut their mouths for a little while.
The soc's pretty much leave us alone now. I still don't walk alone though. Soda and I went out to the cemetery and cleaned up around Dally and Johnny's graves. I still miss them a lot.
Darry is still working to hard and Soda still flirts with every girl that comes through the DX.
Have you heard from Evie? I haven't seen her around lately. Does your dad ever write? I talked to him the other day when I ran into him. He really is proud of you, Steve. Maybe someday he'll be able to tell you that himself. I hope I'm not the only one who writes to you. I can't even begin to imagine how lonely it must be for you. I'm trying to write everyday so that you will have at least one letter most of the time.
I guess that's all for now.
Stay Safe Ponyboy Curtis
He's a sweet kid, I thought as I read the rest of his letters. Soda and Darry's were about the same as Pony's just little bits of news from home. Saving Evie's letter for last, I opened Cherry's next.
Dear Steve,
I'm sure you were surprised to get a letter from me but when Pony told me you were in Vietnam I had to write. I just wanted you to know that even though I do not agree with this war I support all of you who are over there. I don't know if anyone has told you but it's getting ugly back here in the states and even in Tulsa. Soldiers are being spit on and cursed at when they get home. The things that are being said and done are reprehensible. I just wanted to let you know so that you wouldn't be surprised when you came home.
I know we aren't exactly friends but I can't stand the thought of someone I know being over there in danger. Stay safe and write back if you want.
Cherry Valance
That's pretty tuff, I thought as I put her letter back in the envelope. I held Evie's letter for several minutes before I opened it.
Steve,
This is a very difficult letter to write but I know I have to do it. When you get home, please do not try to see me. As much as I love you, there is no way that I can stay with a man who would kill innocent women and children. I saw Jane Fonda on TV and she says that the American POW's are being treated fairly and that they should be ashamed for killing babies and I really think she's right; I believe that she is telling the public the real truth. The thought of you being part of that is more than I can stand. Good bye, Steve. I really did love you.
Evie
"Fucking bitch."
"Problem there, Shipmate?"
I turned and looked at Edwards. "My girl just dumped me. She called me a baby killer and said she never wanted to see me again." I turned my head away because I knew I was going to start crying and I didn't want anyone to see me.
"Man, that sucks," he said. "Hey, cry if you want. You don't have to be tough in here just don't be weak."
I looked at him.
"It's not weak to cry," Edwards explained. "It's weak to piss and moan about something you have no control over."
As the tears rolled down my cheeks I said, "You know what sucks? I have killed kids, babies, and women. She's right."
"She's wrong. You were following orders. This is a war not a picnic. How many kids have killed soldiers? How many women would just as soon kill you as look at you?"
"But"
"But nothing. I got the same damn letter from my wife only she sent it after she knew about my legs." He raised is voice to a high pitched, girlie voice and said, "I just couldn't stay married to a cripple. Everyone would look at us and stare. I couldn't handle knowing everybody thought you were a freak." His voice came back to normal, "Stupid bitch."
We spent the next hour bitching about everything that was going wrong and trying to figure out who to blame.
"Well it's not my fault," Edwards finally declared.
"It's not my fault either. Hell I was just following orders."
"Part of it is my wife's fault for being a stupid, selfish bitch."
"And part of it is my girlfriend's fault for the same reason."
"Part of it is Jane Fonda's fault for being a Commie loving slut."
"And for being a lying whore," I added.
Suddenly his eyes lit up. "It's Johnson's fault," he said.
"Yeah," I agreed. "If he hadn't gotten us involved in this mess we wouldn't be here."
"And we'd still have our women and our legs. Yep, it's Johnson's fault."
We laughed and when someone suggested a game of poker we both played.
I still felt resentment over the loss of my leg and I was still angry but I wasn't alone. I met guys there who lost their eyes, their arms, their legs; and they were the lucky the ones. There were guys that were nothing but bandages. They didn't move or talk. They couldn't do anything but breathe. Whenever I started feeling to sorry for myself I would try to remember that it could be worse.
~END FLASHBACK~
"That's about it," I said. "Nothing else really happened while I was there." It was a lie but I didn't want to talk about all the nights I spent talking to Bubba about Shadow or how Edwards cried when he talked about his wife and how guys would cry out in pain from a limb that they didn't have. Some things are best kept between those who have been through them and not shared with anybody. Not even best friends.