Disclaimers: Don't own any part of Gundam Wing nor it's characters. Merely borrowing them for a little torture.

Warnings: Shounen-ai (because I suck at yaoi) , major A.U, some OOC I think, probably future mpreg

Fates and Choices

Part 4 : Of Healings and Confessions

Pain.

The first sensation was agony.

Where was he? He felt so hot.

"Duo," a soft called out to him. Worried, concerned, angry?

He moaned softly, his back arching with pain.

"You have to stay awake," the fear in the voice was palpable. "Please, for me. Stay with me."

Heero, he thought blearily.

"Y' hate me," Duo muttered softly. "Didn't want me."

He was gathered into strong arms. "I lied."

And he knew no more.

Heero knew the moment Duo lost consciousness and intense fear gripped his heart. This was not happening. His mate, whom he had spent the last month observing was not dying.

"Where the hell is Quatre?" He yelled at Wufei, who was nursing a bleeding cut from the weapon of a werebeast.

"He's been exhausted, the other Healers are coming, Heero."

No, he didn't have time, Duo didn't have time. Idiot, his mate was an idiot. Why didn't Duo just kill the stupid thing instead of taking that damned spear meant for Heero? Why didn't he just kill? No matter how many battles they engaged themselves in, he noticed that Duo never attacked, never took a life but was willing to give up his own to save another. Freaking idiot. And now, this idiot might be leaving him forever.

"No," Heero threw his head back with a wail. "I have still so many things to tell you, to share with you. You can't leave me just yet, love. Yes, you braided idiot. You wormed you stupid way into my heart without even trying. What magic do you have? How could you do this to me?" He whispered the words softly into the prone Shifter's ear, his hand on Duo's chest. The faltering heartbeat beneath the leader's hand steadied, though still faint.

If Heero was unsure before, he was certain now. It was love. Pure and unadulterated. He loved Duo Maxwell and he hoped to the Ancient he would be able to tell him that.

Heero felt a momentary triumph at the steadied heartbeat, his mate reacted to him. He was still there. At a loss of what else to do, Heero talked.

"I want to hold you in my damned arms since the first day you stood outside the village territory, appearing for the world as if you just came by a walk in the park. Do you know how you charmed all my tribe? Your stupid smile and you easy joking, they all love you. Even me. And Wufei, he actually laughs now," Heero rambled, desperate to keep the injured Shifter anchored to the physical plain.

You don't hate me? A telepathic whisper came weaving through Heero's mind. It was a signature he recognised, it was Duo.

Never, you enchanted me. But you made me want things, made me weak. I can't be weak Heero threw his entire soul at the communication. He never knew Duo could communicate telepathically, or if they could when they were not properly mated. But Duo was strong. Not even Quatre was able to achieve this level of telepathic communicationwhile being this weak.

Not…weak. Never…

I think I love you, Duo. I have never loved before and I don't know what to do about it Heero confessed, feeling the other man growing weaker, his blood pooling around the two of them. So much blood.

Me… too. Scared…

We'll learn together

No… time… sorry…

"Damn it, you are not dying on me. Do. You. Understand?" Heero yelled telepathically and as well as out loud, startling Wufei, who continued to hover close by. "Get anyone, any Healer. Please, Wufei," Heero begged, tears slipping out of his dark blue eyes. "He's saying goodbye. I don't want him to say goodbye."

"How…" Wufei decided that this was not the time for questions and ran off to drag a Healer over to his leader's mate if need be.

XXxxXX

The first thing Duo felt was thirst. Oddly there was no pain, not even a twitch, but he felt so tired, so weak, as if he had carried out an extensive healing all by himself.

"Drink this," a familiar voice ordered and a cup was pressed to his lips.

He dutifully drank, and was pleased as the ice cold water took away some of the dry scratchiness of his throat. Deciding it was high time his eye obeyed his brain, he force his eyes open and saw a very tired, very worried Heero and a room he recognised as seeing only once before. The day he came. Shit, he was in Heero's dwelling. He lurched to a sitting position, only to have the entire room swam around him.

Heero's arms came around him, supporting him until the dizziness passed.

"You need to rest. The Healers didn't do a complete job. They were too tired," Heero warned, lowering the braided man back onto the bed.

"How long?" Duo asked weakly.

"About a week," Heero replied, his voice anguished. "You lost so much blood. Why?"

Duo slowly reoriented himself with the loss of time as the memories of the battle came back to him. The werebeast attacking Heero, no one else left to protect him. Couldn't kill, what could he do? "I had a spear through my chest that's why."

Heero looked as if he had swallowed his tongue. "I meant, why did you step in front of me." He seemed in no mood for jokes.

The other Shifter sighed. "I…" Duo really didn't have a ready answer for that. No ready flippant answer, that is. He couldn't just come out and said he would gladly exchange his life for Heero's to see him safe from harm now, could he?

A stray memory, somewhat dreamlike, floated towards him. Heero saying something, asking him to hold on. Was it real? Or just something his mind made up because his heart wishes desperately for it to be true?

"You didn't need to take that wound for me. You could have killed it. They were on a rampage," Heero sounded almost angry.

Duo looked away ashamed. "You wouldn't understand."

"Then explain it to me, damn it," Heero growled, incensed. "I will not have an incompetent man on my team when the need to kill arises. You could have caused the death of another man."

The braided Shifter flinched as if hit. "I've never killed before." He admitted softly.

"How are you a Shifter then? I thought only Healers never killed."

Duo paled, needing desperately to lead Heero out of that line of thought. "Well, excuse me if my area isn't a hothouse for battle like yours is," he threw back, raising on one elbow. He fell back limply, energy expended at that one small movement, panting harshly.

Heero made a small noise that resembled a slight grunt. "Just rest. It's not over, though," he warned. "We will speak of this later."

Now or later, Duo could never tell the truth and he hated himself for it.

XXxxXX

"If you persist in not defending yourself, I will just have to keep you out of patrols," Heero told Duo irritably, helping his mate stem the flow of blood from a gash in his thigh.

"I keep telling you, I will not kill," Duo gritted his teeth painfully, knowing Heero was being more rough than usual on purpose.

Heero shook his head, resigned. "Trouble seems to find its way to you like a damned beacon in the dark," he muttered darkly. The previous month's near brush with death had frightened Heero more than he wanted to admit.

Duo was still stubbornly silent on the reason for his non-killing position and nothing Heero said could force the reason out of him. That was easily remedied if all the creatures in the Forest didn't find Duo as a convenient target. Heero began to suspect a plot against his mate's life. He laughed silently. Who would want to kill the sometimes idiotic Shifter? He was annoying as hell, but that was about it.

"It's not my fault," Duo muttered. He felt slightly uncomfortable being in Heero's dwelling. He was carried into what would have been their home the moment he limped into the village with a bleeding leg.

Heero had judged it to be non-threatening and Quatre had not been called for. He had gently cleaned and bandaged the wound himself, not allowing anyone else to touch his mate. Trowa and Wufei had smiled indulgently at this blatant claim in ownership and from the confusion written all over Duo's face, he didn't understand Heero was taking a step towards reconciliation. The two pitied Heero. He was going to have his hands full.

"I didn't say it was."

"Implication is the same as saying it explicitly, Heero Yuy."

"I didn't imply it, either, Duo Maxwell," Heero loomed over Duo, who was sprawled on his bed, tempering rising. No one could push his buttons as effectively as Duo could.

Something flickered in Duo's eyes for a brief moment before the familiar glint was back. "Don't you dare threaten me, Heero Yuy. I'm not your mate," he stopped. "Well, not officially, we didn't do anything for you to have any control over me."

That was the wrong thing to say. The desire to do something to Duo had been running constantly through Heero's head for days now. He pinned Duo onto the bed, his head hovered inches from his mate's. "That can be easily remedied." Ignoring the sudden flash of fear in Duo's violet eyes, Heero gently pressed a soft kiss on lips he had been dreaming of for months, a pink tongue flicking out to tease it open.

Duo was taken aback. There was a brief moment of fear when he thought Heero was about to attack him. The fear intensified with the soft touch of Heero's lips and the jolt he felt with it. For a moment he wanted to just give in to his feelings a melt against his mate's body and let instinct take over.

"No," Duo yelled, panicked, pushing the stronger Heero off him. "What are you doing?"

"What do you think I was doing?" Heero asked, gently. For some reason, his mate's fear disturbed him deeply. "I'm consummating our mating, as is my right."

Duo was horrified. He had let the lie go too far. He can't let Heero go through with this no matter how much he wanted it. Without the consummation there was nothing Heero could do to him if he was found out, but if it had, his life was surely forfeit. On the other hand… No, there was no other hand. This cannot happen, pure and simple.

Heero watched conflicting emotions running through Duo. Desire was definitely there, the press of Duo's arousal against his thigh earlier was a huge indication of that. Fear? Possibly, of the unknown. Uncertainty, guilt? "Why are you thinking about this? I thought this was what you wanted that first day you barged into my dwelling?"

"I.."

Heero reached out a brushed a stray lock of hair away from Duo's cheek. "Tell me to stop," he trailed his fingers from Duo's jawline down to his smooth neck, teasing the hollow there, pleased to see Duo swallowing reflectively. His mate seemed at a loss for words. Pressing his advantage, Heero replaced his fingers with his lips, even as his hands ran down Duo's side, teasingly. He felt the long haired Shifter's body tightened convulsively at the touch, as if trying to resist Heero and failing miserably. "Tell me you don't like this," he whispered against Duo's lips, seeking entry with his tongue, smiling at the whimper of need rising from deep within Duo's throat. "Tell me…"

"I love you," Duo whispered, loss in an ocean of desire Heero's skilful hands had stirred, the words slipping out unrealised.

But not unrealised to Heero, he stilled, eliciting a moan of protest from the aroused mate under him. His hear felt full. He wasn't aware of how badly he had wanted to hear Duo said those words until he said them. "I love you, too, little one. Let me?" He asked for permission.

Duo nodded with passion dazed eyes. "Yes!" He groaned, lost.

No more words were exchanged as the found pleasure and love within each other's bodies.

Duo came back abruptly to himself with Heero draped all over him. No matter how much he tried to feel guilt within himself, he just couldn't get the silly smile off his face. This felt so right. He knew the truth was going to come out sooner or later, but for once in eighteen years, he was happy and not afraid for his life. He felt he deserved some happiness, even though it may be extremely short lived.

"I'll hold on to you for as long as I can, love," he whispered to the sleeping Heero.

"Love you," Heero mumbled, tightening his hold Duo, as if afraid he would disappear.

"I love you too, my heart," Duo told him, stroking the arms that were wrapped around him.

For as long as I can, Duo told Heero silently.

If Duo only knew there wasn't very much time left.

tbc…