Autumn Rain

A Gravitation Fanfic
By: StarSweeper
Email: Starsweeper1221@yahoo.com
Pairing: Not really sure yet...guess that is the mystery. But I can assure there will be a little more angst and lots of romance.

Notes: The words that are Italics are Shuichi's flash backs into the past.

Part 2
I'm walking away… from the troubles in my life
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Shuichi moved silently about the apartment. Yuki wasn't home yet, he was meeting with his publisher to talk about his new novel, so Shuichi thought it would be as good a time as any to start packing his belongings. He was ready to move out and hopefully move on with his life. It would be better for him if Yuki weren't home while he was getting ready to leave.

During his packing Shuichi kept trying to convince himself that this was good, because he wouldn't have to explain his actions to the stoic writer. Yuki would probably just comment that he was being stupid and would probably return within a few days. But Shuichi refused to come crawling back to Yuki, like he had done so many times before.

Sighing Shuichi slowly dragged his feet lifelessly to the door that resided past Yuki's writing office, the bedroom. Yuki's bedroom. He had to gather a couple of the remaining shirts he had left in the room. A while ago Yuki had given him some drawer space of his own to keep his belongings in. Shuichi had thought Yuki, at the time, was finally starting to thaw a little. That maybe he was finally ready to make some room for him, not only in his apartment but in his heart as well. Looking at the two drawers he claimed as his own Shuichi began to realize that he was sadly mistaken. With his hopeful longing he had closed his eyes to reality and let his wishful fantasies take control.

There was a reason he still called it Yuki's room and not Yuki and his room. It had to do with the fact that there would never be a Yuki and His room. Yuki was a solitary person…and Shuichi didn't think that would ever change. No matter how hard he tried to be part of Yuki's life, there was always a part that Yuki kept separate from him. As Shuichi thought more about it he started to realize that the part Yuki kept from him was a majority of what his life consisted of. He kept Shuichi out of his work, his family, his bedroom (most of the time), and his heart.

Sighing again Shuichi picked up his favorite shirt out of the bunch. It was one Yuki had given him on his most recent birthday. Yuki had taken him to a store he rarely went to, mainly because many of the items were pretty pricey. Shuichi had a grunge look that he had perfected most of his teenage life. Though most of his clothes were vintage, he did include the occasional leather article when the time called for it. But his clothes where what many called average, the stuff he wore before he started his own band. Being the lead singer of the popular band Bad Luck he was technically considered part of the 'rich and famous' elite group, only the rich part hadn't taken affect yet.

Shuichi remembered that day, his birthday, in crystal clarity. Yuki had acted his normal jerky self, pretending there was nothing special about the day and leading Shuichi to believe he had forgotten his birthday entirely.

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He had been so upset that Yuki had completely forgotten and had kept to himself most of the day, even refusing to go into work or see his best friend Hiro. Hiro and him usually had a birthday tradition of hanging out, but that day Shuichi just hadn't felt up to going out. He just wanted to be miserable alone. He was miserable because the one person who meant the most to him had forgotten about him…again.

That day Yuki had proclaimed that he needed to go out to the mall and had asked if Shuichi wanted to accompany him. Shuichi had never been so shocked in his life. Yuki actually wanted to spend time with him…in a public place…with lots of people around. He had reluctantly agreed to go with Yuki, even though all he wanted to do was sulk, there was no way he was going to pass up the chance to be with his Yuki.

Spending time with Yuki and going out in the same sentence was a rarity, and Shuichi was able to understand that this would be one of the few times it would ever happen. Yuki though, being Yuki, had written off taking Shuichi shopping with him as part of his charitable duty for the year. That and the fact that he was getting particularly tired of the baggy green cargo shorts and bright colored tee shirts.

**********************************

Shuichi's eyes watered as he brought the shirt to his face and inhaled Yuki's cologne. The only time he had worn the shirt was the day he had been trying it on.

**********************************

Once they had walked through the mall's doors Shuichi had visibly brightened. If there was one thing he loved to do, other then be with Yuki and singing, it was shopping. Especially when it came to buying new music CD's…he was kind of hoping that Nittle Grasper had come out with a new CD. He had heard Ryuichi talking about one, but had kept yelling that it was a secret with swinging Kumagorou around.

Right away Shuichi had started to walk off in the direction of the music shop, but felt Yuki's hand on the back of his shirt collar pulling him to a stop. Actually more like choking him to a stop since Shuichi had been in a hurry to reach the store.

"Yukkkkiiiii…why did you do that? I was hoping to check and see if Nittle Grasper's new CD was out yet," Shuichi whined while trying to wiggle out of Yuki's strangle hold.

Yuki mentally rolled his eyes and hardened his glare toward the pink haired singer.

"I need to go to a particular store and I need to keep an eye on you," was his only explanation. Shuichi was a little taken aback with the way Yuki was talking to him. Almost as if Shuichi was this little kid that Yuki was responsible for. Well it was time that he show Yuki that he could be a responsible adult.

He had instantly stopped struggling, "Yuki you can let go of me now," Shuichi quietly stated.

After standing up and brushing himself off Shuichi kept his head down while saying, "and you don't need to 'keep an eye on me.' I don't need a babysitter. If you think I can't handle myself then you shouldn't have asked me to come."

"Stop sulking brat, we're here for your birthday," was all Yuki said as he walked off in the opposite direction from Shuichi.

Shuichi instantly stopped what he was doing. Had he heard Yuki right? Had he just said that he was going to buy him something for his…birthday?

"Yuki! Wait up for me I'm coming," Shuichi yelled breathlessly as he jogged to catch up with Yuki, who was quickly striding away from where he had left Shuichi standing.

Yuki's only replay was to glance down at Shuichi's jogging form before he continued with his objective; setting a fast pace to the destination only he knew of.

"Yukkkiii…why won't you wait for me? Your so mean to meee," could be heard off in the distance as they continued to speed through the mall.

After a few minutes Yuki had turned into a store that Shuichi had never been in before, "Fashion Elitist" was proudly displayed at the opening. Shrugging and following Yuki inside he just figured that Yuki wanted to purchase a few more shirts or slacks to add to his immaculate clothes collection.

It had surprised him immensely when Yuki had picked out a soft silk shirt for him, encouraging him to try it on with a little pat on his butt in the direction of the changing rooms. Shuichi had blushed at the public display of affection that Yuki hardly ever demonstrated. Yet it had been subtle enough that no one else noticed.

Entering the changing stall, taking his old shirt off and pulling the new shirt over his head Shuichi had taken an instant liking to it. It fit him just right, the strait lines making him slender and not his usual lanky self. It also had filled out a little in his shoulders and the color perfectly brightened his eyes and brought out his unique hair color. Walking out of the changing room he went straight to Yuki for his opinion. After all if Yuki didn't like it on him what was the use of wearing it?

He found Yuki conversing with a young woman sales clerk about his latest novel. Though Yuki looked like he was grimacing through the whole conversation he kept a light smile on his lips and every now and then would reach his hand out to touch the young sales clerk.

If Shuichi hadn't known better, being Yuki's lover and all, he would have thought Yuki was flirting with her. But Shuichi only shook his head, and stuffed that green-eyed demon of jealousy back to where it had come from. He knew Yuki well enough to know that if Yuki didn't have some kind attachment to him, he wouldn't still be living with him. At least that is what he thought.

Though there were times he doubted that Yuki even cared, there were times when all of Shuichi's doubts were erased. It would be times when Yuki would give him a look that sent shivers down his sides, his small displays of affection that were a rarity, or when he would whisper words to him after they were snuggled close on Yuki's bed that would turn Shuichi into a puddle of mush. Sadly that didn't happened too often.

Walking up slightly behind Yuki and softly tugging on his sleeve he asked Yuki if it looked all right on him. Yuki had turned and given him one of his usual stony looks as his eyes scrutinized Shuichi's form. At first Shuichi didn't think he liked it and had looked down at himself wondering if he had been wrong with his first judgment. Maybe it did make him lanky and the color was probably all wrong for him.

Sighing with self doubt Shuichi began to play with the bottom button of the shirt, and mumbling a 'guess not' turned around to walk back to the fitting room. As he was shutting the door a slender hand intercepted before he could close it all the way. Pushing the door open a little Yuki slid in, his expression unreadable. Shrugging Shuichi started to unbutton the top buttons thinking Yuki just wanted to take the shirt back and get him a different one.

He turned his back to Yuki, feeling a little shy undressing in front of him in such a public place. It surprised him when Yuki's hands slid around his waist and latched together in front of his midriff. Shocked, wide purple eyes clashed with the reflection of warm amber ones in the mirror. Gulping Shuichi had done the only he could do…stand shocked still and delight in the embrace that Yuki was giving him because they were far and few between.

"Yuki…" Shuichi started nervously.

"Shhh…don't say anything," Yuki whispered softly while trailing one of his hands up under the shirt at Shuichi's stomach and trailing his fingers to his chest. "I think this is a good color and nice fit for someone like you."

Shuichi was a little confused but had whispered a thank you in response not quite understanding what was meant by 'for someone like you' but letting it go for now. He felt Yuki slide his hand out from under his shirt and slide a finger under his chin and tilt his head back and to the side. It was then he covered Shuichi's lips with his own.

Shuichi had always loved kisses from Yuki, and he could understand why. When they kissed Shuichi always felt like Yuki was trying to posses him. Like when Yuki was currently pressing his soft, masculine lips against his own in an act of fierce domination.

As Yuki depended the kiss he breathed in Shuichi's soft moan of pleasure. The kiss lasted for so long Shuichi thought he was getting a little light head from lack of air. When he was about to break the kiss, Yuki breathed back into his mouth, supplying his warm spicy breath as the substitute he needed for oxygen. Though Shuichi still needed to break the kiss it was for a different reason now. He knew pretty soon he wouldn't be able to continue to kiss Yuki without reacting physically to his presence.

When Shuichi opened his eyes, wondering at the same time when he had closed them he had looked up at Yuki with wonder in his eyes. Yuki had one of those soft tender looks on his face again. The ones Shuichi rarely saw. They were the ones where he didn't keep anything hidden behind is wall of protection. Shuichi could read everything he was feeling on his face and could feel and see the tenderness Yuki was radiating toward him. Reaching up, Yuki tucked an errant strand of hair behind Shuichi's left ear and kissed the tip of his nose.

"I'll buy that shirt for you Shuichi and you'll have to wear it for a special occasion," after the declaration Yuki finished unbuttoning the shirt and kissing Shuichi once more on the lips left him alone in the changing room. Raising his hand to his lips Shuichi smiled as he vowed he would remember this day as the best birthday present ever.

**********************************

Shuichi refused to raise his face from the shirt clutched tightly in his hands. He knew that when he lifted his eyes he would see the world as it truly was. It was dark, cold, and lonely…not at all what he imagined it would be like, especially when he was with Yuki. Tears pooled in his eyes for the thousandth time that day. He didn't want to leave Yuki. He just didn't see any other way to really prove to himself that this relationship wasn't one-sided.

He knew he needed Yuki. Need Yuki like he needed air to breath. So maybe him moving out wasn't such a bad idea. It would distance him from Yuki and he would finally be able to start recognizing who he was, without Yuki.

With renewed determination Shuichi quickly gathered the remaining shirts and walked back out to the main living room where the rest of his bags were waiting. Stuffing the shirts carelessly into the biggest duffle he had he zipped it up and turned around to look over the apartment once more. He didn't want to forget anything and then have to come back. Coming back meant facing Yuki, and he defiantly wasn't ready for that.

Deciding that he had everything he needed, he slung the bags over his slim shoulders and grabbing a third bag of his in his hand as he made his way towards the door. He had called Hiro earlier in the day and his friend had helped him pack and move his bigger belongings in boxes to his new apartment. The bags were the only things he wanted to spend time packing alone. It was his chance to savor his last moments in Yuki's life.

Reaching the door, he silently turned to bid his temporary home a fond farewell. He didn't know if he would ever return, but he did know that this place would be forever engrained in his memories. This place held some of the happiest and worst times of his life. Breathing in deeply Shuichi wanted to remember everything about the apartment, so he would never forget. It smelled of Yuki's cologne and cigarette smoke, but surprisingly the two scents went well together. Shuichi had gotten used to them over the years and couldn't seem to imagine one without the other.

"I'll miss you Yuki," echoed in the silent and empty room. Shuichi felt a moment of indecision, and almost put his stuff back on the couch when the thought of never seeing or being with Yuki again crossed his mind. He didn't know if he was strong enough to do this. Strong enough to actually leave the one person he truly loved. Maybe he should reconsider…or at least spend more time before he made the decision to move out. Maybe…


Shuichi only shook his head to his silent debate. No, there would be no more maybes. There would only be decisions and actions. And now was the time, since he had already decided to stop loving Yuki, the next plausible step was to leave. He needed to be on his own, and be his own person again.

Determination renewed, Shuichi turned back to the door and place a shaky hand on the handle. Taking a breath he tightened his grip in preparation for opening the door. He was going to start a new life, a hopefully happier one. He would find someone who he would love and would show that love in return. He was getting tired of having to always read into Yuki's messages of cruel "loving" insults. He thought Yuki would have grown out of it, after all the time they hand spent together. Now it was Shuichi's turn to be the one shutting Yuki out of his life.

Turning the door handle Shuichi was surprised that at the same moment he was trying to turn it, the dang thing didn't budge. Shuichi tried again and received the same result. Why wasn't it working, all of a sudden Shuichi started to panic. Did the apartment not want him to leave…was it trying to tell him something by locking him in?

It was in his panicked state that Shuichi noticed he had locked the door earlier, so Yuki's entrance wouldn't have been a surprised, if the writer had come home early. Shuichi would have been able to hear the key in the lock. Smiling at his own stupidity Shuichi turned the lock, and only let out a small humorless laugh. Guess it wasn't the house that didn't want him to leave, but himself who didn't really want to leave.

Pulling the door open, he was shocked to find someone standing in the doorframe. The top of Shuichi's head came to about the shoulders of the person, and the young boy had to look up to see the face of the person blocking his escape.

Silently he repeated a mantra in his head as his eyes slid up the person's body, 'please don't let this be him, please don't let this be him, please anybody but him.'

Trailing his eyes up the chest of the person in front of him he stared into the golden eyes he so lovingly adored. They were fixed on him and held a look of utter confusion. That confusion was quickly replaced, though, with a look of disbelief and anger.

'Why me,' was the only thing Shuichi could think.

"Where do you think your going," came a voice so cold it sent shivers down Shuichi's back.

"Yuki…I wasn't expecting you home so soon," was the only thing Shuichi could think to say.

Yuki let his eyes trail over Shuichi's bags that he had slung over his shoulders. His cold eyes assessed the young mans situation and obvious intent. He continued to callously glare at Shuichi as the boy fidgeted under his scrutiny.

"Obviously not." Silently Yuki slid into the apartment, closing the door with an ominous click behind him.

To be continued…