HOME
"So, obviously they got you off your ass and using crutches," said Two-Bit with a grin.
"Yeah, then they sent me home. Just handed me a set of dress blues and said you're going home. So, here I am."
"What happened at the airport, Steve" Soda asked. "I was there to pick you up and I know something was going on but you never would tell me what."
~FLASHBACK~
The flight home was uneventful except that I kept thinking about all the guys that weren't ever coming home. I felt a lot of guilt about being alive and coming home but I was glad to be going home too.
When the plane landed I waited for everyone to leave first and then swung myself up the aisle and headed into the airport. As I made my way down to get my sea bag I was aware of people staring at me. I felt really uncomfortable but tried not to think to much of it. I figured I was a one legged man in a dress blue uniform so I didn't exactly blend into the crowd.
Before to long I heard people talking. "Baby killer," they said. "Murderer." I tried to ignore them and keep walking but I fell to the ground when someone knocked my crutches away. People laughed as I lay there trying to get back on my feet. Someone spit on me and someone cursed. I could feel the rage boiling up and struggled to my feet, glaring at the people around me
"Get away from me," I said.
A few people backed away but two guys moved in closer. "You fucking baby killer, you gonna make us?" I stood my ground but they came closer.
"What are you going to do about it, Freak?"
"Is there a problem?" I have never in my life been so glad to see a cop.
The crowd suddenly disappeared as everyone remembered pressing business elsewhere. "You OK, Son?" the cop asked.
"Yes, Sir," I replied even though I was shaking with rage.
"Look, I know you're pissed off and you have every right to be, but don't let them get to you."
I just looked at him. "Hey, Steve!" I turned.
"Soda!" I yelled, trying to keep my balance as he threw his arms around my neck.
"Damn it's good to see you," he said. Looking at the cop he said, "Everything ok?"
"Yeah," I said. Turning to the cop I said, "Thank you."
"No. Thank you," he said and then he turned and faded into the crowd.
"Are you ready?" Soda asked.
"No, I gotta go get my sea bag." We headed down to baggage claim to pick it up.
"What was going on back there?"
"Nothing."
"Steve?"
"I said nothing Soda! Just drop it!"
We walked to the truck in silence and headed for home.
When we got to the Curtis house everyone was there waiting for me. Everyone except Evie. A part of me had hoped that she would be there and tell me that she had been wrong. That she knew I was just following orders and that, no matter what, she still loved me. I should have known better.
I sat on the sofa and drank a beer while listening to everyone around me talk. I closed my eyes and tried to relax. When I felt someone sit next to me I jumped and my eyes flew open.
"Steve?"
"Sorry, you scared me," I explained as I saw the concerned look on Cherry Valance's face.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to."
"I know. I'm kind of jumpy still."
"I just wanted to tell you that I think what Evie did to you sucks and if you ever want to talk, well, I'm a pretty good listener."
I am not proud of what I said next. "Get the fuck away from me. I don't need or want your pity."
"It's not pity Steve Randle! If you can't tell an offer of friendship then you lost more than your leg over there!" Her voice was shaking and there were tears in her eyes but she was furious. Her hair flew behind her as she stormed out of the room.
"What did you say to her?" demanded Pony.
"Butt out Ponyboy."
"No. She's a nice person and you treated her like shit. That's not cool, Steve."
"Get off my case!" I yelled.
Darry was suddenly there with an arm around Pony's shoulder. "Go see if Cherry needs anything," he said.
Pony glared at Darry for a minute and then turned and left the room.
"Everything ok?"
"I wish that everyone would quit asking me that," I snapped. "Just leave me alone," I added as I closed my eyes and tried to calm down. When I opened them again, he was gone.
Over the next several days I snapped at everyone over every little thing. People started avoiding me except for the gang and, surprisingly enough, Cherry.
She came over everyday and talked to me. I usually ignored her but she kept talking anyway. She talked about everything and nothing. The only thing she avoided talking about was my experiences in Vietnam. She would talk about the hairstyles that were popular, the dress she saw that she just had to have, the new shade of lipstick she had just bought. She'd debate whether coke tasted better than pepsi, if dogs were smarter than humans, or if chocolate really made your face break out. The thing that finally made me talk to her was when she wondered if it was ok for men to wear pink.
"Are you crazy?" I asked her.
"No, I'm not crazy I'm clever. I finally got you to talk."
I laughed. "So you did."
After that we began talking and I almost considered her a friend. I just couldn't let her get close. After being burned by Evie, I just didn't trust women. Quite honestly, after the treatment I got when I came home, I didn't really trust anybody.
~END FLASHBACK~
"Then you guys made me start talking about my experiences over there and here we are."
"Damn, I wish I' known what was going on at the airport. I would have kicked some ass," said Soda.
"It's not worth fighting about."
"Yes it is." I turned and saw Cherry standing in the doorway. "You went through Hell. You deserve to be treated with respect."
Maybe it was all the talking about Vietnam, maybe it was being surrounded my friends who knew what I had done and didn't turn away, maybe it was a beautiful woman smiling at me and telling me I deserved respect, or maybe it was nothing more than a desire to get out of the house that made me say, "Let's head over to the Dingo and get a burger or something."
Nobody even batted an eye. We headed for the truck and I looked at Cherry. "Mind if I go with you?"
"Get in," she said as the guys whistled and made catcalls.
I slid into the front seat and Cherry threw my crutches in the back before she slid behind the wheel.
I looked at her and said, "I don't know how this is going to work out but I like you. I want to spend more time with you. I can't promise anything more than I will never intentionally hurt you."
"I know," she said softly.
I kissed her softly and said, "we'd better go before they come back looking for us."
She started the car and as we drove off I felt, for the first time in a long time, that I might be OK.
EPILAUGE
1993 Washington DC
Slowly, oh so slowly, I walk to the great wall ahead of me. The Vietnam Memorial has haunted me for years and I finally had to come. No one notices me as I approach the wall, my prosthetic keeps people from staring and I am grateful the doctors were able to save my knee so that I can walk fairly normal.
I notice the flags and letters that have been left at the base of the wall and slowly make my way to the section bearing the names of all those who died at Khe Sanh. My eyes fill with tears as I read the names that haunt me still: SW1 Benjamin Patterson, BU3 Daniel Johnson, EO2 Jonathan Taylor, CMCR James Robinson. My tears flowed freely down my face as I said their nicknames: Road kill, Wrong Way, Wild Bill, and Shadow.
As my knees buckle from the pain and guilt I lean against the wall, sobbing, as I am overcome with guilt for being alive. One by one the faces of my fallen friends appear in the memorial. They are reaching out to me, trying to offer comfort. I can hear them speaking as clearly as if they are standing beside me.
"It's ok that you lived, Slick. Don't feel guilty." I could see Wild Bill's reckless grin as he spoke.
"I'd do it again is a heartbeat, Slick. I only regret that I had but one life to give." The pride echoed in Wrong Way's voice.
"Don't forget us, Slick. Don't forget any of us." Road Kill's final words echoed from the past.
"You have your life to live Steve. Live it. Don't feel guilty; don't stay in the past. Remember us without the guilt."
"You're right, Shadow, " I whispered. "I love you guys and as long as I live you will not be forgotten." I turned from the wall and with a lighter heart walked over to where my wife waited.
"Are you OK?" Cherry asked.
Giving her hand a squeeze I said, "I feel better than I have in years."
As we walked away I knew that the Hell of Vietnam would always be a part of me but it would no longer control me. Once again the men of NMCB 10 kept me from cracking up from the horrors of Khe Sanh.
"So, obviously they got you off your ass and using crutches," said Two-Bit with a grin.
"Yeah, then they sent me home. Just handed me a set of dress blues and said you're going home. So, here I am."
"What happened at the airport, Steve" Soda asked. "I was there to pick you up and I know something was going on but you never would tell me what."
~FLASHBACK~
The flight home was uneventful except that I kept thinking about all the guys that weren't ever coming home. I felt a lot of guilt about being alive and coming home but I was glad to be going home too.
When the plane landed I waited for everyone to leave first and then swung myself up the aisle and headed into the airport. As I made my way down to get my sea bag I was aware of people staring at me. I felt really uncomfortable but tried not to think to much of it. I figured I was a one legged man in a dress blue uniform so I didn't exactly blend into the crowd.
Before to long I heard people talking. "Baby killer," they said. "Murderer." I tried to ignore them and keep walking but I fell to the ground when someone knocked my crutches away. People laughed as I lay there trying to get back on my feet. Someone spit on me and someone cursed. I could feel the rage boiling up and struggled to my feet, glaring at the people around me
"Get away from me," I said.
A few people backed away but two guys moved in closer. "You fucking baby killer, you gonna make us?" I stood my ground but they came closer.
"What are you going to do about it, Freak?"
"Is there a problem?" I have never in my life been so glad to see a cop.
The crowd suddenly disappeared as everyone remembered pressing business elsewhere. "You OK, Son?" the cop asked.
"Yes, Sir," I replied even though I was shaking with rage.
"Look, I know you're pissed off and you have every right to be, but don't let them get to you."
I just looked at him. "Hey, Steve!" I turned.
"Soda!" I yelled, trying to keep my balance as he threw his arms around my neck.
"Damn it's good to see you," he said. Looking at the cop he said, "Everything ok?"
"Yeah," I said. Turning to the cop I said, "Thank you."
"No. Thank you," he said and then he turned and faded into the crowd.
"Are you ready?" Soda asked.
"No, I gotta go get my sea bag." We headed down to baggage claim to pick it up.
"What was going on back there?"
"Nothing."
"Steve?"
"I said nothing Soda! Just drop it!"
We walked to the truck in silence and headed for home.
When we got to the Curtis house everyone was there waiting for me. Everyone except Evie. A part of me had hoped that she would be there and tell me that she had been wrong. That she knew I was just following orders and that, no matter what, she still loved me. I should have known better.
I sat on the sofa and drank a beer while listening to everyone around me talk. I closed my eyes and tried to relax. When I felt someone sit next to me I jumped and my eyes flew open.
"Steve?"
"Sorry, you scared me," I explained as I saw the concerned look on Cherry Valance's face.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to."
"I know. I'm kind of jumpy still."
"I just wanted to tell you that I think what Evie did to you sucks and if you ever want to talk, well, I'm a pretty good listener."
I am not proud of what I said next. "Get the fuck away from me. I don't need or want your pity."
"It's not pity Steve Randle! If you can't tell an offer of friendship then you lost more than your leg over there!" Her voice was shaking and there were tears in her eyes but she was furious. Her hair flew behind her as she stormed out of the room.
"What did you say to her?" demanded Pony.
"Butt out Ponyboy."
"No. She's a nice person and you treated her like shit. That's not cool, Steve."
"Get off my case!" I yelled.
Darry was suddenly there with an arm around Pony's shoulder. "Go see if Cherry needs anything," he said.
Pony glared at Darry for a minute and then turned and left the room.
"Everything ok?"
"I wish that everyone would quit asking me that," I snapped. "Just leave me alone," I added as I closed my eyes and tried to calm down. When I opened them again, he was gone.
Over the next several days I snapped at everyone over every little thing. People started avoiding me except for the gang and, surprisingly enough, Cherry.
She came over everyday and talked to me. I usually ignored her but she kept talking anyway. She talked about everything and nothing. The only thing she avoided talking about was my experiences in Vietnam. She would talk about the hairstyles that were popular, the dress she saw that she just had to have, the new shade of lipstick she had just bought. She'd debate whether coke tasted better than pepsi, if dogs were smarter than humans, or if chocolate really made your face break out. The thing that finally made me talk to her was when she wondered if it was ok for men to wear pink.
"Are you crazy?" I asked her.
"No, I'm not crazy I'm clever. I finally got you to talk."
I laughed. "So you did."
After that we began talking and I almost considered her a friend. I just couldn't let her get close. After being burned by Evie, I just didn't trust women. Quite honestly, after the treatment I got when I came home, I didn't really trust anybody.
~END FLASHBACK~
"Then you guys made me start talking about my experiences over there and here we are."
"Damn, I wish I' known what was going on at the airport. I would have kicked some ass," said Soda.
"It's not worth fighting about."
"Yes it is." I turned and saw Cherry standing in the doorway. "You went through Hell. You deserve to be treated with respect."
Maybe it was all the talking about Vietnam, maybe it was being surrounded my friends who knew what I had done and didn't turn away, maybe it was a beautiful woman smiling at me and telling me I deserved respect, or maybe it was nothing more than a desire to get out of the house that made me say, "Let's head over to the Dingo and get a burger or something."
Nobody even batted an eye. We headed for the truck and I looked at Cherry. "Mind if I go with you?"
"Get in," she said as the guys whistled and made catcalls.
I slid into the front seat and Cherry threw my crutches in the back before she slid behind the wheel.
I looked at her and said, "I don't know how this is going to work out but I like you. I want to spend more time with you. I can't promise anything more than I will never intentionally hurt you."
"I know," she said softly.
I kissed her softly and said, "we'd better go before they come back looking for us."
She started the car and as we drove off I felt, for the first time in a long time, that I might be OK.
EPILAUGE
1993 Washington DC
Slowly, oh so slowly, I walk to the great wall ahead of me. The Vietnam Memorial has haunted me for years and I finally had to come. No one notices me as I approach the wall, my prosthetic keeps people from staring and I am grateful the doctors were able to save my knee so that I can walk fairly normal.
I notice the flags and letters that have been left at the base of the wall and slowly make my way to the section bearing the names of all those who died at Khe Sanh. My eyes fill with tears as I read the names that haunt me still: SW1 Benjamin Patterson, BU3 Daniel Johnson, EO2 Jonathan Taylor, CMCR James Robinson. My tears flowed freely down my face as I said their nicknames: Road kill, Wrong Way, Wild Bill, and Shadow.
As my knees buckle from the pain and guilt I lean against the wall, sobbing, as I am overcome with guilt for being alive. One by one the faces of my fallen friends appear in the memorial. They are reaching out to me, trying to offer comfort. I can hear them speaking as clearly as if they are standing beside me.
"It's ok that you lived, Slick. Don't feel guilty." I could see Wild Bill's reckless grin as he spoke.
"I'd do it again is a heartbeat, Slick. I only regret that I had but one life to give." The pride echoed in Wrong Way's voice.
"Don't forget us, Slick. Don't forget any of us." Road Kill's final words echoed from the past.
"You have your life to live Steve. Live it. Don't feel guilty; don't stay in the past. Remember us without the guilt."
"You're right, Shadow, " I whispered. "I love you guys and as long as I live you will not be forgotten." I turned from the wall and with a lighter heart walked over to where my wife waited.
"Are you OK?" Cherry asked.
Giving her hand a squeeze I said, "I feel better than I have in years."
As we walked away I knew that the Hell of Vietnam would always be a part of me but it would no longer control me. Once again the men of NMCB 10 kept me from cracking up from the horrors of Khe Sanh.